How to Raise a Healthy Family in a Modern World - How to Raise Godly Kids in an Ungodly World, Part 1

Few things are as hard today is raising a family, but raising a healthy family feels almost impossible me like it takes a miracle if you want some straightforward practical answers of how to raise a healthy driving family stay with Beth today. Welcome to this Wednesday. Addition of Living on the Edge with two bedrooms Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching up your bedroom on this daily discipleship program. Glad you're here today to continues our February focus on relationship. What makes them work sometimes for the is messages how to raise godly kids in an ungodly world dropper. The fate of our Gibeon studio after the teaching to share some additional thoughts about stay with now here's the question I've been given is what counsel would you and Teresa pass on to parents and grandparents and you know we don't have like 50 years together. But what I can tell you is this, is that if there was one passage I would go to it and this is the passage like Deuteronomy 6 about what and how to do it and it's not even in Ephesians 6 about specific action items.

But I think there's something about how we think about being parents and I put it on the front of your notes.

Psalm 127, of all the things in Scripture that have framed my thinking increases thinking because are some values here want you to follow along as I read it says unless the Lord builds the house, the work of the builders is wasted unless the Lord protects a city guarding it was centuries will do no good. It is useless to work so hard from early morning and late at night anxiously working for food to eat for God gives rest to his loved ones, so all mention of this first three verses you come to get this idea that your activity your activity to build something your activity to protect, to protect your children your activity to work in all your energy and make something happen. The first three verses are unless God is in it. It's to no avail. Of all the things I didn't grow up as a believer. Teresa can grow up as a believer Wheatley came from parents who really did love us, but pretty dysfunctional in terms of the alcohol in the background and what we knew, and I think was a blessing. We knew that we didn't know how to be the kind of parents that God wanted us to. We knew we didn't know what we didn't know it.

And here dependency just realizing, no matter what you learn. How many books how many videos you know what schools your kids go to at the end of the day.

The most important principle in all parenting is that you need God. You kids need the hand of God in the favor of God and I've watched.

I've watched my wife for now 40 years on her knees before God and us together before we go to bed at night asking God baking God and by the way, I will tell you that all for my grown children of walk with God. They all have married well there all raising their kids in a way that is far better than we did increase and I can't take credit. I want you to hear.

This is not from a couple of experts that have it all together. This is from a couple people that didn't know what they were doing the bank God for help that I will tell you this though we believe that God's word. This is how you become a mom or dad or a grandparent and when we got around people that would help us but what we understood was God builds the family.

God protects the family the second three verses, or maybe that the biggest value point children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from him.

Children born to young men are like arrows in a warriors hands held joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them. He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers in the city gates you know in our day. Children are not seen as a gift. Sometime there seen as a liability or a nuisance or wheat we we don't want to interfere with our life.

For we want someone to babysit them or take care of them and this is the other big value first is only God can work in their heart and is a mom or dad or is a grandparent raising kids. All that we can do is create the kind in the environment that the Holy Spirit through the word of God through great relationships and other people to help our kids become what we long for them to become effective better what God longs for them to become the second, though, is that there's a sense of stewardship. Our kids are gift their precious this is the most precious gift God will ever give you any says that there's this process that they're not just a gift for your enjoyment. But it's like a young warrior noticed that it's a picture of these errors.

In other words these children are goal is to launch them into the world are our goal is to help them discover why did God make them and what to be making the do and how we help them discover their gifts and kindly given the passion for the things of God in the world and all the problems that our children will go out and our children would make a difference and that I love this at the end it says so when he's old, he will be put to shame had a special little thing here at the church and bumped into one of my sons and I got to talk with him about his family and couple his little ones were around and you know I just I was asking him a few questions about this message and I I just was listening to him and he was telling me that I think it's harder now to raise kids than any other time and he said you know I don't think parents and I don't think they're aware of the exposure of what's happening to some of the kids and the level of intensity in the level of energy it takes in our day to really be a great parent and what I realizes is that I'm now I'm now learning from my kids about how to parent and better how to be a grandparent was you turn the page. If we only had say 20 or 25 minutes to have coffee and you said you know there's a lot of books is lot of techniques. There's a lot of great things I can learn about parenting, but if you had to kinda boil it down, something very easy to remember. Chip. What would you and Teresa say to us about being an effective about being a godly parent or grandparent 60. My goal, I want my kids to be positive and I want" to be successful and in a certain sense, but I titled this message how to raise godly kids in an ungodly world and so here's the three questions that have shaped our parenting.

These the ones that now with my grandkids on asking the same questions. The question number one is this what is my number one goal is apparent. Ask yourself, what's your number one goal. What you want to see happen more than anything else.

What really matters.

You only get one goal. What does success look like if you're a parent you're asking yourself what's my number one goal. What is far as it depends on the one am I asking the God of the universe, the God of the Bible to do in my child's heart and life. What's my goal and the answer is in Ephesians chapter 6 verse four. I put it in your notes Phillips translation says fathers do not overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching and Christian discipline. What you put a line under don't overcorrect them put a line under bring them up and when should put a box around the word teaching in a box around the word discipline and let me just say this is an accident. Notice it says fathers fathers you have an instrumental role.

You are the point person in your family you the person that is morally responsible for the outcomes and you do it together with your wife and those of you that are single parents you need us as the church but fathers. Here's a temptation.

Don't exasperate or don't overcorrect don't be a picky dad. Believe me, my kids understand what that looks like, but the second is the positive, but bring them up to very interesting Greek word, it means to rear to nurture in the ancient Greek language of metaphysical development later came to be known the full development emotionally and spiritually of a child, so another words my number one goal is not to overcorrect but I want to bring them up so that they spiritually, emotionally and physically become all that God designed them in first and foremost.

What that means is you don't parent fears you parent focus. You say you know something, what's my number one goal. I put it this way. My number one goal is for my kids and my grandkids to be holy to be Christlike. In other words it's character I want I want my kids and my grandkids regardless of what school they go to regardless how much money they make or don't make a regardless of anything else. What I know is they will be happy they will be successful if there godly if they walk with God and that takes incredible intentionality and incredible hard work.

I called the principle of focus and here's the question.

All of us have to ask and no one is immune in this room do you want God's dream for your child or do you want the American dream.

What matters most. When you begin to think about what school they go to what college they attend what sports they play what opportunities they have, who are their friends is the filter in all those decisions. What will help them spiritually and morally develop and become a man or woman of God or is it about prestige. I mean, you know what it's it's fine if your kid makes a traveling team unless the environment on the traveling team is moving the whole family and your child away from God, no. It's fine to be a great musician. It's fine to get into a great school. But if the focus of the child is I'm only accepted I'm only valued, and where your real goal is that they be successful, that they be happy is what I'm going to. I can't tell you the number of parents, grandparents, single mom, single dads that I have wept with and talk with who their kids are successful and they went to great schools and their very musically talented and often very athletic and they are far from God and therefore from there folks, so let me ask you, what's your goal and what what is your goal and then if that's really the goal. If your goal is to help your child at whatever age you know whether there to whether there 12 if there 22 if there 41 there still your child. What's your goal you still have a relationship.

My goal with each of my grandkids, Michael, with all of my adult children is how can I help them really walk with God and no and noticed I'm given to things Christian teaching and Christian discipline.

Basically, there's two things we have to offer our words teaching and discipline our actions, and it looks different but when there two years old are certain things you say under certain actions when their little you know 89. There's certain words in certain actions when their teenagers.

When the young adults when they get married but God wants us to know that he's given us instruction as parents as grandparents and so you start off is telling them what to do and you're the teacher, and pretty soon you realize if they can get their own values you start asking more questions and pretty soon you transfer more and more responsibility as their teenagers and their young adults in their making their own decisions and you kind of go from the teacher to the coach to the counselor and then you get to where I am and I'm just a consultant certain seriously and I I don't I don't give advice. Most the time, unless a mask, and I pray for those opportunities and you build a relationship and you stay connected. Because this is the number one goal. The second is not just what's my goal.

But what's my number one role of all the things you can do for your kids.

Of all the things I can do for my children and my grandchildren. What's my number one role. Paul writes in first Corinthians chapter 4 verses 14 to 16 I'm writing this not to shame you, but to warn you as my dear children, even if you have 10,000 guardians in Christ you do not have many fathers for in Christ Jesus, I became your father to the gospel. You notice this command. Therefore, I urge you to imitate me. I call this the principal of modeling. My number one goal is to be the kind of example that my kids would say I want to live the kind of life that I see my dad living that I see my mom living number, though I don't know your perfection but I want I want to model what it means to be dependent. I want to model what it looks like to drive your car with the Holy Spirit living inside me. I want to model what I do when I blow up in anger. I want to model. What's it look like to to care for the poor. I want to model. What's it look like to to honor God with my money to become a generous person I want to model what will I do under pressure to model. What's it look like when the future is uncertain. I want to model.

What's it look like to trust God when you make it. I want to model. What's a step of faith look like when God whispers in your ear, and he calls you to move across country or change locations or change jobs. I want to model what it looks like when there's a relational problem in the family and you don't want to have one of those hard hard conversations.

I want to model the sense of God. We you give me the grace and then calmly and lovingly say some very hard things.

In fact, I want to model what it looks like to have someone say some very hard things to me that I don't want to hear all my defensive flare up, and then just by God's grace put them down and look into the eyes of one of my kids or my wife and receive the reproof that I need imitate me see all the research is telling this you know you read the reports like I do 68% of children from Bible believing evangelical homes five years after they leave your house of high school. Almost 70% of them don't walk with God. Let me give you the three reasons why people lose their kids. Number one, the most fundamental one is this their kids don't see the reality of Christ being the center and the passion in the core of their family life. They can bring the church they can send them to Christian school. They could even write a check for what they don't see is a mom and dad whose life is centered around the word of God. They don't see people that sit around the table and talk and share hearts. They don't see people are saying I know what to do. This is a big problem. Let's all get together and sit on the living room floor.

Let's pray about this. Together they don't hear their mom and their dad talking about you know what there was someone at work and they're going through a difficult time and I think we need to take some of our money and we need to help them. Faith is more caught than taught the pick up, but it's not just your positives. They also need to see model what you do when you mess up. It was a very foreign concept to me as I read a lot of books and I wrote my my thesis actually Dallas theological seminary on the role and responsibility of the father in transmitting values and family. But what I what I knew as if I didn't know how to be a dad and I thought I have to write this big long paper I should tackle the most important thing is it and what I learned in that is the role of the man in the role of the parent and what were called to do when we mess up. We need to it and it was a foreign I mean a foreign idea that let's let's just say, just hypothetically, of course, that when my kids were smaller when they weren't so small and they did something that really bothered me and I told them don't do that in Apsley it's kind of crazy but they did it again and did it again it did it again and then in in my effort to really help them understand. I don't want you to do that. I came right you know and then their little eyes get this big and they're scared to death and and then I had this overwhelming guilt. I'm sure none of you ever struggle with that. Whatever lies with what they did was wrong, but how I discipline them was just as wrong or more wrong.

What you do with that what we what you do when you blow it is apparent what you do when you blow it as a grandparent.

Here's what I can tell you I had to learn over the years to when they were small to get down on one knee and look in there.

I really get their attention. Sometimes at their head.

You know, and I would say their name and I would say when you did this. I want you know that you disobeyed me and made me very upset. Tori chose to respond that way and what you did was wrong and I forgive you but I want you to know that the way I talk to you. In fact, the way I yelled at you.

God spoke to my heart and he told me that was very wrong and so will you forgive me and we started that very very early and you know it's an amazing thing to see a four-year-old kind of look at you. I forgive you settle. Thank you and then normally I would, I would sit down when they were small like this cannot happen climb in my lap put my arm around him and we would pray together and actually some of the times were I discipline my children or I confessed my sin to my children were some of the precious times and you know what they learned that, in lender, dad or mom was perfect. What they learned was my hearts desire. I want to be holy and loving before my God, I want the life of Christ lives out in the so that's my number one goal for me. My number one goal for them. But if you just joined Jeff's message today is from the series how to raise a healthy family could a modern world you're raising a family these days comes with a lot of challenges raising a healthy family. Seems like nothing short of a miracle while raising a healthy family isn't a mystery does require some pretty countercultural thinking trip addresses a few of the key elements in this two-part series will help you create a whole, more love and respect are the norm and while that may look a little weird to some, it's a great way to live and to check out the resources for how to raise a healthy family. Just visit our website LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 woodchip. I know you get around quite a bit to what something that you've observed is you meet with people as I travel around the United States and speak at churches college campuses pastors conferences a military personnel.

There is one theme that just keeps coming out. It doesn't matter where I speak or who I'm with. It's the family, its communication and its relationships right now. Here's the thing. There's a lot that goes into building a strong family great communication in it and doing that for different groups is certainly a challenge but that's why we are committed to continuing to teach the Bible regularly, practically and relevantly were committed to develop group resources and online courses that help people personally apply the truth to their life and were committed to having fun with families in creating tools that allow families to get together and enjoy one another and share their hearts. Each one of those has their place and here's what I would ask you, would you be willing to help us create these and then get them in the hands of families all across America.

It takes resources and I'm so grateful for those of you that pray and partner with us financially and I want to thank you first and second if you don't partner with us financially. Now, would you consider partnering financially in helping us do what families desperately need. Thanks so much for praying about it and then doing whatever God chose you to do will partnering with Living on the Edge is an idea that makes sense to you. We'd love to have you join us helping Christians live like Christians will change the world we live in, but to give a gift.

Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003, or if you prefer to give online you can donate securely by going to LivingontheEdge.org. Your generosity will be greatly appreciated.

Woodchip at the very end of your teaching.

You repeated the phrase multiple times. She said I want to model I want to model I want to model I can get the sense you're trying to communicate something there. Why is modeling so important will debut hit it right on the head. I said that with great intentionality. You not only from Scripture, but my backgrounds in psychology and what we know is the number one way people learn how they learn to talk how they learn to handle their anger how they learned their etiquette or eat around the table.

How people learn everything is first and foremost the most powerful way is modeling were imitators. Our kids imitate how we talk at the imitate how we respond to something that's unfair.

They imitate our love for God and so here's what I want to say to people. We must be what we want our children and our grandchildren to become okay I am in the question.

I really wanted to ask and answer is, how can I help my kids and grandkids really walk with God me to really know him. The first thing it sounds so elementary but it's really walk with God. In fact, all the research that we did when we found those 70% of kids walk away from the faith, yet they may have gone to the youth group. They may have gone to church. They may have said a little prayer around the table. What they didn't see in almost every case was a mom or dad who is passionate about Jesus that it was a 24 seven relationship that that the Bible wasn't some rulebook but it mattered. It was a love letter that they they saw their parents deeply engage now don't get me wrong, modeling is not the end-all there's a lot of parents that love God, that model that and their kids still make some very bad decisions, but we cannot impart what we do not possess. People say will how how do I really walk with God. I want to make sure they know it's about life. It's not about religion it and so the little acronym that we've used here, Living on the Edge is bio BIO the B stands for income before God daily. You have to have a intimate personal relationship.

Daily talking to God in the word and being a part of the great church the high end bio is for in community.

None of us can live this life alone.

I need close friends that I study with share with hold me accountable love me just for who I am and then the oh is on mission 24 seven. Not just like serving at the church but as a dad or a mom or a person every moment of every day with my antenna up saying God. How do you want to use me.

Where are their needs.

How do you want to love someone through me today and when bio becomes a part of your life. There is a joy and the love and attractiveness that causes your kids to 1 Imitate You Your Great Way to stay engaged and connected to chip and Living on the Edge is with the Chip Ingram map will get free access to all of Chip's recent messages is message notes and much more. Not only that, but it couldn't be easier to call or email directly from the yeah well I hope you will be with us again tomorrow. Woodchip wraps up this serious how to raise a healthy family in a modern until then.

This is a burly saying thanks for the position of living on the