Real Love in Real Life - Why We Fight with Those We Love, Part 2

Let me ask you the person that you are you with the most is a close friend, parent and child the boss. The supervisor made your spouse will no matter who it is. If you're tired of the constant conflict and growing frustration and want to discover how to resolve those, conflicts stay with. Thanks for listening to this edition of living only with your favorite Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry during the daily Bible teaching this program. She wraps up a series real love in real life by finishing his message why we fight with those we love. A strained or broken relationship or know someone who is sure how to resolve any conflict in restoring relationship. A quick reminder before we get started.

If you missed any part of this series catch up anytime of LivingontheEdge.org, or by listening on the chip increment. Now here's chip with the second half of his talk from James chapter 4, let's go back and play out what the lie is.

He says we believe the lie lie basically is hedonism and hedonism is a worldview that promises that I will be fulfilled by pleasure how I feel is the value of what's right and what's wrong. I know I married I known supposed to do this but I don't feel love anymore.

Therefore, I know it's wrong and I know God says only for pure things in my mind, but when I log onto the Internet and I see all those naked pictures.

It makes me feel alive. I know we don't have the money.

I know I shouldn't spend it.

But when I go through and I by 1234 more pairs of shoes and two more dresses. I come home I get a little Russian I feel alive and good again until the MasterCard bill comes in.

We have yet another fight in her home with my husband see the lie is fulfilling your sensual pleasure will deliver significance security joy and fulfillment. That's hedonism and we have three prominent passive passions and hedonism number one is the desire to have possessions.

Number two is the desire to feel pleasure and number three is the desire to be power, possessions, pleasure and power.

And that's why all the marriage experts say. What do couples argue about money, sex, kids and in-laws that did I miss anybody here and if you think through those four things. What you find is in your heart you have selfish gratification about how we should spend our money and and you know she thinks need to remodel the kitchen and those new Ping golf clubs are not that much or you can join the country club or get a new motor for the boat you she thinks he thinks she thinks he thinks kids think and it plays out. We buy the lie that sensual pleasure will meet my inner longs for fulfillment and that lie leads us to betray the trust. We become spiritual.

Adulteresses, I came across an interesting article by a scholar who does most of us read research in the background of books of the New Testament.

I'm in Jeremiah and just finished Isaiah and and God over and over and over as his people go and worship idols he calls them what adulterers he says he's to be there. True love and are going out under trees and worshiping Bayeux or in some instances, there was a big fire and a God with his arms out and they would go to huge fire in a litter take the children and toss it up into the fire to appease the God of bail and he talks about under every tree. My people are worshiping idols that they've made with their own hands and this scholar writes this he goes on to say this form of expression may offend the modern years, but the picture of Israel as the bride of God and God is the husband of Israel has something very precious and it it means that to disobey God is like breaking a marriage vow it means that all sin is a sin against love, it means that our relationship to God is not like the distant relationship of the king and subject her master, and a slave but like the intimate relationship between a husband and wife. It means that when we sin, we break God's heart and is the heart of one partner in marriage may be broken by the desertion of another.

So when we sin, we become spiritual adulterers and breaker valve with God, and that's what James is saying. I don't know anything that is happening in our day that breaks God's heart more than a church that is fallen in love with the world and we are living in this day I don't cry over a whole lot of stuff that I cry over this.

I I I am so so deeply disturbed and this is the reason why the divorce rate among Christians is the same or worse than the divorce may rate among unbelievers AC wheat with wheat we bought the same line. We watch the same shows we put the same garbage into our mind and were expecting different results. And then we refashion the Jesus message to make him our our cosmic vending machine were what we want him to do is is deliver the great marriage and the wonderful families in the gated community and upward mobility, and our kids turn out right to marry people even smarter than them, but have more letters behind their name than we had to make more money than we do and we all come together and Thanksgiving and sing. Come by on love Jesus and at the heart in the center. We have bought a lie that says you know what I could have personal power and I've got a have money and I've got have pleasure and if you look at the broad scope of evangelical born-again believers in the United States. About 2.5% of all the believers in America even ties 10 X 10% 2.5%. Not even proportional giving you walk into the living rooms of of most Christians in America if you put on little recorder and you recorded everything they want from 6 o'clock until 12 o'clock at night and then you played it back and then you did that with every unbelieving household you and see Nichols were the difference. We have a generation of believers that have become hooked on sensual pornography, soaps, romance novels, we have a church that has embraced the world to such a degree. I don't think were in the salt and light business anymore were impacting the world culture. I think it appears that were in the kind of trying to hold off a bit of the darkness and it transforming the church and I don't mean that I'm a pastor may not. I love my fellow pastors and there are wonderful glowing exceptions, of which I hope every person in this room is in your church is a radically different but this problem is new I mean this is in the first century the first century church was struggling with falling in love with the world. But when they fell in love with the world. They didn't blink and say well you know every other Christians doing it must not be that bad. You how we develop our convictions. We develop market conviction by finding someone who's doing a little worse than us, and safe. Well they're doing this.

At least I'm doing this and then we find someone that down deep in her heart doesn't feel quite right. And since we have a generation of people that don't know the Bible anymore. Don't read it very often and don't study it hardly at all. You don't have a standard and so pretty soon you find someone you admires it will lately that I was that it was wrong to think you I guess it's okay and pretty soon we got sheet following sheet and see I didn't grow up as Christians we need to hear what those unbelievers out there think I do grow up as a Christian you guys like that may grow up thinking when you tell me this Jesus stuff is not working for you. I'm sorry this is what I thought we tell about this love stuff that your mayors that hold together you guys scream at each other, your daughter sleeping around like anybody else made you your your headlong in the materialism. So what what you what you talking to me about this difference.

Jesus makes in your life and is not doom and gloom, but I would suggest that maybe some of our most difficult problems that were facing individually and in the church today is that we believe the lie.

We believe betrayed the trust and that we are we are like a wayward wife to her husband, who is the bridegroom Jesus and so we have become an enemy when we buy that lie in and notice what it says he yearns jealously for the spirit he made, but he gives more grace will how does he give more grace EE it says here we make ourselves an enemy. So he gives more grace to get more grace he's opposed to the proud what what what did he say the beginning was the core of interpersonal problems, pride, selfishness, what Scott opposed to it means he's against dozen.

He tolerated it doesn't mean that he winks that it doesn't mean that while you and I'm not really happy with this. I wish you could come to clean up it means he's against it when he's against it. That means he brings consequences not because is down on you because he loves you when you mismanage your money. You mismanage your time you mismanage your priorities when you put stuff in your mind that will pollute your mind when you think that vicarious gratification by reading this you know, romance novels or checking on the pornography is going to meet the deepest needs God out of his crate.

Love is going to go okay seat was seamless will work on their health.

See if they can know that and okay we can shut down the prison will have one of their kids go through the cancer committee. He'll do whatever it takes people because he loves you and working to be a pure bride to be a pure bride one way or another. Because his reputation is at stake his reputation. This is not about you and your life and what people it is about his reputation. Jesus said they will know that the father sent me because what how you love one another. This is how my father is explained or exalted. The word is glorified when you bear much fruit. What's fruit what's fruit. Love Joy peace patients, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control is being like Christ bear much fruit. It's not only exhibiting from the inside out, the very character in the nature of Christ. But it's also very much fruit in terms of fulfilling God's agenda reaching out to others. Lost people come to Christ through your life, found people growing to maturity through your life. Mature people reproducing their life, developing leaders life.

That's the agenda. The agenda is not how can I be happy. How can I be fulfilled. I don't care what Maslow says it's not about self. It's about Christ. Actualization is about abiding in Christ and you know what were all smart enough, you know, here's the thing about us believers know it's like on one humor like real smart on the others. Like I look at us and think are we that dumb. Who is the group of people that have most successfully fulfilled the world's agenda right. All you have to do. It's easy this is not a trick question. Go to the grocery store and start at the magazine racks just look magazine racks, sports entertainment over here over here over here over here.

Okay here's all the places all the people all the names who have zillions of dollars, play on these teams had multiple surgeries are pretty pretty pretty and are married, divorced, married, divorced, married, divorced, living with not happy. The people that have the greatest looks the greatest money fulfill the world system help me are they not the most miserable of all the other people on the earth.

And so what we do we have the Lord's which I be like them. So what we do see this in theoretical and the seduction of the world is not something that you get hit in the face and the one worldly friend of the world Christian. I maybe maybe some of these difficult areas of my life really have to do with you, I'm God's enemy, and I never thought about that in know it it's it's like you. It's so seductive it's like when you got to the beach in your plan and you know when you're a kid and you look back on the beach and your parents were right there in your plan.

You know in the water and camera and pretty soon you look up and then my parents are gone where they go they go anywhere you were here, and as occurrence went. You can be a mile away and you never know. I don't think the average born-again genuine believer in Jesus Christ in America is waking up everyone days and you know and I know I really love God, but I think I'm going to embrace the world. I think I'm going to try and live just like they are because I want all the negative consequences and want to be a terrible witness and you know my marriage and who wants the last 18 or 10 years. Anyway, the conflict with kids and alimony is really kind of fun and you all the sexual addictions and food addiction bulimia. I mean, you know, I mean it. These counselors need money, so what.

No one does that, but that's where were landing people. So what's the solution he gives us the solution where he gives us a prescription arena get the prescription versus seven through 10. It is a very direct God's prescription is humble yourself and God will heal your relationships. Humble yourself and God will heal your relationship right this two words. Humble yourself and God will restore I'm going to read this passage and and there are seven actually 10 staccato verbs that are commands and by staccato me to thank thank thank thank thank thank easy to give a 7 to 10 specific things that we need to do that will be a picture of how to humble yourself, you can circle the words but number 1 Submit Cir. yourselves therefore to God to resist the devil and he will flee from you. Three. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you for cleanse your hands, you sinners, and five purify your hearts, you men of double mind. Six be wretched and mourn seven. We ate, let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to dejection circle laughter. 10 humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you submit resist draw near clans purify the miserable Moran, we let your laughter be turned or literally have your laughter turned around.

This isn't just don't laugh. This is the haughty kind of laughter where people are rejoicing and reveling in sin. That's the picture of this work, and as you study those things. What you see is it is developed in four clear steps toward humility or to defuse conflict. Number one. Give in to God right that in the line above there, submit yourselves therefore to God. The word submit here is in a tense of the verb that has a sense of urgency. It's a compound word hoopoe to be under and tacitly under the rank. It's like falling into line or rank in the military is to take God as your commander as your captive. It's a picture of a group of military people all walking like this and you are out of step.

What he's saying is you're out of step with the Spirit. Will Heidi get in step with the spirit very very clearly. It is obey the known will of God revealed in Scripture give in to God voluntarily from the heart. That's the idea, you might write just one word. After that, given to God put an arrow and write the word surrender and put a box and rounded. It's really what it is, surrender, submit your will submit your future. Submit your relationship submit your agenda. Submit your desires and you say, God, here's what I'm gonna do.

I have unconsciously, I didn't mean to.

I didn't realize that you brought me to this place at this time to help reveal what the lightbulbs are going off in my mind.

My spirit is so convicted I want to know right now I surrender. I submit to you. I want you to know that as I begin to think about your word and I know it's going to be a journey but I'm going to submit my finances to you. I'm gives my schedule to you and gives my relationships, my job, my ministry, I submit to you. You are the general you're the commanding officer. You're the king you're the CEO and I'm coming for orders you tell me what to do. That's what I want to do.

That's the first step in humbling yourself so bang what you know. The second step is get tough with Satan. Notice the word resist the devil and hell flee from you resist has the prefix anti-it means to be against him and to take a stand is to take a stand against the enemy.

There is no middle ground you can't play with him in the word devil any who is this piece the slander the liar and the deceiver.

He's the seducer has anyone seen a Forbes where you can go through Forbes magazine and not somehow feel like man if I was really really rich, heavy, really, really powerful to be really really important. You know it's different strokes for different folks. Celeste of the flesh. For some for others is that magazine you look at Zelda's beautiful houses and all that beautiful furniture and all this or that dream vacation you to Scotland. Do this in good Visco Visco this and always go from one thing to another. It is behind that who's selling you the bill of goods. If you had if you could if you possessed if you look like that if you just had enough money to have some of the surgeries like I have on TV and you can walk down the staircase and all your physical is that that's a woman or a man who they shaved off 35 pounds with surgery. Another 20 pounds of exercise and they have poked a jab pushed I will go any farther.

That made up died.

Broken jaw is putting new teeth rearrange noses and under special lighting for one moment, who and here's my theory.

Visit that woman or that man at three years and a look exactly like they did three years before. Resist the devil and hell flee from you. Get tough with Satan put an arrow and write the word fight and put a box around you fight you to fight. Ephesians 6 tells us how to put on the full armor of God, look at this a promise. If you resist hell flee, but you got angry with you say I want to be that I don't think that you cite no more Internet for me to watch that stuff you have to cut off the supply lines you can fight you say there's a world system is purposely seeking to reduce me and you got either put the guard in the armor and you cut you save yourself you know what, I can't let that in our home.

I got a good friend that had a pornography problem. He just doesn't have the Internet is doesn't have it is a less drastic yet it's drastic it is, saving his marriage saving his life walk with God changes life. He just has to know he's weak. Where are you weak where you weak in the area of media. I would dare you to do something you probably will do this but on their unit like double – I dare you to go on a media fast for 10 days. No TV, not even news appendix 1st two days you want to kill each other. Could you be so irritable and anything you recognize. We actually spent hours that we did know in front of this thing, then pretty soon you'll start getting creative and you have all kind of time to start doing something Joyce wanted to do, but they number six through eight you start actually have some fun. They number nine. You won't miss very much they number 10 or 11, you realize okay and you start watching something you watch a commercial's gross because what will happen is you won't be dumb down your spiritual sensitivities will come back alive in your life and there's a hook in that commercial. Did you notice how the camera panned and went to that guy's body. Part of that woman's body parts, the juicy and all of a sudden all the subliminal messages your spirit pick him up in your fight and is a man I am not buying that stuff but hey what you the passive. I want to try harder be a better person someday someone will not make it. Third, he says draw near to God and he'll draw near to you right in there get close to God. Get close to God and then draw an arrow and and and and and in the box right return return to God what he wants. You know he loves you. Peace for you he cares about you. Anything you think the world and power or sex or pleasure or boat or better golf score or what plastic surgery could ever provide. Jesus says it's all a lie. It's all temporary. I love you just for you.

I have enjoyed that circumstances can't change.

I want to give you something in your heart that's called peace.pseudo-peace out you have a sit in a room where you don't have to turn on the TV or the stereo or run over the refrigerator. Every time you have a little bit unrest in your soul, to give you joy that even when bad news happens it wells up in you. I want to love you want to care for you.

I wanted to tie you into me and let you understand where real life comes abundant life to the full. Isn't that what he promised, I came he might have life and you could have it to the Mac's. This isn't like getting second right stuff.

This is like seeing the junk for what it is and then you negatively got a fight but then you draw near to God. You return. And what's the promise say he'll draw near to you in that awesome this is a picture of the product on the father. You know he didn't run after the prodigal ditty he allowed the consequences to get in the prodigal's life. By the time the kid is eating the pig slop. He finally has a moment is a good the slaves have a better but the moment he returned the word right and begin to come back to the father with the father do study that passage carefully. He does a number of things a bright culture.

He runs to me that means he had to pick up his robe. That means he embarrassed himself in the city.

He ran to meet his son.

God wants to run to meet some of you and some of you are so overwhelmed with guilt, and so got so much baggage and so much junk and feel like you're so unworthy and you been through so much. He's a God of grace. If you've fallen into a 15 foot hole he he he will lower a 16 foot rope and if you fall into a 300 foot hole in you because I had two abortions of that for marriages I'm a perpetual liar and stealing from the company. Right now my whole life is a mask time 300 feet like a terrible person. God said I brought you here because I have a 301 foot rope just just grab it babe I love you I love you, I died for you. Have a plan for you. I want to restore you will. How do you draw near to God is not just an emotional experience. How do you draw near to God will since many of you are on that media fast because I double – urgent. Some of you can't resist that with all this time you don't, you'll find just start reading to the New Testament to start taking walks instead of watching TV and talk to God when you're hurt telling your hurt when you're angry just expressing time you're angry that the things in the needs that you don't have to asking for getting the Scriptures begin to pray and then you know what every New Testament plan I can find is in the second person plural. There might be an exception to that means I'm never expected to live this radical New Testament revolutionary life along with people and you get in the Scriptures, and you begin to pray and you get with some people that are making progress with the Lord, and you find some music and a Bible teaching church teaches the word and lives authentic lives and you know what you draw near to God, he will draw near to you and all the things you thought that were going to deliver through your hedonism that you're being brainwashed like I'm being brainwashed day after day after day, God says I'm in a give you better and lasting. Both now and forever. The final thing he says is get right with others.

Notice the phrase here. Cleanse your hands, purify your hearts, you know what, that's the outward unit. What are you doing with your hands it is wrong.

Cleanse him men, not just externally but internally purify your hearts, where your motives, let there be tears for the wrong that you've done and so there's a private purification where you cleanse your hands, and you don't know what it is you don't hear this much and are you ready for this.

Some of you a number of things have come up in your mind. I just sort of thrown a few little bombs out of you notice. You know the soaps over here romance novels over here pornography over here materialism just in case you missed the bombs and this is a review I little bitterness in your heart and forgiveness toward acts toward mom and dad when your kids are you what that you want.

Cleanse your hands, purify your hearts, is stop sinning, stop it. Okay, ready as is get him to do this again is very complicated, stop sinning me week we get this like yeah I will get on the process. This maybe see my counselor and what is it wrong, stop it, repent that's the word right, get right with others arrow in a box than right. Repent now do you need help. Yeah, you need to see if a pastor friend, but if you have wrong someone make it right.

Cleanse your hands. If you have bitterness in your heart if you have resentment. If you have anger fantasies purify your heart heard you tell God you're sorry if you need to apologize to someone will apologize to but just say I'm gonna get right with God. I'm getting it right with others. The notice, the final thing he says in verse 10 he says. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God.

Why that he may exalt you. He's told us that the problem is interpersonal relationships that is really selfishness. He said the lie that we believed is hedonism whole pleasure mentality. The Playboy mentality of our day. But he says you know something submit to God. Resist the devil draw near to God and then get right with others and then he says that is the actions of humbling yourself before God. And here's what he'll he wants to literally. Here's the work he wants to lift you up.

He wants to restore you. I wish I had time to go over couple after couple after couple and men who had 20 years of poor net pornography Internet addiction and people that have been on drugs in the places of had the privilege of pastor wife watch them humble themselves, and say God I'm bankrupt and do exactly what we talked about here in the Lord has weaned them from the world and they been returned to their first love the Lord Jesus and is it easy know is it humbling enough, some of your thinking will fight if I made it right.

I might have to go like actually apologize to someone like X made her ex-boss. This could go public this would this would be humiliating. Humiliation comes from the same root word as humble. You see, when we finally get to wear in it and it ain't about me and is saying about you is let's just be right people, you know people don't think any of us are near as good as we think they think they are anyway, right we were all overall project and little bit better and most of us see through project. It takes more energy to hide and cover and project that were better than it does to come absolutely clean and say hi. I was wrong. I'm sorry God has forgiven me and what would you you know what I find people are pretty merciful with people that are generally right application for this message. Why we fight with those we love from his serious real love in real life.

Every relationship, whether it's inside a family, marriage or friendship dating couple has issues to overcome through the series chip will address the struggles that impact every relationship and unpack what real love should look like Discover how to better communicate handle conflict, and even be more romantic with your spouse. If you're ready to deepen every relationship in your life and be better at giving and receiving love in the series is for you.

For more information about the resources for real love in real life just go to LivingontheEdge.org or call us at AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org app listeners tap special offers which are wrapping up our series. Real love in real life, and you know, as I think about it. This is such an appropriate title in light of the times were living in. People really don't know how to love or respect one another anymore. Would you take a minute and talk about that you know Dave anxiety pressure and tension are doing two things in our culture right now they're driving some people to God because they're afraid and they're driving other people apart.

All you have to do is just watch the news for 15 or 20 minutes each night and we see selfishness and hostility and violence like never before. We are Living on the Edge believe that the only hope for our nation is Christians living like Christians. It's real love in real life by real people. People that are equipped to forgive who step in the middle of things and are bold and kind and and respond in ways that are supernatural, even loving our enemies and we Living on the Edge.

Feel like that doesn't happen unless we put tools in people's hands to empower them and equip them to be change agents in a world that is increasingly polarized. So here's what I want to tell you we need your help to do this, were expanding like never before, were taking new steps like never before. God always has a remnant gives a special group of people that in the midst of chaos. Step up trust him and make a huge difference. I would ask you, would you prayerfully consider not just praying but partnering with us financially were creating new resources overreaching far beyond were we ever have here and around the world and we need your help so please pray today and then do whatever God shows you and for those of you that have supported us if you would pray about doing something monthly. Even if it's not a lot the consistency of resources really allows us to prayerfully plan in ways that we can do bigger and better things and let me just say thank you very much. There's so many of you that are on the team you are making an amazing difference and were so grateful for you fixture will as you prayerfully consider your role with this ministry I will remind you that every gift is significant when you partner with Living on the Edge you multiply our efforts and resources in ways that only God can do to send a gift call us at AAA 333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org that's AAA 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org app listeners tap donate as we close today's program. I want to give you some hope and will give you some perspective relationships by definition are going to have conflict about what happens the reason they don't get fixed if you will, is it we believe certain lies we believe certain lies like they ought to be easy. We believe certain lies like the grass is always greener and there someone out there better than the one that we have, we believe certain lies like this other person would just change their attitude and get their act together, then this would all work and what I want to know is that this idea of lies that ruin relationships comes out of a larger series that was really eye-opening to me.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the book of James, and I was teaching through an expositional he and as I got to chapter 4 and half of chapter 5 begin to do some work and as I did the work. What I realize was every single paragraph would isolate Allied that we believe and why relationships literally just fall apart.

And so what I'd say to you is that we all believe these lies there in the water than the air there in the culture we want to help you the truth set you free but you have to identify the lies the lie that we talked about in this particular message has to do with our selfishness and it's the other person's problem but I would encourage you to explore if relationship difficulty is something that you really want to address. I did a series called five lies that ruin relationships. It's on our website. You can check it out. There's nothing more painful than relationships that are falling apart when there's anger and hurt rejection.

God has a better plan, and he wants to help you and we would love to be a part of that plan.

So let me encourage you take the next step get the notes may be explored this study on five lies that ruin relationships as you follow God's design.

He'll give you the grace he wants to heal broken relationships. In fact that's what he said his son Frank's trip to get plugged into the series chip just mentioned, go to special offers of LivingontheEdge.org or on the chip and remap through chips teaching in James, he identifies the five most common lies that could potentially ruin our most important relationships discover how to confront those mistruths and preserve our marriages, friendships and families. Let me encourage you to take some time today to listen to the series 5 lies that ruin relationships will be happy you did will be sure to join us next time. Until then, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge