Marriage that Works - What's a Woman to Do?, Part 1

So once a woman to do. How do you balance the demands in your life, marriage, career, kids, friends, working out time for you to meet. What in the world you do and don't forget, what about that husband it's complicated, isn't it, how do you balance life demands. That's today some help for you ladies, thanks for joining us for this Wednesday. Addition of living on the Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram on the steely discipleship program and following our current series chips been talking to both men and women about how to make their marriage a great earlier this week.

Chip took a couple of days to talk to the guys I know he'll turn his attention to what Scripture says how do you live out your role as wife, mom, friend, your strip with his message from Ephesians chapter 5. As I read this article. This is not on my bedstand reading with the have to take. I just happen to be in the drugstore and and I saw it and as I read it. My heart was sad. Here's a woman it's 42 and she says I really feel like I want to have a family now all of her friends. The article goes on to say, have been asking me when you can start have a family. She says people just want to see me as a mom married in barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and I just want to say to everybody relax. It's going to happen. But did you hear she's not saying that's bad. She says relax is going to happen and she says women are realizing more and more, they don't have to settle with a man just have a child times of change. We have so many options these days.

The fundamental shift was sex and marriage were disconnected and it's really damaged women, historically men would give their lives, and commitment to marriage to have sex and women, I'm speaking sort of economically. Not all the love in all the emotions and all the rest and women would give devotion, and sex to man in order to build a relationship when those two things were separated. Women find themselves alone. Men who don't want to make commitments and now she goes on to say of course not met Millicent of this the ideal would you be raise a child with a man by her side, but in recent months, she's become very more philosophical about having a boyfriend. She knows she's strong enough to do this on her own and she's happy to do it alone. She's sick of waiting for the right time to be or to find the right guy. The only thing that's missing is being a loving mom, this is been her goal for years and then finally the last line I thought was very interesting. She's ready to start a new chapter of her life.

She wants to discover new things and stop being so afraid of life, but you know you think about you.

Did you hear there is something missing there is an ache in her heart. She's accomplished everything the culture told her would make her happy. And yet by her admission, her life is one fear and she's longing for some things that God made for a woman that she's never experienced, and she's been through every avenue and every opportunity that the cultures told her would make her happy and so what I want to do is I want to give you, God's prescription ladies about what to do in a way to fill the deepest needs of your heart. The what for a woman is to step in and support in the how is let me give you the woman's top three priorities is to nurture protect and provide it. If you remember from our time with men amends was exactly the same three priorities in exactly the opposite order a man's number one priority is to provide bench protect and then to nurture and here's what I want you to see. I was walking through Home Depot yesterday. I get illustrations everywhere, and as I was walking through Home Depot and I was thinking about this whole issue of roles in the whole issue of roles with the Bible. It does is it creates for us by the divine designer. These are complementary roles. There's not a good a bad, inferior or superior, there is a role for a man and a role for a woman that fits together that brings oneness in beauty and design and intimacy and love and creates this thing called a home instead of the house and was thinking of this of this bolt and this not been no no no explanation about who is who or what's going on here, but what I what I want you to understand is you know this. Everything that is held together. It requires both the bolt and the not and you know, if you look on the outside often, everything that's held in between.

If this is in a wall. All you would see is this thing on the outside often is more visible maybe that's a guy out there doing this or that, but the glue that holds everything together is the combination and it's interesting. These threads go one direction and the threads inside go a different direction.

So they fit perfectly.

And what we've done in the last 30 or 40 years as argued about which one of these is most important, and who ought to get to do what. Instead of recognizing the beauty is when they are made, and fulfill what they're designed to do and that's the divine designer and what God has for every one of us in our relationships and so he says ladies. These are your top three priorities to nurture is to create a relational environment that promotes the spiritual, emotional and physical welfare of those around you, and no one can do it like a woman to protect means to minimize the harmful influences that affect the lives that have been entrusted to you and to provide means to maximize all spiritual, emotional, physical and financial resources to do good to those that are in your relational network.

So what I've done is I've given three specific passages, sort of as the box top that these are the three primary things that God says to woman. This is what I want you to do and then what I wanted to and the rest of our time is give you some practical ways. Just like I did with the men.

Here are some ways to step in, so that if these are the strengths of your man and these are his needs.

God has made you to honor and respect and step in and in a way that a man can never fulfill what God made them to do apart from a woman giving him what he doesn't have and the same is true for her and so first of all, you'll notice it's a Proverbs 31. It's is an excellent wife who can find her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband. Trust in her latest circle the word heart and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good circle does him good and does not evil all the days of her life. Notice the word heart of her husband.

There's a relational nurture the heart of her husband. Something inside of us insecure men that wonder how things are to play out when there's pressure out there. The heart of her husband can trust in her goes on to say she does him good. That's provision.

No evil that's protection first Timothy 514 says Paul speaking to a situation in church and went up when a young woman's husband would die in this culture there only two options as a woman you couldn't as a single woman go out and get a job either. Either you dedicate yourself to the church and were full-time with the church and they would support you financially or you could be a prostitute. Those were the only options.

And so that's the context of Paul writing Isa. So I prefer that the younger widows get married, have children and take care of their homes circle the word.

Take care so as to not give our enemies a chance of speaking evil against us, nor take care means to rule it means to be the chief operating officer means to make it happen. The third passage is Titus 23 through five and as I read this one. Titus is a pastor. Paul is writing to the pastor Titus appointed elders and the church is on this island of Crete. Now the women in the island of Crete were known as wild women, and so in this sort of very immoral crazy island.

The apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit says to this pastor.

Here's what I want.

The older women to do the older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips were enslaved much wine now knows whether to do teaching literally the word is training clearly communicating God's truth. Teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to do what love their husbands, love their children to be sensible, pure works at home kind being subject to their own husbands and notice the premise that the word of God may not be dishonored to see if the Christ centered relationship.

If walking with God doesn't work at home. He says don't export when people in your neighborhoods in my neighborhoods with people at work if they don't see a transformational home where there is love and acceptance and affirmation and intimacy in a marriage and a following of Christ that makes a difference.

He says you know what it calls into question everything we do we say that we believe is what you see ladies as there is a role that only you can fill in when you fill it the deepest levels of fulfillment occur in your heart and what we can learn is that there's three specific roles and there's different seasons and different times for these roles. Some of you have more energy and less energy.

Some of you come from different backgrounds and so how you will apply what I'm about to say the Holy Spirit is going to have to show you. But there are three critical roles from Scripture. There absolutely this is what God made you as a woman to do but no one else can. Number one. So how do you step in and support to lead your family righteousness a wife's number one priority is to support a firm and here's the key word empower her husband to fulfill his God-given calling, both within and outside the home, empower a firm support. We don't like to think about this, but a man's biggest biggest need is for respect or for honor, we can take a lot of different things, but a man down deep really wonders MI man do I have what it takes cannot provide. Can I lead and so the areas that it's easier for us is work in sports and things outside the home and we can compensate. But when it comes to spiritual leadership. Being a good dad, being a good husband.

All the sayings those are tough and the only way you can do it is when you have a wife who respects and honors and asked the kind of questions and lives with you in such a way that says you know what can do this on for you and here's the role it's the role of a champion. It's when the wife is the teammate and the best friend any organization that thrives always has a champion a champion is someone who champions the cause. The values in the course and the commitment it.

Someone says we can do this the most powerful influence in any family is whom. Always in every family.

It's the mom who is the glue in a family. It's the mother and she champions the things that matter most to give you five practical ways ladies to be the champion to your husband first is to make time with God. Your number one priority, the spiritual, emotional, physical, it's you have the most demanding job in the world. The multitasking, the pools from multiple people.

The ability to meet needs here meet needs.

I mean running a home sale. Home isn't do people have food and do they have close a home, rightly understood, is a transformational organization where love gets created, received and exported, and the complete direction and trajectory of human lives are changed because of their experience in home ladies. The only way you can run a home in a way that makes it a transformational loving experience is you. You need God. You need strength you need wisdom you need is a woman as hard as it is with all the demands to make time in his word a priority for you time where your unhurried time where there's time for yourself time where you know what you can take some time away and be with some other women either a mentoring relationship or a Bible study and and I'll use my wife is a few examples and as I do please you need understand couple things number one. She is not like Mother Teresa Betty Crocker and I don't know who else all wrapped up into one. But when I'm to share illustrations about my wife. I'm going to err on the side of the positive illustrations instead of the negative illustrations for very obvious reasons. Now I talk about me. It's just me. I can just tell you here's my strength. Here's where I messed up everything I'm talking about. I watched her grow in over the last 30+ years and the reason we went to marriage counseling early in our marriage. She didn't do these things very well at all and she was married to someone who did them worse. But I will tell you is one she understood one thing she understood. Even when we had small kids, I'd find my wife five 530 in the morning and sometimes because kids get up early. It was only five minutes here 10 minutes.

There she made meeting with God. The number one priority in your life. I'm in the story of Susanna Wesley who had a couple boys that change the world member John Wesley and Charles, and she had in those days women tend to have even more kids. The now shed light 11, 12 kids and they were running all over the place in the story is told that she would actually go out on a stump and sit on the stump with kids running and screaming and playing and take her apron and put it over her head and pray for, but what she knew was God in his wisdom and his power needed to be in her because she couldn't impart what she didn't possess. You can't love a guy that's insensitive like a lot of us are. You can't give yourself to kids and all their needs and their demands apart from God giving you what only he can give you second thing is pray for him regularly.

A woman's power and influence in the home as often as much informal as formal and it's often indirect ladies jot down Proverbs 21, one this is a powerful verse for allowing God to do things that only he can do it says the king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord. He turns it whatever way he wishes see a lot of times as it is a woman I watch as my wife. She would have an issue with me and she talk with me and she made suggestions.

We would read a book and there be no change or we have a problem with one of our kids were there be a circumstance here and in filing what she learned is you know something father Chip wasn't listening to me.

I want you to take them all get under his skin showing what he needs to do its this child of ours is making me crazy. I want you and what she learned was the greatest ally to do an impossible job to create love in the heart of human beings that will determine their future is a woman who understands, ask, seek and knock, and you will receive in the door open and the heart of God longs to hear a mom. Pray for a husband and kids and he'll answer you. Third is planned for him daily life doesn't just happen with all demands that happen to a woman's life mean overwhelmed by me. I watch be honest with you I don't how you'll do it and most women are juggling all kind of things and summits kids and work and home and a husband and outside responsibilities and one of the first things it goes is you don't plan for your husband. Special deeds of kindness memory is to write him a note and put it you know someplace where he'd find it or when you have a special dinner he come home, their candlelit or you got rid of the kids in a nice friendly way to a friend or a neighbor so that you can have some time alone or you you know you wanted to make him think it was his idea and so you can take a little bit and then created something to get you guys can actually get away for a weekend together, you got a plan time what ever you invest in rows. Whatever you neglect dies and what happens when you're a woman. There are so many demands what you hope for is not what happens. What you plan is what happens.

You've got a plan in how do I invest in my husband ways that honor him and respect him and remind him that he is love and keep our love alive and bodily ladies. When you do that at first it was going on here and then he'll love it, and often as systems work as you begin to meets the needs in his life.

He'll start the legal better. He'll start the love a little bit more deeply prepare for him daily. What a woman does to attract a man often in the early days is smothered and depleted by kids and work and fatigue at LME just be sensitive here, but you member of some of you. It's a long time ago when you were dating and we all did the dance right and you wanted to attract your husband. Can you imagine like when starting to get serious and you really think I really really love him and and he says hey I'm gonna be over in about an hour.

Would you greet him at the door with, like brushing people really did have you write. But here's what happens under pressure and over time. Pretty soon we get too familiar with each other.

Men are visual. God made us visual.

A very wise woman understands how I look at how I prepare myself for when I see my husband goes, guess what, he's out in a world where everyone's looking their best every day and smelling their best and he's getting all kind of strokes for what he does not who he is out there and this is one of the areas I have to say. Tresa did a great job probably half hour before I got home we ate at a real regular time my wife got 98% of the time greeted me looking nice with fresh makeup on and has worked very hard over the years that let you know life is life right.

So ladies figure you had when you were 20 usually in quite the same at 40 is little slippage by about six direct and it goes on, but I am not saying that we all need to work out 17 hours at a gym. What I'm saying is this, we get sloppy about how we look and we don't invest in the things that matter and that makes a big difference in how a man thinks in one of the ways you can love your man is to prepare prepare for him daily, emotionally, physically, relationally, communication. You know when you come home or when you see each other and many of you both of you work.

If one person's on the phone me my wife. When the cell phones got real popular. I still remember one time.

You know I'd be. Every time we were in the car. I had this thing my card is little gadget you know and every time we were together. The phone would ring out, answer the phone. I member one day it was a Friday was her day off she looked at me she goes. Do you want to be with me are you talking with Donald as I was just taking a quick call. She goes you're always taken quick calls. I feel like taking that thing and thrown it away. How many times ladies do kids occupy your attention.

This occupies your attention, you're on the phone with someone, ask yourself what am I going to do the first 5 to 7 to 10 minutes that I connect with my husband and plan for it and do it well. You be glad you did. Final thing he is is protect your time with your husband. This may come as a shock, but he's the number one responsibility the number one human relationship you have on this earth and something that's very empowering. Is he needs to see you say no to the kids. If you have children and no to some other demands and noticed some hobbies that make him feel like you really think he's number one. Jim will be right back. But if you're just joining us your listening to living on the with shipping chips message today is from his series marriage that works for all the details on this powerful no holds barred truth and grace filled series give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 or visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org which if I know you will be back with some application from today's teaching but before you do, what would you say to someone who sincerely wants to make progress in their marriage but hasn't come to a clear conclusion on what to do next. Well, I think we all feel that need and you realize maybe that your stock or you need to address it and I think the first thing is maybe listen to this get the MP3 or the CDN go online and just listen to it and say Lord, would you show me what to do second.

I long to see God restore marriages in Christian homes that are rich and deep. We have a best friend, you have a soulmate where there's genuine passion in every area of your life and saw the written a book called marriage that works and it's God's design is what he actually says from Scripture about how a marriage can be rich and deepen in the romance can come back and the feelings can return and the commitment can be the foundation of all that works. So today and tomorrow are the last two days of the series so turn your intention into action. Thinking about this will not get it done. Give us a call go on the Internet and get started. Well I gotta tell you, I've got chips book no matter if you're single or married. Anyone who reads it is going to find insights on marriage and relationships that makes so much sense, and this is totally different from what we've been bombarded with by our culture. So the series marriage that works is available on CD, MP3 and the strip's newest book release, and as an incentive for you to get this new book will include chips brand-new set of marriage that works truth cards absolutely free of these are 20 cards, each with a lie. We tend to believe about marriage, and then the truth straight from Scripture to help you combat that lie so to pursue God's best for your marriage or future marriage and for complete details on all your resource options. Visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 without her strip with some final thoughts from today's teaching as we close today's program. All I can say is, ladies.

My heart really goes out to you because I don't know if there's a tougher job on the face of the earth where you have received more confusing messages and probably feel more overwhelmed and that we tried to touch on some of that and II pray for sure that you will listen to the entire broadcast. If you can't be with us for next broadcast go online, you can listen to it for free. Your you know get the CDs.

Whatever would help you but here's what I can tell you in the multiple demands. As a woman what I know from my wife and I have a daughter is that you long and need to be loved and nurtured and cared for and that doesn't come naturally to your man and so what happens is your kinda set up for failure because if you keep waiting for him. You'll probably wait for a long time, and what I can tell you is a man is that your man is way more insecure and fearful than you can ever imagine. And when he doesn't get that tenderness from you the kind of things I talked about making time with God a priority so your pray for him and planning for him and preparing for him and protecting your time with him. Most men, we don't how to come out and say it, but whether it's the career of the kids when things get ahead of us. We often don't have the courage to say hey you know what about me. We usually respond in anger or we withdrawal or we put energy into our work and so ladies, let me just tell you something that may be very counterintuitive, but make your husband, your focus for the next 30 days begin praying form like never before. Think of thoughtful things you did when you were dating. Start loving your husband don't time you gonna do it, but like for 30 days.

Just you know every single day. Do one thing that you know makes him feel very loved and I think what you'll see is he'll begin to respond.

Over time, in a way that meets some of the deepest longings of your heart. My prayer Lord's that you would help ladies today know what it looks like to love their husbands, and I pray for those that are in very hard, difficult marriages, the you would give them grace that you would love and protect and give them what they need from you in Christ name, amen. Thank strip as we wrap up today's broadcast.

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Until then, this is Dave really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge