Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - Rage: Understanding the Monster Within, Part 1

One can turn a normal, rational, or nearly nice person into an out-of-control monster destroying relationship screaming children viewing threats and alienating lifelong friends today will discover the source of that devastating power. Having stay with welcome to this Thursday edition of living on the head with Living on the Edge as an international discipleship ministry between the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram today. Chip launches a series called overcoming emotions that destroy during the next couple of weeks to explain the factors that trigger our anger and will discover how to respond to those angry feelings while protecting the relationships we value the most objective is a portion of today's broadcast. Remember, you can hear it online anytime at Living on the Edge.just click was now. If you have a Bible.

Have you put it out to James chapter 1.

Let's join Chip for his message read.

Understanding the monster within, what has the power to transform the tender heart of a loving mother into a beast of fury. As I watched her slowing her 18 month old baby into the front of the dryer and slam the little one down in a chair. What has the power to turn loving parents into neck bulging veins popping, screaming adults who say the same thing over and over into the blank stares of their elementary and teenage kids. What has the power to turn good friends and passionate lovers in the cold, calculated critical marriage coexist or's who only do what's absolutely necessary to live under the same roof. What has the power to turn a festive holiday family gathering into a gut twisting name-calling take sides, no holds barred family feud that never gets resolved and finally what has the power to take a cool calm collected long time, conscientious worker into a gun carrying floor by floor by floor bullet spring murder that no one ever dream was even upset as he expressed the bottled up anger of losing his job. What has that kind of power.

The term normal human beings who on most days are good people to be around into people that shut down the people that leak anger into people that exploded.

And I would suggest that the first word you want to write down notes. The answer is our emotions, our emotions designed as a gift from God. Their times, places and circumstances that bring out emotions that destroy. In fact, it was during a very difficult time first book in the New Testament Jesus half-brother would address people who are going through tremendous pressure, difficulty, they were dispersed abroad. They believed in the Messiah as a result, many of them lost their homes there were cut out of the family business. They were persecuted and so James would say.

After considering it all joy in chapter 1 verse 19 my dear brothers, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry and that he gives us the purpose clause.

Why for the anger of man does not bring about the righteous life that God desires that single verse launched a series in my life called overcoming emotions that destroy the anger of man when I'm frustrated when I'm wounded when there's an unmet need. When someone ticks me off when someone cuts in front of me in traffic when I don't have enough money when God doesn't come through my expectations are fulfilled.

Emotions begin to bottle up and we get angry and we express it in very, very different ways that will look at and the great majority of people don't even know their angry and will talk about anger and how to deal with it were to talk about the shame and the guilt and the other emotions that those angry feelings that every human being has that are normal but they ruin relationships.

If you don't identify what they are, how to deal with them and how to turn that in a way where God can work in your heart instead of a spewing stuffing or leaking out our anger in ways that destroy a relationship with God and others under pressure.

We are all prone to blow a fuse or burn the house down this if this was written to people under pressure. Some people are prone under pressure financial pressure relational pressure screaming kids you know you just on the floor and now the dog goes over the floor. You just did the laundry and other seven more piles you just gave your best shot at work and you get laid off when someone has been there very long gets to stay. You just give a big gift by faith. And then you find out that 40% of your net income goes down the drain, but three or four months and you get angry and some people blow up. And some people just like a short in the wiring and and you know what when there's a short in the wiring. You can even tell anything's wrong.

It's just you go out to dinner one night and come back in your house is in ashes and that's what anger does. Have you ever been angry when you were unfairly treated or someone blamed you were you were ignored or misunderstood or felt insignificant or someone made fun of you, or you were given advice you ever done something so locked up and just tells you if this is how you want to do that and have his emotions are going know you didn't feel safe. Your given ultimatums. I love the list because we put this together. There's a lady is a psychologist the road a couple books for University and she listed common reasons why all of us feel angry, let me just zoom through them and just just just laugh with me and in your mind because we don't think we have anger as an issue. These are normal things I thought were pretty good.

She writes someone cuts you off in line. Someone misunderstood what you said someone ignored your feelings. You have a breakup in a relationship you feel trapped smothered a controlled you feel like a failure. Someone broke your trust, you were abused by someone. Someone lied to you, you had to wait in a very long checkout line at the store. Your kids are not obeying you the waitress is very slow and brought the wrong food you stub your toe. You find is too late, that you're out of toilet paper could be bad for lying to the public restroom is very, very long. Your spouse forgot the call and they were very light. The closure wanted to wear still at the laundry in the hamper is not washed yet your spouse is good and faithful you ran out of time were able to get things done. You need to. You drove all the way across town to find the store but it was closed. The kids continually and relentlessly demand your time you forgot to do something you were supposed to do you have time to yourself.

Someone said something harsh or insensitive a stock clerk was rude you were in a hurry. If you hit all the red lights. Your boss doesn't appreciate you someone to track dirt into a freshly cleaned house. The driver in front of you is going very very very slow someone close to you died does not. All those things happen every single person in this room. My point is anger is not a good emotion or bad emotion get God's perspective, what exactly is anger defined it. Anger is neither good nor bad. It is a charged morally neutral emotional response of protective preservation when you're angry. It's a not good or bad. It is a God given, emotionally charged response designed to protect someone or something. Let me give you couple examples of how anger can be very, very positive.

It can be a healthy emotional response that motivates us to correct attitudes and behaviors or injustices that we perceive to be wrong. Listen to the apostle Paul. He says in your anger do not sin.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil a foothold. Good translation. If you look at that in the original texts is very interesting.

First of all, it's an imperative. It's a command and the word order goes something like like this the angry command now would you get angry. Don't send, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Many of us have been taught that anytime you're angry. You've done something wrong. The Bible commands you to be angry all make the case that many of us are not nearly angry enough at all at the things we are to be angry about when we get angry amazing positive things happen. Many many years ago Teresa and I were starting out we had small kids we had laundry, but we can afford a washer and dryer and so I was at the laundromat. You know you should have quarters in those things it never gets dry. I think it's a satanic cult that makes these dryer someplace and and so I'm sitting there I said you honey.

You go home I'll do it so I'm certain you know and you how laundromats are sometimes like very unattractive dirty linoleum floor and so I'm there trying to get these things dried and the lady comes in and she's got about 18-month-old and she looks pretty uncapped a little bit rough and like in a bad mood and a series of events occurred little kid just went around to look at something and she went ballistic. Went over grabbed that kid's hand and litter slammed into the dryer and then took them and they started screaming and I got up of the pastor of this small church in Texas at the time and I came this close to hit the lady in the mouth and not feeling guilty at all and I got up I got her face as a man, let me tell you something you touch that child again. So help me God. And I'm a pastor, I will knock your lights out and I mean I'm not sure that was the right thing to do but seem like the right thing at the time and you know and then you know what you do and you know sometimes things happen. They bother you. I can get over this can sleep at night. Next day I just stuck and couldn't get over.

I thought as I need to do something where's that kid what's going on and that I just realized I did some research and so went down to the you know that I go to a government building this and here's I'm here to send your son here so I end up in the child welfare department and I find out in our town. It's a really big problem in their him. The foster parents and we are all kinda kids that just because of sort of where we were and how it was really bad situation and possible what's anybody doing about what we have a committee.

This is a town of 4000 things are not running real well.

Can you discount a picture with the committees are like, all right, let's bring this meeting to order.

Okay Apple you know and a lot of kids you know me.

It was unbelievable so I go to a meeting and you know this is so classic, so I went to my first child welfare board meeting thinking one what's going on here I find out the extent of the problem and I left the chairman was weird it was, like, what about this what about this or that we don't know. Are you interested yet so little lately. One by one.

I I purposely found some committed Christians and we fill that board because I got mad I couldn't sleep at night with images of that little kid and I wondered how many little kids are like that. I got so angry I couldn't sleep in the stomach acid my cut. I can't do something I gotta do something. I don't know what I what I can tell you is because I got angry. We ended up partnering with all the churches in that little community and we took turns every Sunday. Talk about what what size clothes we need what families how many kids and each church took a turn and then we begin to take care of these kids and then we raise some money, put some things together we built the home from the child welfare board, and we put it right next that government building and we created a safe place for those kids because one guy saw a little kid slammed into a dryer and got mad. Anger is not a bad thing Jesus got angry at the money changers and he did something Moses got angry when he saw the people sin and he did something. David got angry. He said what in the world's going on. Who is that big uncircumcised giant talking about my God that way and he got angry and he did something I want to suggest to you. Anger can be a very positive emotion. What makes you angry when the last time you got so ticked off about injustice or something wrong.

You said you know what I'm conducive see that if you unconsciously believe it when you're angry.

All that must be like sin, you will undermine the very emotion God gave you for him to move you to do something significant that we were in Chicago to pastors conference and we were talking about overcoming emotion to destroy and talk about the book and a guy called and he goes well you not.

I don't know what to do with my motions and and basically tells a story and he says well you know my wife had an affair and I found out about it and I'm angry and his assumption was that a bad thing and he said I confronted her and and that she won't break off the relationship and I just don't know what to do what I do these emotions I'm I'm really upset and I know they can be pleasing God. I said do you want to be really angry. I'm really mad and upset some clear boundaries and to confront the situation and sent you both go to church.

You both claim to be Christians you get your church involved and your anger ought to have these kind a set of principles and rules to help her learn to repent does mean you don't lover, but he was playing a game where she kept doing whatever and you know I guess on the bad guy because I'm angry because my wife is unfaithful to me. Give me a break is not only bad theology that that's not helping her.

However, anger is not only a positive emotion, but it can be, if unchecked, it can have amazing negative consequences and pitfalls.

It can be an unhealthy destructive emotional response to protect us from real or perceived hurt, frustration, or personal attack, you go through and you listen to the smartest man who's ever lived. The wisest man who ever lived, and he talks about the issue of anger.

Proverbs 1919, a hot tempered man must pay the penalty if you rescue him, you will have to do it again when people learn to deal with their anger unhealthy ways, it becomes a pattern becomes ingrained.

Notice what he says in Proverbs 2224.

Do not make friends with the hot tempered man do not associate with one easily angered. Not only does it become a pattern in their life, but you catch it. It's contagious.

My dad had a very big anger problem.

I will tell you what kids learn how to deal with their anger by watching their moms their dads their coaches and significant others. Third, notice Proverbs 2922 and angry man stirs up dissension and a hot tempered one commits many sins. Anger splits apart great relationships, great marriages, great friendships, great churches, great ministries and great workplaces, angry people stir up dissension in the notice. The last line hot tempered one commits many sin when I'm angry out of control when you're angry out of control. When I say out-of-control I don't mean you're necessarily spewing it out. You may be pushing it all down some of the angriest people in the world you can't see is like an iceberg. 90% of it is under the water. It's during those times we do some of the most foolish, foolish things the call.

Some of the direst consequences in our entire life. I put a list of the questions to consider just kind of leaned back and listen on this one. Have you ever done something you wish you hadn't. When you're angry. Anybody have you ever said something you wish you could take back when you're angry. Have you ever made a bad decision when you're angry.

I decision that you look back and you say potentially.

I'm just potentially that's the dumbest thing I've ever ever done, but in anger you nose like you can take this job and shove it. I don't care when you go home tell your wife or your husband.

I quit my job today. I'm not getting treated like Betty Margaret Haugen, pay bills another job. Now I don't have to. What were you thinking. Why just got tired of the way you treat me okay so we do really silly really unwise say painful, hurtful things.

Have you ever ruined a friendship, a marriage and family relationship or a minister relationship because of anger. Have you ever seen a person hurt because of someone's anger physically, emotionally or psychologically. My point I'm trying to make is without exception.

We all struggle with angry feelings at times, and those angry feelings have done more than their share of damage in our relationships with other people. And if you're like me you nodded you have done some really stupid, foolish, painful things when you're angry. Here's what I'll tell you tonight. We just want to get on the same page and there's hope to give a little overview of where were going to go and what were going to do and there is hope to deal we can help you understand your anger from God's perspective, we can help you discover how you tend to express your anger to help you know when it's healthy when it's unhealthy to help you discover what is God's purpose for anger the positive and how to deal with the negative reading to learn some very specific techniques to learn to share your anger in a healthy way that gets the issue on the table without attacking the person for some of you.

You gonna realize you've been angry a long long time and the depression that you've experienced for maybe months or years is really an anger issue for some of you like.

I just talked to a guy recently he's exploded and remorse exploded and remorse. He could never figure out what was going on and why. And so what happened is he's got all these relationships were people keep their distance because what anger does. It works when you explode and spew on people you not a safe person to be around and you can come back in tears and tell them how sorry you are and they keep giving another chance and another chance and I and I've met elders and churches I've met people that everyone looks up to. With such esteem and their godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here and they got this little window of unresolved anger and it's a besetting sin and they don't understand why and they don't understand. I will tell you we're gonna walk through journey together with the truth will set you free. If you won't be really and really hear God if you're just joining us, you're listening to living on the shipping chips message today. Rage. Understanding the monster within his from his series, overcoming emotions that destroy this five-part series from chip takes you behind the scenes to discover the real source of anger, then how to turn that anger into a productive helpful tool for personal and spiritual growth.

Anger wears many masks in this series chip explains the most common ways we express our anger and gives practical biblical solutions to help bring in those angry feelings before they destroy our most treasured relationships because the series is one of our best-selling resources. We wanted to make it even more accessible to you while it's on the year.

So for a limited time. All of the audio video book and small group resources for overcoming emotions that destroy our significantly discounted. Whether you're looking for the small group study the book the CDU score free MP3s and message notes. Ordering is easy when you go to LivingontheEdge.org and remember were always available to talk with you by phone at 1-888-333-6003 will trip the series is one I think that really touches all of us.

No one is exempt from losing her temper or becoming angry.

But you know some of us handle it better than others, and for that person is really concerned about their anger. But up till now has another courage to call it what it is. What can you suggest one day of the problem with anger is that most of us try and hide it under and we have been brainwashed into thinking that anger is bad. Anger is a sin and we've experienced a unrighteous anger toward us that is caused us to say I don't want to go there and I feel bad when I do go there so we mask it with things like one just really frustrated right now or we have some spiritual language. We blame other people. There's very few people that you here's that you know what I'm really angry right now and I wonder what that means and what is God saying to me and how do I deal with it. What I can tell you is that most people deal with it in one of three ways which will develop in the next few sessions together, but the power is in getting these things on the table in a safe environment. Anger destroys your relationship with God.

Anger cut you off from people anger causes you to stuff stuff and the high percentage of people that are depressed are around unresolved anger issues, and so we put this in the format of the book we have in the format of CDs or MP3s of people can listen to, but the format that is been most powerful is in a small group. Dave, I actually lead the small group through the DVD. We have a study guide were people can follow along and then process and issues and then in a safe environment. We have just heard amazing feedback of people actually seeing that anger is something God uses to change them instead of something that cuts them off from God. Another so I really encourage people to get on the journey with us.

If you happen to miss any one of these programs go online and listen to them on your own and let us help you overcome emotions or destroy thanks trip will help you get to study for your small group or to help you get a group started temporarily discounted the small group resources for overcoming emotions that destroy just go to our website LivingontheEdge.org for all the details again for a limited time. The small group resources for overcoming emotions that destroy have been deeply discounted to place your order just head over to LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will now with some final thoughts about today's teaching airstrip as we close today's program. I finished asking a number of diagnostic questions pretty rapidly and this whole series really unearth some issues that a lot of us think will I don't have any anger issues, but let me review okay just discount lean back a little bit.

Have you ever done something when you are angry that you wish you hadn't done that kinda gets most all this, doesn't it, or let me ask you this if he ever made a bad decision when you're angry or have you ever seen a friendship or a marriage, family relationship or maybe something in ministry literally fall apart because of anger. Sometimes it doesn't mean you blew up. Sometimes you got angry, and you stuff something inside and you didn't call it anger that you just know I don't to be around them anymore and you pulled away. They pulled away.

His I've gotta tell you I have a number of questions that we covered today. There on the Internet there free of charge if were going to make some real progress here.

I've gotta tell you, go to LivingontheEdge.org and just go towards the message notes are and then click on. This is the first part of overcoming emotions or destroy read those questions over and maybe with a friend or with a mate just read them over out loud of a couple coffee in the next couple days and six so when you think you think there's any anger issues in our lives and I will tell you I think God will begin to reveal some things that are really help you. Have you considered taking a next step on your faith journey by leaving a small group maybe in your home may be at work. Maybe with a couple of friends over coffee if you're a little hesitant because you feel like you need some training. Let me tell you that we have a free online training course for small group leaders to sign up for this online training course.

Just go to our website LivingontheEdge.org and search for small group leader. Again, go to LivingontheEdge.org and search for small group leader to learn skills and techniques that will boost your confidence and help you lead well. Will that wraps it up for us today. Be sure to join us again tomorrow as we continue our current series overcoming emotions that destroy on behalf of Chip and the entire staff Steve saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge