Keeping Love Alive - Volume 3 - Challenge #4 - Stagnation, Part 2

Let me ask you when is the last time you and your spouse had a meeting on read the Bible together, went on a trip, just the two were just had fun laughing with all of your having a hard time thinking the answer is your some practical way they can put the spark back. Welcome to this edition of living over you with tripping the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians the Bible to justify the triple finishes, new series keeping level live volume over the last several programs highlighting four challenges every three before we begin by the series committed after this teaching insured with a friend that tripping remapped by sending them the free MP3 to find LivingontheEdge.org knows we get started. Chip continues highlighting the four ways couples can keep stagnation away from the relationship. What's the one thing Teresa and I do a lot this may not sound like a big adventure but we really like coffee and nearly every single morning when you make a really good cup of coffee and will just get a few minutes alone and just sometimes we sitting to others presence and don't say a whole lot. Sometimes we talk about some things not taking walks are like a really good time together. We just simple things that just say I like you, I just like to hang out with you and verbalizing the final log you want to put on the fire of your marriage to keep it burning is. I wrote in the head all start with a C so this one's a little bit of stretch commission a commission is a shared vision to impact the lives of others for Christ. Here the focus is is to serve.

I think I think we've been inundated even in Christian circles that the real issue of marriage is that you if you have a great marriage will be fulfilled. You'll be happy your your mate is meeting your needs and your meeting their needs. The greatest picture of Jesus and the church is in Ephesians chapter 5 in the apostle Paul makes this astounding statement. He walks through this whole passage about the man's role to sacrificially love his wife and the wife's role to respect her husband and the man to literally lay down his life and in the Natalie was about a way I'm referring to Christ and the church apart from the body of Christ functioning in a way that's beautiful and loving and caring. The greatest testimony for Christ will probably ever have your marriage. It's so rare to find people who endure people who love each other. People that still want to go on a date after 10, 20, 30, 40 years, people who really believe that God brought them together and that there's something that they can accomplish for Christ that they served together and they do things together. That's beyond not making you happy or not making the other person happy, but this is why God brought us together because you have gifts and I have gifts and the two become one and together your team. The God uses in ways that he couldn't use this person or this person, but he brings you together and and there's something powerful powerful. That happens when you serve went when you together care about other people. It was a very small thing, but we were in church last weekend and I'm still learning how to you not been a pastor. I guess 36 of the last 39 years of a local church and I'm still learning how to be like go to church service. There you used to you know I can't. I have to don't evaluate the worship don't evaluate the preaching the good news where I go I really love the preaching is awesome. But you know when you're not, you know, stagnation is you know when you're in a good message. I took notes and I mean I got lots of good excuses, but yes he was talking of what he did was just a in-house sermon. Sometimes it is like not a major point, but it really cotton. It was sort of one of those lines about you know the early church, they came in they warship in the got before God in the night they shared a meal together. It wasn't just coming to serve as they shared a meal because they sat down they love each other and they had little time or you introduce yourselves to people you know and like. After the vision casting announcements and I turned around and there was a gal talk about. She just graduated first time there and I went this way and trees went that way and she met a girl that is 25 and like second or third time there and we so we got those two together thought this was really good and went to the service and I sling in the back and just that one line I thought.

I don't know why but I know why the Holy Spirit brought up my mind in one of the most difficult times of our life and the people didn't know we had no money. We moved to Dallas to go to seminary and circumstances that would bore you and are unimportant, but we went to church. This church division church for the first time and we were in the car and we were praying of spring about lunch and we didn't have any money and what remedy for lunch and someone knocked on the on the window and it was the people who sat either in front of us are behind us and you know when you have that little time that some churches do like a great people and these people. They were just really kind they knocked him� He was a huge church and big parking lot. How they found us. I know God and and then they said excuse us, we wrote on the witnesses. Any chance you won't go to lunch and we went over their house and had another seminary couple one is weed and visiting other churches and I thought that pastor of that church later became a mentor the trajectory of my life was changed my whole future with change because we went to that church and all that happened because one couple out of a little prompting said you want to go to lunch so all this is going through my mind as an ally, and they'll think we're crazy and I and we got some thinking right then, I started all the excuses as I just went to these. Like I said hey you know I don't know if you got any plans but would you like to go with Reese. Neither is a little Boston market or something just a mile away.

We could all be great and we sat down with them and heard the whole story and I member get back in the car thinking that's the best church service. I've been to in months and it was like will wonder why because it wasn't what I got out of it what Tresa it was we we did something together that we just got to.

It was very simple and love.

Some people and just two things happen. I felt way closer to God. I felt way closer to my wife the log of communication. The log of commitment.

The log of caring and here the log of commission in our model is Matthew 419 and I'll just quote this one. Jesus came up to the fisherman and said, follow me back anybody finish it and I will way to go towards. So follow me and I will make you you have to make yourself.

You follow me. You follow me doing that day when someone you usually a rabbi would would go out and have many disciples, asked to be a follower because they wanted to learn to teach like him and live like him and it was part academic and then part practical and it was just a process where you know all these disciples would you know can you get the best rabbi in Jesus.

By contrast, he went and picked his and it's interesting. His invitation was you come follow me and I will make you a fisher of men. So he models. I think this the commission says I need you I need you. I have an unusual job where I am in front of a lot of people and we we had a little time to talk, but because of that most people don't see the role that my wife has not just praying but my life has been shaped my wife and I'm sure there's others.

I don't know anyone with higher integrity have never met anyone praise like her not.

I don't want to embarrass her any type right believing. I pray and I practice the presence of God. She prays at a level and from the heart.

Sometimes there's a stack of tissues and murdering you to have runny noses next she cried. She literally cries when she cries out to the Lord, and those tissues are her tears, and NIII believe with all my heart that there is this connection that God has given both of us where God has used her to blaze the trail and change my children and change median and live with her in such a way where it is very unfortunate because I get so much of the external credit but I'm absolutely concerned and or convinced that whatever I would've ever been able to do would've been minuscule. Apart from the connection the partnership and the serving together, though our roles are very very different. And some of you have heard she's actually a an excellent teacher and counselor and disciples women, but it's just I need you.

I trust you.

I love you I like you, the very bottom. I wrote a port, an important reminder that then used to be in these notes personal time with God and yourself right plus supportive friends plus renewing activities equals a fully alive. You know the words of full battery to be a giver.

And so what what what I what I mean by that is, we can ask your husband or your wife to be the only sounding board to be the only person there certain things that men need to share with men and women need to share with women.

There certain things that are very for some of us units. I don't know what is for the people like for me working out.

I need to work out I need I need to be with a bunch of guys play competitive basketball into my back thing and when I couldn't do anymore. It's like okay I'm go take up golf, but I need to be with some guys and compete and have some fun and laugh and be crazy and not be the pastor that person up there and worried. I'm just chip and we just have a blast that refreshes me.

I need some personal time my wife needs personal time so you you want to say yeah our marriage is the most important.

Now you can get it out of balance where all your times with guys are all your time is over here but I just want to remind you that you need to be refreshed so that you can give your mate what God wants you to give. We have identified the mission we've identified what the big logs are that need to be addressed and we are now ready to develop a strategic plan all right. And you can execute these and develop a strategy question number one is assist tell your partner what kind of words and actions let you know that he or she is committed to you and I guy give a few examples like one of you might say, you know, when we pray together. I feel that communicates that you're committed to me when we set goals together.

When you lead financially when you leave domestically when you express affection in this way or that way. How will each of you seek to demonstrate your commitment to one another on a weekly basis. I want you as a woman to write down three specific actions that when your husband does any of these three things. It feels like he's committed to me okay it just it just expresses he's committed to and then then I want you to write down three specific actions that when your wife responds or acts in this way toward you. It feels like while member commitment is I love you. You feel like I feel really loved when she won two or three okay and then and then here's the action step this next week. Just choose one choose one and do it if you want to go for broke.

You could choose to do one and Monday through Wednesday can choose another one like okay but sweet.

We make this whole thing about it's all going to be spontaneous and this is that we make this mystery. How about you know like hey when we pray together when we sit down to do the bills together and when he helps clean the house. Those supposedly ones I think my wife probably say and I might say things like when she initiates being romantic when she verbalizes to me. I love you because it's one of my love languages, and when she kinda gives me feedback and strokes decode little bit because I'm basically insecure-very love.

I mean, you can complement me as much as you want. You don't know me you, you know, it's really nice. She really knows me when she tells me of the good job. I feel loved. I'm trying to help you see is you can come up with specific plans and and right now, you might've had some hard conversations or their difficulties in your past and their struggles here and struggles. There just start drawing some logs on the fire. Just just start doing some of those things that you know the other person feels loving you do them. How do you know because they told you okay number two, when and what were you put into your daily or weekly schedule to facilitate ongoing communication in your marriage, set actual times and days. Third, plan a weekly activity to have fun and develop the friendship side of your marriage identified activity. Jot down at least two specific things to do together. It doesn't have to cost money. Let's take a walk after dinner let's go. Just go to the park and just grab a cup of coffee. Let's go see a movie.

Let's go grab dinner someplace. Let's what whatever is fun and then whoever planned this one then the other person gets to play next week and and by the way guys again this I'm sharing this. Out of all the ways I was very slow, or didn't do it on your time especially have your kids and I understand this, especially if you go out someplace can be expensive if you will lineup the babysitter she will think you lost your mind, but what it says is, I took initiative what it says is II really care what you have to do is get the number because most of you have no idea how to contact the babysitter, but it's just one of those things that Tracy would say probably in the car, you know, if you would've done more that chip art think it would've been much better for us all.

Better late than never. We don't have. We have no need our babysitters for a dog now number four identify 3 to 4 ways you and your mate and even family could demonstrate care and concern for others in the name of Christ and set aside a time to discuss your service ideas you might be, you know, people struggling in your neighborhood. Our whole family served in the church in different areas. Just ask yourself what can we do to serve together. I have a friend that every year he and his family as you know I don't how much vacation has been the take a full week and may build a relationship and they help build an orphanage in and ministered orphans in unit from the time his kids were little, all the way up to college.

They understood that we could their vacation was going to be and it just recalibrated what matters in theirs hurting people all around the world and then finally number five who are what provide support refreshment for you personally, I'm talking to you as an individual.

Talk about specific ways to Ranger home life. So each partner has time and same sex relationships that refresh support and replenish when I say same-sex relationships. I'm referring to healthy, nonsexual, you know, grows and sisters, all the rest, but having great Intel having your mission targeted. Having a clear strategy repairing for and executing his back with his challenge number four degradation from his series keeping love alive. Volume 3. It's been said that marriage is like a jury wall. Every relationship has its ups and downs. There seem to be particular struggles that affect every couple in the series. Keeping love alive. Volume 3 chip addresses the four challenges every great marriage has in common, he exposes how busyness, temptation, kids and stagnation can ruin relationships discover from God's word. How you and your mate can handle these trials together and become a stronger couple more effective parents and create a happier home now.

If you missed any part of the series keeping love alive. Volume 3, or want to learn more about our helpful resources that you can remap is a great way to get plugged in. I'll be right back to talk about today's message but before I do I want to give you a picture that I got to witness as a young pastor there was a man there who is a master craftsman.

I mean he was a cabinetmaker are Exelon's and I member watching him literally painstakingly with a piece of wood. Use a lathe and little by little by little by little. He did all these things.

I couldn't figure out what was happening and then you know all those little moments led to this absolutely beautiful piece of cabinetry or furniture in unison because we think little things don't matter even calling them little things and one of the quote little things. It is the backbone of Living on the Edge are those people who support the ministry monthly. Yet, I don't know if you are a current supporter or you been praying about being a supporter. But let me tell you this, when you give monthly. It provides the bedrock in the consistency in the stability of all that we do here Living on the Edge so I want to thank you monthly partners for all that you do and I like you. If you're not a supporter. Would you prayerfully today. Ask God do you want me support Living on the Edge you want me to help Christians are like Christians and if so would you like me to do it on a regular monthly basis and by the way thanks in advance whatever God leads you to do fixture if joining the Living on the Edge team is an idea that makes sense to you. We'd love to have you.

Your support multiplies our efforts and resources in ways that only God can do. So if you'd like to be a part of that. Let me encourage you to become a monthly partner. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org and tap the donate button. With a few clicks you can set up a recurring donation and help others benefit from this ministry, or if it's easier just give us a call at AAA 333-6003. Metz AAA 333-6003 to learn how you can become a monthly partner with Living on the Edge Listeners Donate well here's chip with a final thought as we wrap up the series, let me just encourage you to keep love alive and just to remind you that these are four challenges but not marriages have in common.

These are four challenges the great marriages have in common. You have to fight for your marriage. You have to be intentional. You have to look at the busyness and say stop it. There are things that are more important than getting all of our kids to hear in there and work in the expectations of everybody else. We have to get our priorities in order and you have to realize you know to be fulfilled. We need to follow God's plan. You know you we can't just fill our minds fantasy and thoughts of what the world is telling us we need to find the right person and every time we hit an emotional bump: falling out of love or I'm not fulfilled. You'll find love in life when you give it away when you draw first from Christ. His love for you and give that to your mate.

The sad reality is people who opt out of their marriage they take the same person into the next relationship where the next marriage and the percentages of fallout. Just get higher and it gets worse. What I want you know is that raising kids means you have to really work in some seasons more than others. When you have them in diapers or when you're up in the middle the NIAID or when it's a season of rebellion with one your teens.

It is hard to make sure that doesn't dissipate the most important things in your marriage but it's normal. I think what I want you to hear is these challenges are what great marriages have but they don't have to kill the commitment you made to your mate to God and finally what I'd say is as you think about where you're at, what you need to do, just making a commitment that you're not gonna let years get old that you not gonna drift into the same old patterns, eat, watch TV, Monday through Friday looks the same. Saturday mornings are the same. Sunday evenings are the same. Same old thing. Same old pattern, you gotta bring life, you gotta bring it spark you gotta think innovatively you have to work at making it fresh and you know just tell you after four decades of marriage, lots of struggles and lots of up and downs. I can honestly tell you I'm more in love with my wife right now, then when we were first married, and that all these normal challenges when you fight together.

They draw you closer together. I want to tell you there's hope, and on the other side of these challenges and barriers. There is God's plan. This wonderful don't give up. Don't give in just before we close our mission at Living on the Edges to help Christians live like Christians and one of the best ways we can continue to do that is through programs like this one. So when you hear a message. That's especially helpful. We hope you'll pass it on to others. You can easily do that through the dripping remap, or by forwarding them the free MP3s. You'll find it LivingontheEdge.org. Don't forget to include a note about how it made a difference in your life well for Chip and everyone here saying thanks for joining us for this edition of living of the