Keeping Love Alive - Volume 2 - Effectively Communicating (God's Love to Your Mate), Part 2

How often do you and your spouse really talk. I don't mean chit chat or talk about you know what we do with the kids or the weather or logistics. I mean, how often with your husband or with your wife. Do you have a heart to heart conversation you walk away and say wow such a deep connection that was wonderful. If you want help in having more that than stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge Chip Ingram in the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians the Bible to Thanksgiving with her sister picks up where he left off last time in a series keeping the love alive. Following by focusing on how couples can better communicate a skill we all need a refresher as a quick reminder if you miss a portion of this program but you to catch up to the chipping roadmap.

It's a great way to listen to Living on the Edge anytime if you have a Bible turned out to Colossians chapter 3 for part two of the trips message effectively communicating God's love to your mate put on a heart of patience means to endure with a good attitude.

Second Peter 39 since the people he was talking about these coming back in Toronto yeah yeah right he's come a document saying that for a long time. As you understand, God is not slow is something slow for to him a day and a thousand years is the same. He is patient macro through most can hear the two words macro seat dispersed. He wants all to be saved all to come to repentance. It's putting up with enduring one more time one more time.

I'm not can give up really keep working at this Jesus was patient with the disciples to realize that the only time to read all the Gospels and then list all the things he criticizes them for all the times he comes down month criticizes we get one clear time when Peter gets very self focused and his agenda in his kingdom. I can imagine Jesus looking you right in the eyeballs and saying get behind me Satan. The only time he reproves them is oh you of little faith to wonder what so what does God really want for me to become a good Christian. What's he really, really want you ready for this. They ask him that, in John six he said this is the work of God, that you believe in, whom he has sent you the greatest question you can ask yourself every single day, you might write this down what does it look like to trust God in the situation. What is it look like to trust God with how he's acting right now what's it look like to trust God with these finances. What's it look like to trust God with this deployment, what's it look like to trust God when the biopsy report comes back positive. What's it look like to trust God with a wayward child what's it look like to trust God when you don't like where you live, what's it look like to trust God with overcoming the infidelity of your mate.

What's it look like to trust God with the infidelity that you had in the guilt share so you can be moral in the church being read your Bible without faith it's impossible to please him. Faith is nothing more nothing less is believing in God's character in God's promises to the point of acting on them think is in some legally feeling think I got it I think. I believe I believe you. Faith is a picture of a bridge and we think we think we think faith is this rickety bridge like on one of those you know Indiana Jones movies and there's missing pieces in their superheroes and make it may take two steps, and they almost fall through and make it to the other side of me to go Indiana Jones Christians have such faith. That's not faith. This is faith biblically steel concrete 3 feet thick.

The object of your faith God says is a hold me up to walk across. That's why you need a lot of faith.

Jesus said you could need the faith of a mustard seed, it's the object of your faith. What if there is an all powerful, all-knowing God, who died and rose from the dead dwells inside of you in the same power that raised him from the dead dwells inside of you and apart from him.

You can do nothing, but in Christ you can do all things and you to say okay I can forget okay well I guess will cut our budget how we can make it financially but we can keep moving forward. Okay, it's a wayward child. We can't control and trust God when you get good counseling. Here's the path Lord you loving more than we do.

You love her more than we do.

Safe patients have a little tool as you think, and how could I practically check the sounds good hard, but it's not hard. Don't don't don't look at this list go that's hard. It's not hard it's impossible.

You need to understand that now you can only need to put in some effort and you can do little bit better on these out of your strength. But after I will take long.

Maybe a couple weeks for some of you really you know hard-core people discipline people self-starter people, but two weeks if you don't see results after doing these, you give up.

This is not hard. It's impossible. The only way to do this is what you need to believe I'm chosen, I'm holy. I dearly love. I keep getting from God each and every day everything I need so I can be ready put on a heart of compassion and kindness, humility and gentleness and patience. I'm going to give you a just a little tool you can write it in the bottom of the page. I call this little tool. I know you really care when okay just write that I know you really care when some of you are thinking want to be compassionate and want to be gentle. Okay I really want to be all this, but I'm not sure what it would look like. I can't read her mind. I can't read his mind, here's here's what you do acute visual column and you know if your husband you write. I know you really care.

Speaking to your life when you 123 just just write the top three. You can go five if you want, but I may give her a break just right. I feel loved when you just write the top three things that when she does them.

You feel ladies you write. Here's the top three things you can do for five I feel most loved when you and just write him and then just exchange less sleep. We made this whole thing about it has the spell so spontaneous and if you could read my mind or if she would only live I did this with my wife.

We were struggling like a family counselor gave us a stool Everything I give you.

I got a counseling session so is like okay here's the top right when you take out the trash when you help with this.

When you have the kids homework. I'm thinking what in the world just got to do with love and violence that it doesn't matter what I think. If this makes her feel loved.

Guess what, I love her. Guess what I made about guess what I'm committed to her so she made a list and I just decided I'm to do at least one of the things every day.

Nothing else, at least you know every day she is going to get loved by me with some compassion and gentleness, and vice versa. Try it you'll like it okay shift the page because what I have sent you so far, can only happen if something else happens. This is the clothing metaphor that word put on put off, put on put off.

Here's what you need to get you cannot put on the new Intel you take off the old notice what he says here the clothing metaphor is crucial to biblical communication old close must be taken off, open your Bible if you not already there were were in Washington Chapter 3. And after he says to set your mind on the things above. He says put to death. I'm in verse five, whatever belongs to your earthly nature. What's that sexual immorality, impurity lost evil desires greed which is idolatry. Why, because of these the wrath of God is coming and that he reminds them like he reminds us, you used to walk in these things in the life you want to live.

Now get this. Here's the new. But now you must read your cells of such things as anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language from your lips do not like each other. Why since you have taken off at the metaphor your old self with its practices.

But that's not the end of it and have put on the new self, which is being renewed mind renewal.

How in the knowledge in the image of its creator. You have to take off the old old life of anger logging onto porn flirting with other people spending money I don't have yelling, screaming, abusive language, wanting my own way get rid of all, that's what he said and put on put on the new self to journey the process you renew your mind you ask who are the people in my life. They keep pulling me that way why my putting into my mind whether it's on a video whether it's Netflix, whether it's born. Whether it's a relationship that keeps telling me they want to come with us and do this, but there's a temptation you member the passage where Jesus said if your right eye is causing you to see and pluck it out now. Some people took that literally which is very foolish because if you pluck out your right eye. I've got news for you.

You can lust with your left, if you're if your right hand causes you to sin.

What he said why did you can still steal with your left hand. It was an idiomatic expression. But here's what he was saying you be as radical as you need to be to take off the impurities and the things that pull you away from. First, the Lord Jesus and second from your most important relationships. A member a guy call me that I knew fairly well and he talked about an emotional affair he was having a godly man.

Great family found himself in this if you if you don't be too graphic here, but what went off, and when affairs happened. It's just crazy like there's is chemistry like a magnet toward someone. By the way that the proverb says, is that the enemy uses these kind of things to undermine he wants to destroy you destroy your marriage and need to say he was he was right here he goes in on just I find myself dressing a little better I think about her. We both know when I'm when I'm next to your biggest chip, I'm calling out. I didn't want to talk my pastor.

What should I do should be as radical as you need to be safe.

You need to quit your job God has another job but will tell you this will destroy your life. He said yeah.

I mean, this is getting this is getting. I know where this is going.

We both talked about it. We both talked about the impact. By the way when your emotions get here. Your IQ drops by hundred points. I kid you not. Infatuation causes you to think things do things and perceive things in ways that only the it's think and then you wake up alone with half your money going somewhere else and with kids and said I thought you loved me, and animate whose whose life you made a vow to you in the process of ruining. I've lived on the other side. I bet it was 15 years of a journey of healing of watching my wife overcome what it was like to be rejected by this unbeliever. I watch what it did to my like my little boys ice I still remember the emotional connection we were 11 years old and I went to my mentor and some really really trying to be a great dad. It's been six years and you know we were were fine but you know that connection that connection that connection to chip you understand what they been through said intellectually. So what I do is looking left just love them just keep loving them.I don't know where you're at, but I can tell you for sure, your marriage will be something you never dreamed it could be, and it won't be easy if you put on a heart of compassion and kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, but you can't put that on in less you take off anger and rage and malice and slander, and abusive speech videos. The go in my mind when I've done those things acted that way felt those emotions put off. Not this. Get real positive get many of you are very convicted right now and you know what you need to put off, so I'm not can it take off the hook.

I but don't go to bed tonight you hear me, don't you, this is this is an order from the commander-in-chief of the universe and it's not because he's mad he wants to rescue you listen to do what he says but here's what I want you to get the new self requires new close. Here's the principal who we are determines how we dress now all of you were a bright demented day. You are the bride so because you were the bride. How did you dress funny you spend at least four hours.

I still remember I had three boys and a girl so I will have one wedding where I got really inside me. My land did her hair. They did her nails.

They did the dress is like a four or five hour getting ready wife because she wanted to be beautiful and awesome for her husband who you are.

Determines how you dress who are you you are the daughter of the living God, you're a son of the King of Kings and Lord of lords. So how do you dress you dress and when it's appropriate. I want you to imagine in your mind's eye and maybe some of you have been there.

You are going to receive the distinguished medal of honor. How would you dress the genes flip-flops. I don't think so see you dress that's why I can give you tools galore. I can give you all kind of techniques and there's a place for them until you start to believe that you are chosen, you are set apart, and holy and that you deeply powerfully unconditionally love you'll never trust that way. The great majority of Christians are living for God's approval instead of from God's approval and the difference is night and day.

When you live from God's approval.

It's when I carry that money in my pocket or when I choose to do things for treason.

I'm not doing it because God was okay on the big refrigerator and have three more stars were chapped work that way when I do something like that. It's God you've been so kind and so compassionate and so patient with me. You he was so humbled yourself to Stu to die in my place you've been so gracious because your spirit dwell inside me to guide me. You have in supernatural ways provided access. Why not only have the mind of Christ. You've given me your word and you told that if I come to you. Renew my mind and you make me more and more like Jesus.

As I so that in what happens from God's approval, you love.

I have been on a journey for 40 years to try and believe and feel and accept that God loves me for some of you grew up in homes like like I did. My dad's idea of love was you went three for four.

What happened in a chip. How many times have I told you when that curveball comes on the inside you step in the bucket. That's why you grind up the shortstop come sign forays into be Sunday report card. What happened here. He loved me he thought that would you know that got 1� so we need to get your message got battery when you get that when you get that.

I finally came in about 35. I will never live up to my dad's expectations, and somehow I translated that to.

That's how God wasn't he's not God loves you for you if you never did anything he loves you. He died for you while you were still a center where you are his enemy. So here's the problem we have settled for techniques and self-help tools to change how we speak and modify our emotions and behaviors to improve compatibility. I think so much of what we do in our marriages is how we get along better. Rather than focusing on the deep-rooted transformation of our hearts, which empowers us to give life-giving love of Christ to our mates. That's where the real action is the solution is threefold.

Number one, don't buy the lie. I am what I have possessions I am what I accomplish performance. I am what others think of me popularity. Most of us at some level live with it. If, then, if I become then I'll be a somebody if I possess them. Assuming I get a higher rank. I make more money if I drive this on a car if someday I can so many people have likes on Facebook if I finally get my own if I finally then lie lie lie lie lie.

I live in the Silicon Valley and for reasons I don't understand disciple a lot of people that are the wealthiest. I mean, I know three billionaires. The not but these three I have never seen people with so much money and so much sorrow who really thought that when they went public when they had a few million to 10 million 100 million or billion and you know it doesn't matter the human heart. I literally sat in a room with someone who is worth over $1 billion in sitting. I just don't feel comfortable giving if if if by cash flow goes down between 500 million and I just thought the deceptive of the human heart and before I got very judgmental. God said what your number chip as I have one you have one.

All I want to know is that it's a Maras.

Don't buy the lie you're already valuable. You matter. Those things are things to steward second dress appropriately for your mate. You might Jim Burns as a counselor or teacher, a friend and he he says practice all AWT affirmation, warmth and encouragement. This is this is what to do with your mate and and this is just a goodwill acronym. Do you understand that for every negative comment, your mate needs about 10 positive ones that you need you need to, you know, for the business principle of a friend who's a really really effective businessman and one day he said to you know our staff is growing in his chip you want to be a really good leader and manager possible. Yeah, he goes whatever you prays that's what you get. He said quit looking for what people were doing wrong and keep start catching them doing things right in the moment you find may well thanks for coming in little bit early to that was a great report. How long did that take well. Thanks for doing that.

Hey, I really appreciate that and he said if you will praise and affirm said were all were human beings we all long. Ask yourself how much affirmation and I don't mean Pollyanna making stuff up but I mean affirming your mate and warmth. There's an atmosphere that that's that's acceptable that's that's caring. That's you so often for some of you like on your way home or just before, I don't how it works, who works where does what. Before I walked in the door. I have a little process I go through driving on the way home the things I need to get my mind because I'm thinking this is this okay I'm in a walk-in okay where's her day been today.

What did she do where she can be at emotionally and what does she need the moment I walk in the door and you know I learned that by not doing that a lot and I will tell you for years and we had kids and end up pastoring a church is pretty good size and a lot of the man in one of the things we ate as a family for five nights 530.

We ate as a family we shared around the table. We prayed around the table and we that was the link, but when I came home I just thought Everywoman did this when I came home my wife knew when I was coming home she went to put on fresh makeup.

I came home every day to a wife looked and cared and created an invitation of warmth and get some with her hair pulled back in sweatpants to look like she had showered in a couple days. The people that your husband is working with or vice versa become put together my wife created this atmosphere of warmth of acceptance and then encouragement. How do you lift them up in a little act here hates anything I can do to give you hand I found.

Are you ready for this. I found the counseling out of the counseling but running the vacuum was one of most romantic things I could ever do, but what if running the vacuum a few times means we have a romantic night giving that over baby.

Let's get but we all get love in different ways, heart of compassion, kindness, humility, and then were going to wrap it with this have at least two couples conferences per week. I paid a lot of money for this and you get it for free so you have to say thank you. Right now, but here's a conference we did know how to communicate okay I want you to imagine okay here you go here you go. This is okay you going to do this today. Use it like this you mates. It's like this, you make eye contact. You leaned forward and as the man you say what you concerned about and then visually put duct tape over her mouth and leaned forward. Ladies, here's what you do. Anything that comes your mind does have a concern about one of our kids, I'm concerned about our relationship.

I'm concerned about. You don't have enough money and concern about your mom's health and do an ladies just until you can't think of anything else. Guys hang in there, they get shorter. After a while and then when you're done, and by the white man say nothing. The only thing you can do is not to say anything else. Okay, that's it.

If you fix it so help me I'll knock you out so so then she says what you concerned about and don't give her. Not much things okay. She's been here for years. I want you to sit there and go well concerning my get deployed. My supervisor thinks an unfair situation. I'm concerned about one of our sons. I'm concerned about her money to touch. I don't for moms in liver not in an and then second question you said your wife what you wish in my leg and it can be. I wish we win the lottery I wish we could have relocated. I wish our marriage would be 10 times better than it is now.

Go easy on them with everyone I was to go to Disneyland. I wish we get a check in the mail for hundred thousand dollars.

I wish I wish whatever and then you get an unknown raptor I was and then the last question is what he willing to do and here's the rule.

You don't have to do anything. But here's here's what the conference does it. I can take 15 to 20 minutes without arguing. What happens is you are going to hear all the things that are weighing down your partner's life. The burdens, and you're going to hear if you chose to where you can put wind in their sales and so without arguing without putting things about trying to fix anything. All of a sudden here's all the things it's weighing him down as all things are weighing her down is all the things that she wishes. Here's all the things he wishes to member.

The first one we had.

I listened all this. She was overwhelmed with our kids coming home with math homework and we were not doing all that well so I took a baby step I'll take over the math homework and she looked really good math, good, and the other stuff in enemy two weeks later she goes chip. So what I'm not sure have ever felt more loved when you said that.

And now every night you do that I'm thinking one. It was really easy and two-part it was. They were working there mom I dissipate do it again. I'll be back in about five minutes. There's something about a Marine that is pretty good by big effective humility was.

I was so embarrassed to go to counseling.

I was so embarrassed to sit in a room or someone might walk in ago there's a seminary student who needs counseling and the reason I would be embarrassed because I was arrogant and proud in your pride and your arrogance will keep you God as opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble.

His grace always flows downhill.

He finds a man or woman says I can't do this, you help me the spirit of God and the grace of God will rush to meet you right back with his this message effectively communicating God's love to your mate from a series keeping the love alive.

Volume 2. In these programs to teachers from the book of Colossians and highlights for important skills, every healthy marriage has in common. Learn how to be better connected spiritually communicate more effectively resolve conflicts peaceably and manage your finances wisely discover what you need to improve your relationship and start making a change or two today for limited time the resources for keeping love alive volume 2 are discounted and MP3s are always free. You'll find everything you need@livingontheedge.org or give us a call at Tripoli 333-6003 that's Tripoli 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org app listeners tap special offers which if this new series is identifying practical skills that are important for every marriage.

Unfortunately, as we look around more and more couples are calling it quits. It seems that loyal, lasting marriages are becoming more of the exception rather than the norm while Dave, here's what's really interesting. There is huge changes in the culture right knee does watch TV programs and marriage and family and all the rest is completely redefine but when you do the research, or when you sit across the table from someone and you look into their eyes. Here's what I can tell you. Everyone is looking for a deep relationship that matters.

They want intimacy. When a husband or wife that they can trust and they long for a spiritual soulmate, a deep connection, a lover and a best friend and what I want to know is that's what God designed the farther and farther.

I see the culture and even in the church moving away from what God said this is how it works.

He's the architect what you find is there's more pain, more dissatisfaction, God has a plan.

He's the creator of marriage in his word tells us exactly what to do, like strip with your wanting to experience a great marriage that lasts. Let me encourage you to order chips helpful book in marriage that works you learn about the biblical model for marriage and what a husband and wife's roles are in this relationship, discover what it really means to be one with your spouse, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level to order your copy of marriage that works go to LivingontheEdge.org or call us at Tripoli 333-6003 that's Tripoli 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org app listeners tap special offers chip. Today's message was super practical good. You just go over a few of those helpful pieces of advice you gave because I think we could all apply them to our relationships. Absolutely, Dave, as you know, the first one was treat your mate with all right you know it's affirmation, warmth, encouragement, A. W. E. Affirmation, warmth, encouragement that will change the temperature in your home.

The second was the one that as I shared years and years ago we got at our early marriage counseling is called the conference. Three questions and you can't interrupt the other person. What do you wish than this second question is what are you concerned about and then the last one. As I said is what are you willing to do and then the rule is this is hardwood for me is you don't have to do anything and so what you want to do is you want to get the burdens off your mate's heart and what would put wind in their sales and you now have that in front of you and I'm telling you if you'll do this I mean a couple times a week 15 to 20 minutes or so.

You will learn things and covered things not in the environment of hostility you'll you'll share them in a safe way because the other person can't say anything and you asked me what my concern about long and I'm I'm concerned about our finances. I'm concerned about our daughter, you know, she hasn't done decided what school to go to yet. I'm concerned about whatever comes to mind. You'll just find it will be amazing tool to get you connected from the heart. We still do this after 40 years and it still works.

That's an encouraging word chip facts in case you missed some of the points chip just reviewed their pulled straight from his message notes, which is a tool available for every program.

So let me encourage you to get this resource before you listen to us again.

Chips notes include his outline all of the Scripture references and lots of feelings to help you remember what you're learning really help you get the most out of every program, chips, message notes are a quick download@livingontheedge.org under the broadcasts tab app listeners just Fill in notes one selects time.

This is Dave brewing saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge H