Portrait of a Father - Lover of the Family

Men there is something that you can get your kids that they will pass on to their kids, and then they'll pass on to their kids generation after generation. It's powerful. It's a life-giving tool that will guide them through relationships and personal struggles and serve them for the rest of their lives you'll stick around. I'd like to share one that is. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge shipping trips are vital to this international discipleship is brief focused on helping Christians live like Christian, just a minute will wrap up our series portrait of a father trips when showing us the four key responsibilities of a father laid out in God. This program will finish breaking down what you love your family will provide a final step is to actually this was if you've been blessed by these messages on fatherhood. Why not share them with the use of incurred debt to the chirping remapping by downloading the free MP3s LivingontheEdge.org now here's chip in Jesus day they were in the way the kids ran up to his kids what Jesus saying stop bring one of the children and he lifted up the little child and he said such is the kingdom of God see children don't bring anything to the party earning money all there they are, and they are needed. Receptors so they are not something they need time they needed money they need emotional think they needed in the more secular culture and the more hardened we come children become less and less important were living in that day were limited. They were people don't have kids you want cramps or lifestyle meaning do a lot more on two salaries without any kids in the way we live in a day where people say I want to raise my kids. I'll stick them somewhere else and let someone else raise kids don't matter in our day. We have the highest poverty levels among our children in the history of our nation at a time. We have more influence in the spiritual and emotional poverty that our kids have his way beyond the financial and so what's can't say God says the definition is we give people our kids what they need most, because we ask the questions that really count in the questions that a lover of his home. Ask as a dad is how are my kids really not just how they appear not they got A's and B's on the report card not doing so much on the team but how are my kids really doing this is like the difference between the kind of guy who drives his car and he turns it on in regards to what it sounds like you are getting from here to here and back using the car is fine with some other people a bit more astute, who occasionally lift the hood and it may get you here or there, but they notice things like there's no oil in this deal and the little smoke over here tells me something and you know why you check the little dipsticks in my lands is no power or transmission fluid going on here, but instead of waiting until Rex.

They periodically looking. That's what a loving dad's how you really do not just the outward stuff but is looking for the inward stuff looks for the mood changes looks for the emotional withdrawal looks for the kind of kids are starting to run with looks at what they're motivated by second question, a loving dad does do they sense my approval and acceptance dear kids have a sense that you dad are for them. You are there. Blessed are you are you care about, forget a grown up with Glenn Miller and I watched his kids when they were small and I watched him raising the nose got 2728-year-olds or whatever.

I'm in one of his house.

He grabbed his son give little dots. Robin had him on the shoulder and goof around little bit and then just in earshot is a chip I see what he said that's the delight that's the delight of my life that it combined give his little girl hugging. He blessed his children. He won their critic. He was a cheerleader. He did the hard things we had to do the hard things that I picked up from him. We need to communicate with our words without touching how we live for you when you can't get enough rejection out there since approval and acceptance that's that's that's a part of love third question. A good loving dad asked are we connecting a deep level see as your kids go through different stages where they do they not lived as long as you this is not real hard to figure out, and when they ship things that they don't understand what they do is they draw back from you and and as parents when you start to probe when they draw back when they do stick your chest out, put their hands on their hips. They argue that fellow you know who they are, but everyone else's parents I've learned matter how my kids are everyone else's parents in the whole world will let them do it. Course I will, but what I found was when I began to probe and connect with them sometimes they didn't want you to the tragedy in our day among all parents. Believers are not is when you start probing because you're concerned and they give you little guff or they withdraw. We get we have parents that are saying oh it's a bad no get through it. I am concerned about the kind of kids are running around with. I'm concerned about the attitude, it just must be the teenage years.

No, it must be your kids are going down the tube and someone needs to be courageous and man enough to step up and say were not going there. Those relationships are out of bounds for a while and you know something I don't know what we need to do you not to have breakfast once a week and all sit quietly and listen or will stare at each other. But guess what, I'm your dad.

I love you and really connected with you like it or not. I now hate your guts for a while and then the log.

The focus of the man is relationships and by the way, I know what I just said it's hard to do that when he didn't get but it can be learned. It can be learned just take little baby steps. It can be learned, doesn't mean it has to come naturally. How you pull us off. Look at number one in my beating a dead horse here or what have you noticed that to be a leader to be a priest to be an educator to be a lover of your home. It all begins with model. It model love for God model love for your mate.

By the way, even if your mate doesn't live in the house anymore. Be very careful what comes to your mouth and you have if you're divorced because telling bad things about your mate to your kids you is poison you need to treat your mate the way God treats you.

Have you ever blown it. Yes. Does God love you unconditionally.

Yes me. Everything is wonderful. The time no but means you deal with in a way where you say I'm to model the way God loves me to my mate even if there some very bad history and you will do your kids a ton of good. The second is no substitute for time and all you you can read that quality stuff else, not your ears uptight what your kids want is you and when you're there you to really be there. Third, providing tender love unconditionally jot down Psalm 103, 13, will you when God wants us to understand how he's like he reaches out to Psalm 103, and he speaks and he says for just as a human father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on us. He's mindful the word dust. He said when a human father is functioning in a right way, he's tender. He's caring.

He's approachable. Let me give you three ways in the margin to be tender with your kids.

Number one with words say I love you William mean just just come and get it out over the years. We started this and it's not like some code and open we forget the safe but when I get off the phone to talk within my kids in the conversation. I love your I love you Jason I love you I love you right. I love you today. I need to hear that what I need to hear, but it's not just words touch okay touch, put your hands on the shoulder. Give them a hug come up from behind him dads when their little Russell. Russell Russell and then wrestle some more. You know why because it's a safe way they want to be connected to something strong and masculine and powerful and wrestling is a great way to do it in men as your daughter sit those preteens and teenagers don't back away. They need to know what it looks like to be non-sexually touched in love and put your arm around the new hug is your daughter will pick a safe manner.

She learns that there are safe good men, and if you get a little nervous because she develops in front your eyes and makes a little uncomfortable and you remove yourself from her. She'll go find some affection somewhere and you will be a happy camper could worship look you really want to touch our kids will love our kids. Third is special moments special moments make birthdays big is one day Eunice like when they were born.

Make it big second unit of the special times, like games or with a get an award or graduations and celebrate celebrate only by Makar and Stephanie to celebrate when they hurt point.

That's when I need tender unconditional love in the current when when they go through their first break up. I mean, they're 15 they're sure there is in love. You can never be in love and three months later I'm either depressed feelings going on inside. They don't need a lecture I told you not to get that involve the kid like that anyway, and she was no get from just sit across the bed and listen and hurt with them when they have a big decision be tender. Let them make some big decisions be tender with them. Listen to little more than give all the advice what you find. If you do that the comebacks are asking for advice which really works better. And then, finally, is when they fail.

There's probably a time no greater more important to be unconditional and tender. They know as I get older. This was right and I did this they need to hear. I'm not real happy with the decision that you can't do anything will work through this. I'm for you. I accept that behavior. There's been a be a price. All work with you. You have to own and I love you.

I'm for you. Second thing along this line just to get a provide tough love when necessary. If Psalm 103, 13, you wrote down above right here. Hebrews chapter 12 verse 11 is a summary all discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful, yet those who been trained by afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Your kids are always asking two questions. This is my parenting for fathers and mothers. In a nutshell your kids are always asking two questions do you love me and can I have my own way.

The answer to number one is yes yes yes the answer number two is no and somewhat tough love is is I love you so much that there's boundaries that inside our home. These attitudes and these behaviors will be tolerated.

Now I'm knocking to go berserk and not act like a fool unlock and let it go and then jump all over you very calmly under control safe. That doesn't happen here when you that does than the card doesn't get used when it does this happen when that does this happens and you know what you can make this is hard on yourself as you like.

I don't much on one son for 3 1/2 or four years made me nuts.

I mean, when he was at the supper table when he was in the house as far as I know we did go outside the big moral boundaries, but he had a rebellious attitude and he made our family miserable, particularly, and it got to the point. I mean, he got to the point got the point got the point where son.

I mean you don't bluff the skin we set down.

I said son I love you and there's nothing you can ever do change my love and you know what all that jazz you talk about your mom and I got a track record with you to tell you some right now, here's the boundaries here's the box you live inside of that there's not many rules all around here, but the right attitude and right behavior or it's probably time now. If you can't do that you find somewhere else to live and I don't suggest you ever go there and get less you get led by God to go there and you know there's no other alternative. And he went to his room and hibernated for about three to half days. I just think it over. I walked out one day I still remember brushing the hall, and his countenance was changing next month. He lived like the kid that I had for years now.

He is a real manipulator so I wasn't too excited. I thought you you get me later. I so after a month. I'm feeling like this might be actually real.

I said Jason, do you mind what happened so many son of God through four years of help what you mean what you mean anywhere like this all the time what you mean. He said the call.

I just wanted over the boundaries were. I think I had said daddy not grown for about got on my life as he was set in the church and I know it's really true. I know you and mom really really love me, but just Parnell wanted to go to my own thing I would do bunch of stuff that was wrong and it was wrong.

You would let me do it made me really mad. I stuffed it all down inside so I kept pushing pushing pushing to see how far you go is that I know it's not worth it. Sam rebelling against God rebelling against you.

I need to slip my life when supposed to talk about me, it would've been very un-biblical but I just wanted to take notes dinner right you know I change more that four years than any other time of life. I need God more and that same son.

God's great sense of humor is in Nashville right music and traveling all over the country preaching the gospel through song that's got an amazing sense of humor and you know it says that thank you thanks for not let me have my own way. Mom's dad's give your kids what they need, not what they want and is my old prof Howard Hendricks. I never change my life.

My parent yeah no profit to see some else less than the class you need to ask is do you want your kids to love you next week. I want your kids love you. 10 years from now and see there's a lot of us that don't step up and provide boundaries because our kids turns off and they say I love you and everyone else gets to do and they sulk and so we give in and our kids are great students of us. We saw your grounded and they turned their friend a sick all they said we coalesce more in today's in the right and your kids 10 years from now will love you with you when you say wait. It's a week when you set the boundaries you keep under control. Lovingly got a change in stewardship in the home really were talking about that is the issues of the heart. The leader guards the moral responsibility for the family.

The priest guards the spiritual climate. The teacher says I'm gonna impart wisdom and build character and the lover says the issues of the heart in my family. Beginning with me have got to be done. God's way of four specific steps alike is taken and I want to read the most phenomenal email ever received since I've been here so that if you're a man who thinks I just don't think I can do this. If this guy can do it you can do it but let me give you the four steps of application because I think many of you if you're like me, I grew up in a Christian home and read the Bible to love as a team.

A lot of this is foreign application for points, how to become the dad. Your kids need you to be number one and must begin with your thinking. So you start to think the way God thinks about being a father instead of how you race second. It only becomes real with support, trying to do this on your own, you will fail. Find a group of men do something as couples. However, but find some people who can cover it with you to be officially going to go to the church office.

Find three or four guys essay yeah you struggle yeah okay good you call three requires supernatural grace into that modeling modeling modeling modeling.

If you are not a Christian, you're here and you hear the stuff if you never asked Jesus to forgive you, your life cleanse you and empower you by spirit do it today do it because you need it, but do it because your kids and you can't do what I talked about here apart from the supernatural grace of God and if your man here in and honestly before God. Only you know Christ is not your Lord. I mean he's not really mean. You know the story you pretty sure you know you go to heaven.

He is your Savior herein and somehow you got in your mind like like later when I get done with this or this or this up to get serious about my faith series now as I got is the resources are not available to carnal Christians. You have to get right with God. You gotta live this out because what you can make a zillion mistakes. Love covers a multitude of sins. But if you will model this your kids by and large, will catch in the number four sustained by pondering the future and this may sound a little bizarre but I do this I mean, I literally do this a lot. I picture myself in my late 70s early 80s.

I do and I and I and I lean back in my easy chair and it's my birthday and I picture who's there at picture what will really be important.

I just I have a hard time getting really excited thinking while everyone will be impressed with how much money I have come in my house is like a car I drive only people ever reported to me and I realized late 70s early 80s but things no matter our will any of my kids come to my birthday party will they even want to be there with their grandkids. Be there.

Why do you look back and see the real legacy of my life was. I gave a higher focus and a higher intentionality to raising kids who walk with God. The ups and downs of struggles and failures.

I did that.

First, even before my and I get the sneaking suspicion as I talk with older men. I got the sneaking suspicion that all end up a very very blessed man. If I do what I'm talking about because it's hard. It's tough to balance. It takes unbelievable courage unit you can run into a lot of barriers in conflict, but you by the grace of God. Jesus doesn't come back with his life expectancy that you you know after your late 70s. You lived here early 80s maybe on when you have you can have whatever you're investing your life in. Let me share great story and will close. I want you just to be thinking as you ponder that one side of your brain say, oh God, what you really want me to do what you gonna look like and then the other side of your brain you listen with ears that kinda say you know got back I can do it.

I mean, you know I can do this.

If this guy did hi Chip gives his name.

Here's my testimony father in my life I grew up in Mexicali, Mexico. There were eight of us. My father lived the United States. We found out later he had another wife. There he would come home about once every six months and would stay for anything anywhere from a week to month time. He called to relax and have some fun. Which meant that he went and got drunk almost every day and came back in the middle the night awakened us and beat all he never shows any love or affection.

After a few years his wife in the states left him and so he brought down our three stepsisters that we didn't know we hadn't had my mother raised them. Chip guess what he's to say to my mom all the time.

I would never be a father like my father was.

I would never beat my children and worse, I would never abandon when I was 18 I got married, not for love but just to get out of the house soon. My wife got pregnant and I was a father of a son. The marriage lasted approximately one year I abandon my son just like my father had done to me. That's when my mother said you're becoming a lot like your father. Four years later I married again. This time I thought was for love and jealousy ruled my life and it brought beatings to my wife two years later I became a father again through this marriage and my son. My second son was born when he was six months old.

I repeated what I've been through, I abandon him and my wife we divorced as God would guide my life.

Unbeknownst to me, I met and married 1/3 woman who was a Christian. Four years later my life now third wife that I'm open little restaurant's location was located close to my first wife and my first son and the little boy would come to the restaurant and I told my wife don't let them in the restaurant will even serve him water.

I treated him exactly the way my father had treated me during the next few years. I would not only beat my current wife but I beat my second son from a previous marriage. I almost went to jail for this. This time I learned a big lesson and I tried to be a father but never quite made the grade. Although I got a little closer to him. I would promise him anything but I never kept my promise as it was always all talk.

I tried to buy his love with closing toys but I never gave him what he wanted most.

That was my time when he would visit my wife and II would always make the excuse, I have so much work to do, so I wouldn't have to be around them because I didn't know what to do and I said to him what my father said to me, here spend time with your mother in 1993 I became a Christian got impressed me that I need to mend fences with my first wife. My oldest son. I called and asked to see them and I talk with them and during the talk, my son asked me where I was. During all the holidays and birthdays. Where was I when he was in jail at 14. I remember him asking me what was wrong with him what had he done that I didn't want have anything to do with him. He asked me was I ashamed of him. He told me he just wanted to hear from me that I loved him. He told me he had turned to a gang got involved in stealing so he could prove that he was a man and that he didn't need me. My son told me crying that he used to wait by the phone is birthdays year after year for me to call. Eventually his hope begins to die and it reminded me of when I was a little boy and I waited by the phone and my father never called me. I was selfish because I didn't have a role model of a father and I really didn't know what to do to be a role model to my sons. It took something special from God and God begin to open my eyes and my heart to make me realize as I needed to change when you preached on chapter 4 of Ephesians the Lord begin to work in my life. In the past four months is transforming. I no longer hold a grudge or anger against my father. I went to him. I mended the fences we went. We hugged and I finally felt for the first time in my life that he was sincere and he told me he loved me, realize the courage at that point in your life.

Three marriages of what he did to be a good role model to my sons.

I now realize I need to be patient and humble and gentle with God's help I'm learning to be a father, I want to be the father to them. Now that I never was. It is never too late to hear that men it's never too late. PS I'm happily married to my wife and I intend to stay with her until Jesus comes or I die. So where you what those four steps do you just need to say God's right application for this message, which is part of a series portrait of a father who these messages to popes stressed just how important dads are in the lives of their kids. No one contributes more to a child's beliefs and identity than their father. That's why it's important for men to take seriously the four roles chips identifying as you better understand these important responsibilities you love your family better and more intentionally pass on the baton of faith and remember it's never too late to make a lasting impact on the next generation make to David that you choose to make a difference for all the details and pricing information for portrait of a father go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003 app listeners simply tap special offers which are by no there's lots of men's groups starting to be together again as we head into summer time and they really long to encourage one another to be great dads.

We have a resource that would really help them on their journey, absolutely. In fact, one of the things I've done with fellow pastors but with men and men's groups is I've taken this material and I've walked with them through it and together we said hey how do we be this kind of dad to our kids well. Just recently we took all this material and we made it a small I mean bite-size book that can be read in I don't know a little over an hour. This is the kind of book to get two or three guys are a men's group and you say hey let's take the next two or three weeks will read this little book and let's share how were doing. In fact, the research is absolutely clear. Contrary to everything. Our culture is saying the role of the father in the family is absolutely the greatest determiner and how your kids turn out morally the kind of trouble they get in or don't get in how they do educationally, how they relate to other men and women. Your role as a dad is a shaper it's so critical it's so important, and here's what I know many of us never had that dad who modeled for us what it meant to be a Christian father. It was so hard to learn how to be a dad but as I learned, and as I got some other guys around me to help me learn my kids are different today, they came out completely different because God showed me what he expected of me and how he would give me the power in the grace to be that kind of dad. Perfect. No way. But I made progress.

That's what I want for you and in fact we so want you to do it with others. We discounted it so that you can buy 25 1020 copies and get into a lot of people help them to order your copy of trips new book portrait of a father how to be the dad your child needs go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003.

This trip just said, we've discounted this resource so you can get as many as you need. Whether it's a couple or for your whole church.

We hope this book will encourage every dad to be the leader God has called them to be again to get your hands on ships new book portrait of a father before Father's Day go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 83336003.

Now let's listen to chips application and the prophet said he the Messiah when he comes, will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the land with the curse.

That's the very last verse in the Old Testament men. Isn't it interesting that when God talks about spirituality being vibrant that he says there will be a relationship connection between children and fathers and fathers and children. We said in the portrait of a father than a man has four roles number one you are the leader number two you are priest number three you are a teacher and number four you are a lover and a lover is a person who gives people what they need most.

And I might add when they deserve it the least and so is dads. Our role is to love our kids and that means we provide. We protect spiritually, emotionally, and relationally and so we asked some questions as being that the lovers of our family and the first question we ask him ask it to you. I mean, you heard it, but now I'm asking you about your kids, how are my kids really doing any asking that how they really doing and I don't mean just sports and grades in school and they're not giving you a hard time. I mean underneath the hood. I mean the heart. What a feeling what is he thinking how much answer that, you know. Second question, a lover ask is do they sense my approval and my acceptance and I don't mean yeah you put money on the table and you take care of life and I mean from their heart. I have a good friend who refers to his son and to his daughter as the delight of my life and I watched him over the years. He is very affectionate puts his arm around his son in it in a manly way and he looks him in the eye, teases him and I've watched him embarrass him over the years, but a look him in the eye in front of other people times and say have I ever introduced you. This is the delight of my life. And then he'll take his daughter and give her a hug and I've watched in teary or of those kids hearts grow because their dad is said you know something you can have ops, you can have downs. I approve of you ready. Apart from your performance men. If you want to know how important it is to ratchet up the relationship side of your role as a father. Ask yourself what kind of relationship did you have with your dad. I've been in more men's groups more Bible studies and more heart-to-heart conversations with men, and you know what I hear I hear you guys are still trying to get the father's approval. The 52 years old and they're still trying to get their dad to love them and they're doing it by quote being successful in working and I hear men who whose hearts don't how to open up to their kids because it never had that from another man, man, let's break the cycle. Let's be leaders, lovers, priests and teachers. If you don't know how I encourage listen to it over and over and over and over until you start spontaneously being this to your kids.

You be glad you did. As we wrap up I would say thanks to those who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs.

Purchaser time and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge. Would you consider sending a gift today. You can call us at AAA 333-6003. The donate button on the app or donate online at http://livingontheedge.org. Your support is greatly appreciated for chip and the entire team.

Saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge