Portrait of a Father - Teacher of the Family

For most men to most influential people in all your life were a teacher and coach listen carefully. The teacher that God has called to have the greatest impact in the life of your child is you is more than teaching you how to drive a car, play an instrument to be good. It is for its teaching life morals relationship with others and how to be a venting follower of Jesus Christ you would like some help teaching your kids how to be the greatest person God wants statement. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge Chip Ingram the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians the Bible to the middle of our series portrait of a father truly focuses on the four key roles, only a father could fill in the lives of his so far. Chivers explained the Fed's responsibility to be a leader for his family just a medical exam in the last two provide practical steps to apply them in your life as a quick reminder if you miss a portion of this program.

Let me encourage you to download the chip and remap. It's a great way to catch up anytime now. Here's chip with part three of the series.

Portrait of a father interview ever awakened in the middle the night with a cold sweat, but the not write down the pit of your stomach and it seems like life is suspended for that moment in this horrifying thought comes to mind are my kids getting from me.

What they really need from their dad. One of those flashes of review where everything else seems to just fade away and that issue comes right before you when this happened to me.

I found myself a few minutes later sitting in the living room, small light.

I still remember and some shadows and background and face the painful reality that I was going way, way too fast. What I said was important was getting a backseat urgent getting front seat. Have you had that moment where you honestly come out of the not denial long enough to sense relationships are fragmenting starts with your mate. You see the eyes of your kids you told them and told yourself what is can change soon it will change then you realize you don't know exactly how to get off the speed train and if you got off you don't know exactly what to do. You know your kids something deep in your gut tells you, your kids need a lot more from you than your given them, but you don't know what it is and if you're like me, don't give least I didn't then change my life started me on a journey of trying to figure out what in the world as a dad look like when my kids really need.

What's really important to be very candid with you happens to men in different ways but unfortunately most men end up going back to sleep.

I feel a disturbing event occurred, and then they get up and they live that next day, the way they lived the last day in the last week in the last month in the last year, but I believe every now and then God loves us so much as many loves our kids and our family so much that he'll bring a tragedy or a sleepless night or some event to get our attention so we don't end up living our whole life with our ladder leaned against the wrong David Blankenhorn in his book fatherless America gives some evidence to why the stakes are so high. Men says fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It is the leading cause of declining child well-being, our society is the engine that is driving our most urgent social problems from crime to adolescent pregnancy to the sexual abuse of children and to domestic violence against women.

Yet despite its scale and its social consequences.

Fatherlessness is a problem that is frequently ignored and so I had the opportunity right this big paper. I told you about how to write a thesis and I was pretty tired and I figured you know what right on something that you're motivated.

You have a big need. I wrote it on the role responsibility of the father transmitting values in the family and remember there were four key roles of the Bible evidences backed up by the psychological and sociological research in the us is that we need to be the leader in our home.

We need to be the priests in our home and now to learn. We need to be the teacher and the lover, but men we had a chance to break the cycle. We got a chance to make a huge, huge difference and you don't have to have an altogether and you don't have to go and start some big new thing you can take little baby steps and got be so please if you would begin to initiate and leading your home and begin to make sure worship occurs in your family's life you'll never regret the day that you let's just go over these four roles out just highlight them quickly and then we'll look at snapshots number three and number four. One of the primary roles he's a leader we set a definition of a leader. He makes things happen. Leaders asked several questions like where are we now as a family where we need to go and how we can get there. Here's what I heard from in. I have never thought it never dawned on me to bring the same intensity the same focus the same strategic thinking to my family that I did my job in line. I still miss is not much of the Bible be candid but you know what I can do that but I can turn that switch inside I'm to be the leader in my home, we learned that the focus of leaders is objectives wearing a land the house who was modeling taking initiative setting some direction and ongoing evaluation. We said the stewardship is a man, as we are morally responsible for her own and to be very honest, this is pretty foreign territory for some of us we grew up in a parents corrupt and their parents grew up in a generation where if we went to work.

Got a paycheck and there's a roof over our family said put bread-and-butter on the table.

Most of us grew up thinking that what a dad is in its provision. That's part of it that's not second thing we learned as a father not only leader he's a priest. He makes God's no member Moses went up and he heard from God and he took what was true about God and he gave it to the people and then he gave said to the fathers you do that, your kids or grandkids and they took the needs of the people any bronze comments were priest men. This will lead to our home. We have the privilege of revealing God to our kids and then taking their needs and their hurts and the things we can handle and taken to God and watching him work in them, a dad who's a priest says over and over throughout the stages of his kids lives.

My kids know God did have an accurate view of God is our home. Honor God. Are they an ally growing in holiness. We said that the focus of the priest's worship and we said somehow to the first model that we need to be authentic worshipers privately and emotionally and then we need to be the ones to save the family Sunday morning or Saturday night because it matters and then we initiate family worship at least once or twice a week we make it shortly. Make it fun, but this time around the Bible in time. We share cards in time where we care and pray and then you teach your kids how to worship on their own. The stewardship here men is were not only leaders but is priest were the stewards of the spiritual climate of our home.

That's not your wife's job is not the church's job in my home. That's my job and in your home church well where we go from here. Snapshot three and snapshot four snapshot three. He's a teacher definition he imparts wisdom and builds character.

That's what teacher does. I want to get something out of your mind. Get the picture out of your mind of a teacher as in someone standing up as a book in front of the little people are lined up in rows and the goal of the teachers take information out of their head and put it in the heads of all these kids, many of us have grown up with a Western view of transmission of knowledge where we think we open our kids heads filled full of much information. Close down wind and shut and someday we'll figure out how to use it is not come up with the Bible teaches about education and by the way, that's not a good education where you are teacher does the teacher imparts wisdom. The Hebrew word for wisdom really is more the idea of skill of the book of Proverbs defines what is wisdom is understanding how life is created life and relationships and things to work then you know it, and then after you. You know it, then you understand the why behind it and then you have discernment about when and how to put into practice and then you teach your children to live life according to God's pattern so that it protects them and brings his shalom. His blessing and glory to him. That's what you want transmit the wisdom of God the beginning. Wisdom is the fear of, but beyond that, you don't want just been to know what's right or to learn a few skills you want them to have character and so a teacher's job is to build values and principles and convictions in loyalty and integrity so that when they hit transitional years. They make decisions on their own and their peer group. To say I'm not going that direction I'm going this direction. Not because my parents because what God has done in my life. See what you you want to impart wisdom and you want to build character. The classic New Testament passage Ephesians 64 and notice is addressed to mothers, no parents, no fathers, don't exasperate your children is the idea or don't frustrate your children or don't call them to get angry. That's the negative side of his command, but rather bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord notices a negative and a positive command. The negative is don't frustrate men. We are to be the primary teachers will our wives and and Sunday school teachers and a youth group leaders help us you were the primary people responsible and so he says be careful because as men we can we can frustrate regular kids angry the ways that I've done it. You know how not to do it is be very perfect affectionate stick that produces be harsh, be passive or no matter what they do find full of Donald.

And when I do my kids get mad and I don't hear from me and they don't embrace my values when were harsh, perfectionistic or passive as men we stir up anger in her kids but he says don't do that, but instead what they bring them up. It's a very broad word to bring up the word was used in the classical Greek to mean nourishment even physical nourishment, mental nourishment, it had this broad broad view of the total development or nurture of the child and so were to bring up the educational environment were to bring them up with two things in mind how to with the discipline and admonition of the word discipline. The King James translators that I think it Ephesians 5, toward the end as nourishment and then in Hebrews 12. The same word is translated as chastisement very broad range. The idea is what ever it takes for your kids to learn or be educated or to be trained in the things of God. That's what you do, but the unique aspect of this word discipline or training has to do with you do it by actions the instruction or another translation says admonition the discipline and instruction or discipline and admonition of the Lord. The idea there is you do it with words and I think the word order is important when your kids are first learning can they understand what you're saying how you teach your kids when they're real early when the real small when they do what's right, they get reward and when they do what's wrong they get consequences. It's done lovingly and kindly is so dads are jobs is the leader family in such a way so when our kids grow up instead of talking talking talking talking explain explain explain explaining yelling yelling yelling yelling screaming screaming screaming in their care, and you can start to do this. The goal is early on by way of your actions know what's right and what's wrong. They know what's expected. They know that their love and then the admonition is the words the verbal words to keep them on course and so dads, our job is to bring up our kids in the sphere of Christ likeness in the Lord whereby our actions and by our words we educate imparting wisdom and building character will what's the focusing the focus is wisdom and are some questions to get you there as a teacher.

What kind of questions you need to ask to be effective the first one is ask yourself what does your kid need to know to be okay, what, what's the knowledge that they need. What's the skills the doing what they need to be or become if you want a good way to put this together. This is been very helpful to me.

Think about I need to develop my child's head. I need to develop my child's hands and I need to develop my child's heart yet what I need to know head, what skills do they need to learn in relationships skills with their finances skills about decision-making skills about studying God's word hand skills. Finally, their heart, their character, their motives, the relationships see as a teacher, don't. Don't fall into the trap where you think if they get just the right knowledge you've done your job. See the goal is not that they get to become smarter sinners like us. The goal is that they have a transform life.

The goal is and how much they get to know the goal is can they put into practice in real life. That's the goal you will net you want to make a Christ like one done in a very nurturing loving environment. The second question then is how they best learn the greatest danger, as you have your first kid to be fairly compliant in whatever you do with anything that's way on this for you. They're all different, that I have for God gave me a test case. I'm unconvinced part of it was to help you get to kids were born within five minutes of each other when they were little look a lot like I mean, they're twins, same families, same environment, they learn completely differently. I had wondered if he was the only child I had, you would be looking at the smartest and most intelligent, godly parent right here, right here with my son Eric as he grew up this high disciplinary Eric cited is not done so.

Tell the parents that's how you know he had a brother. The same will. I didn't take the proverbial 2 x 4 with his brother, mean that didn't work long time ago. It was the 2 x 6 and I can take you know, metaphorically speaking of course and I can smash him across the face with & what are you doing in here so these consequences of your ground and the rest of your life, and he put his hands on his hips and say that all you got. And so the teacher you better find out how your kids learn what kind of personality they have and what's the most effective way to communicate third question need to ask is when and how we you teach them in the season of their life letting you a quick example. Let me run through this and maybe it would be helpful for some of you maybe like me to grow up in a Christian home and I didn't read the Bible tell of his 18th each season is different when my kids were small talk about is you have to have a structure and a game plan to educate and so when my kids were small, it was bedtime each bedtime I put my kids to bed. If I was home not fight over this now and then with Teresa because you would want to get in on site and you get to be with them a lot more than me and so I read through storybooks story books of the Bible I get a real close to me and then we shut the door and collect the pillows and we made it fine. It was outrageous. It was crazy, but I wanted them to hear the content of God's word associated with their dad my arm around him cuddling up together and I did that in earlier in the middle years then shift in the time instead of bedtime was around meals because by the middle years, even 10, 11, 12 early preteens and teens I want my kids to meet with God on their own before they go to bed and so around meals once or twice a week. Read the Bible that talk a little bit. I tried a million different ways.

None of them lasted more than three weeks to three months and then didn't work slot like businesses in whatever is working now three months now's not working.

Why should meaningful your family because they're grown or change the parents got shipped and so it was mealtime that was the formal instructional time and then as I've gotten older. You 1920. I'll give him a book I need a really good looking really good book coming some fire me up you go out you can :-( talk about around the table. A lot of our family concept is ice I just say what you read right now shall share Eric Avenue right what's going on with and you know yeah there are times were some so you then be honest is been pretty bad week on the rathole.

Okay will smooth the next, but it's a loving, positive, nurturing environment where of course everyone has their ups and downs but were you share life together. And so each season you need to figure out how my never communicate formally and informally. The truth of God's word in a way where he gets into their heart and they apply to their life and so the focus is wisdom and ask yourself some of your hope.

You think I need some curriculum. I mean I need some curriculum where when I got which I teach are you ready for this. There's a section of the Bible called the wisdom literature. Can you give any idea what it might be for wisdom when if you want to train your kids hands skills in life book of Proverbs take you into the book of Proverbs is starts out son. I want to teach you how to walk with God. It's all the skills about life is starts what the fear of the Lord is beginning of wisdom in the chapter after chapter after chapter talks about basic things like work. Your tongue sex, money, relationships, loans. It teaches your kids the skills of life.

We don't just want to do their hands then move as I get into preteen actually teenagers to Ecclesiastes you want to know when they're finding their identity. They can be found in money can be found.

Education can be found in fame and popularity. Let another was someone that can do anything. Eliza's riches most powerful man in the world. And Solomon said when it's all been said, what's all been done.

If you don't walk with God everything you can.

The biblical worldview and finally one of the about their hearts and the wisdom literature get the Psalms in your reading praise songs outlining a great curriculum because the focus of the teacher is to transmit wisdom you do it how one by modeling having a word centered life yourself to buy those formal times of instruction like we talked about and then by informal times and I like you know I'm just friends. I can think outside the box.

All of us would say when your kids graduate from high school, you will be able to read, write, think, and be able to articulate ideas right and communicate verbal will, and I fell into the trap of thinking that the public schools are not doing a good job of that. And I know there's I mean I'm a schoolteacher.

My parents were schoolteachers all involved public schools all my life but you know there's been a slight lot great teachers out there but there's been a slight you know. I hope that they'll help me but I'm I can stand before God and say the name of such and such high school. How can they do better job with my son. I realize that's my job.

Now if I get a lot of help and they guy gets gets done at the school great. If not that I better do the senior midyear. My youngest boy. We did some is really cool and he wasn't thinking Roel wasn't writing real well and wasn't articulating in a way that I thought was at the level was to prepare him for the future. As I said in a sentence on schools not very hard and you don't seem to do a whole lot of work and you don't do much work and you still get good grades and then to make sense to me but since they're not giving you a challenge. I will add is that we need to and I said so we went through a book called Schaefer's Bible things takes all the great doctrines of the Bible. 6789 pages gives a bunch of passages in about 18 to 20 questions. I said read this look up all the verses answer the questions will talk.

I mean, he did it and he got into it and we went through most of that book and pretty soon now he's writing papers for me and turning them in either the lower care I get back to me with the CS Lewis. We did mere Christianity. He outlined every chapter. Mere Christianity, and gave me the reasoning about the presuppositions in the apologetics and they started using on his high school teachers. It was unfair.

Everything is what my son develop a love for theology.

Learn how to write actually made a couple times give little mini messages and made them stay in the living room wife and I said on the couch as it go babe all day educated on the kid uncommitted. You can educate and he did it a little nervous and imprisoning a pretty good seat. Let's think outside the box guys must've all the goal is and how can we get something to go is what we can put into our kids years and years and years and say well I did that and so you do it informally, you do it formally and you do it times where not just by the way of those you do it times where they have a failure that's called a teachable moment.

They break up. That's called a teachable moment.

I had a time were I came back and one son had lovingly propelled another son into the wall and awaited the damage to the wall that was a teachable moment were educators were teachers and so the stewardship is teachers God's calling is to transfer godly wisdom to the next generation. This next section is a Chip Ingram is. It is not from God is a personal conviction, but I felt prompted to say okay to read. I made a decision early on. This was when I grew up in air.

My kids were coming up when the tendo just came out. I made it. Here's a here's a decision on. I would not have video games my house. I would not of my kids would have a TV in the room and that during school nights we would watch TV to my observation as I watch the culture was most homes, including born-again Christian homes are media centered homes are not word centered homes. Okay, now my saying that that's from God never went on to do that not all I'm saying. It's personal conviction and Mike is all you know that you know what to do as a getaway as arcades and played a couple times fine, but when a kid sits in front of the TV and watch is something I can tie the research what's happening in their mind when their little bit bored. And I can play around something and to have hours later, nothing has been accomplished what they learned to do is burn time so I have four children there all for voracious readers.

Second, all four musicians third all for our initiators and forth all four communicators you know why they got bored they got bored my house you get your homework done at 8 o'clock is a 50 you not want anything not play video games you can amuse yourself to death any non-news as an think the real world.

It is amusing themselves to death. Not thinking so you get so bored I pick up the guitar go play the piano go work out your read a book and amazing things happen. They learn to take initiative, they learn to think they learn to be creative, just a little thought just leave that one with the pasture right on the right. Okay dad got got a great plan for your family starts to be a leader.

Next is a priest. Third is the teacher educator and forth this a special award of the a lover definition of a lover as he gives people what they need most now primarily as you go through the Scriptures you find that that's what God does. He's an unconditional lover of our soul. He gives us what we need most in great sacrifice. And so what is his provision and protection when you really think about love. That's what you get. You get provision and you get protection you get material provision in your dad's spiritual provision of your dad emotional provision from your dad in relational provision from your dad say what you love says what ever they really need. If it's a tender hug or being grounded done out of the same concern and motive, you give it to you care for you, sacrificially, literally gives your life interesting passage read with me Malachi for the very last two verses the Old Testament is is be old. I'm going to send Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord. Speaking of judgment, and he will restore the hearts of fathers to their children in the hearts of the children to their fathers less I come and smite the land of the curse. Jesus told us that John the Baptist was the Elijah spoken of here.

They came to repair the way of the Lord and one of the evidences is when people are living under kingdom rule one in the primary evidences is when a culture and when the home are living the way God wants them to you what it is, is when there is an intimate heart connection and concern from the father to the children and from the children back to the father. The focus of a man is relationships. It's hard to do that we didn't get but it can be learned. It can be learned just take little baby steps can be doesn't asked him that go any farther I just want to stop right now I know how hard it is when you listen to this is a man and say you don't get it Ingram, your pastor, you got some Bible training all that other jazz in your dad was probably pastor and his great-grandfather was a pastor and all this jazz man. I feel like I'm just barely wet in Christ, of knowing anything and I don't know how to be a dead will let me tell you something. I had a good moral dad who was a Marine who was a very tough guy who never verbalized once in my early life that you love me, though I know we did and I didn't get it and I never open the Bible taught as a teen and I found myself with three little boys try to teach them what it meant to be a man and I didn't have and so I told you the very end. It can be learned and can be learned can be learned not have this weird opportunity right now. I am now 30 years down the road of being a dad and I started at zero and so let me give you some baby steps to take baby step number one start eating as a family. You don't have to talk about God just get people around the table 3 or four times a week. That's called leadership and by the way asked some questions we don't have to make it overly spiritual when you start out just get people in the home, and you initiate second is every other week. Put your kids on your schedule and on union go get a milkshake. You take a walk.

You can throw the ball in the backyard. This is not dropping them off to you sports and they're going out in the field playing with other people and saying you spent time with them.

This is dad, kid. Okay, you're actually with them so so far you have any negative view giving given him a verse third is start modeling something in unit this appears simple. I didn't have any idea but you around the table after you eat for little while. Get the book of Proverbs. Okay I mean it's just like wisdom. You don't have to be a genius and just read you know like started chapter 1 and read like half of the chapter and then say you know which one of these do you think is pretty cool you know and then say this is the one I read it early this morning that I thought was really kinda neat and here's why make it five minutes okay six and if everyone rolls her eyes on dad what he doing the Bible. This is all new, don't get discouraged.

What they're not can be tuned into this early. You be the man and you give them what they need, not what they want and the other thing it means is that you read the proverb that morning and if that's all you do guys you know meal together personal time little bit in the Bible, and then you know here's what you do.

I meet with so many pastors I can tell you pastors wives tell me that not this isn't just husband pastors wives tell me their greatest need their greatest heartbreak is there pastor husband doesn't pray with them and when they do wives tell me I feel protected. I feel loved and just before you go. Wait a minute guy that's way out there. I've help guys learn how to pray with their wife by doing something as simple as simply holding hands with their wife and say you know let's silently pray for each of our kids and for this big things coming up tomorrow okay and when I'm done praying will be required and will say amen I mean like how threatening is that and then you moved to, you know, let's each share one or two sentences and was having a quiet time. All I'm telling you guys is you get more and more comfortable you find a group of guys there so many great resources we have them other other people have them.

This is not rocket science. This is courage, faith, a willingness to draw a line in the sand and stop saying I didn't get it so I can't give it you start the new generation men we can turn the corner and change the world that it starts under our roof. May God give you supernatural grace, strength, encourage, act on it today don't in your heart as I'm talking to you know I really ought to do that.

Forget that auto stuff. Do it today, start the journey today. What man you will you be like me and I look back now, 30 years because I started with baby steps.

You start with the baby step today. It's a great word triplex. You're listening to Living on the Edge message you just heard is from chip series portrait of a father.

These messages are a response to the pervasive problem of fatherlessness and increasing number of kids are growing up without a dad or worse, a father who was present in the home, but emotionally uncaring and spiritually checked out the fact is, many men don't know how to be the dead their kids need if you want help being a better father.

Don't miss a single part of the series triple breakdown for biblical roles only a father can fill.

It doesn't matter if you've been a dad for decades are brand-new to fatherhood. These lessons are vital to check out the resource options and pricing information for portrait of a father go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA to 333-6003 or click on special offers on the chip and remap chip before we wrap up this program it'll Father's Day is one of the hardest times to buy a gift for dad. We all struggle with that one got any ideas.

Absolutely Dave, I do have a great idea. I think it's helping a dad be a dad, my confession, I didn't grow up in a Christian home.

I got very little help being a dad being the father that my children need and so I've written a little book called the portrait of the father how to be the dad your child needs. It flows right out of the series that were hearing. In fact, the essence of it is this the father's role in the family is critical, but I think men get overwhelmed. We we don't know exactly how to do it in this little booklet. I'll give you the four roles that God expects for a man to be a leader, a lover, a teacher and a priest and then very specifically how to do that. You can read this and little over an hour is really small. So it's one that you could get for three or four or five or six people and I think the team is discounted it because we want to get this in the hands of as many people as possible for Father's Day, not just so they get a good gift. But what we know is when a man begins to lead his family when he finally gets the confidence to know who is to be and what he's to do it changes everything they want to tell them how they can get this little book. Sure thing to order your copy of Chip's new book, portrait of a father how to be the dad your child needs go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003, and a strip just said, we've discounted this resource so you can get as many as you need. There's a couple or for your whole church.

We hope this book will encourage every dad to be the leader God has called them to be again to get your hands on Chip's new book, portrait of a father before Father's Day go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA to 333-6003 as we close this program. Just a quick but important thought Living on the Edge depends on listeners like you to help us encourage Christians to really live like Christians, would you consider partnering with us on a monthly basis so more people can benefit from this ministry to set up a recurring donation, call us at Tripoli 333-6003. The donate button or go to LivingontheEdge.org. Thanks in advance for doing whatever God leads you to do will be sure to join us again next time. As Chip wraps up his current series portrait of a father chip and the entire team.

This is the same. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge