Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - Learning How to Stop Stress Before it Starts, Part 1

Deadlines like the way traffic crying babies.

What all these have in common wall for most of us in these situations cause stress and under stress. Our emotions can go astray today will learn how God can help ease the stress before. Thanks for joining us will describe the addition of living on the chipping, Living on the Edges and international discipleship ministry featuring the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram paper today.

Chip continues his series overcoming emotions that destroy insurance of biblical ways to begin to reduce the stress in your life. Practical help right away and if you want to get more from chips, teaching, go to LivingontheEdge.org and download chips free message notes are designed to help you study with Chip, as you listen now with his talk, learning how to stop stress before it starts. Here's our teacher chipping Ephesians 426 says it's the good summary of anger in Scripture.

The angry man. Yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, lest you give the devil a foothold or an opportunity so your anger quotient talks about the environment that you're in certain environments raise the possibility of anger certain perspectives that you have either increase or decrease your relationship with anger and it's all tied into no matter what your environment or perspective obeying Ephesians 426. I want you to circle the P if you will, and I want to talk about your environment. I want to talk about the environment that can allow you to be either more angry or the environment that can cause you to be far less angry and I want to read just a little section might my teammate. I've never teamed up in and done a book with someone before and it's been kind of fun to get a woman's perspective, and especially someone that's work with so many people. She's a practicing type psychologist and counselor and she did this experiment just a couple paragraphs. She said one day I decided to keep a mental log of all the times I felt angry. I wanted to know how often I got angry and what I got angry about, and what triggered the anger. I encourage you to try this to the results were surprising and quite humbling. I was shocked at how often angry feelings came to the surface prior to consciously counting these episodes. I had mistakenly assumed that anger was only an occasional visitor to my emotional arsenal.

I was wrong. Very wrong. I had to be honest about my feelings of anger and frustration and actual and fruiting variation I had felt either flips or fits of anger at not being able to find my favorite socks running out of milk the kids taking too long to get ready. The slow driver in front of me. The long wait at the pharmacy. The sword that was closed on Monday having to put gas in the car.

The price of the gas in the car. The long line in the slow service when I got gas in the car the kids leaving their clothes on the floor again, the computer freezing on me again and I was only halfway through the day, though some of these feelings could describe fleeting frustrations when I was honest far too many of them were actual anger. Then came another humbling lesson.

I realize that most of the day today anger I experienced was all about small in significant stuff that I face all the time.

When I stopped and looked at how often I got angry and when I got angry about. I had to admit that it happened too much and too often then I took a further step. I ask, what is it that contributes to the dank anger of my day-to-day life and the answer was surprisingly simple stress. Stress the relationship between stress and anger in my life isn't unusual. The more pressured and burned out, overwhelmed or busy that you become, the more your anger will lie at the foot of your feet ready to explode at any moment. The key to lessening our anger is our ability to minimize stress final final line, the more stress were under the more likely it is that anger will make its appearance.

Our goal is to reduce stress and so I will just encourage you in our time together. I'm to be really really practical, not an outline of and go to all kind of different texts.

I basically want to give some practical wisdom about how to reduce stress in your life. I am a type A personality. I have been a workaholic. I have been characterized by being driven and I pastored anything from a member church about 35 people were 34 of them are related that produced a lot of stress to six or 7000 people coming to the doors every six or seven days, and a very large staff and big budgets and being totally overwhelmed and so all I want to know is I understand what it's like and I just want to walk through some very practical ways that people far wiser than me and many things that I've experienced it might help you number one stress reducer is eliminate hurry John Wartburg went to teach a large church in Chicago. In a sense going back to California, but when he was ready to take that big step and it was a big, big, big church and he was good to be the teaching pastor with the team the guys and he met with Dallas Willard and he said you know you're a wise man in the things of God. You've written you know books on the spiritual disciplines what piece of advice. Could you give me as I take my family into all this responsibility and all this pressure and all that's going on to face and he said you know I got my pinout and is that I'm system to take lots of notes and this is Dallas Willard and he's going and and he just stealing back. He looked at me said ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life is okay yeah okay good so no, he said that's it ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life speed and godliness are incompatible. Speed and peace are incompatible. Hurry and loving others is incompatible hearing God's voice and hurry are incompatible ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life and I heard that a time when our church is going through some significant growth. The capital campaign, a building campaign.

Someone mistakenly took a couple of the messages and stuck on a local radio station and in some other station put on some other station and that started down the road and to say that I was under pressure and living a hurried life would be an understatement, and I think there's times in our life.

For God will give us a message that is so for us that the entire trajectory of our future can be changed if will just obey that one word for us in that moment and I remember thinking to myself and then Wartburg is is a tremendous teacher if you never read any of a book such as highly recommend and the and so I remember deciding I'm going to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from my life. I mean I was the guy you know the plane door. It's leaving one more person's getting on Ingram gets on okay sits down on briefcase got his work and yet I mean doing this you know it. Getting to minute meeting. One minute, just before it starts is you can't be late but do five things just before you get there.

Multitasking all the time.

You know, talking on the phone answering email on the computer and three other things. If I could get some practical ways to do it and so I II went into training. I literally went to training. I took some suggestions number one for two years.

I drove in the right-hand lane freeway.

I mean, it was just skin drive the right-hand lane.

I'm knocking to be in a hurry.

I'm not can account him how many cars go by the tolling by getting this lane right here. I think with C1234 yellow car, got in with me and out, and I should pick that line you what that tells you that your mindset, you must be really really important.

You must be so important. You have to get wherever you go on that matter so much more than everybody else. What I realize my hurry was rooted in arrogance and what he called grandiosity.

My being overextended was rooted in my grandiosity for all the right reasons doing really pretty significant things for God. I had come to believe unconsciously. It was woefully that I become indispensable.

I had to be everywhere and do everything and I had to hurry and more of it. I could do the more God will be pleased. I also went into the discipline of when I get went to the grocery line of going to the longest line instead of the short painful but then I just hey how you so you shall appear often much you know I just come into my life. Send me for stuff and not pick up what I can remember. It's usually the wrong brand or something, but so do you live around here you what happened. I started relate to people again pretty soon the knots in my stomach when I was driving because always had that, you know, I could tell you when you get off this ramp.

If you go in the left-hand lane for the first 2 1/2 miles then if you go to the right-hand lane because the exit comes a switch then you get back in the right-hand lane.

Then you can.

I mean a heck I was always in a hurry and I begin to slow slow down slowed slowdown is really amazing. The just the quality of life I die, I did something weird. I always try to figure out how the sea they say you have to be there. This is before 9/11. You had to be there so you like an hour before flights and so I would just I mean everything was down to the wire and I deciding something.

I think I'm in a get there at our half early.

Sometimes two hours and I'm to get there early and I happen to like a very good couple coffee you get a very good couple coffee and put my feet up on you think about what's going on think the spindle time right in the Journal think God for some people my life.

Maybe return a few calls. I think I'm to call some people while I wait, that I just give just opened your phone and just the one who have a talk to lately. Not for no reason, Bob temp probably get a voicemail. Let's look at a Bob and her new different people.

This is Chip. You know what I'm sit in the airport in Dallas and I just want to remind you, God loves you Bob and you member two years ago when we had that little meeting you came to my mind today.

I love you you are a friend, but few have ever had and hope you do well today.

God bless you and I just started doing some spontaneous non-urgent not having to get it done eliminating hurry for my life.

Now do I have some regression now and then you bet, but it I still get the airports early. I don't always drive in the right-hand lane all the time but I prefer period of time.

I just got that I got a get their attitude out of me, and I made a huge difference. I read a poem that many of you will recognize and was about that classic slow me down, Lord. And then after it either some observations that we made when I'm in a hurry, I don't notice the flowers blooming alongside the road when I'm in a hurry that does seems to be more irritating drivers on the road than normal when I'm in a hurry I don't strike up friendly conversations with those around me when I'm in a hurry. I avoid people, places and things that take time and energy and effort when I'm in a hurry I print I pretend not see the person behind me in line who only has a few items. When I have a cart full of groceries. When I'm in a hurry. My heart pounds. My muscles are tense. My mind races when I'm in a hurry. I rushed through the day. I rushed by people when I'm in a hurry. I don't ask people how they really are, or if I do I don't stick around to hear the answer when I'm in a hurry. My devotional life is a task to get done instead of a time to treasure when I'm in a hurry. I'm abrupt with people when I'm in a hurry feels like life is a race to be run when I'm in a hurry.

I get angry more easily and more often when I'm not hurry I and you I enjoy my food more when I'm not in a hurry.

I smile more and just feel calmer when I'm not hurry. Life seems to be a lot more enjoyable and less stressful when I'm not in a hurry, I'll ask about others about themselves how they're doing and I actually like hearing what they had to say when I'm not hurry my times in prayer are more meaningful when I'm not in a hurry. I think I'm actually nicer person more thoughtful and kinder to others when I'm not in a hurry. I more patient, loving, understanding and tolerance when I'm not in a hurry.

Things just don't bother me as much. See we can talk about anger and the ABCD and it's a secondary emotion but your HQ your anger quotient will be determined by your E environment. Plus your P perspective times your willingness to obey Ephesians 426 so eliminate hurry second is downsize your expectations. Most of us try to do too much too soon and we feel overwhelmed, and it puts us under pressure and because her expectations are so high and were under pressure than anger bubbles out most dramatic experience ever, and this is not sore. My biography but yet I just want to tell you how life really works. I think sometimes people get up and they come to a place like this. Menino and so people think you're way smarter than you are way more holy than you are. All of us are exactly the same, ordinary people with regular ups and downs and in seminary, I had a conviction that my wife should be home with her kids and that was a really important conviction because that meant I needed to support us and go to school full time, which was really hard and so I would get up at about 430 in the morning and studied Greek until seven catch a carpool in the carport.

Good work from work is called at work with the seminary from seven until about 430 and I would either reader being class 100% of the time. Come home, play with the kids eat dinner go to work at 630 get home at 11. Do it again so is under lots of pressure and where I went to school they wanted three years at Creek in two years, a Hebrew and it wasn't always that it was so hard but was just so much to do and I remember my a guy that became a great mentor and a friend for the last 25 years without actually went to school to be around him and I'll never forget one day he had a group of us together and you know we were kind of whining about our lives and you know demands and he has his fence now.

The problem don't count. No profits or problems. The problem is you guys don't get enough. See what any you don't get enough CC had this funny way of you or doing like us with his nose and sees what he mean yeah your bunch of smart guys here, you came from. Schools were you smart guys and you think getting A's is where it's at. I got news for you guys.

God didn't care where they get A's. Secondly, no one can look at your resume when you got A's are not your competitive driven carnal guys get some CDs, love your wives have some fun you know and it's always involved in ministry and I was involved in working and it was like someone just took the expectations and said and I wasn't probably near as smart as a lot of guys but I was was like I was was one of the students could figure out was in the on the test so I always got really good grades.

I'm scum streetsmart but I'm not like super academic.

I said okay this great class zillion hours ago to read all these books I'm supposed to have all these let's see.

See 2000 words memorized and all this and it's worth 10% migrate when I get out computer has all those words somewhere so okay 10% that gets me from 100 twin 90 not to do that and then this other thing is supposed to read this, this, this and that but I want to learn to do the exegetical work. This this this this will help me be the mango must be I'm not doing that. That's only 5% and so I started to go the last couple years and I would go to Prof. and say I just want you know I'm not sloughing off. Not that I don't care about you. It's not that I don't think what you doing is important is that all these words are in a book when you like little quizzes on the vocabulary. I won't do well, I'm not even going to try. I'm starting your class with a B okay and I just bought myself seven hours a week and a probably make me a better dad a way that her husband and and and I just went through my classes. Now you know what is crazy prof was, even after doing that most all of us. We just got B's and A's.

Anyway, but it was just that what who is putting the invisible gun to your head that says your house has to be absolutely spotless.

All the time was put in the invisible gun to your head that says you always have to return every call the same day or that this new think an email comes who made these rules in seven minutes and never returned my email yet why if I'm doing something over here this the will of God.

How how does someone electronically shoot something through satellite that says it's now the most important thing in my life where would we start doing that if I didn't know better, that would be stupid. That would just be stupid and then we get so overwhelmed.

I've done this ever done this, you like you get units or those not quite spam unit or like from Harry and David's in different people. You order some stuff now and then. Her Delta Air Lines is tell me you know new fares.

Have you ever felt like you're so overwhelmed that you want to feel like you've accomplished something and I sit at my computer delete that delete that the day is quite so overwhelmed and I feel like a Harry David that was gone. Delta Air Lines that's gone. This dramatizes going point all I feel good about. Is this not anyway. Three. Learn to say no. I was the privilege to get some mentoring from from Chuck Swindoll and as the radio was growing every year there have us dinner and we get a chance and somehow I got to sit next to him and every year for about seven or eight years. He literally took me about 1/2 hour put his arm around me and basically gave me that no young man. Here's what you need to remember and it was amazing and so I remember one year, he said one of the greatest things you ever have to learn.

Learn to say no kindly artfully and with excellence and he said it will save you so much. I mean, people need to know you would love to, but the answer is no, and I thought wow, you know that is and I didn't really understand what he meant and then there is a certain book that I thought would be really important, and we were friends and so I I called him or wrote him and ask him if he was endorsed the book and I got the nicest, most excellent, kindest letter that I mean I felt like when I got done reading that letter, I was next to Cynthia. Maybe the second or third most important person in Chuck Swindoll's life. No, it was just like Chip.

I appreciate you so much and what you've done and if I glanced this this is going to have a great impact.

I'm so excited that it owed to do it.

Our times together and you are bored and the priorities they just limit what I can do public love to do. I just can't learn to say no kindly don't take stuff on in church don't do stuff for friends. Don't let guilt drive you to get your schedule because under stress when you're doing stuff you don't feel really called to do you get resentment and you can have more anger. Chip, if you're just joining us, you're listening to living on the shipping chips message today. Learning how to stop stress before it starts is from his series, overcoming emotions that destroy this five-part series from chip takes you behind the scenes to discover the real source of anger and then how to turn that anger into a productive helpful tool for personal and spiritual growth. Anger wears many masks in this series chip explains the most common ways we express our anger and gives practical biblical solutions to help bring in those angry feelings before they destroy our most treasured relationships because the series is one of our best-selling resources. We wanted to make it even more accessible to you while it's on the year.

So for a limited time. All of the audio video book and small group resources for overcoming emotions that destroy our significantly discounted. Whether you're looking for the small group study the book the CDU score free MP3s and message notes. Ordering is easy when you go to LivingontheEdge.org and remember were always available to talk with you by phone at 1-888-333-6003 will chip you talk today about the importance of reducing stress and you know just kind of stressed me out. Think about how important it is to reduce my stress, know all kidding aside, this topic is one that really requires some time to think about doesn't yet does Dave and this is one of those where the issue is renewing your mind. A lot of people don't understand that a lot of their anger is about 90% preventable, and they learn to live in such a way that create situations that produce stress that violate expectations they have in other words, like traffic will be perfect going to the airport. Therefore, I leave myself no margin and when I'm stuck in traffic and going through security.

Why am I everybody I have to admit I used to be. This was many years ago. The last person on the plane and I thought oh is my life so busy and I realize that my blood pressure and my emotions were so shot because I unwisely just didn't leave margin. I remember I for two years. I went into during a time when I was studying this I was all I was also the guy that was weaving in and out of traffic to say that 30 seconds over 20 miles an hour boys be frustrated. Weave in and out of traffic. Then I get a red light and some little Volkswagen that was you I pass back there pulls next to me in Glenwood.

This is killing me.

But my point is is that you know you got it unit train your mind to think differently and different people learn in different ways. So I literally put an extra half-hour going to the airport I drove for two years in the right lane not passing people. I mean it was like killing me and then I relaxed and listen to music during that time, it changed my commute now people hearing that our thinking I could never do that. We you can't do that because you don't believe it. And the way to believe it is to renew your mind. If a viewer and audio learner, I would get this message on MP3 or CD, and I would put my car and listen to every day for 10 days every day for 10 days and you and what you did.

You and the unconsciously start doing that. If I was not an audio learner, I would get the book and I would read this chapter in the book everyday is not very long read the chapter and book every day for 10 or 12 days.

What I can tell you is than one or two things you start doing that, you realize all I always cause stress when I come home like this and I asked these two questions or icons stress at the dinner table because you know I don't pre-decide what I'm going to cook there's a million ways to prevent stress that leads to anger, but you need to go into training and renew your mind and we would love to help you do that thanks to so whether you're a visual learner the reader or the audio learner, we've got you covered. Our current series overcoming emotions that destroy is available as a book on DVD or online streaming on CDs or MP3s. Living on the Edge. Our mission is to help Christians live like Christians.

So for limited time. All of these resources are significantly discounted. We want these messages to get into the hands of as many people as possible.

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Again, while the series is only year the MP3s are free and all the other series resources are discounted. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org without airstrip with some final thoughts from today's teaching as we close today's program. There's one very simple question that I need to ask you a fact you need to ask yourself which of the three things that create stress in your life do you need to address. I talked about ruthlessly eliminate hurry, downsize your expectations. Learn to say no, so, so, which one of those if I just knew were sitting together in an over cup coffee you know and I said okay which one of those for you would be what would you say I will tell you first and foremost, you will see your life change if you ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Of all the things especially if you're a type A personality high-pressure job and the other one was. So that hit me was downsizing expectations. If you're perfectionistic you want to do things really well you keep pushing and you put all this pressure on yourself thinking units like gotta be an A+ all the time and just couple weeks ago I was speaking in a place and they wanted all these notes and they wanted him. You know, a week or two in advance and I was in the middle of teaching a series and a member feeling all this pressure and stress and then just as I pray God said so you have to have notes every time you preach a member thinking what gosh Paul did have PowerPoint.

He did okay okay and so I just told my assistant, would you just let them know that you know I have some notes because they were done, but yeah, I'm just not happy PowerPoint was like the whole world got lighter and better what you need just to say it's okay to let something go. You don't have to do everything perfect every time and see if that stress doesn't come down and with it the anger. God bless you. Give it a try. Just before we close. I want to thank those of you who make this broadcast possible through your generous giving Living on the Edge invests those dollars to purchase her time create programs and provide resources to help Christians live like Christians Living on the Edge is been a blessing to you.

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While I hope you'll join us again on Monday as to continues our current series. Although this is Dave really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge