Keeping Love Alive - Volume 3 - Challenge #1 - Busyness, Part 1

Pay for those of you that are married. Here's a question. How do you keep love alive starting a brand-new series I'm going to talk about more challenges. Great marriages have in common. You don't want to miss.

Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Living on the Edges of the national discipleship industry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. This trip just said in this program were kicking off a new series that will address four major hurdles facing every relationship and how couples can tackle them together is called keeping love alive. Volume 3.

After each message strip will join us.

What he's learned after 40+ years of marriage, so be sure to stick around for that okay with all that said, let's torture fallacy kicks off our series I'm going to talk about four challenges in our time together that all couples have an and the first one is the challenge of busyness.

I mean you just when life gets going fast when there's case you don't have time to really talk when you get going really fast.

You don't parent the way that you you know you want to parent I when you cross each other in schedules and an overtime. Busy busy busy. I heard recently a a Ted talk and it was by ER Dr. and she said you know we all use this phrase we are sweetest crazy busy right now we just crazy busy right now. Hey, you know you meet someone and let's get together sometime soon right but will housing on what were just we just crazy busy right now is ER doctor said when I get done speaking, you'll never have to say those two words together ever again and she talked about that when people come into the ER.

It will immediately there either read yellow or green and red is there going to die unless we intervene right now. Yellow is yellow critical condition needs care but not in front of those who are red and green is this is a real problem, but they'll live why we get both red and yellow take care of and she said what your brain actually works in a way and I can work in the ER and I've done it many years.

And what I've learned is when it's read.

I allow the adrenaline to kick in and I operate in such a way when it's yellow I can bring it down and not live with the same crazy intensity and then when it's green. I understand that I can do this at a pace and she said many, many people were crazy busy, because everything in their life is a code red.

Every they bring the same energy and adrenaline and urgency and craziness and cramming things together as though everything had the same level of stress and actually it does when you look at it that way and it happens inside your brain, and adrenaline all the things shoots through your body and all the byproducts of the downside of being crazy busy and Serena talk about how not to be crazy busy in your notes.

These are six symptoms of misplaced priorities.

Are you ready I'll go to them rather quickly and rather than overly analyze them. I like you, in your mind. Not like while two and four really apply to my mate maybe think about you. These are the symptoms of misplaced priorities number one, it's all just use the word busy called activity trap people who are close to her saying you really need to slow down. You're always in a hurry when you walk to the grocery store the bank your concert looking for what is the shortest line when you're in your car you're driving mostly in the left lane and sick and tired of the person won't get over and allow us to get through your trying to analyze. If you don't have one of those little things on the dashboard of your car how far over the speed limit. Can I go without actually getting a ticket you rush you find yourself eating fast driving fast thinking fast apart from areas where other people will see inside your dresser drawer is a master closet is disorganized and your desk is amassed as well because you're constantly going here, here, you're there if it's not a message because what you do before you leave you stack everything together in a very un-organized order, but it looks good on the outside and I mean you are just you just busy moving fast all the time.

If you have children. The worst symptom is when one of them is grabbing your leg as you're walking out the door and looking up at you like can I really have some time, as you say yes real soon. As soon as this is over. As soon as soon as you know I get back as soon as things calm down. Busy busy busy. You feel held hostage. You feel like there's honestly not enough time and you actually have believed alive that there's just not enough time instead of misplaced priorities, Dawson Trotman, the founder, the navigator said emotion is no substitute for action. Action is no substitute for productivity and productivity is no substitute for reproduction or real accomplishment. The second is emotional stress and pressure you feel uptight might have typing in your chest, trouble sleeping, uneasy feelings, restlessness can't get your mind to stop indecisive decisions are on the line and you can't quite make up your mind. You feel like there's way too much to do. There's too many balls in the air that you're trying to juggle and is not the hours of the work.

It's the stress and anxiety when you're honest, of wondering whether the important things are really getting done and you feel the tension and you know there's really important things in your moving and you feel it inside and it's eating at your sole but happens long enough. Some people burn out. That happens long enough. Some people break down and depending on your personality time. Sometimes you blow up causes marital tension, outbursts of anger or if you stuff that you find yourself after while getting really depressed, busyness, emotional stress and pressure low grade nagging guilt you feel bad about yourself. It's a different kind of restlessness you do. I'm not fulfilled lot of things you know that are really important that you actually telling other people how important they are and that they ought to do them. But if the truth is known. You're not even doing them yourself. Relationships are more and more superficial little time for celebration. Daily pressures push aside the need to envision and plan and pause, you have it feeling down inside like I know this is the kind of man to become a woman. The kind of Christian, the kind of mom, the kind of dad I'm supposed to be and I'm juggling in a moving and I'm juggling I have this low grade nagging guilt that tells me that I'm a hypocrite and I will tell you one thing about life. Everyone hates hypocrites. But what's really painful is when you look in the mirror and realize that person you're looking at issue and so you fake it and you skim and you juggle and you pose in your find yourself projecting that things are better and find yourself in moments that aren't really good inside. And then someone you know yeah yeah good to see you again in these these things build and some of them have some really deep causes 1/4 symptom that your priorities are misplaced as financial debt, financial problems, money is tight, used to give the first portion to the Lord and you look at your finances right now and think and I would love to. I don't see any way affect the matter is, is that debt gets higher and higher in and see when you have busyness in emotional stress and low-grade guilt. What you do is lot of us, at least, is it really feels better short term to go buy something or to go out the door to buy toy or to pay for a vacation because you really need to get refreshed with money that you don't have and then about 30 days later when the credit card comes and they tell you. Crazy things like what you only need to pay a minimum of $16.44 on the $499 that you discharged except that you do that you keep pushing that cannulas your pain, 23, 25% interest in your getting robbed and in the hole gets deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper in the cars on time and the TVs on time and this is on time and this is on time and the credit cards, and the mortgage issues, and pretty soon you start rounding over half of all marriages fail fail because of financial pressure and the issue has nothing to do with finances. The next one is I just call it prayerless in this its leakage in your devotional life.

When you get going really really fast is not like you don't pray. But instead of you know, you know those times when you're walking closely with God and you find yourself are you built-in times and you realize you have nothing to bring to anyone unless you are with him and you need to sit down and you make time and maybe it's not you know as long as you would like, but is not rushed in your in his word and you close your eyes and and you think about it and you really praying you process and he brings things to your mind and will all I'm sorry father, thank you so much and when you think about what's coming up in those issues that do bring anxiety and and then you being one by one, cast them to the Lord and and I don't know how it's gonna work out with schooling and this is going to happen with the finances and and there's a sense that you're walking with God and win prayerless. This kicks in her there's leakage.

Pretty soon when you praise like in the car when you can turn off the radio and you pray on the run or you meet with someone else and and you pray with them but but what you realize again is like you start to skim and then there's this just this weird feeling like someone moved but God feels distant. Know what I mean you click you close your eyes you ready to pray and it's like me, I know they put the promises say that he just and then it creates low grade nagging guilt and then the low grade nagging guilt because you took took to buy stuff that you really don't need it and then that causes more emotion and anxiety. And as your have more anxiety.

I don't know what it is about where the maybe the only species that we think went when we don't know what to do will do what you don't know faster, right.

I remember sitting on a plane and feeling so overwhelmed and a mixture of all these things and and I and I opened up my my phone and and unlike some people who want to get it down to zero. I just sort of, and a bunch with a bunch of junk in the unsubscribe and it seemed like somehow they resubscribe, you somehow I never remember sitting on a plane doing this delete delete delete delete.

I looked down I deleted 166 of these things and I had this little for I accomplished something and I thought it is that sick or what to think that deleting a email that is meaningless but I just wanted to do some kind of activity that made me feel like I was actually accomplishing something. When I felt paralyzed and anxious and struggling, and what I really needed was to clear all the decks and draw near to God, have them draw near to me and get refreshed in my soul, the final one is of I've alluded to, may be, in a sense, but it's escapism behavior. It's the quick fix. It can be the vocation or the vacation but but often it's binging on a Netflix slogging on the porn it's going to the refrigerator needing food that you're not hungry for. But you just feel better for little while to about three weeks so that in your clothes don't fit the new don't feel good about yourself and you buy some stuff you don't need that you buy me another size and these are just symptoms and then what we tell ourselves, and this is the lie.

This is from someone who loves a class a workaholic and that that group that grew out of some of my father issues my dad loved me and he did know how to put his arm around me. I didn't hear him say those words. I love you until probably he was maybe in his 50s, not because he didn't, but an Marine. He was a great athlete and that he was a schoolteacher math and science so other than needing to go 44 up to bat, scoring a lot of points getting a basketball scholarship in getting almost dry days all the time and when you did that it wasn't enough to then you get a degree and then at the graduation instead of great job.

It's not bad.

So you when you get your masters when you got your masters.

That's pretty good morning and it didn't matter you go three for 400 have told you it's it's an inside curveball when you open your hips and step here, you'll always get a ground out of the shortstop is drafted by the St. Louis Browns amazing athlete and I can just tell you this, he love me love me love me but it did not matter what I did. It wasn't quite enough and I've lived a big portion of my life learning my heavenly father is not like that in my adult boys would tell you, dad. You recovered a lot and you made a lot of progress, but whatever he was passing him to you. You gave us a pretty good does that yourself. So what I want is what I want you to know, those are just symptoms.

They're not the root problem in the lie that those of us that live like this more than we want to admit and and body weight for what ever level right now that you're saying yeah and others are little bit more like I got a little bit of this, you're in denial and and and what we say is this is only temporary.

As soon as we get into the house as soon as we get relocated as soon as the kids start school as soon as we can sort of balance our finances. In other words, it's when Van when then I just want you to know then never comes. It's a way to stay in denial and keep your life always focused around symptoms and what I want to talk to about is how to get a hold of your life as you break out of dizziness when you get your priorities clear and get them God honoring receive God's grace makes him very hard decisions. Learn to say no to some things develop some new habits and we heard about the fruit of the Holy Spirit latte the one that everyone misses the very last one is self-control.

Self-discipline and I'm not talking about a God who everything has to be in cookie-cutter order, but I'm telling you about a God who is a God of order and so let me shift gears and open your notes and let's get to the solution side, you might wonder, then, so what are the biblical priorities what are they actually look like. I like to say that the turn to first priorities chapter 7 verse three and I will line this out for you, but there is no book of priorities. But Paul wrote to twin epistles while he was in prison in the first half of Ephesians 1, two and three is doctored or what's true about us. The first half of Colossians chapter 1, and to his doctor and what's true about if it was true about God in the beginning the second half of both books. He talks about therefore Walker live in a manner that's aligned with God's will and God's wisdom and and I put it in your notes and so you know my can go through these, but I mean just look each one of them.

Start with your relationship to God and your relationship with your mate and your relationship with your family relationship with your work relationship with your ministry. Now here's three years how I used to think about this and it never worked. I thought that means every day, seven days a week, 365 then the order of what I do is it's gotta be God first. I guess I meet with my wife and I meet with my kids in the bullet is second 11 kids and I see you. Oh wait a second. We got I'm gonna be overseas priorities don't work there lined out in terms of what's most important.

Can I give you a picture that's different of priorities that I think will really help you have any of you ever seen one of those may be like at a wedding or a super fancy hotel, a chocolate fountain okay so so you know there's this it they shoot the chocolate up and and it's here right and it's in a little circle and then has like little a little V and it goes to another ring right and then has another ring then has another ring and so it's like these I will date needed for like really old people before icemakers. They used to have ice trays and you would fill the ice trays and in between all the little dignity dues. I don't know what you call those things, but there would be a little V so that as you pour the water in it would go from this one did this when did this when did this one and then no matter what you did you spell that when you put it in but but but you get the idea okay when this we got filled it would fill the next one when he got bill to field an excellent am I going to vastly you got this okay.

I want you to think of your priorities as a chocolate fountain and at the top cylinder in and remember what Jesus said to the woman at the well. He said if you knew the gift of God that I have and they talked about my my life is like living water is like it's an overflowing fountain and what it is, is the spirit of God in your new life. What he wants to do is have you abide in Christ talking with him being in his word the company of God's people. So the first priority is being filled with God abiding in him. Now depending on where you're at in your life, what happened that day. What what do you need I mean you don't feed a baby the same thing as a note 335 pound lineman right so we all had a little bit different diet.

But what of God's word what time what prayer and then what happens is now when that's full. Guess what now you have something to give to your mate to your commanded to love your mate if your man the way Christ loved the church was at me die for her. Let's not hyperbole. I mean, you need to physically die for your wife die for her but actually is much harder to live for her to put her needs first love is giving another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost. That's the cross and I am to serve my wife in that way I can do that. It's impossible. So I need filled up with the grace of God and the power of God so that I'm I'm having this kind of relationship with my wife as we connect and love one another, and we build intimacy that builds tremendous security in these kids but she's more important than them.

And she's more important than my job, and as we connect then that overflows into the life of our kids anesthetic. You get the idea.

So the real issue in your priorities is to be different. Different days I mean there's time where I might be traveling overseas and teaching in China or the Middle East or something I'm not there but not as a general rule, what am I doing in my life so that I'm full of God, so I have the wisdom and the discernment to know on each and every day and I have to structure in right I get a structure in time and energy and connection and relationship with those things in my life and that's how it works is not a matter necessarily of doing one before the other is viewed as giving my first and best attention to the most important to be filled to be connected and to overflow so that the fullness of the relationship spills over into the next Dwight Eisenhower, general Dwight Eisenhower said the urgent is really important and the important is really urgent. I mean there's all kind of pressure and tension. But, you know, a four-year-old doesn't say hey dad, you keep me in the kind that you are right now. I'll be a rebellious teenager. I think we need some time. A wounded wife or a wounded husband who begins to withdraw. Got your feelings hurt sees patterns don't feel heard. Don't feel like were connecting never have enough time.

We talked about some issues there's never followed through. We never really sit down and really talk or not talk about praying together and yeah yeah work. Could we do a book together were you. We talked about you know just be free for the last time that we needed to get snap external helper we would actually start going to church and do together and just as important, but it urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent, urgent what we can ask ourselves is what really matters, and how do I get a hold of my life so I can invest my life and what really matters in some going to give you two words to tools to start focusing on the important this this will literally be sort of like to get you started, but two words that hold the keys to enjoying the peace and the PowerBook prioritize life that's really what right priorities to and by the way do they flex. Of course there's no rigidity, there's not legalism. Here's a prioritize life is give me your phone. Give me your calendar.

Give me your checkbook and if I could I would hook something up so I could see what you're dreaming about when you daydream, and I could look on your phone in your calendar and where your meetings are and I could tell you then. I mean, a millimeter accuracy gentry of where your life absence is as a man or woman things this application and just listening to the first part of this message challenge number one busyness series keeping the love alive. Volume 3. If you were able to press pause on life. Take a step back and really evaluate your marriage. How does it look is it just a little out of sync, or there are a few areas that need some work or is your relationship on the verge of completely falling apart through his newest volume of keeping the love alive ship reveals a humbling truth. Every marriage has its challenges, even the ones that look perfect. So how can you get your relationship where it needs to be will join Chip as he shares profound biblical truths that will help you in your mate tackle these worlds together and build a stronger, Christ centered marriage. For more information about keeping love alive. Volume 3, or are series resources go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org Apple stores tap special offers are primarily eager for our listeners to hear this latest installment in your keeping love alive series and is we've been saying this time around you're focusing on the challenges every marriage faces so if you would share with us a brief overview of what you'll be talking about. Yeah, I'll be glad to Dave and it's interesting of these four challenges people at first blush may think. Oh really. I hadn't really thought about and I think we often think of the big major challenges that happen our life.

I think there's some that are far more subtle that, like termites, they eat away at the foundation of our marriage and the end.

There's so subtle and there's so normal that we don't realize that they will destroy your marriage. Over time, they destroy intimacy over time. The first one is gonna be as you heard it's busyness me. We get so busy and if you're not careful you don't get this priorities right. One of the first things you'll see damaged is your marriage. The second one. It is temptation and there's a there's a world were were bombarded by thoughts and values that very sadly begin to tell us that what we have in our married life isn't where all the excitement is aware good be the third one is that is a good thing but it provides challenges children. There are times when their new there's times when they're in diapers are times when they're in preteens and working through things.

There's times when they're teenagers and there's times when they're young adults. Each one of those times create a level of crisis intermarriage and a level of focus that if you don't understand what's going on, it can really pull you apart and in the final one is I just call it that the silent assassin of a good marriage it stagnation just over time economy gets old, it loses the spark joy in the passion that makes you excited about the one that you're married to. So, every great marriage will face the challenges and I'm just so excited to get to share with people. God has a plan to overcome. Thanks Chip well I hope you will be with us for this entire series. But if you happen to miss any of these programs.

The chipping remap is a great way to catch up any time as we wrap up today's program.

If you're feeling like oh my, do I have some issues if those are six symptoms of a life where priorities are out of balance.

Although I might be in trouble. Let me just tell you this. The first step to real change is an honest appraisal mean really being honest with yourself and honest with God. So what I want to do is just walk through these six symptoms of misplaced priorities where busyness is overtaken your life. I want you to ask yourself honestly.

Which one of these are true of me number one. The activity trap. I mean you're going going going going right life in the car. Quick meals, busy, busy, busy emotional stress you're feeling anxiety and pressure and lack of peace. Third low grade nagging guilt. Not that something big. You did was wrong, but just likes not quite right number for financial debt, you need just find yourself compensating and looking those credit card bills and sink man.

How did this happen. Number five is prayerless in this leaky Junior devotional life. You know you're praying in the car. In those set aside times with God that are intentional and deep are are fewer and far between, and then finally come.

Just escapism. Behavior can know.

Hey, let's go on vacation or hey, let's go do this right. Let's go out to eat or let's go shopping or whatever. Let me just ask you, are those a growing reality in your life than the second thing I want you to do is to ask God to help you to help you be really honest with yourself and to say, Lord, if I need to realign my priorities.

Boy it's going to take some energy and grace and I need your help. I want to invite you to join me for next broadcast where I'm going to give you two specific ways from Scripture to get a handle on your priorities and get on the path where as you seek first God's kingdom. He's going to take care of the rest. As we wrap up this program just a quick but important thought Living on the Edge depends on listeners just like you to help us continue to encourage Christians to live like Christians. So, would you consider partnering with us on a monthly basis so others can benefit from the ministry of Living on the Edge to set up a recurring donation, call us at AAA 333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org Apple stairstep donate. Thanks in advance for doing whatever God leads you to do will join us next time November 16 through saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge