Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage - God's Dream for Your Marriage, Part 1

Would you like your marriage to be better, more fulfilling, more intimate. The truth is God designed marriage to be most fulfilling human relation of honor, but for most of this just isn't the case and for many of us we can't figure out what went wrong or how to fix it over the next two weeks were to look at God's dream your marriage is blueprint and working to discover together how you can make your marriage best possibly are you ready let's go welcome to this Wednesday. Addition of living on the with your finger Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry training. The Bible teaching of Chip Ingram begins a new series called variance in God's dream. Over the next couple of weeks just going to lay out step-by-step how to make your marriage the plastic you're married or not, we all have friends very know of a couple little soon be married. So whatever your circumstance what your peers could be life changing and the people you care about know if you have a Bible open it now to Genesis chapter 2.

Let's join Chip for his message God's dream for your marriage.

What we are going to begin a journey together and the journey is caught experiencing God's dream for marriage. It's not just that God has a dream.

It's about experiencing that unit. Some people don't have any idea how God designed marriage. Other people have a very clear idea but what they know about marriage in their head and what they're experiencing in their heart, and the relationship just doesn't add up in one of the questions I like to start with. In this first session. It's been six sessions together is why do our dreams about marriage so often and in nightmares I mean when you look at this backdrop, I mean here's this couple hand-in-hand right the ocean they got dreams there on their honeymoon or here's this couple. It's their wedding day right here and she's got her eyes close this big hunk of a man saying I been waiting for you my whole life and he's gone. You're so beautiful you're so wonderful were never you have any problems in you over here you know they're in the in those seasons of Intel they been married for a while and you know they just learned so much I this for you. That's not exactly health working out there. I mean we don't will have dreams.

No one married someone taken a spelling and work out very well right so God has a dream and he plants it in our heart because we all have these these things we say that that's what I want to be like what I want to talk to you about is how you can experience God's dream for marriage. I've learned there seasons and God gives grace through each season and there's things you gotta work on and until Jesus comes or you die, there's always can be aeration never to be fully satisfied. The idea that there's this perfect person perfect marriage are totally fulfilled and never have a problem is a lie from the pit of hell is Francis Schaeffer once said, sometimes the greatest deterrent to a very good marriage is believing that you have a perfectly and so on. Encourage you to start looking at what you do have, instead of kinda complaining in your heart and your mind about what you don't have and then go to work together to begin to experience what God wants to give you so you ready to get.

Okay, let's go for you notice there is a picture in the picture is that equilateral triangle.

It has got at the top on one corner we have man on the other corner we have woman and then you notice there are arrows that go up toward God. God created marriage and he knows there's arrows that go toward one another that this is that the blueprint the God has for marriage. He gives it to us in Genesis chapter 1, you have your Bible with you open to chapter 1 and I just want to read a few verses and I want to just overlay that over this blueprint.

So you get a picture from God's perspective as you open your Bibles. You remember the Genesis chapter 1 is like that. The wide angle lens of creation and God goes here it is. And then after he gives us. Chapter 1. He doesn't give us another story of creation. He takes that lens and says now.

I gave you the big picture of what I've created now with the zoom in lens. Let me tell you specifically how it happened. So you know the story.

There was darkness and it hovered over the earth and God spoke and let there be light in all of creation occurred, and then skip down to verse 26 when he gets at the pinnacle of creation. He says and God said, let us make man in our image, the idea mankind according to our likeness in the notice there's there's this there's this dream let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle, and all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth and God created man in his own image in the image of God he created him male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and he said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves and so first of all I just want to see God is the author of marriage. God has a plan. He has a blueprint. It's not just haphazard, it's not just you know hormones. It's not just animal instinct God has made us in his image, male and female, and he has a plan for us to come together and he has a plan for us together to have purposes in the earth now skip over to chapter 2, because then he begins to describe specifically the reason and how it actually occurred in verse 18 we pick it up. Then the Lord God said, you know, Adam has experienced creation.

He's been given little job assignment and he's been told about how he should work in you know in the in the wisdom of God. God wants him to name these animals and you know Adam is the smartest man is ever lived.

At this point there's never been sent right, and God has us little thing that happens in two of these animals go by and then two of those animals go by to those animals go by names and names and names and names him and since he so very smart. He makes this deduction to them to them to them through them to them to them.

Want to me right see God wanted to create need.

God wanted Adam to know that there's something missing pick it up in verse 18, where God tells us one of the primary purposes of marriage and the Lord said is not good for the man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him. But a way that would help her is not a low word that's not like a derogatory second-class this same word had it means a corresponding part in this Hebrew word actually is used of God in the Psalms of being the helper of his people.

So it's about God doing something that will meet the deepest needs of man, and, by contrast, correspondingly, will meet the deepest needs of woman and out of the ground the Lord brought forth every beast of the earth and bird of the sky.

He brought them to man to see what he would call them and whatever the man called them a living creature was his name and the man gave the names to the cattle, and to the birds of the sky and the beast of the field, but for Adam there was not a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place and the Lord God fashioned and he took out the rib closes it up in the rib which he had taken from man.

The he created Eve and he brought her to the man God brought the woman to the man and then the man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man is one Hebrew scholar said it's hard to translate this this response, but in its kind like wow we, thus, hard to get that through. But I mean this is not like he's this woman comes and he's had this experience is living this perfect environment and the woman comes and this is not like Adam going is pretty good now so pretty good.

Oh, hi who are you not bad. That is not.

It was like what I think you is like something kinetic inside him sent all while he was now experiencing what he observed with the animals, but at levels beyond anything they could because it made the image of God he is a mind will and emotions. He can feel you can thinking create in the notice for this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh in the man and his wife were both naked and were unashamed. Notice first and foremost that God created man, he created woman first for himself and that's the arrow so he creates the true equilateral triangle God created marriage okay. Second, those those lines go toward one another, God desired a special relationship in the middle of your triangle.

Write the word oneness write the word oneness and underneath of it right. Genesis 224 is the pivotal passage in all of the Bible concerning marriage. It happens here. Jesus will quoted in Matthew five. Matthew 19 the apostle Paul will quote it when he talks about marriage and first printing seven.

This will be quoted later when he talks about even when a man comes and it connects to a prostitute in first Corinthians, this is going to be the core passage on marriage.

God's desire is for oneness is all I want you to know the whole world is going to tell you there's someone out there and they look different or they have this or they own that the provide that God says I created marriage and I made you for oneness, but the route to oneness is not out there. The route to oneness isn't even here the route to oneness first starts with me and the greatest thing you ever do in your marriage is walk with God. See what you need in your marriage is the ability you ready for this to not need your mate see if if I demand trees come through for me. Trees come through for me. I put all this pressure on her.

When you put pressure on people or they do they feel overwhelmed. They know they're inadequate so the runaway and so God says what I want you to know is you need to find your sufficiency in me, so you can be a giver in the relationship and when you're giver and the relationship that person responds and you have this going closer, closer, closer, and noticing what areas most spiritually first, God wants us to have this unconditional love.

This is an illegally love.

This is in Hollywood love. This isn't romance novel love. This isn't feeling love God's first priority is that your fellow worshipers.

Agape love. God's plan is your fellow worshipers first and foremost as a man and a woman.

You come before God together and you worship him in spirit and in truth and that's why praying together has such a powerful impact in a marriage, then God is made, you not only keep were in his image right spiritual beings body soul and spirit, so your soul is your mind will and emotions, and that's full I'll love that's the Greek word for best friends he want you to have fun. He wants you to enjoy one another. He wants that person that you live with not to be, just someone who cooks over here or would you go to activities over here or you're both you know juggling jobs and having kids.

He want you to be fellow worshipers. He wants you to be best friends see that's oneness of spirit oneness of soul, and by the way he want you to be passionate lovers. That's oneness of body that's Eros, love, and by the way, for some of you in your backgrounds, you know, one out of four ladies in United States have been sexually abused. I hope that statistic is absolutely wrong but I don't have any reason not to believe there's an awful lot of Christians that when this idea of Eros of sex comes up, they divorce it from all the rest. This is how God created us, he created us to have spiritual unity, fellow worshipers, he created us to have soul unity best friends and he created us to have physical unity to be passionate lovers that here's the deal. All three of those things go together or they don't go together when it may give you that again to some of you are thinking think I got that you sorted out all three of those things go together or they don't go together. And if you we interviewed all the women. This is true. I mean, you know, there's a wide variety between men and women. But if we interviewed all the women statistically and all the men statistically. The men would come out on what I need more in my marriage is a lot more Eros and the average woman say what I need a lot more. My marriage is a lot more spiritual leadership and best friends and so what we tend to do is play the game where when I start getting this all start giving that when you start giving this all start giving that in a sky like that. The classic standoff.

This is God's blueprint his dream and design for you and for me is that we would be 11 of body one of soul one of spirit you got it. Now let's look at his game plan doesn't work how you get there.

How in the world can become one spiritually, emotionally, physically, this is God's game plan or the process. Verse 24 says, for this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother shall cleave to his wife and shall become one flesh.

I want to circle the word leave in your notes. I want to circle the word cleave in your notes and want you to circle the phrase become one flesh. Notice the first phrase is for this because it's a response to God it's obedience and element to say here is that marriage is God's idea, and marriage and living together are not the same thing. Marriage is a volitional legal public and spiritual commitment to another person and living together is not the same thing. Notice now then it he says a man shall leave his father and a mother. The first is a response to God we say marriage. It's God's white let's do it God's way. Response to parents his independence. There has to be a emotional and financial detachment from parents. There's no lack of respect are still your mother and your father. You honor them, but the relationship changes and by the way many a marriage does not work because emotional and financial detachment has occurred, you got a break. The former in order to connect with the new because if you don't leave financially. This always strings manipulation and if you don't leave emotionally then your heart isn't free to connect with your mate, and she said he has merit about six months and I mean it was going real well and then we had our first knock down drag out up all night baying pop and eyes bulge and screaming at one another. So, I can't believe I married you I can't believe I married you because we started talking about our heritage and our parents and our backgrounds and I was in tears and he slammed the door and finally I'm in money but tell the story. It's great and the she says is like 6 AM about 45 minute drive in the whole drive just tears flowing on my face and how to start the biggest mistake I've ever made. It's the biggest fight I can't believe it, and she goes.

I rang the doorbell.

My mom's an early riser and then I knock on and where is she and yet a picture that she said she said and it was one of those doors where you know they have little curtains we can pull the curtains and see who it is and so she says she heard the knocking people.

The currency she looked me and she put them back. She said my mother all about, and she pulled the curtains almost like him and make sure it's my daughter looked again, and then the she opens the door, but she put her foot in it. She leaned out she said honey, did you have a fight with your husband yes and you can't believe what she said honey go home and make it right and she shut the door unlocked and went upstairs and that lady said my mom gave me the greatest gift in the first six months of our marriage we ever received to see when you get wounded and you get hurt. It's easy to run back to mom or run back to dad and took make them your emotional base of how you resolve issues and hurts and pains and conflicts and so there's got to be emotional and financial detachment. I would say some of you that are little bit older and you have like I have. I have grown kids are married. Be careful with your money don't help him too much, you know, when you look back on your life you think of you know those you talk to people to marry 2535 years with those early years they were taught they were difficult but that's what made us and so what he wanted to you one of relieve all that pressure from the here's the house will give you the down payment for this will take care this whole your car is broken will repair it and have parents now because were more fluent than ever before coming in and solving problems for their kids that were God-given and designed for them to learn to trust and come together. Does that mean you never help as a means when you give there's no strings to be very careful what you give. How much is if you create any dependency or you put a block between them and their mate specific application for his message.

But if you're just joining us, listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram chips message today is from his series experiencing God's dream for your marriage. The six part series provides practical biblical insight to help you address the real world issues. Every marriage faces with your married soon to be married or scared to death of the whole idea and you really want some answers. Issues like communication, intimacy, resolving conflict in the roles of husband and wife are all addressed experiencing God's dream for your marriage comes in a handful of audio formats, CDs, MP3s, and the chip Ingram up messages, but for a more powerful effect to format the video teaching designed to do is a couple with a few friends or as a small group really has the best long-lasting impact for all the details and series discounts.

Visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. We will ship. There's so much confusion about marriage today.

I mean how the world can we experience God's dream when so many are struggling with what does married even mean what Dave is letting them tell you it doesn't really matter what's going on in the culture, what you know and I know and everyone listening knows is that we all want to have great deep intimacy in a relationship with her husband or wife. We all want to husband or a wife that we can trust. It's good to be faithful. I we we want a soulmate were there spiritual connection.

The big question is not just God's design, but how does it actually work practically. How do you resolve conflict. What's the role demand the role of the woman. How does it work and after many many years of struggle myself and learning and hearing from people for over 20 years, I wrote a book called marriage that works, how to become best friends, soulmates, and intimate lovers. It's it's sort of like a guide that takes what God says to help the regular man or woman put it into practice and in fact when you get the book.

We put together something that I don't know that I've ever done with the book.

It's cards that take the top 20 lives that we all believe that one time or another about marriage and then at the end of the light has a stop sign and then you flip it over and there's God's truth, for example, Miss believe number two is when I experience disappointment, annoyance or anger toward my spouse. That means I'm falling out of love and I married the wrong person didn't lie. Here's the truth, conflict and negative emotions are not only normal there essential to learning to communicate to forgive each other and becoming one in the process and then I put a passage I will tell you when couples just read these cards over either individually or together, it makes a dynamic difference in their whole relationship. Dave want to take a minute and help people know how to get this happy to get your copy of chips book marriage that works just visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org, whether it's for you or someone you know it's the how to blueprint for experiencing God's dream for your marriage when you place your order will send you absolutely free chipset of marriage that works truth cards. Chips book and the free truth cards just visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org if you'd like to get more information or to place your order over the phone.

Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. We look forward to your call. Well here.

Strip with a final thought. Now I did not grow up in a Christian home and I know about 50% of all the people listening to my voice.

Your parents were divorced and a lot of us never had a blueprint we never had a model we never know exactly what is marriage supposed to look like what's my role what's hers. And where is God in all of this and how does it work and so today and then in our next broadcast. I want to give you that blueprint and I wish I mean I really wish there was a visual right now. You could see what I drew on the notes that I gave to people because it's a picture of a triangle and then the blueprints is not only this is the picture of this triangle with God at the top and the man on one side. The woman on the other.

But then there is a process by which marriage works in week we started on it today. It's about leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh, and that if you've never been to our website go to our website at Living on the Edge, you can click on the message notes downloaded for free and you can actually follow along. This will be really really helpful because an awful lot of what I'm gonna share be very candid with you.

The first couple years, the trees and I were married I we ended up in marriage counseling and a lot of the best stuff that I'm can share with you. I had to pay money for. And it's in the form of pictures and practical tools and I'm gonna give you the theology and the teaching of the Bible to really help you grow you know if your, listen to my voice and your thinking boy, my marriage needs helper on a me know if I want to stay in this marriage or your you're looking at the landscaping you see all these young couples and their struggling and you want to mentor him and you want a great tool. This is what this series is going to be about how to experience God's dream for your marriage. So I hope that you will make every broadcast for this series and if you can't go online you can listen to it and will talk about a little bit later. This is all available on DVD as well. Well, leave Cleve become one flesh.

One question as we leave today's broadcast have you completely left. I mean, have you really left the emotional and financial strings of your parents and here's a question just to keep in the back of your mind if I ask your spouse that what would he or she say because when I get into the exciting stuff of what it looks like when you become one, but you can't become one until you leave, where you've been. See you next broadcast when you have a great time together to take advantage of the message notes trip just mentioned. Our website is LivingontheEdge.org just click on the broadcasts tab and as we wrap up today's broadcast just a quick but important thoughts Living on the Edge depends on friends like you to provide the necessary funding to continue broadcasting right here in your area. Would you prayerfully consider partnering with us on a monthly basis so people in your area can continue to benefit from a ministry of chip and Living on the Edge of the set of a recurring donation, call us at 1-888-333-6003, or if you prefer to give online you can donate securely@livingontheedge.org. Thank you in advance for whatever God leads you to do tomorrow on Living on the Edge continues his series experiencing God's dream for your marriage until this. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge