Keeping Love Alive - Volume 2 - Effectively Communicating (God's Love to Your Mate), Part 1

I got a question for you when you talk to your spouse you feel like you're on the same page. Where is there a lot of miscommunication or unmet expectations. Are you frustrated that you feel like you're not being heard or really understood what you like to learn to really communicate better with the one you love. If so stick around.

Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with tripping chips or Bible teacher for this discipleship program motivating Christians to live what Christian for the little chip series keeping love alive. Volume 2. These messages were learning or biblical skills every week. Chosen, before Chip shares the second encouraged or inspired by the series. You take a moment after this message friend you can do that through the trip and remap by sending them the free MP3 LivingontheEdge.org or that let's join Chip for his message effectively communicating God's love dearly from Colossians chapter 3 the greatest thing you can do for your marriage is draw closer and closer and closer and closer to walk with God. The only one can ever satisfy the deepest needs of your heart in your life is Christ the only way that you or I or anyone will be able to treat our mates in a way that will cultivate and develop them becoming who God wants him to become is going. God gives that to us by the Holy Spirit to the Lord Jesus through his word and the community of God's people and so it's super counterintuitive for all human.

We just so want that other person to come through for us and so what I want to do now is I want to talk about how to effectively communicate and want to talk about communication, not so much in the classical the meeting of meanings that's I think a good definition of communication. It's the privilege of exchanging vulnerabilities in the words of Norm Wright is the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally in such a way that the other person can both accept and understand what you're saying what I want to do is I want to talk about how do you communicate God's love to the person he gave you the gift that he gave you this person. How do you communicate that you notice on the top of your notes. It's more than just words right coming we know that right. 70% is nonverbal. 38% is your tone of voice. 55% is facial expressions, gestures, posture, right.

I mean, I can say I can look my wife and sent me. I love you right yeah I'll do that with my hands on my hips and I've communicated anything but what my words were, but it's more than just listening and understanding your life partner. Those are skills to one of the great benefits of counseling.

As I got to hear my wife's story. I got to hear what it was like growing up and as I did my empathy instead of frustration grew. I got to hear what it was like to deeply, deeply love someone and be rejected and have your husband abandoned you. I recognize the level of wounds and pain that she had that I just glossed over because I love Darren.

I didn't realize it when I said even what I thought was not even a harsh word but just had a tone of rejection that what I thought was a one or two registered about eight or nine to her so would.

There's so much more than just understanding and listening and in developing skills. I want to encourage you the biblical communication is the transfer of God's love and an underlying each one of these words in meaningful, understandable, supernatural ways through you to your mate, hard to grasp that other than the Lord Jesus himself other than the spirit of God living inside your spouse been number one agent of expressing God's love to your mate as you. I mean, that's sobering.

There's great books, if you haven't read something like Gary Chapman's the five love languages mean I had no idea I was so ignorant I just thought, however, I felt love that's what I would give my wife and certainly it would be meaningful to her and I learned there was five different love languages, and mine was verbal affirmation and physical touching hers were acts of service and, as I never thought of cleaning the house or helping with this or doing that she didn't feel loved at all. When I said oh you look beautiful today. Your and and so there's lots of skills you can learn, but what I want to walk with you is something far deeper and by the way don't minimize those those of all been very very helpful but I will talk to you about how you take a super natural love and understanding the Very Way, God feels about your husband or your wife and how do you receive it in such a way and then give it unconditionally.

Supernaturally the way that he's given to you. Our text is Colossians chapter 3 verses 12 through 17, and it starts out with what we already possess. So as those who been chosen of God, holy and beloved, in other words, as those who are valued precious love insecure deeply loved. Regardless from that position. Here's the command, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

I want you to imagine what it would be like for you to discover. In fact, that little word put on it.

It's an idiomatic expression, it's literally clothe yourself. In other words, wrap whoever you are in your personality and your needs and all that your clothe yourself with this. It's not just the activities with this heart of compassion and kindness and humility, gentleness and patience. So what I've done at the bottom of the pages I've given you some definitions of what these words mean and if you have a pen pull it out because I give you up a passage or two where Jesus exemplifies these, but I want you to listen, not just with sort of your academic. Oh yes on understand what that word means, but I want you listen to this is what compassion is and I want to learn Almighty God, to have a heart where I would pass this on to my husband I would pass this on to my wife so putting on a heart of compassion. Compassion is empathy to action versus being cynical. It's one thing to to identify to feel empathy means you so understand how the other person is hurting or is wounded or feeling rejected, but you you so feel it that you're compelled to act. Your moved out of their pain you're moved out of their situation, your mood and and it's not just you feel for them, but you feel to the level that you have to act. If you ever want to do an interesting word study get your Strong's concordance out of look up this word compassion word in Greek is slot and and just look what ever you find this word with Jesus and what you will find is every time this word is used in connection with Jesus. He deeply, deeply identifies the word. The Greek word has to coming out of the bowels that the ideas it means it's something so deep within you use so identify with the hurt and the need and the struggle and the hopelessness and the pain that this other person is going through your just compelled to act.

Matthew 936 Jesus looked at the multitudes, and when he saw the multitudes, he said they were helpless and hopeless. They were downcast like sheep without a shepherd. And if you know anything about sheep. The little word downcast is if the sheep is lying down and eating sheep are very interesting animals.

I think it's why God calls us that if they if they tilt and they roll up on their side they can't get up they can get up if there's not a shepherd. They just die, and often they would eat a lot and then they went and and if they get off balance. If they roll up on their side. That's a cast sheep.

When Jesus looked at the multitudes of people. They left to themselves.

They're going to die there, filled with anger and rage in division and rejection and pain in poverty and injustice, and he saw all that and it says and he was moving interesting. If you follow his life with this word, and so he was moved to teach them or he was moved to feed them, or he was moved to say, neither do I reject you go and sin no more, or to forgive them. God longs you talk about something no change your marriage more than any technique or any skill you start putting on a heart of compassion, study your mate study their family background start to notice what makes him angry. What makes them hurt where they struggle where they feel pain.

Think about what they've been through it since empathy is the first step to every great relation. It's beginning to look at life through their lens. The second he says put on a heart of kindness.

Kindness is whatever is helpful beneficial versus being critical. It's interesting in Jeremiah 923 and 24 this very interesting verse.

It's a very, very sad book of the people have worshiped idols.

God has given them a chance after chance after chance after chance. Finally, judgment has come in and there's this ray of hope and then in chapter 9 he says let not a wise man boast in his wisdom, and let not a mighty man boast in his might, but not a rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this that he both understands and knows me that I delight in loving kindness, justice and righteousness.

The kindest person in the earth is God. It is the kindness of God leads to repentance every breath you take every blessing in your life every good and perfect gift comes from above, from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow to to to begin to see your mate and get up in the morning and say what what what a kind act look like what would uplift her day what would make his day. What small thing, could I do, what word of encouragement.

What something that special to them. It's just being helpful.

I learned so much of all these things just the hard way and the slow way and it was just a battle all the time and I wanted my way and she wanted her way and you know her dad was Mr. fix-it and always filled the car with gas and fixed everything I can fix anything. My life depended on it, but in her mind. That's what a man did and it took me. It took me years to realize not being asked, but noticing that the trash is full and just taking it out meant I love you I'm in is not like that hard usually pull it up, get the strings you know what I can actually do it but for the first 10 five years. I didn't even notice it and what would that have to do with. I love you. I didn't understand her but I didn't take the time to understand her.

I was so preoccupied with what she wasn't doing to meet my needs or measuring up to my coat, invisible standard instead of asking how my doing. Meeting hers kindness thousand little things. Remember when you were dating, came naturally didn't the note, the unexplained phone call. No, most of us were pretty poor were dating and come home would like to flowers instead of a dozen knowing that she kinda likes that kind of chocolate or this is really what says I love you to him and can't wait to get home. I farmed out the kids. We have a great evening. Kindness third is humility means putting their needs first is the posture of a servant by the way, I didn't give you one for Jesus on kindness just jot down John chapter 4 and think of a Jew and a Samaritan woman who's been married five times who shacking up with someone in Jesus responses. Would you would you like to drink would you would you like some living water, so you don't have to keep coming back here, kindness, someone who feels rejected and unworthy.

Would you mind helping me dearly. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, say I need your help a person feels deeply valued. Excuse me but could but you I don't have anything. Could you could you get me a drink of water. See empathy and kindness flows out of concern for person it doesn't judge them humility is putting the needs of the other person first of Philippians chapter 2 verses five through 11 of the key passage were told have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. Although he existed in the form of God, he didn't regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, literally. He failed his attributes, taking the form of a bondservant, and becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a shameful cross is the idea.

Therefore, God highly exalted him and goes on to say because of his humility. Every knee will bow, every tongue will confess heaven on earth and under the earth that Jesus Christ is Lord. Humility isn't thinking to hide yourself not thinking to love yourself is not being too positive about yourself too negative about yourself is not thinking about yourself is having a sober self-assessment of these are my strengths. These are my weaknesses, but the mark of humility is self forgetfulness. In verse five of Philippians 2 he says have this attitude in yourselves because in verse three and four. He gave them the command. He said do nothing out of selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, consider others more important than yourself. Don't just look out for your own personal interest but also the interest of others. If there is a quality if there is a singular quality that will change your marriage. It's learning and going to training in the practice of humility. I don't think you ever get humble, but I think you practice humility to the point that little by little by little, you are a lot more humble, more times and you're not at the at the heart of all your relational problems. My relational problems is pride. One of my favorite authors is a guy named Gary Thomas and that this is a book about the virtues and he talks about humility and he says while pride is the father of hate and dissension. Humility is the mother of love and unity without humility. We become thoroughly disagreeable and demanding characters.

John of the Cross tells us that from humility stems, the love of neighbor, for we will esteem them and not judge them in strange meant hate, anger and bitterness and resentment are the killers of human relationships are all born out of judgment. Think about someone I like you to do this, or maybe even think about times with your mate think about someone that you cannot get along with. If you're honest, somewhere along the line you've judge them. You have an esteem them very highly in fact you've elevated yourself, over them, maybe he or she was wrong, but were you absolutely right, and they certainly have faults that you rehearse in your mind but you have faults as well. Years ago, he writes, I finally realize that marriage is for holiness more than happiness.

It certainly brings happiness, but it's more for holiness. I finally realize that for me. Marriage creates the best environment in which I can serve God and growing the character of Christ and that's the greatest thing that I should expect from once I understood this. The nature of marriage underwent a distinctly radical shift in my mind when I was married for happiness and went through the inevitable seasons of unhappiness just or just the routines of life, and I assume my unhappiness means that Lisa wasn't measuring up.

I judged her failings and she judge mine when I realized I was married for holiness. I never measured up and I became more satisfied with my wife as I focused on what I needed to change my growth was not dependent on Lisa changing, but on my attitude and my perspective changing what is divorce, but millions of spouses saying your not good enough for me. This lack of humility is destroying families and lives.

Humility is something that you just don't get overnight and just times when you actual layout do put the person first. If you're not careful you start going you know if she was more like this repeat was more like this is merely a whole lot better because when you do it there's a joy that you get and then to be careful because then you can get this air of superiority and you get proud about your humility earlier in this chapter he says, set your mind on the things that are above and on about you, but I didn't learn much of that grown-up but did you ever did you ever just fine yourself may be reading toward the early part of Revelation in over the Angels of our holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty. No awesome myriads of myriads and thousands of angels worshiping God the father and the Lamb. Did you realize that for all eternity past that was Jesus experience and his humility was he left the worship of angels is the most supreme creator sustainer beings spoke the galaxies into existence and came born as a hopeless bonus baby by himself and that he went to the rigors of humanity rejection came to his own and those who were his own did not receive him and why it was for the joy set before him.

He endured the cross in the in the omniscience of God. Looking down the tunnel of being outside and seeing all things of time he saw you and he said it is worth it to leave that glory to take on human flesh, to live the perfect life to die for you unfairly, to be rejected, to be stripped naked to feel the rejection of the father when he took your sin and my sin and he says member when he told the disciples. This is sort of missing in Christianity today. He didn't say follow me and you'll feel good, follow me and you be happy, follow me and you'll be upwardly mobile. Follow me, and everything will go out right. Follow me in all your desires will be fulfilled. He said follow me. Take up your cross denied yourself and walk in the same manner that I walk because unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and died remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it brings forth much fruit at the heart of my human marriage struggles as I need to die to myself and I need to be co-resurrected and live with the perspective to put on the heart each and every day.

The reason I go over this each and every day I pray this each and every day, today, please give me a heart of compassion, first for Teresa and then for everyone I meet God please give me a heart of kindness.

Help me to see through your eyes.

I was yesterday, just in between times. I went to a little coffee shop and I got a couple coffee and there was a need to say this nicely.

A very sad unattractive woman who gave me my coffee and I asked her how you doing, she looked at me with these sad eyes and said okay she didn't have to say much more, but I there's and there's a man that gave me a checkbook and put $5000 in it and he says meeting in three months and II have money, but I don't have a whole lot of time. I own this company and your pastor in this high need area whenever you find someone, it can't pay their electricity. You find a girl that was going to abort her baby. Whatever you need to do you just just for me.

You just pay for and thought I found myself in his early years, and in it first was like this huge responsibility and that was like I kept this checkbook back in the days when people had checkbooks, and in my back pocket and I'm in the grocery store in here be a young mom and I found out she was abandoned by her husband and three kids in their crying and you know that she put groceries back as you can afford it and I was able to combine snow ended up walking around the grocery store and I heard her story to pay for all of her groceries were filled the car with gas. You think left filled with joy and I made that a habit you know in the early years of the couldn't do very much so maybe five dollar bills and then is like a little bit better $20 bills and you know it's like eating a little bit better. I when I travel to certain times.

I keep like four $500 bills and I just think God if there's someone you know that people live in airports a lot convince people to clean the restrooms in airports. I walk in I see a man whose you 66 6870 years old gray bent over and at this stage of his life. You cleaning the trash cans in airports. This isn't this isn't natural for me, but I've got. I want to see him he is so valuable to you.

Does anyone say that I want him to know, and I keep those hundred dollar bills and just only one got constant. Excuse me thank youse much for what you're doing here keeping this claim, the Lord Jesus told me that he he knows what you're doing and he sees you and cares about you getting just folded up so you can't see how much it is and then I leave you change the most meaning is not because I gave him $100. It's because because it's in my pocket.

I'm looking every day for someone that God wants to be kind to that he wants me to be the conduit through did you understand what happened. New classes you look differently. This is what he saying this is an that happens out there. Can you imagine what would happen if you sit Lord, what would it look like to be generous to my husband today. It look like to be generous to my wife. One of my children. The next is gentleness is strength under control, especially your emotions. Matthew 1128 Jesus it's it's that great invitation people were hassled and stressed out and you understand what when Jesus came 80%, 80% of the Roman world was slaves. Rome was just flat brutal majority of small children died. The rule of Rome was when the child was born. It was brought to his father and if it was a girl off and I don't want a girl and that was just he killed or laid on the trash.

Even Christians would go and rescue a little cleft lip little imperfection. Father would do this, since this harsh, just terrible environment.

The Jesus said those of you that are weary come to me. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, here's our word for I am gentle and lowly of spirit. Take my yoke upon you, my burden is easy. My Lotus light it's it's a picture you know of the oxen better to have this yoke and Jesus says I'm on this side. What I want you to come in let's do life together. This is in the God whose arms are crossed and toetapping and you know looking at your morality and what if you go to church more one to read the Bible more.

You know are you looking at pornography and why did you blow up one more time. Bad bad bad bad bad. This is goddesses aren't you tired of all of that time, let's get hooked up together. Let me let me walk with you.

I'm gentle the word was used in classical Greek of a wild powerful stallion that contained another word it's it's extraordinary power under control. Jesus didn't stay on the cross because he had to Jesus date on the cross because he was gentle power was under control. He didn't demand his rights for legions of angels to come and say this is unfair.

This is wrong. Wipe them out.

You know, I am willing to withhold my rights and channel my power for the benefit of others is the opposite of being harsh, demanding arms crossed those looks that say to your mate did you do that again. The look that says don't you ever do anything right. 20 kids gentle. We go any farther in this program I want to talk.

Those of you who when you were hearing the words of Jesus come unto me all of you that are stressed out, that are working hard, that are overwhelmed whose life's not working. Your marriage is working, you have anxiety you have fear you wonder about the future come, come, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and you may been listening because you wanted to grow in your marriage. But what he saying is let me love you first receive my life. Forgiveness so that you have the resources and the ability to love your mate and an unconditional way and if you don't know Jesus personally. If he's not a part of your every day of your waking moments of a personal relationship with him is offered to you is come, come as you are. You don't need to clean up your life first.

You don't need to try and get everything right. You need to come and admit I'm not perfect. If the scoreboard is a perfect hundred score and God says I'm a holy God. Everyone must be a perfect score of 100, morally, absolutely pure and perfect to have a relationship with me then.

Whether you're a 90 or 9872. We all fall short, and he says Jesus paid the price on the cross and his gift to you is his righteousness and his forgiveness so that when God looks at you when you receive him. You have a perfect score because it's not what you have done.

It's his forgiveness in your place, his blood shed for you and his resurrection that has saved you, and it's a gift, but he says it is by faith that you receive this gift and let me encourage you in this moment to lift the empty hands of fate and say Lord Jesus, you said come and I'm coming.

I confess to you that I send.

I need you desperately I believe you died in my place. I believe you rose from the dead. I'm asking you come into my life, save me, make me your son make me your daughter and if you just prayed with me can I encourage you call or text the greatest Christian you know and say I just prayed to receive Christ. I asked Jesus to come in my life. I'm not sure what it all means, but I know I need help. You know the hardest thing to do in my whole married life is to give my wife what she needs when I don't think she deserves it and it wasn't until my walk with Jesus Christ grew that I could begin to love her the way he loves me and that's my dream for you and that's God's dream for you and that's the basis in the heart of the great marriage if you just prayed with Chip, we'd love to put a free resource in your hands.

It's called starting out right and it's absolutely free. This resource will help you gain a clear biblical understanding of what it means to put your faith in Jesus as her whole missionary Living on the Edge helping Christians really live what Christians so let us help you get started in your faith journey. You can request this resource by calling us at AAA 333-6003 or visiting LivingontheEdge.org and then clicking on the new believers button that's LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003, which if there are a lot of voices and resources out there offering advice on marriage and a few years back you published a book on the subject to what led you to write marriage that works and what makes this book different from others that are out there. I remember when the publisher was talking to me about writing a book on marriage and I look at it.

I said, there's a lot of great books on marriage coming. I mean, I've read a ton of a man from my own personal testimony and the issues it treason. I've had to work through.

They been really great. Why in the world do we need another book on marriage and then we begin to talk out loud about what's happening inside and outside the church into the shifting of roles and there's a lot of great skill books and psychological books and practical books, but there's not a lot of this is what the Bible says this is God's design.

This is what a covenant is man. This is what it looks like to be a man in your marriage.

Women this is what it looks like to be a woman. This is how you all fit together and then filled with very practical ways.

Not a sense of odd, since shoulds and try hard. But this is God's design. This is what the Bible says and this is actually how marriage works.

Hey God bless you and I hope you grab that book today thanks to with your wanting to experience a great marriage that lasts. Let me encourage you to order chips helpful book in marriage that works you learn about the biblical model for marriage and what a husband and wife's roles are in this relationship, discover what it really means to be one with your spouse on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level to order your copy of marriage that works go to LivingontheEdge.org or call us at AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, or LivingontheEdge.org app listers taps special offers. As we wrap up I want to say thanks to those who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs purchase airtime and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians. If you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge. Would you consider sending a gift today. You can call us at AAA 333-6003. The donate button or donate online at http://livingontheedge.org.

Your support is greatly appreciated will be sure to join us again next time. When Chip continues his series keeping love alive. Volume 2. Till then, this is Dave really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge