Verbal And Physical Relationships Part 1

This is Mike Zwick from if not for God podcast our show stories of hopelessness turned and hope your chosen Truth Network podcast is starting in just seconds. Enjoy it. Sure, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing The Truth Podcast Network. This is the Truth Network welcome to man brought you my DAW CMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry where they are devoted down the walls of race and denomination and challenging men to take their God assigned role as our host will hardly Roy Jones Junior, a black guy and a white guy, praise the Lord. Welcome and radial podcast we you know position at thinking and situation in our country where there is so much that is going on within the family and within that family. Of course you know with the pandemic and people have been inside for long period of time that we we see that there's things that that's happening you know within the family and with couples in particular when it comes to their relationship as so today we want to talk about anger and physical and verbal abuse that men basically lash out on women and so this topic is is pretty sensitive and I think it is is because you know it, it goes to the point where there are so many things happening within that household that the man or woman really can't make distinct or determination on what's happening. So we have to get outside help and so we have a personal phone. Roy was good to be back with you.

Good afternoon folks is good to be back on regular will have been in quite some time. Jane Lessard is joining us professional counselors just recently retired. We got home so before we'll see Lisa just absolutely lovely lady woman of God truly works miracles and marriages.

God uses her to work miracles. Marriage is an individual's a worse worksite have her join us, Jane, are you there hey there can you hear us, okay. All great great good evening. Thank you so much for joining us. Jane Jane Musser if you ever hear wills in trouble what we want to talk a little about is about men, anger issues and how that translates and transcends into abuse and in relationships and not with either the spouse or with children in the various elements that come of occur as a result of that wills got some good questions that that he's got lined up if I should forgive settlement of technical difficulty here is you get started tonight and this be my first time back in several months and out bear with us but Jane, thank you so much for joining us so Jane tell us a little bit about you and what you do and how long you been doing all right. I would work 40 years. I barely marriage counseling or that I would direct her family serve which you might know domestic violence group here we have woman shelter. We dealt a lot like you know Jane I think that's the thing, because we were talking about in the intro where you have couples who have been locked up. You know with the pandemic going on and there discovering things about each other and course. Some of these things that they discover they may not like or appreciate from their spouse because they haven't seen it before, but now that they're at home. You know, and that relationship has expanded to the point to where they are seeing more of each other and I think that's that's with anything. If you are you exposed to anything for any length of time ultimately is going to have an effect on you so my first question to you is from all your years in counseling.

What is it that you saw that leads men in particular to be verbally and/or physically abuse okay what caused them to become that one year what some of some of the leading factors that led up to that degree or drug abuse of any kind hi where they kind of lose control and man. Anger takes over. They grew up in a time where abuse occurred between father and mother or they were abused by parent and if they have worked for her in the pain of that benefit users have been abused become abuse. Probably the frequent reason for Jane. We talked quite a bit on so in the past about the impact of tomography on laws. Have you is that another element that the fighters watching the show dated the dateline had a repeat show situational guy had an accident of murdering a lady but what it wrote back to was he was involved in pornography and then had to get to more violent stage to be seen that in your career as well to be a leading factor in abusive relationships and I addiction all you diction.definition white and so whether it alcohol or drugs or uniting the addiction.

Then exposed can cause anger and abuse or just the attachment that comes about because of the addiction separate spouse in such a way that they can become abuse. It we break to see right into the sea is the way God intended for the design of these is broken because you brought brought the world into it in a sexual sense and just total perversion that would break that right absolutely Roy emailed it. So Jane, what, what about when it if you have a individual. For example, you know, he goes to his 9 to 5 every day. You know that he comes home and you know he's he's done this for you know just say, 10, 15 years or so and so now you know he's at home.

What what do you believe that in all of a sudden he just snaps now wife never seen this before. The significant other. They've never seen this before, so all of a sudden he just snaps and he just goes off, you know on her what I hear. What what is some of the things that you maybe have seen it either from the wife or significant other aspect to wise these things may occur. A large part of why user is because they have a high need for control if they were abused they got out of control that they have for control and in where your healing. Out of all the cold war money that you may or unite all the work that the pandemic caused the lack of control.

All we think anxiety escalate network but that loss of control can trigger that. So when you when in that control factor. You know is it is it something such as perhaps he may have been in the position at work where he maybe had a lesser position than, say, a manager or supervisor something like that. So he's taking orders or instructions from them and all of a sudden he wants to translate this train of thought Mao over to the family because now he want that control.

Have you seen or experienced some like that. Yeah right and when they did that, and families like it was that guy unite make marriage hard and dented ethical like so and I think that's the thing that we want to get across to our listeners because you know it's a it's a fine line.

I think between trying to pinpoint or really determine exactly what are the triggers behind why a man does what he does to his spouse or significant other and I think that's just a fine line.

You know, I've always as a counselor, I've always had to struggle to determine exactly where in that point of counseling where's that line where you have to say this person has. They need more medical attention.

You know that we can give them here and so we have to direct them to you. Note further resources so yeah so that that's that that's the thing I don't know if determining that fine line if use struggled with that or anything like that but but how did that work when you were counseling away in my marriage that would probably 90% of the therapy that I did a woman it complaining you know.

It started out wonderful life that your name and it was like good to be. And then loudly grow out to have installed and it usually started. Love and then would escalate to the point where the outline shall be the winner. God would alienate his spouse from significant people in it. Why doesn't work. The thing that I would work and it is person never ability then that that okay Jane, that's that's have to battle these days right to manage the response will roll. Jane will be right back going to quit but CMM would love to have you join their community of men for breakfast every first and third Friday of every month and model discussions and fellowship after the best breakfast in town meeting location is another voracious poster First Christian Church and Connors will 1139 Main St. encouraged him a hard start at 7 o'clock on a hard stop at first-time visitors eat for free.

Join your hose will party a black guy in a white guy affordable chiropractic in High Point. As you might tell from their name affordable, even for the cash. Patient Dr. Jeff Ricky has been caring for patients in High Point for 34 years, physical therapy, such as ultrasound and spinal decompression for distribution such as herniation conference of care for auto accident injury patients with no out-of-pocket expense. Remember, affordable chiropractic on the W. Lexington Ave. in High Point Hall 336-885-1987 welcomed by man thought Jane so much so will just talk about the responsibilities with a quick break but I guess overall admin and women that are listening. We just want to understand. We've all always been about men taking the proper role and got assigned role in their families and in and in the church and in space.

What a man's responsible is your and back to this piece were just talk before break men taking responsibility and Janie were talked about often times they avoid taking responsibility in the, push back over him on the spouse will like think and make my spouse's problem that caused them at rather than taking this possibility at an out. Think point the counselor at that point. If a man won't take the spot ability. He's got Lisa's next question Jane what what percentage would you say of all couples that you counseled with this particular problem of either verbal abuse and physical abuse married couples did it resolve wasn't successful to get the man to and woman. None of that, there's often times women that are abusive to get the spouse the correct spouse to take responsibility versus those that didn't use all marriages end yeah about Mary taking ability, which is why at the point that I just talked about where he is living with back on it back out.

She's got to walk away and it felt there at the big King, but she clearly the women murdered in the past decade were killed by the form apartment while that's a hot that's that's you is usually safe while you mean by the maybe the one I was living there. The spouse of the time for Mobile because it is else is been murdered directly while that's is unbelievable. And do you think Jane is because I think earlier this that slow fade what you are speaking to. It starts out as a mild, you know, insulting little jabs and then it moves from there to more aggressive and then verbal attack and then it moves from verbal to physical and then it just continues to ramp up. It's like there's no stopping point out ever tried to wrangle their make strong indicator that this could end in while it is about the camp that they better get that's good counsel to counsel that is what what is the percentage that you made last percentage Jane that you may have been exposed to as to the divorce rate as a result of physical or verbal abuse you. Do you know a percent. I don't know their wrong here. Not willing to take the spot ability. It will and in their order in preparation now. If a woman she wants to get out were there like resources that you pointed her to in you know in reference this account. Violet hot 11 800-7993 and they will walk a woman like Baron to be like that, but the weather get a woman's shelter. They'll help you walk so they have a process if you will.

So, sort of like a standard that they go by that.

If you are experiencing this then that's that initial level or one level that you need to keep an eye out and then if it escalates to another level, then you should start taking certain actions correct okay work in the field and out great, and went have a family family deal with domestic violence and said that not a robot called them you are being you call 911 and the police will show up. See that's that's again good counsel because the ladies you don't have to stay in a situation like this and I think this is ultimately if it continues to escalate, it's never going to end well. I think that's the message you know that we want to send to today because I know that there's there's this this mental drain and compulsive nature. You know that that man inflict upon the women to make them believe that they have to remain maybe for the children's sake or you know I rescued from a certain situation or something like that.

So it they'll make an attempt to say these things in order to get her to stay but what you are hearing listening audience, today with Jamie saying is hotline that number again is 1-800-799-7233 and you can call that number and get assistance. They are night and also family services. She indicated in Winston and Greensboro that you can also seek those services as well yeah and High Point and hopefully you so what's a Jane typical real quick. Okay .147 women were killed by their partner while that's a woman killed on an average of every 11 minute while 47,000 47,000 real dollar talking about this and put it out good credit. It real and not talk about like it should you actually write Jane because see this is this is a lot of these things are so like hidden and if a woman is experiencing verbal or physical abuse. You know they'll do things to cover it up. Sometimes, you know, to hide a prior friends or family and also you know it with man talk. We want to talk about the tough issues because a lot of these issues that's out there that's happening.

They are real, they are alive. These are things that are happening and if people are not aware what they can do to get help or where to go to get help, then they may feel obligated to remain in that situation and I'm reminded of of Proverbs chapter 15 in verse one it says a soft answer turns away wrath but a tongue that lashes out with sterling anger and so when when an individual was angry. That's what they going to do you know the word God is right on point.

They're going to lash out there going to use every means available to get their point across, so that they can appear to their spouse that they are right and whatever it is they're saying or doing well and will back to the thing about we always try to bring issues… Hit head on miniature abuse and your wife. You need to stop spouse. This is called what it is and spouses if you're listening today and you are one of those victims called this is Tom.

You just need to get out. You need to get out of this physical abuse. There is no turning back into his contrite heart in a in a heart seeking God's forgiveness that's ever going to change your just your shooting in the wind to be quite honest, will you know that Jane knows that I know that this is called what is men get off the coward get off the coward bench could be known. The women quit physically and verbally abusing. If you can't do that, seek help for Kindle by cell seek help. The variable factors throughout life is what Jane just indicated early on puts a person's position could've been there were abuses a child could been that had deep wounds. As a child.

All these different things. Maybe they were abused as a child.

Even worse, had no father in the house did know what looked like a father be known.

The folks that's just unacceptable. This is called what is unacceptable and you know when you have a person who has been through things like this. Roy a lot of what they are exhibiting you know from past experience I think we have to take it a step further and say okay.

They were put in that situation and if they didn't get any help. During that situation because they were right.

You know a young child or something like that. They were put in that situation. I think that understanding have to come out because that the latest thing now and am not sure Jane you probably know this as well is that of you know, when police officers engage the community. Now and I know Winston is doing this and a really rapid way that they are teaching their offices to determine when a individual might be suffering for from some type of mental state right rather than being on some souls so they don't know draw the weapon and shoot the guy will or girl without having some understanding that this person might be going through a mental function given come up on the show anymore thank you so much for joining us. Just hang on after we cut the clippers.

Jane will be right back with you and joining the program biggest you will need to be very aware of your role is to look out for your neighbors look out for the people in the church.

The may have a smaller parcel :-) but use that emotional intelligence know that something is wrong. Don't be afraid to look into God bless you folks as we wrap up today show. Be assured that TA W CMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry is building a community of men that are Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches and work environments.

Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings is a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on man talk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com men walking the talk. This is the Truth Network