Portrait of a Father - Leader of the Family

Hey dad when your kids look at you when they see a hard worker, unloving sports fanatic and outdoorsman. A man's man, a great husband.

What kind of model are you setting for the now if you want your kids grow up to be positive self assured.

Morally strong adults stick around because that's what talk about today.

Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with your finger tips are Bible teacher for the steely discipleship program motivating Christians to live like Christians joining a sister because a new series called portrait of a father packing with the Bible says about additional responsibilities of fathers often collected outright rejected for the series is that God is called them to be before we begin, let me encourage you to use chips message notes while you listen don't really help you get the most out of what you're about to hear download them under the broadcast tab@livingontheedge.org Listeners just Fill in the notes that Pierce chip today for out of 10 children will put their head on a pillow in a house without a day and not David Blankenhorn's landmark book.

I quote he says the United States is becoming increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father today in American child can reasonably expect not. This is an academic to me and what I know is for a lot of human. It's not that I jumped into fatherhood early with both feet. No experience in the day I got married I became a dad later got to adopt my older two boys, but had four-year-olds from the get-go. When I realized as I do not be a husband little dad in six months. After that, you know, because I wanted to pilot the transitions make it as difficult as possible. Put everybody in a Ryder truck and we drove to Dallas and I were called of God to go into ministry and change careers and our conviction was a mime wifely to stay home with my little boys. We had $700. I did have a job. I knew I needed go to school full time and figure out a way to support my family and so for four years we lived a pressurized, stressful, loony, amazing, victorious God came through beyond what we can imagine in our marriage got stretched our God got bigger and four years later, I've got now to eight-year-olds and then amazingly this other little boy came along 28-year-olds toddler and the one thing I want to do is get out of this place. It's a great experience.

I'm learning a lot, but I have absolutely no more emotional gas in my motivational tank and I got a thesis to write. I've done one of these before. I know the price tag.

I'm thinking I don't want to go there but they don't let you out and to the right and so I said, God willing, to do and he said chip no audible voice, but chip right on the biggest need you have in your life and that what you stay motivated and so I wrote my thesis on the role and responsibility of the father and transmitting values and family and I thought you don't find out what the Bible says so.

I looked at any time. The word father showed up in Scripture. I divided the Bible to its five major areas of the historical and then you have the wisdom and the prophetic literature in the Gospels, and that all the letters and any time.

The word father when I could smell it. I studied all the passages that all these papers and all I want to ask those two questions one.

What's the role of a dad according to God, who is he to be in second. What's the responsibility what's he to do and then I thought, because my background.

I did some work in psychology. I thought I wonder what the world thinks. And so, as I did that over here. I did the psychological and sociological research and it was early on. They were just beginning to study fathers because most people back then basically said fathers don't do much. I mean, they provide some genetic material, but families do well without them or within it's not a big deal but emerging they begin to see three areas father's role in moral development. The father's role in developing sexual identity of the child in the father's role in a kids self-image and so I did the literature review, and I took what I learned here what the Bible said and I said where these lineup because this was an academic I got three boys. I got a great dad.

He loved with all his heart.

His dad died when he was 13 he was in the Marines. By the time was 16 he loved me but he didn't have a clue about how to communicate it and no one was Christians. My wife's family were Christians were first generation Christians out just like Scott. The testimony heard and I'm thinking I want to raise my voice.

God's way. I don't know what to talk about what a biblical father is working to pay for quick pictures, snapshots about what a dad is what a father is his role as responsibility now puts in teaching notes that I'd like you to pull out with me now as you pull those out up the ante just a little. What I mean by that is I want to up the ante in that I want to tell you why it's so vital for the health of the family to have effective father to see what the psychological research the Bible aside the psychological research was small, then it's huge now fatherless America became a landmark book in the last 20% of it is all tiny small print of empirical research and here's what I can tell you, dad's mom's daughters is that the father is the primary shaper of the kids moral values, whether little boy or girl learns right from wrong.

The father is the primary role second in the sexual identity of the little boy or little girl growing up in a home. The father is the primary influencer of whether a little girl feel safe and knows what it means to be feminine or for little boy knows what it means to be masculine. The research indicates that internal self-image is about 50-50 mom and dad. Now the given is that mothers had this incredible nurturing bond and I think the most influential person in any child's life by large will be there mother but in our day and in our world people and said fathers don't matter. The research actually says just the opposite second question to up the ante is this why is it so hard for us as dads to be effective fathers. I mean us regular guys.

I mean I'm talking about us chickens and hear people say I love God of an experience with Christ the born again I'm forgiven the Spirit of God lives in me got the manual. Why is it so hard limiting through for reasons he might want to jot down number one most of us, not all most of us never had a model it's really hard to paint a picture or to draw a picture when you have no idea what I look like there's not many people did I say hey what's a great father look like and they say let me show you meant.

Here's my wallet. This is what it looks like it's my day. Most men can't tell me that the second thing is I call cultural confusion the last 30, 40 years, especially with entered a time where the role of a man is been minimized.

His importance has been minimized and his value is been minimized and I'm really a lot of people today saying you know what we don't need you at all. Now we can take your genetic material put in the test tube. We can pull this whole thing off without you guys and yet every major societal issue in America, the greatest you ready for this research of fatherless America the greatest predictability of whether a son or a daughter growing up in America lives in poverty is whether they have a father at home engaged in active, if not the chances are five times greater going up and poverty the greatest predictability factor of the welfare whether kids get on drugs, whether they end up in prison whether they get pregnant before they're married or impregnate someone before they're married or whether they end up in juvenile hall is not race. It's not economics and is not geography. The single clearest indicator is the presence or absence of a ready for that of an engaged, caring, loving father, now guys to have your attention, your kids need you because I got news for you men. We have done our thing and we busted it. The people that one around the table and the relationship will matter most will not be from our work role, and will be or athletic prowess and by then people won't care how much money you've made what you drive where you live but you want to look into the eyes of some grown adult children that say hey dad, and you had your struggle just like I have mine, but am I glad you might write open your teaching us with me and let's dig in. And here's how the project I'm going to give you a pretty clear overview and outline. I designed these notes. Are you ready ladies. These are for your husband.

You can take notes, but these are for your husband. These notes are not to be used for elbow nudging later not to be left out on the table with highlighted marks like you can use work here for this is what it meant a lot to me.

We don't do that okay these notes are for men here whose God says I love you and I know it's hard to be a dad and it's really tough. I want to empower you. These notes are designed so you can say okay here's the four roles and here's the four key responsibilities and I need to build a think this through and I need to clear and I need it logical so give me a definition give me a classic passage. Tell me one of the questions I need to ask tell me where my focus needs to be gimme some how-to's and then summarize it and say I am a steward of my family in this area. In one sentence and I'll get away all talk with God and all ponder how I'll do it. He shows me that's who they're designed for.

And so with that man your number one role in your family. According to the Bible and the best psychological research. He is a leader.

He's a leader not had this really long really cool definition. People who work with words like me. I spent a lot of time alone. I write out these definitions. This really long cool definition and minute was gonna be like. He assumes the authority and responsibility of the overall protection welfare before God to help protect provide and help them reach their full potential and is really really really long and I hang out this little coffee shop where I study and I share it with both believers and unbelievers were kinda buddies now and they left me cement is a lousy definition I symbol. How come he said I know what you talk about number one.

Acute member number two so guys are you ready this one's for you. Here's what a leader is, he makes things happen. That's what you do you make things happen. Classic passage listen the first printing chapter 4 verses 14 to 16. Paul's get to pick a metaphor of the father and the role of the father to express his relationship with this church where he led these people to Christ.

Notice men, the role of leadership. He says I don't write these things to you to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

Notice the heart. For if you have countless tutors in Christ you would not have many fathers for in Christ Jesus, I became your father to the gospel. In other words, they came to Christ and they started to grow, and then everyone telling the Corinthian church to do this shoddily vitiated division do that.

And Paul writes this letter to straighten out some problems. He says you have people forever, being your tutors is that I'm your spiritual dad. I care more than other people care. Now notice as he picks up the metaphor father what is expectation his look at his application.

I exhort you, therefore, be imitators of me speaking of the leader is speed of the team. The apostle Paul says see long before Bandura did his research and told us that modeling is the greatest way of socialization and impact for education, Jesus, had to stand memo Jesus in Luke 640 a learner, a disciple when he is fully trained will be just like his teacher. Whether you like it or not men, whether I like it or not, your kids are going to turn out a scary ridiculously amount just like you and so the greatest impact you can have on his new what be the kind of person you want them to become. And so Paul can say now my perfect no. He said that as I follow Christ with my ups and downs and I and I shoot straight with you. Be imitators of made men.

You want a leader does.

They make things happen.

First, when you make things happen is you be the kind of person you want your kids to become questions leaders ask to make that happen. A very simple and guys think about right now your work leaders are always asking consciously or unconsciously three questions where we now 12 where we need to go.

Three. What must we do to get there.

When's the last time you said to yourself that okay picture in your mind, your four-year-old your seven-year-old your 13-year-old or 19-year-old your 28-year-old.

If you have learned about this parenting stuff. Your role completely changes you never get out job right now you say where are they now where is my child, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically, where they need to go clear target, vision, values, and strategy. What do I need to impart.

What do I need to do what I need to model to help my little boy or not a little boy or girl become all God wants them to me and you say yourself while never thought of it quite like that. Oh yes, you have you think that way every day right when you go to work. How many new men go to work trying to build a company, you do the construction site you say, gosh let's have a building here.

This is a nice place. Look on the little it doesn't matter which is bring some wood in and will start nailing it together and come up let's build a company what your market audience what your strategy how you get there. I just hire a lot of people get with the compensation plan. I'm sure some will come out when you do guys. One of my donut shop buddy seeking to cease and the lights came on and is not as far as I know he's not in God's family.

Great guy. I mean a good friend and he told me he said I work in the landscape industry. He said when you said to bring the same focus and intensity to my family that I do my job.

He said man the lights came on. He said before I landscape. I look at it and I decide. Okay what kind of plans were to put more money into the irrigation where it is, a son, what kind of plants.

What season will I use which plaintiff that I plan and plan and plan and plan before ever do anything I set I take some. I have never in my life thought that way about my family, where we now we need to go, what I need to do to get there. See what leaders do. The focus of the leader's objectives leaders ask are we hit the target men only ask you, what's the target you have for your son what the target happen. Your daughter wherever they're at whatever stage what's the target see unconsciously what we do is we we don't make a clear target. We don't know what it is and so the world change can I give the target according to God. Your goal is for your boy your girl your team do young adult to become an Jesus listening to living on the shipping from the message you just heard is part of chip series portrait of a father.

These messages are a response to the pervasive problem of fatherlessness and increasing number of kids are growing up without a dad or worse, a father who was present in the home, but emotionally uncaring and spiritually checked out the fact is, many men don't know how to be the dead their kids need if you want help being a better father.

Don't miss a single part of the series triple breakdown for biblical roles only a father can fill. It doesn't matter if you've been a dad for decades are brand-new to fatherhood. These lessons are vital to check out the resource options and pricing information for portrait of a father go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 83336003 or click on special offers on the chip and remap woodchip for the next few programs you're talking straight to dad's I know who offered our listeners like to hear what prompted you to create a series and this what I know is near and dear to your heart. Dave absolutely in fact, you know, sometimes I'm just teaching through a series teaching through book and that's where the series comes out of, and other times it comes out of a huge or profound need and this is one of those times.

Many people who know my story know that I married a wonderful woman named Teresa who had two small children, both of which I got to adopt and what I realized was I didn't know how to be a husband but I didn't have a clue about how to be a dad and so I was in seminary shortly after we got married. That's a whole another story about whether you should go to seminary six months after you just get married with two kids but they were tiny little toddlers and when I came to the point where I had to write my thesis for seminary. I thought this huge project I have to do it on something that all stay motivated on and I thought to myself what's the biggest need in my life and I thought the biggest need in my life is I don't know how to be a dad. I had a dad that was a good man but wasn't a Christian, a pretty hard-core guy is a young man in the Marine Corps came out of a very challenging situation. World War II really damage from the war and was a functioning alcoholic and I thought I want to be a godly dad.

I want to be the kind of dad, God wants me to be but I don't know how. And so for my thesis.

I wrote it on the role and responsibility of the father and transmitting values in the family and what I did is I would through the entire Bible.

Anytime it said anything about fathering or parenting. I looked up every verse and I categorized them and I looked at what's a dad to be and what's a dad to do and then the second part of it because my background I looked at all the kind of the social literature on what are the kind of environments in which kids grow in what was sort of the best psychology and wanted to pair those things together and see how God's truth and some of the best research came out and out of that came a portrait of the father and in this series you're going to hear the four specific roles that the Bible says dad this is your job and then working to learn exactly how to do it and I have to tell you, you can't do it alone. I did it very imperfectly, but I look back now, many, many years. And if there's a gift I could give to every dad in the world it would be understanding the portrait of a father how to beat that dad your kids so desperately need all our prayers. This series will bless you, dad's listening. It also be a helpful resource for anyone wanting to build a healthy family.

In addition to these messages chips released a brand-new book that builds on the four roles of a father is talking about is called portrait of a father how to be the dad your child needs. It's a short, easy read that emphasizes the critical responsibility of every dad in the lives of their kids with Father's Day just around the corner now is a great time to get your hands on this new book, whether it's for yourself, a dad, you know, or a dad to be will find the details for portrait of a father@livingontheedge.org or call AAA 83336003 here's the deal. If you want to order this book for all the guys in your small group or church. We've discovered chips new book so you can order as many as you need. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 833360030.

Here's chip with a few final thoughts from this message. We've just begun a brand-new series called the portrait of a father and we started today and I read a quote by a fellow named David Blankenhorn and fatherless America. Listen carefully to one more time. Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation is the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is also the engine that is driving our most urgent social problems from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to domestic violence against women.

Yet despite its scale, and social consequences. Fatherlessness is a problem that is frequently ignored or denied. Now that was a secular book, but I would say in the average Christian home. That's true as well bring in a span for broadcast together talking about the portrait of the father. What we mean by that is what does God mean when he says father. What's that mean for us men and ladies can share something with you more than his share some things that your hearts can resonate with. I mean, something inside of you is going to say yes yes yes. My husband needs to hear this or all I long to have that as a little girl growing up and I never got it.

Will you please listen carefully and prayerfully and not Sadie. Your husband okay this is what you want to be in and use this broadcast in this teaching as a hammer on your husband. I am a man. I grew up in a home where my dad gave it his best shot. He wasn't a believer he didn't know how to be a dad and you know something your husband is knocking to get encouraged by you, blasting him with what he needs to be.

Now for those of you that are men. Let me talk to you very directly. This is been a real journey with me and I'm going to give you four snapshots of a father.

Today we looked at you as a leader, know what that means is that you are morally responsible for your home before God and I ended the broadcast. By saying what would happen to think of this.

What would happen in your life and your family if you brought the same intensity to your home that you bring to work. I mean those of you in construction you you get up in the morning and you think okay within a frame that thing today and you got a plan and you pull the guys together.

Those either architecture thinking in your mind you're dreaming at night about what it's gonna look like those in the corporate world.

I mean you, you know, okay, what is this quarter earnings going to be what's her five-year plan any of dreams and energy and 360 reviews in your you are bringing energy and focus and strategy. Why because you got a clear goal. The goal of being the leader in your home is that your kids more and more become like Christ and to get there you have to have just as clear a game plan as a leader as you do in business or in work night said there's three questions leaders have to ask and answer not let me be your coach okay and hunt down you know this is us fellow fathers trying to get there together. Let me ask you those three questions and process it. Okay. And then we'll get some real practical help in our next broadcast number one where are we now, I mean if you did it close evaluation of your family.

Where is it, spiritually, morally, what direction second question. Where do we need to go as a family, but with the picture look like of a positive future and three what must we do as a family to get there. Can I ask you as a leader to ponder those questions and say God will you show me and then don't miss our next broadcast. We will talk about the role of father is priest in your home. As we wrap up I want to say thanks to those who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs, purchase your time and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians. If you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge. Would you consider sending a gift today.

You can call us at AAA 83336003. Tap the donate button or donate online at http://livingontheedge.org. Your support is greatly appreciated. Join us next time. As we continue our series portrait of a father chip and the entire team on the jury saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge