Intentional Parenting - Memories, Presence, Models, and Peace, Part 2

Do you need hope is apparent. Are you discouraged you feel like things are going badly going to get worse. You need someone to step in and help you be the kind of parent that you want to be to deal with those hard issues to turn things around. Doug field is going to teach us today.

How to recapture your child's heart when they're moving away from you how to keep their hardware needs to be. That's today's statement welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with the mission of these daily programs is intentionally disciple Christian Bible teacher were so grateful, he joined us as we continue our series intentional parenting taught by our guest teacher is a quick reminder if you missed part of the series along the way to catch up anytime after LivingontheEdge.org by listening on the chip and grammatical hears Doug with part two of his message memories presents models and peaceful presence is not a value.

Just being around your kids, because a lot of people so are you. I work at home, that's great, but the key question is it your body or your heart that surround that's the major question coming here to do your kids really believe that you are available. Because the issue is not presence here it is.

And I put in your notes. It is perceived presence there is a Harvard study that confirmed the nut and so fascinating to me. The number one most common factor producing anger, hostility, and rage in kids is this the perceived keyword perceived the perceived inaccessibility of one or both parents met the head snapper because you think what you think like anger, rage and hostility would be something contribute something more horrible some type of abuse or poor discipline, or not allowing your teenager to have a credit card or you do something like that. But thousands of studies.

Here's what it is perceived inaccessibility so that I can hold the mirror opposite dad and go okay.

What is what is something that I'm doing for myself that is taking time away from my family that may be with my personal life. It actually may be with my career for some of us in here. We need to make some midcourse corrections. Even with our careers because parenting is synonymous with sacrifice when you're parent.

It's about Sacra you sacrifice your your comfort and I've told you before that is my kids were growing up and I was coaching them in sports and my kids all had their friends of our house.

Whenever I would go I'll never see your dad. Dad doesn't come your games. My dad doesn't he doesn't like basketball. Yeah, that's what I want to be a UFC fighter and punch somebody in the neck right okay I just want to find that dad and go dad you don't go to your kids, seventh grade basketball game for quality athleticism guy. Have you been to 1/7 grade girls basketball game. It's awful you know it it's the sport that will be played and how it's like half-time scores to the one you like my, you know it's not watching the Super Bowl year you there for your kid in parents. I realize some of you are already feeling guilty and I know as parents we can't make everything I know you can't make everything that's why this point is consistent presence and not constant presence that consistent. So Ms. seen is the exception rather than the rule because your very presence is a sign of caring and connectedness.

Just showing up be in there watching, observing, I realize we live in us sports psycho world for you parents me just give you an aside again. My kids are all out of the house. I wish I United took me too long to learn this when you go to your kids games just watch you have to cook them coaching the stands don't go whisper in their ear during the game don't lecture them on the way home if you if you want to coach them. Wait 48 hours before you say anything to them. See what they need from you mom and dad is not for you to be a coach but for you to be a cheerleader. That's what they need the most. So when it comes to presence present parents. We gotta be present and this was good bothersome. You and I tried putting the notes because I want you to think about it as we gotta defeat the electronic dependency. This right here mom and dad. This is not being present. This this little device they just give you a tip. I would encourage you stop using this in your car when your kids in the car when you kicked in the cards. Make it a rule nobody talks on the phone and talk on the phone.

Now to me like dog I had rather ties more you know now II don't I don't think so.

You got your kid trapped in the car. This is when you talk. This is when you saying this is when you laugh.

This is when you make jokes.

This is one with her a teenager. You communicate in one word sentences, I mean this is when you jot them, get off the phone and engage with them.

See our technological leashes. They maintain our availability to everybody else but the hurting primary relationships say when you're able to connect to everyone all the time you not connected to those who are most important and I am on.

I think this is such a big deal in our culture that very few people are talking about. I just in the last few months that I wrote this workbook called should I just smash my kids phone and it's a workbook for parents to go through before you do anything with your kids phone for you to get a habit on your own your own understanding of electronics and what it's doing in your life first and then if you if you know have some boundaries before you give your kids a phone you crazy you crazy. Just learn from people who have been booked before you and please understand I have a phone.

I have Facebook. I've twittered I'm not.

I'm not anti-electronics. I'm not asking you to go buy a buggy and grow a beard and become Amish ladies I and you I'm I'm not asking you to run from appliances, but there are times when you gotta be totally available to your family to unplug from those devices because presence hears what bottom-line presence communicates this. You really important to me your your your valuable eye care deeply about you and you've got my presence grandparents.

That's why, in today's culture of moms and dads both working you are so important is grandparents your present you're so good to be in present and they need you to be present. You're not on your phone, texting, mostly because you don't know how but you so you're not skipping pages when you're reading books to kids in Maine. You are you are presence as a kid. I love being with my grandparents you on a sunny day indoors. Hearing about the different medicines and chronic health problems, and it was beautiful. I the ninth thing all kids need from caring adults is role models going healthy kids have significant adults that have poured into their life. Two types you the parent as a role model and second would be others as aroma parents. You are a role model that you are role model. The primary role model at your kids. The only time that changes is when you abandon your role, then culture moves into culture provides role models, but all research points to the fact that parents are primary role models. My middle child's 22 and when he was a little boy. He had a phrase like me that dad watch me they would be a church or something I be talking to somebody afterwards and he get on stage like that that dad watch what we dad not dad dad dad walk. You know he would do J just trying to get my attention. Watch watch and now it is 22. He doesn't do it as much. But here's what I've learned somewhere in his growing years, he moved from watch me to watching you watching you dad and never tell me all my kids didn't tell me, but as a parent you are under surveillance 24 seven. I'm watching how you treat mom, dad watching what you do with your finances.

I'm watching how you interact with strangers. I'm watching if you really live out what you talk about on on stage. I'm watching how you deal with conflict and watching what you do with alcohol. Watching I'm watching you watching what you do in moral situations, parents, my point is this you have. There's identity theft happening in your home.

Your kids are stealing your identity.

So the question becomes what is that identity look like couple biggies for parents are encouraged. First is any parents. We gotta be very careful that we model integrity and to model integrity. You have to be a person of of integrity in all school studies point to the fact that cheating is on the rise is cheating on the rise because education is getting more difficult.

I don't think so. I think it's on the rise because her kids have seen hundreds of little fibs along the way and they've they just learned that you can negotiate life that way. They've heard mom down the phone exaggerating or lying about things that they know haven't taken place they've been that child up at the movie counter at the amusement park and don't tell me, Rachel, Tom Ridge will get in cheaper this way and you know you don't act like an adult size) adult prices. You know that that type of thing when you go to the donut store and you to donut on the way homes don't talk, just tell mom they gave us 11 purely fictitious illustration on that one, but it kids possess the character of their parents. Integrity is a big deal not only in our culture it's it's again it's a big deal to God first Chronicles 29.

I love this. First, as I know, my God, that you test the heart and you're pleased with integrity. I love that first God knows your heart you're pleased with integrity and parents all of us were to blow with integrity.

Here's my little tip to when you blow it apologize just apologize to your kid what why would I apologize because apologizing is an active integrity did your kids they know you're not perfect you you what you are wrong now sweetheart. I'm sorry that I it was stupid of me. I was just trying to save money, and I made a mistake, I should not have done then ask him to go back and and pay the right price for for your ticket. That was done he buddy I I need to ask for your forgiveness last night and made a decision to not go to your game to work. Instead I made the wrong decision. I blew it and I'm sorry and I like to ask for your forgiveness a paladin. I'm sorry that I told you tell mom that there was only 11 donuts and I really feel really bad that I told her that you ate one of them so they know you're not perfect didn't say just admitted model it, and I I have had to apologize to my kids more than I want to admit thanks when it comes role models, model integrity, second thing parents. I want her to do is model your faith in Jesus model your faith in Jesus and I realize not everyone here has a faith in Jesus and I'm thrilled that you're here if you don't. This is a safe place for you to come and investigate who Jesus is in the ways of Jesus and what is a teacher what's all this about, but for those of us who do have a faith in in Jesus. Your kids need to see that faith in action. The Bible is very clear that one of our roles as parents is to what I call pass on the baton of faith to our kids pass on the baton. If a look at this verse in Deuteronomy 6 it says love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up your passing all the time, morning, noon and night.

Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. So what am I to pass on a liquid says in the last verse four heads what you need for his friend as a symbol of knowledge Sangha pass on the knowledge of the ways of of Jesus. What about your your hands hands is a symbol for action faith they need to see your faith in action and let me be really clear your kids don't need to see perfect parents. There is no perfect parents, perfect parents all perfect parents do is is create produce intimidation and create insecurity with Mike Sneed to see his dad who's aligning his life doing the best he can to align his life with the teachings of Jesus to see a mom who loves Jesus and has a desire to follow Jesus. That's what they need to say not made aware labeled Christian Wyman what Christian is anymore, but for them to see a follower of Jesus, who has placed his life for her life behind Jesus and walks with him swimming by modeling faith in Jesus. Now there's another type of role model and that is others is a role model and all research points to the fact that healthy kids and this is what's interested healthy kids regardless of where they grew up Cambodian refugee camps. The housing project slums in New York City or to the middle wealthy class in orange county. They all healthy all those kids have role models.

Those that are healthy from those environments role models.

In addition to parents who are plugging away and loving on their kids and that's why love that the church body. That's why this is so beautiful. There's just this army of people who were investing in one another's lives.

Lives impact other lives.

The churches of family and families care for one another and this is a place where people are trying to invest in in your kids. I encourage you to take advantage of that.

Some of you that don't have kids you don't have kids yet, or your grandparents. Your kids are out. What if you thought hey I can invest in other people get involved here in the in the children's ministry or the youth ministry get mentored if we need to come alongside one another. There are single parents here who was so struggling their people way that they're just dying for somebody to come invest in their kids and and be a mentor.

Big brother big sister. Let's do this is a community what all kids need the need role models. Finally, what all kids need in caring adults is they need. They need a peaceful home and not a perfect tone, but a peaceful home. If your house is anything like mine, it might be chaotic when my kids were in the teen years we made our house a place where everybody could hang in there, be times are Kathy and I would come home to be met by complete strangers who were telling us we were out of dingdong's day. I remember one time coming home.

And this this kid is looking at a spill on her carpet. His name is Jason is like doing this and I walk up to amounts. Jason Woody open Mr. Fields, put your head this way is if you look at the stain like this.

It looks like the face of Jesus as a Jason. I may help you see Jesus a lot sooner if you don't clean up that that staying okay so we have busy kid oriented house, but one of things that Kathy and I always strive for. Having just studied kids is that we wanted a a a peaceful home in the long run we are kids. Describe your house is a place of peace why peace because kids are in combat all day long there, filled with painful battles, battles with bullies, battles with pressure battles with conformity battles with body image and here's the deal. If a kid knows that he can come home to a house that is safe where where he slides through the door and it's almost like he does. I'm on the home when they know that how their home is a peaceful place. It helps them withstand some of the pressures and the stress and the comparisons and the putdowns and the temptations and really some of the things I've been talking about in this series I'm defining what a peaceful home is where there's discipline but not a lot of yelling where there's boundaries, but not a lot of rules that's that's peaceful. Her parents are welcoming to friends Encouraging Word's affections where the marriage at home is is healthy that provides a sense of peace for kids a freedom of comparison from their siblings. A place where kids can be themselves and they don't have to pretend that's all peaceful home. So how do we as parents how we turn up the volume of peace is the only way I know how any turn of the volume peace in your house is you've got experience peace for yourself first.

You got experience God's peace only go direct to use weak panic close out the series. Some of you are parenting to please other people. Some are parenting to look good in your kids performance makes you feel better about yourself, mom or dad that's not apparent of peace that's apparent of insecurity and we you parent out of insecurity.

You create an insecure and actually shame filled home if you want to peace filled home. You gotta become a peace filled person in the biblical word for pieces, absence of war. That's what peace means absence of war. It means that you're not at war with God, you're not at war with others, and you're not at war within yourself and war may seem a little radical to you like war with God. The Bible teaches that I am as a sinful person I am at war. I'm separated from a perfect and holy God because there's a perfect and holy God. I can have a relationship with him and that's why Jesus came and died a brutal death on the cross because he was perfect. He took on what I can't pay. He took on my sins. So now I can have a relationship with God. Now I could be at peace with God.

That's the good news. God in his love reconciled us together. Take a look. Colossians 120 and through him. Jesus, God reconciled a new note circle that word is brought together God brought everything together to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ's blood on the cross and now I don't have to be at war.

Not only did I not have to be at war. I get the gift of his presence to go to the next verse Romans 86 by letting the Holy Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

So now you and I with the presence of the Holy Spirit in our life.

We can be the initiator of peace in our in our home. If you've never settled that relationship with Jesus. I encourage you to to to lean into Jesus investigate and follow obliquity look what he teaches in and invite his love into your heart so your child needs a peaceful home that peaceful home starts in your heart. Our theme verse in this whole series has been Ephesians 5 once is follow God's example therefore stay with me as dearly loved children and my point is been this when your identity is a dearly loved child when you go okay that's who I am. You don't that's how you parent when you know your dearly loved by God, then you can dearly love others when you're deeply loved by God and you know that that becomes your identity, you can deeply love others. This week I was in our our rooted group were top people were going around talking about how they view God and my guys in my group said this, I've never felt valued by my parents and therefore I have a hard time thinking God values me as a dearly loved child made me think of the story that Jesus tells of the prodigal son where basically the son takes the inheritance flips off his dad and goes and makes these destructive choices blows all the money winds up basically in the ditch and then he thinks to himself I could go back home and be a servant to my dad because even the servants he better than I'm eating now is Jesus is telling the story Jesus is saying the father is God in you and I are the son.

Let's close with this verse in Luke 15 it says so he how you put your name there said Doug Kathy, Sue, Kyle Caroline returned home to his father and while he was still a long way off, his father.

This is God saw him coming filled with love and compassion. He ran to his son embraced him and kissed him we had to celebrate this happy day for your brother was dead, and is come back to life.

He was lost but now he's found can I tell you the guy gets excited about you. You are as dearly loved child that he runs to you that he's a relentless pursuer of you because he wants to invade you and transform you. You want to be a better parent.

I know you do.

Quit running from Islam that his love fill you deeply, so you can deeply love we go any farther I just want to pause.

I want you to think about, not just being a parent. But God is your parent when you think about God.

What's he really like and are you sure that he is your heavenly father. See the fact of the matter is you can't give away and I can give away what you don't have and I want you to know that as Doug was teaching part of what the Spirit of God wants you to know if you don't know Christ personally is that to be a great parent. It starts with being a love child. And if you don't know for sure that if you had died this moment you will go directly to heaven if you don't know for sure that the Spirit of God dwells in you that you are forgiven that you are loved and that you have a relationship with the living God. Could I encourage you where ever you are, what ever you doing stop and turn your heart upward and just confess to God. God I need you desperately need you. I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect parent. I've done things wrong in the Bible calls that sin and that sin separates you from God. But God says that he loves you. So he sent Jesus, God the son to die in your place on the cross to cover or pay for your sin and it's a gift, but every gift has to be received in the Bible says as many as received him, Jesus, to them he gave the right with the privilege or the authority to become children of God, even to those who believe in his name and I want to challenge you in this moment to believe in his name to receive Christ. Jesus said, I'm standing at the door of your heart and I'm knocking if you open the door. I'll come into your life. I'll live with you. I'll forgive you all save you is the biblical word and he'll do life with you and so right now I just want to encourage you say Lord Jesus, forgive me. I fall short.

I desperately need you. I'm turning from my old life, my control and I'm asking you now to come into my life and forgive me and make me your son make me your daughter that active trust that word that you've shared to God.

It may be just in your heart or in your car or out loud even on the side of road. God hears and now I want to encourage you this is so important, I want you to call or text the greatest Christian you know and say I just prayed to receive Christ. I don't know what all that means, but I know I need help to learn, to grow.

I'm spiritually born. I'm a brand-new baby and I want you to know God wants to help you. You can go online at http://livingontheedge.org and we have a very clear place where you can click and will get some material to you, that's absolutely free to help you on your new journey and I'm just so thrilled to invite you into the family of God. If you just prayed with Chip. We love to put a free resource in your hands.

It's called starting out right and it's absolutely free. This resource will help you gain a clear biblical understanding of what it means to put your faith in Jesus and that's our whole mission there Living on the Edge helping Christians really live like Christians. So let us help you get started in your faith journey. You can request this resource by calling AAA 333-6003 or visiting LivingontheEdge.org and clicking on the new believers button will trip over the years, ministering to and encouraging parents is been an important part of your teaching moms and dads need a lot of support. Nowadays tell me that need.

We've developed a great new resource alongside Doug's teaching called intentional parenting cards would you take just a minute and tell us about this new tool will Dave I can tell you I am super excited about these cards because I just know as a parent I did a lot of research and I tried to work really hard to be intentional but I always didn't know like intentional about what and what these cards do is they provide a simple way to stay on track is apparent in other words, it talks about how you develop strong belief or be a role model or make sure that Encouraging Word's are a part of your family life or genuine affection there just like for five cards and you review a section of them. You just every day for like a week or so and then pretty soon you find yourself hey I'm building into my kids their belief or delicate discipline or or active responsibility. Your eye level and serious fun and what they are there 10 different areas and they have very pithy clear specific ways to be an intentional parent, where over time as you just review these instead of trying hard. One day, or taking some course you are renewing your mind and focusing your life each and every week around one area that here's what I'll tell you when you are genuinely affectionate when you provide encouraging words when you discipline delicately when you build strong beliefs. What happens is over time. You're an intentional parent with children who respond in very positive ways. These intentional parenting cards are a tool that allows us in a fast-paced world to do his parents what we want to do and build into the lives of our kids the way we want to do it. I can't encourage you enough to get a set of these cards and put them into practice. Thanks, Chip will if you're wanting to be more deliberate about your calling as a parent or grandparent. Let me encourage you to order a set of our new intentional parenting cards that cover 10 specific areas to help you be more purposeful in the lives of your kids, whether it's learning how to discipline being a better encourager or discovering how to have serious fun. This resource will help you be the mom or dad your kids so desperately need to order your set of our new intentional parenting cards just go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003 Listener steps special offers. As we wrap up I want to say thanks to those who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs purchase airtime and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians. If you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge.

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Your support is greatly appreciated will join us for our next program as we wrap up our intentional parenting series with an interview featuring Chip and Doug feel these to get very practical and focus on the pressing issues facing our kids. If your mom dad or grandparent you won't want to miss their conversation. Until then, this is Dave Drew saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge