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November 1, 2021 6:00 am
You know it's hard to believe that there are couples out there been been married 3040 50 years and it's super inspiring and yet in our day you have to scratch your head and say what did they know, what did they do that kept their love alive.
It's so easy to drift. If you would like to know the secret that they have been stay with welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with tripping the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians Bible to gratefully enjoy the sister begins sharing the newest volume is ongoing marriage series called keeping the love alive. You may remember from the first installment. You walked us through to find a great marriage over the next several programs will identify the four biblical skills that all great marriages have in common before we get started, let me encourage you to try using chips message notes while you listen to containers outline scripture references and much more. Chips notes will really help you remember what you hear and maybe even share what you're learning to download these message notes just go to the broadcasts tab@livingontheedge.org Listeners Fill in notes leadership to kick off the series with this message titled cultivating spiritual intimacy you notice on your notes that sometimes it's harder to keep love alive than others. Sometimes you cope in a crisis.
I don't want about you.
I mean, I have been married 42 years.
This is one of the hardest years of my marriage.
You know we had a number of things planned. They all got canceled. We had certain rhythms where we went and did certain things they were all canceled. But there's all kind of times, times when you have a health issue. Sometimes when you're separated to relocate. Sometimes financial stresses put a lot of pressure on you or you have a family crisis or one of your parents is dying or going through hard time one of your kids is either making you crazy or you don't know what to do with them or there's a moral failure, and all want to say is going through really challenging times doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or your marriage. In fact, after 42 years, I can tell you. Not that I have liked it but it's been in the most difficult. The most painful the times when I honestly wanted to give up. Those are actually the windows of times where God can get your attention and instead of just having an okay marriage or getting along or being compatible. Some really supernatural things can happen and he works in each of you individually.
Many work with you as a couple. When you're going through difficult times.
The person you generally take it out on his. Who the person who understands you the most and you be critical in your tone of voice. I was in pain a lot so have like a patient's interest was very kind. It was like what's wrong with you.
And so, after all these years I you know I would just sort of retreat a little bit but what I knew was our marriage because all those things was doing this and if you've been where I've been even a little bit of the starts to scary. I think there's times when you get discouraged or he could start it starts looping and and I would pray agreed just kept looping and remember Sandor that I really this is weird. I really need your help and have certainly been here before I heard the Holy Spirit whisper chip draw near to me and I'll draw near to you. That's a promise from God.
And I thought what if all the things in all my years is at this stage of my life when it when it gets really dark and evil. I know somethings up and I thought I went back to my earliest days and I thought when I when I memorized big chunks of Scripture and renewed my mind and part of it was he got back pain you got people on the news, yelling and screaming at each other.
You got violence on the left violence on the right you got a country falling apart, you got me there was so many things that emotionally just what I realizes I saw puppet the pause on all that external stuff and I went back to John chapter 1 and re-memorize verses one through 18 and then I went to Colossians 3 and then I would jump over to Philippians 3 and I would walk through that and I I went on like a rampage. I am going to bombard my mind with truth, and everything were going to talk about is how do you move up toward God and closer to one another and there's things you need to know. But there's also skills you need to develop and what I'm to talk about in our time is for skills that we need to develop but before I do, I'm gonna remember I told you I was in Colossians a lot as I prayed about what to share. I literally I bet I'm not can exaggerate but verses 12 through 17.
I would have gone through that in my mind hundreds of times I've said it out loud in car. I prayed word by word. Verse by verse and what I realized was all the skills that I I wanted to teach you.
They all grow out of this one passage so as those have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, that's who you are. Here's what you do, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving each other. Who ever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called into one body and command. Be thankful but the word of Christ richly dwell within you with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your heart to God what ever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the father, let me just give you a brief will outline the first line of chapter of verse 12 tells you who you are and so those of you who are in other words, when God sees you, your chosen your valued your precious your holy your set apart because of your connection to Christ and the word beloved. It means you are deeply and dearly loved just for who you are. Here's what you need understand how you see yourself and how you see or believe the God sees you, is the fundamental issue behind loving any person in the world because if you don't grasp and accept that you are deeply loved just for who you are, not for how you look not for how you perform, not for what you done, not for what you've accomplished then you will try in every relationship to get someone to validate that you're an okay person and you cannot impart what you do not possess people who have great marriages are not trying to get the other person to make their life work there understanding.
I am already chosen. I'm holy, I'm deeply unconditionally love and it's out of that is out of his love that I love my mate. The first command is put on a heart other words it's it's not just an activity, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience can can you can you can you really think about this. Can you imagine if each and every day. Those things were growing inside you just in your relationship with your mate. You were more compassionate you are kinder you were more humble you were patient, bearing with one another literally the word means putting up with the idiosyncrasies, forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint, just as the Lord forgave you, so the first command is would put up or clothe ourselves. It's what we do in relationships may notice that the second command beyond all these is not just doing the things put on love unconditional time for you. I give whether I get anything back or not, which is the perfect bond of unity and and in the third command.
It's interesting and and sometimes in the text look so small says, be thankful that the separate command and would be grateful. Focus on what you do have in your marriage focus what you do have in life. Thank God for what you do have rather focus on what you don't have, and then he goes. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Another command will talk about what that means, let the word of Christ richly dwell within you. Another command and then whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus. So let's begin skill number one how to develop spiritual intimacy, spiritual intimacy with Christ is cultivated by actively believing two things. Number one whose we are. In other words, that you chosen that you got your notes, but open your Bibles if you will, and I like to read from Colossians chapter 1, and I want you to listen. This is true of you if at a certain day on a certain point in your life you have grasp that you're not perfect you don't have it all together.
And if God was giving out a score and your score would not be 100. What the Bible calls that is a falling short or you you send it. You become aware of that and realize because that creates a barrier with the perfectly holy God and you needed help and an empty hands of faith you put your trust in Jesus to pay for your sin and cover your sin and connect you by faith to a living relationship.
The Bible says you were taken out of the kingdom of darkness in your place in the kingdom of light because your United now with Jesus that you actually died with him and you been raised with him. And now you're connected with him and he actually lives inside of and if that's true, then this is who you are. Follow along if you will.
Verse 13 of chapter 1, for he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the son that he loves, in whom we have redemption. What's that, the forgiveness of our sins and now speaking of Jesus. This is who chose you. He is the image or the icon of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created things in heaven and things on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things and in him all things hold together, and he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning of the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have supremacy for God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth were things in heaven by making peace through his blood shed on the cross. Once you that's you and me were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior, but now he has reconciled you some of you know what reconciliation is right is when your enemies and then your friends. We were enemies of God because of our sin going our own way, either by passive indifference. I don't care much about God or active rebellion. We were reconciled by Christ's physical body to the death to present you holy in the side without blemish and free from accusation.
Since you continue in your faith establish firm and not move from the hope held in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and proclaim to every creature under heaven, and of which I Paul have become a servant spiritual intimacy with Christ is cultivated by actively believing whose we are your his can't work your way there. You can't get into love you more. Here's a kiss. I thought that is just so blown my mind in this very moment there is nothing you could ever do to get God to love you more than he loves you right now and it gets even more amazing. There is absolutely nothing you could do nothing they could get him to love you less now. You could make some decisions and have some behaviors that could cause some consequences that out of his love he might bring sort of the velvet vice to restore the relationship to help you grow, but he doesn't love you more when you read the Bible doesn't love you more when you pray he doesn't love you more when you do good things. He's not shocked when you fall back into sin pattern. If you could ever grasp how much he loves you and shows you we all say we believe in Christ but we act like oh yeah I got in by grace. But now I got it. It's up to me. God loves me. When I'm good and he doesn't want to embed. He loves you. It's he chose you.
Peace for you. He delights in you, the prayers of the upright of his delight. He sings over you. He takes great delight in you. I was in a conversation at the supper table and the lady I sat next to had such a invigorating conversation. We were talking about this.
She does she know I just learned that God doesn't want my devotion he wants my devotion. It's about us our relationship.
The second thing to see.
You will have intimacy with Christ, if somehow you keep trying to earn it.
The second is who you become that your holy chapter 2 picking it up verse nine for in Christ all the fullness of deity dwells in bodily form that means all there is of God was in Jesus and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is head over every power and authority in him you were also circumcised in the putting off of your sinful nature, not with the circumcision done with hands of men but of circumcision done by Christ circumcision of the heart have been buried with him in baptism raised with him through faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and the un-circumcision of your sinful nature. God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all of our sins have been canceled out the written code with regulations that was against us, and that stood opposed to us. He took it all away, nailing it to the cross and having disarmed. This is the spiritual powers you and authorities. He made a public spectacle of them triumphing over them by the cross, God looks at you this day through the lens of the blood of his son not only you are precious in love, but you are forgiven you are clean. That is your position with him. And when you understand that that's the first step toward on that triangle you is the man you is the woman drawing near to God.
I know about you but I didn't grow up as a Christian I did lots of things it were not good. And after I became a Christian.
Every time I I messed up iPod and want to talk to God. I thought is to get the hammer.
I have no idea his love doesn't change just because I mess up but just like a father, I have these little green kids right now some big ones and some little ones and you know like they get to be about 9 to 12 to 14 months.
They start walking in and you know some of you have kids or grandkids and you know when they start right into the Gartner table and the they do this little bit and then what I am right and the parents do every good parent is wrong with you be running by now to write what I don't get is what parents do or grandparents were worse.
I got the gene myself posted on Facebook, Instagram home. I got continue but can you please she took Tuesday. I'm not so where you think you get that when you say to God, I am going to choose to be the one that says I'm sorry even though I think was 80%. Her fall 20%. My God, I don't feel like I'm feel like reading the Bible, but if I made this commitment I want to develop this and it's kind of hard for me on ADD I get distracted. I'm your father, he just he just wants you intimacy. It's believing that he wants you that he loves you these for you this, not for someone else that when you draw near killed draw near to you. And in terms of marriage. Here's what I want you to get I said earlier, you can have a way you do not have until you see yourself the way God sees you and love your mate out of overflow. You will instead have loving acts to get your own needs met to get what you want and to benefit you and when you don't get them. You get angry and if you watch enough TV you believe lies like there's someone better out there. Or that you want to have no problems in this person to come through and so you will love conditionally, and your love will be fragile and will only be horizontal in a crack under pressure and you will probably live a very painful life to learn that there is no human being on the earth.
They can give you what you're looking for but you go through relationship after relationship after relationship demanding something that no one else can deliver or you can come to believe and accept that God will give you all that you have but you need to receive from him first before you can give in my deepest times when I wanted to walk out of our relationship.
By the way, I was in seminary. Not a good place because even during counseling. I would learn what were supposed to do and it was like okay I'm doing my part. Teresa, the program we were supposed to do this. I did this just goes to like get affectionate now. I took out the trash three times this week what what don't you get about this marriage perfunctory with a bad attitude but that's beside the point. II did the right thing, so she would respond in ways that I wanted to our marriage. Stop when I took a long walk with God and in tears can't change her and I heard the Holy Spirit in a sometimes he whispers. I think he shouted on this one. That's not your job. There's only one person you can change it that you I don't if she never responds. You made a vow. She's my daughter I want you to treat her like my daughter I love her. I want my love to go to her the way I give it to you with no expectation of return. She doesn't have to be more affectionate. She doesn't have to say kinder words things don't have to be warmer better. You are now going to love her and if the only reason you do it is to please me, that's enough. And I did and she did. I've been doing this for a long time and pastoral, 36, 38 years and I'm to say this and some of you it's can be like babies off the tank but for the 10% that will actually listen if I told you how many marriages are in separation or divorce or broke up because they had what they thought was a really problem that was about this big and instead of recognizing yes it's painful yes you feel rejection yes you have feelings and thoughts in anger and emotions you thought you could never feel toward this person that you love. I get it okay and you get through the roll up your sleeves and you say this marriage is terrible right now and then you make a huge shift and say I'll never change you, but I'm gonna let God change me and you know you you understand that every relationship is a system when one person changes the dynamic changes it just changes spiritual intimacy is cultivated with your mate by recognizing the supremacy of Christ role in relationship in your marriage.
I read verses 15 through 18 where he is above all things.
He's the icon. There were it's a really really answering word if you take a piece of clay soft clay or in our day Plato if you took like a coin like a silver dollar. If you press it into that real hard and then you pulled out the silver dollar, what would you have in the Plato, you have the exact image of that Jesus is the exact icon image of the invisible God all the fullness dwells in him. Did you member what we read. He created all things.
He sustains all things by the word of his power. He created all things were created by him and for him and he's the head of the church needs a firstborn from the dead, and his supremacy over everything.
If you want to have intimacy in your relationship horizontally. He has to have the same place in your life in the same place in your marriage that he has in the universe. That means if he says men I want you to love your wife good days and bad days. What what what's love look like will just ask Jesus what we mean he was willing to die for his bride. You need to be willing to die for her and not just metaphorically will put her needs ahead, cherish her protector provide for live with her in understanding way you be Jesus to her that sure that your call, regardless of how she responds. Will I should I do that because I'm God and I created it, and I designed it and I told you to house that we got you were in such error. The byproducts of marriage happen to be that you get to have children. You're not alone. You have good sex if not great sex occasionally and you have a life companion but but the major point of marriage is not so that you're happy or even fulfill the major point of marriage is it's a metaphor, declare Jesus and the church, your marriage, your love, your forgiveness you're working through problems you caring and loving and cherishing and respecting is to be the picture of Jesus and his bride and allowing us the loudest. The greatest picture that the world will ever see of Christians is marriages where they love one another. What's easy to love wanted me can love one another when everything's great the church your job. My job is to demonstrate as a man what Christ's love is like to the church as a woman. What's it like for a church to respond in love and respect and tender consideration in connection Christ join us here in studio with his application you've been listening to the first part of his message debating spirit will intimacy from a series keeping love alive.
Volume 2. In these programs to teachers from the book of Colossians and highlights for important skills, every healthy marriage is in common. Learn how to be better connected spiritually communicate more effectively resolve conflict peaceably and manage your finances wisely discover what you need to improve your relationship and start making a change or two today for limited time the resources for keeping love alive volume 2 are discounted and MP3s are always free. You'll find everything you need@livingontheedge.org or give us a call at AAA 333-6003 app listeners tap special offers which are poor. Just getting started in the second volume of your ongoing keeping love alive collection in the series you're highlighting some key local skills every married couple needs to practice regularly. Just take a moment and share with us where these ideas came from and why they're so critical to building a God honoring marriage. What I've learned over the years, from pastoring and being married for over 40 years myself is that obviously unconditional love is the foundation and its first me getting that from God.
My wife getting that from God and us building on that foundation. But it's just like he is just like sports, baseball, basketball, playing an instrument and artist. There are certain skills you have to cultivate. I mean, just because I love my wife doesn't mean we know how to connect with God together spiritual intimacy or it doesn't mean we know how to communicate.
In fact, personally, we had to go to marriage counseling early in our marriage to figure out how to communicate because we didn't have that skill and another one as you every couple has challenges right that mean we have disagreements. We have conflict and then you multiply what's happening in the world right now it just escalates all that conflict so there is a skill to how do you resolve conflict where you attack you know the problem and not the person. And then finally trees and I have worked on and the Bible is very clear. Here's how to manage your finances together because when you're not on the same page when it comes to money that I read somewhere I think half of all divorces are related to financial issues. So this series is about hey for specific skills that allow you to keep love alive and I just cannot wait to share. Thanks for the trip will we hope you'll make plans to be with us for this entire series.
And if you have a Melissa program.
You can always listen on the chipping remap or of LivingontheEdge.org as we wrap up this first program I just want to remind you that keeping marital love alive in your relationship. It starts with finding, protecting and cultivating spiritual intimacy. Now I just want to pause for just a second, because I've done this enough than when I top this there at the Billy Graham Center.
I mean all the wives are leaning forward on the yes yes yes yes spiritual intimacy with my husband and all the guys are leaning back in a couple of murders, crossing her arms going hey buddy, I don't know what you're talking about here. I know I'm not good at that and I know my wife is way better than that. Just relax okay were gonna walk through this together. But I really want you to know that some things don't come naturally and some things are very threatening and of all the things I think that are threatening in a marriage and an especially for a man is this idea of spiritual leadership, spiritual intimacy, it even as I meet with pastors I meet with pastors and I asked him how many of you even pray with your wife regularly and I'm not in the give you the hands of the statistics that they're not all that great. I want you to know that if you can take some baby steps and and practice some things that I'm going to share with you that it will begin to resolve so many other areas and that you get on the same page with God then pretty soon you're on the same page with your kids in your finances and I remember Charles Spurgeon wrote, I am certain that I never did grow in grace one half so much anywhere as when I was in the bed of pain and so what I want you know is were that I have struggles their normal marriage is hard. It requires hard work. Those of you that have heard me over the years now I've shared pretty. Honestly about some really painful, difficult times in almost every area of our marriage and I share those because I think people really miss out because they think oh it's not going well. Or, I fell out a lover. This is so hard.
Maybe this isn't the right person. Those are lies. You're just experiencing the normal challenges of marriage and what we want to do is give you some skills that by the grace of God.
Your marriage can grow into exactly what God wants it to be what you long for. So stick around with us on this one just before we close. I want to say thanks to those of the Lord, giving regularly to the ministry of Living on the Edge you're making a huge difference helping other Christians live like Christians of your enjoying the benefits of Living on the Edge, but aren't yet on the team would you do that today. You can set up a recurring donation by calling us at AAA 333-6003.
Tapping the donate button or visiting us online at http://livingontheedge.org. Thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do well for all of us here, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge