Keeping Love Alive - Volume 3 - Challenge #2 - Temptation, Part 2

When people learn that Teresa came from an alcoholic home at night came from and how we actually are a blended family and that we been married and are very happy after 40 years they often ask us once the key how you guys make that. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry during the war the middle of our newest series keeping level volume 3 of this program.

She will pick up where he left off last thing the second show traces dictation today to talk more about God's now it's the exact opposite of what the world sentences important begins by explaining how he and his wife Teresa withstood the difficult seasons in their marriage and developed a deeper connection to one another and to God that here strip with the second half of his here's the good news. When we got into marriage counseling and we got to get some things on the table with some captive and we got a handful of tools. It was like oh you mean everyone has this evening if if you've ever been divorced and persons been hurt like this and she's always connect all you and your dad was an alcoholic to all yeah so this is how you miss one another and this is how you do it.

I mean we we we started on a few tools that you know it we had little thing called a conference where we learned how to communicate and learn how to resolve anger and I mean it wasn't like years and years and years. It was like in a few months was like wow I mean I just thought we were hopeless. I felt so bad and so angry inside and you know when you're in seminary preparing to be a pastor. This is not a good time that major marriage problems, but that's where we were about, but it was like oh so what I want you all know it is not rocket science. It is not that complicated and it isn't that hard.

But it is if you don't know what to do and it is if you don't do it and so he says the clear number one be an imitator of God and then put in parentheses in your notes as beloved children as beloved children so what I tried to do was love my wife and what I see people do is try to love your mate out of your energy and you can't do it. It says imitate God. Be kind, be tenderhearted. The hardest part. Be forgiving, just as God has forgiven you, so imitate God in that way. How as someone that God has filled up with his love that you realize how forgiving you are. You experience how kind God has been to you, you realize that despite what you've done and what you said and what you thought of what you've logged onto, and how you fly and stuff that you've done that, he because of Christ's great love has forgiven you and your valued and you you and so because you receive that, then you have the power to give it the spirit lives in you. If you're a follower of Christ will speak to you and that's why he doesn't want us to get distracted so he says to us okay. Be imitators of God, but as a dearly loved child Edwards. You don't need your mate's approval for your life to be okay. Needing someone else's approval or the relationship to be okay for you to be okay is called co-dependent when you can get to. I can give love to my mate whether they respond or not because I'm doing it first and foremost is an act of my will to honor you your free because the game we play as well if I guess it can early on, but I do the carpets and take out the trash coming up more affectionate. This is working because my real goal wasn't to lever my goal is to get what I wanted and it was like a trend in a transaction. While I do a BNC you give me a BNC that didn't work. It wasn't until God.

I want your grace to love my wife where you cover, miserable failure, and I can't do it, but would you give me what I need to give her what you're telling me is a man what she needs and I don't really like praying this, but I know it's the only way to go.

Whether she responds or not.

And I'm until the day I die. I'm going to do what you call me to do. And there's something really weird, at least in a woman's heart. I'm assuming it's the same as a man's heart is.

Somehow we know when when the other person is playing this little bit member counseling. One couple and the wife we were. I sat down with both of them and she looked at him and she said well yeah you know we met. He's doing all the right stuff.

He does this he does is he does is he does this and you know what it doesn't mean anything because and then the second command is walk in love, the word actually is walk. How many of you have small kids like to and under.

How many of you can remember what it was like when you had small kids that were learned walk you member it like you did videos right in and was like you got down on one knee, my client, and then you know either the husband or the wife unitholders all hands like this and then they go damn right. Remember that and you member what you did right and what you did you got right over top notch out the top. What is wrong with you. You it is. Is that what you remember. Or did you was like you send to two steps this week three and half next week right and then they do the little thing they go all the way from the kitchen into the and means you just lit up. She could tell you something. Where do you think you get that that's how your heavenly father thinks about you. You think God's arms are crossed in tow is tapping and get with the program. And yes, sir, to got he's not like that come unto me all you who labor and heavy laden, the ideas you overwhelm your president from every direction. You can't make it anymore.

You're struggling you're stressed out you don't know where to go and I will give you rest. This dislikes too hard.

Take my yoke is not a yoga restriction.

It's just something it's so much easier. My my commandments. John would tell us are not greediest they're not overwhelming you get in the side of yoke all get on the side of the yoke, and if it's like you and Michael Jordan scoring unit 50 points you make one free throw and he gets 49 and Jesus says I'm here and in your weakness will make you strong. Just to do life with me. Come to me. Share your hurts. Be honest though, you'll never measure up. That's why I die. That's why I came. That's why I sealed you with my spirit so let me help you. I love you I meet so many Christians, especially some out of you, our background, I think you intellectually believe that God loves you, but I'm not sure you believe he liked you he just someone really hard to please if you don't do this this this this and this and you lose sight of relationship. He says this is what has to happen be an imitator of God because you're already love and then walk in love. How did Christ love you, sacrificially, he gave up himself for us and he did it as an offering. Notices motive is motive was. He loved us, but it was an offering father. I am allowing these people to put this into my head.

I'm allowing these people to strip me naked in humiliation.

I'm allowing these people to drive these things through my wrist and my obedience to you who in the Godhead, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, because he left you. That's the God who wants to help you in your marriage. That's the God who says don't worry about her. Don't worry about him.

Let me love you.

Why don't we go on a journey and you just say whatever you want to change. I'm sick and tired of me that's actually a pretty good place to be.

Everything you just try hard, try hard, try hard, try hard right matter what you do is not working. I think there's times where if the Holy Spirit was to just be leaning going good now. I think we can get some work done when we come to the end of our self. I can't change him. I can't change her. I can't be disciplined enough. I've tried to break this addiction. I can't do it and that's the first step and then there's also you understand that in the New Testament that all the commands I think. I think there might be one I could find all the commands are and what's called the second person plural. So if you were English in Texas. What we say. There I lived there 12 if you all right your what's at me that that means if you walk into your room, you say you want to come with me, but two of you. You all and come with me every command in the New Testament is you all love one another. You all honor one another.

You will you what that means you can't do it alone.

It's impossible to live the Christian life.

It's impossible to beg God, you have the spirit of God.

When you turn in the empty hands of faith that said, I fall short. That just what's in it I trespassed. I crossed the line.

I dissed the God of the universe and I admit that and I turn away from my dependence on me. Repent, change your mind and in the empty hands of faith, say, Lord Jesus, will you forgive me. I believe I trust in is the idea that when you are hanging on the cross. You covered were you atoned and paid for all my sin and in this moment when I received you, he who has the son has life and in that moment the Spirit of God came into your physical body and sealed you in the Scripture says you are pulled out of the kingdom of darkness and you were placed in the kingdom of light and the same power that raised Christ from the dead, now dwells inside of you. And so then he says the raw material that the Holy Spirit uses. He takes the written word and makes it the living word.

He'll speak to you and the community. This a body you know this.

This hand is not worth much if there is not the arm right. This connected to it and basically the whole point is we need each other and so as dearly loved ones. The motive is to offer to God. And this is I love it. If the picture of the Old Testament, a fragrant aroma was a free will offering and so let me take this passage and put it in the reversal of Hollywood terms are ready instead of trying to find the right person.

Are you ready become the right person never taken a minute God so so in my notes I wrote minute God kind, compassionate, tenderhearted, forgiving as a dearly loved one. That's the basis I'm going a minute God I'm gonna go anybody been on a mission before anybody know what a mission is when you have a mission you have a clear definable outcome you're shooting for correct you get together and you have a definable strategy and we say to ourselves. This is where we are these of the obstacles there's the enemy is the outcome we are on mission here is our strategy. This is what were going to do. Here's how executed here is when will executed right so you go on mission to men imitator of God to say okay I'm I'm going to figure out what it looks like to be kind tenderhearted and forgiving to my mate second that it says walk in love and by the way, it's a commitment, not an experience. The walk here is one of giving sacrifice, not feelings walking in love and and member at the little baby who fell down what what what you do all so when you're learning to walk in a new way.

Guess what you trip.

Oh my gosh and I need to break that addiction and I did good good good good good to get the landfill back into it covered over with Jamie on enemy comes in you terrible person. No, I fell father you forgive me. Yes, he may give you a couple thoughts about where to go and what to do where I blew up in my anger, my mate again. Or, you know I got hurt and I didn't say anything. So I withdrew and I know I can tell he really wants to make love not pay what not tonight. I had a really really bad headache tonight and really what it is as passive-aggressive. I'm going to pay you back because you know what you hurt my feelings earlier today and you just think you can live away all day be insensitive do your own thing and the 930 10 o'clock company think I'm ready or feel chairs to want to make love with you. My head really hurts.

We coming to play these games on to say, we don't have to and it's a journey and so then you fix your hope on God and seek to please him through this relationship, even Christ's sacrifice wasn't to please himself, was to offer to God and a failure occurs.

Repeat steps two and three. I can't tell you how many Tommy even right now Treece Nayar were going through a book together. We went through so many books we learn we have. We've had to work so hard because we have so much baggage now work were great, more connected, and we have a great relationship, but we know what we doing this we doing this and so there's different seasons where whatever you are doing. It's like become need to get a for those of you that have small kids member when you could put like a star on the refrigerator and they would like jump off the roof for you. Always my spinach starting up like three weeks later I got a want to start an answer same in your marriages. You did this did this in an spiritually brought in this he did this and this and this.

We step back and you go you know what we need some fresh in our calendar or schedule.

Little by little.

Seems like you you you kind of your default pattern is like I get 12 grandkids.

It's a full-time job for a woman if she let it be you know and and our ministry keeps growing and were doing a lot of stuff internationally and you know I can just keep in is like okay let's step back okay know what in this season. What we need to do what's our time look like what's our relationship look like, what do you need from me what I need from you in the success rate of couples attend church regular pray together regularly and personally have a regular devotional life. The divorce rate is in the single digits like six or 7% is a big difference between lost or you have sex and that can happen even in marriage and love maturity is what would help my mate feel cherished love and and all that's inside me that I care about, but I want her or him to feel and and there's this union, but the union isn't just physical.

It's a union that that is taking that the spiritual and the emotional and the connection that you have and it brings you together about a way it's a really important part of your relationship. I want to give you a pectoral example, and I want to show you God's model and then I'm going to show you something else. Did you see the equilateral triangle. Here's how God says to build a relationship.

Imagine your relationship. This triangle up at the very bottom is spiritual connection with God and with each other and so I will just tell you mean most men feel like their wives are far closer to God than we are and were work and comfortable more hitting things and running an activity and I have this this relational spiritual side and so sometimes you just start by holding hands and praying silently. If you can go to the next level and and pray out loud together done this with pastor since like when my husband is that I feel protected and if you can, you know, read a Psalm together or the that doesn't work.

Treece and I are very independent and so we each meet with God and we grab a cup of coffee to three times a week and I'll just open it with hate 2020 learning right now what what what Scott shown you and show shall share in all share. When we first started we thought it would be really holy.

We would have devotions together and she hated it and I hated it.

Now I have a friend who's one of the most godly guy I think I know he and his wife do that every morning we read a song we read a proverb we pray for all of our children to get. I'm just thinking I wish that work for us but it doesn't so what you need to do is Scott Hastie spiritually connected second is then socially. It is you know if if we were singles here. I would say find a man or a woman that really walks with God and then socially find out about their parents and their friends because that'll tell you who they are but socially here is you want have friends you need a group of people that support you in your journey to be the kind of couple to God want you to be. It doesn't take but a friend or two in your life or a friend or two in your mate's life that really has really values the taking different places. I have one friend that felt so compelled to to be ended when he got with these two or three guys you always get instead of one glass of wine and it was always way more and it was just conflict.

I said dude do you love your wife really want these guys to think this is what I really love my lot will then stop them for six months, But they'll think this what she's thinking this now you tell me what you want on a great married okay honey I want to hang out with unbelievers and they can have all current lifestyles, but if their lifestyles changing me more and I'm changing them then cut it got to be around people you need to do another couple and some friends that are cheering you on.

Toward this is the kind of men and women we want to be and then psychologically sharing things of importance and of substance and then emotionally unit these things all building and pretty soon when you do these, things psychologically got have fun together. You get to spend time together To talk together you read and then you share and then when those things are in place. It's really pretty amazing. It really changes the physical relationship. What what happens is when you're when your relationship is built on the physical well actually Hollywood's model it basically just takes God's model and flips upside down what you name it right you see one another sexually. They hook up and then if there's emotional connection, I beseech other two or three more times. If not, they stop. If there's an emotional connection in the, like the person.

Then you hang out with one another for a while and then if it's like wow this might be something serious then you hang with their friends and your friends gets real serious than you go home and meet mom and dad are family and then how many times have had people knock him up skews me yeah you know we've kind of done this.

They don't say it like this, but I just know what they done and we, there's something in us that says we want to make this permit. You think you could marry us, what, why, why, if living together is okay. Why is it after Pierpont people feel like we we want to make this the something spiritual about a relationship between a man and a woman, and even the most secular people in the world understand that and so the question is which model consciously or unconsciously, are you following at the bottom. I put Romans 12 to because this is where the rubber meets the road. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, Hollywood's model, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind positive good good things into your mind and your thinking then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is good, pleasing and acceptable. I I know it is a tremendous challenge. I know there's probably way more pain than I could ever dream and a lot more health than I probably know about but I will tell you there's no such thing as falling out of love. There is growing apart. When you don't deal with the big issues in your heart and your life and you don't spend the, time together. Your physical relationship can't sustain the depth of your relationship. It's gotta be all of the above God's wisdom is simply if you those of you with engineering background engineers design things they design computers, cars, artillery, and there's a way that the an engineer once they design them that they operate. God's wisdom is nothing more nothing less then understanding that that comes from the creator God and he has designed a way for life to work and he once your best, and so he outlined this is how marriage works. This is how parenting works. This is how money works. This is how conflict resolution works. This is how getting a hold of your speech works in one of things. If you've done nothing else and especially for guys because it's a practical unit read to the book of Proverbs with the with the green pen and anytime anything it says about money underlined into six well so this is the wisdom about money or go through it and underline anytime. Talk about relationships or sex in your what I mean. It's all through or resolving conflict, and what you'll see is she to be successful, but the world that you live in is categorically designed to destroy your relationship with God you relationship yourself, your relationship with your mate relationship with other people at all revolves around me first brings about destruction and you just too valuable to love this application. This message shows number two temptation from a series keeping love alive. Volume 3.

It's been said that marriage is like a jury wall.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. There seem to be particular struggles that affect every couple in the series. Keeping love alive. Volume 3 chip addresses the four challenges every great marriage is in common. It exposes how busyness, temptation, kids and stagnation can ruin relationships discover from God's word. How you and your mate can handle these trials together and become a stronger couple more effective parents and create a happier home now. If you missed any part of the series keeping love alive.

Volume 3, or want to learn more about our helpful resources that you can remap is a great way to get plugged in.

I'll be back with some application to today's teaching, but if you're listening to this program and you or someone you know is being blessed to mean God is using it in your life. I like to ask you to really pray about partnering with Living on the Edge your financial investment allows us to equip Christians here in United States. All across the world to really live like Christians because your donations. We create materials we get God's word to leaders and we take the Bible to the people in ways that help them grow and transform their families and communities. So here's my request.

Would you help us reach the hurting people in the US and around the world. Help us to be a catalyst for change so that Christians everywhere can live more like Christians. It makes a huge difference.

And thanks in advance for whatever God leads you to do. Thanks, Chip will as you prayerfully consider your role with this ministry I would remind you that every gift is significant when you partner with Living on the Edge you multiply our efforts and resources in ways that only God can do to send a gift call us at AAA 333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org that's AAA 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org Apple's doorstep donate now with some final thoughts here.

Strip as we wrap up today's message I been talking about Hollywood's formula for a successful marriage which most of us have bought into. And yes, we all have some euphoric feelings now and then but the grind of a real life with kids and were given the challenges that go with a marriage that's deep, it's not all about the emotions and the feelings and so there's a there's a model that God lays out for us and there's one that the world lays out for us in their diametrically opposed, and if you do nothing else here is your application, I wrote a book out of my journey with Teresa and it's called marriage that works in after studying the Bible for a lot of years needing to go to counseling. Counseling hundreds of couples over decades. I wanted to put something in people's hands that were just techniques or psychology. But what does the Bible say a man is to be and to do another words what your role and responsibility. What is a woman to be and to do what's her role and responsibility. And then I took all the tools that we learned and share some of the stories with regard to marriage and parenting in a really practical way, and if that would be helpful for you. Dave will let you know how to get it and the other thing is he'll talk about a small group series that we put together that you realize that you need to put some focus on your marriage. I can think of few that will help you more than experiencing God's dream for your marriage.

We love you we want you to experience God's best. And when your marriage reflects the kind of marriage.

God once. I'm telling you it's a tremendous testimony to your unbelieving friends think strip will find the resources Chip just mentioned, go to special offers@livingontheedge.org or on the dripping remap there you'll see the small group materials for experiencing God's dream for your marriage and ship spoke marriage that works both of these resources will make a significant difference in your relationship with your newlywed tour of been married for years, so go down to special offers in order. The small group series or the book and get ready to enjoy your relationship the way God intended. Until next time.

The sustained-release saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge