Yes! You Really CAN Change - The Role of Spiritual Training in the Transformation Process, Part 2

Do you or someone you know have a problem with is one of the most difficult emotions to ever get under control.

But today I want to show you from God's word, a solution that you may have never known that I believe will give you specific strategic help to overcome your anger.

See adjustment welcome to this edition of living with the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians, the Bible is in the middle of the series. Yes, you can think less time to pack the ideal training. This discipline should every continues that message of this program addressing throwing just before we get started, let me encourage you to use chips message notes while you listen.

Hope you get the most out of what you're about to hear their quick download of the broadcasts tab@livingontheedge.org app listeners just Fill in notes all right.

If you have your Bible turn to Ephesians chapter 4, part two of chips message the role of spiritual training in the transformation process. The second training station is not the benchpress, but over here you know to go to the gym.

They always say okay we can work on your you know like your buys and tries. And here we go now.

Really some curls here. This is emotional control.

If there's any area in the world that destroys our relationship with our self with God and others. It's anger is when we either blow up or when we stuff it or we leak out, and the emotional side of anger can absolutely destroy our journey with Christ. It's a training station number two is be angry deal with anger appropriately. Verse 26 and 27 says be angry at the command yet do not sin.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger will why and do not give her lest you give the devil an opportunity or literally. It's a foothold or crack or an opportunity in your in your spirit in your life put it where it says be angry. The first word put a box around anger or angry and right number one above. It and then what goes on.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger put a box around it and put a number two because these are two different words. There's two different kinds of anger art spiritual training session number two is the goal. Emotional control boards.

We all deal with anger. How do we learn to go to training to appropriately deal with our anger, our training command is to be angry, and yet do not sin. The first word for anger here. That's a command is the CID of anger, which is a settled habit of the mind that is aroused by certain conditions. A settled habit of them under certain conditions that would cause you to be angry condition, injustice, condition, evil condition, a child abused condition, graft, or greed that hurts other people in the company condition someone abuses their mate and you find out about condition, disharmony or disruption in a small group or church that's unrighteous it's bringing division condition. The present sex trade or in my case the condition when Christians don't live like Christians and people outside of Christ. Look at the general body of Christ. And so you guys don't live any different than us and they then think that God isn't really God, and they turn away from him because of how we live. It makes me angry. But like anger is a healthy positive emotion to motivate for life change. Jesus was angry with those in the temple because of the evil and the injustice and the craft. He was angry at the Pharisees because of their hypocrisy and he wasn't Jesus meek and mild wasted you brood of vipers use snakes you whitewashed tombs and his disciples turns it Jesus.

Are you aware that you're making them very upset and I didn't know the half of it you to be angry, what, when we are supposed to be angry were often not more passive and when were inappropriately angry. The second word for anger here means to be irritations, exasperation, bitterness, resentment misses the unhealthy anger this kind anger that you have when you don't get your way, your people cut you off in traffic and you start down this process in your mind. This is the anger that you have one, one your kids isn't responding the way you want them to work.

You know you don't get the promotion on the Sunday start brewing. There's this resentment and anger. This, anger is when your mate let you down in sheer he doesn't do what you want to do this kind anger when you have X amount of dollars in the stock market does that. And you just start getting out of shape when you're mad and angry and exasperated and resentful and begins to eat at your soul to become a negative critical person. We all have anger issues, but most of us think only people that blowup have anger issues. Anger is expressed in three primary ways some people I call skewers that explodes this with my father. Part of my journey with my dad made me afraid. My dad was an ex Marine. He was a big guy. He was a strong guy and when he got mad. It was scary honey boiling it just exploded and we think that that's anger that's wrong. We've all been around people of exploded. It creates distance were afraid of them. We withdraw, we don't have trust. A second way that people express anger. Some of you learned even from some of her churches. Unfortunately, all anger is wrong and all anger is bad. So whatever you had angry feelings about something. It was unjust or wrong. Like how come my brother, sisters being treated like this are being treated like this. Let's anger what you learned you don't say that you stuff you stop you stuff to experts tell us about 90% of all depression is anger turned inward so much of the depression turns to migraines. It turns to ulcers is anger that's unresolved stuff down here then there's other people there called leakers passive aggressive and this is when you deal with anger and someone hurt you or done something wrong and you're angry but what you realizes you don't have the courage or the tools of the skill to deal with. I feel angry right now about what you said what you did and so you take it from this sort of unsafe playing field that causes conflict and you bring it over here to what you think is a safer playing field and so you use sarcasm and jokes in your passive aggressive.

So if you know this person wants everything done neatly and on time, even unconsciously, you do it in a sloppy way in your late. This is something satisfying about watching them get all frustrated.

Everyone in this room we deal with anger, and anger is destructive in your relationship with God and and notice what will you put off were to put off anger that leads to sin and offense and we need to renew our minds and recognize the dangers of unresolved anger.

I mean I live in Santa Cruz. I mean there's there's overt demonic activity and new age and we actually had a witch and warlock across the street from the church and had a horses head on a pole and we had people come that were all painted up.

We had overt demonic stuff and I've been to India many places all around the world, but I will tell you the great majority of demonic activity in Christians lives are unresolved anger and it's that you get angry because your your spouse didn't respond lovingly or kindly or or or. There was a sharp word said because you don't how to resolve it and you don't result in pretty soon.

Bitterness happens and so in my case. Teresa and I had no idea how to do this part of your family of origin teaches this. So I came from alcoholic family and she came from alcoholic family so when I was angry you not want to verbalize him and talk until we get it done.

She came from. She withdrew and so went early in our marriage were really angry and so here you know you do what I called you know you finally don't talk about it in you argue little bit and you hurt one another's feelings known what to do and so I put my hands behind my head is ready go to sleep. I bounce on the bed like this. This is means Teresa you still have time to apologize is not over, and what I would hear from her is which is I completely withdrawn don't like conflict because I learned that early on and we don't have to worry about apologizing because tomorrow and pretend didn't happen in the Kentucky I'm sleep and so I realize that then after after the behind the head. I need to go to what I called the bounce and roll and what you do is you sigh deeply and loudly you bounce and then you turn this way so that your posterior is next to her posterior with a slight bump wakes her up enough to understand things are right and you can wake up and we can deal with this and you can now apologize. Unfortunately, most Christians have conflict in your marriage. Conflict with one your kids conflict at work. Conflict in the church a problem in a small group we don't understand when on resolve anger isn't addressed. You give demonic powers that specialize in lying a foothold in your heart and in your spirit, and it will destroy your relationships. The great majority of divorces are because some big thing happen is what happens your heart gets hard because you were hurt and most of us then after which he signed. It is after two days we pretended it didn't happen and we just acted like everything was okay, but a scar occurred and was sort of okay. Then another scar occurred and finally after about two years. What you do is you start looking through this lens and you look at your mate through every time they do this or that you look at them through this unresolved anger and bitterness and you begin to connect dots that really aren't there. She doesn't really care she's insensitive she doesn't respond when he's like this lens is what happens. And so again I'm I'm in the midst of this, and I'm in seminarian. I'm realizing okay, first of all him a liar and I'm supposed to tell people about the truth that's not good.

So God brings this in my life and I'm supposed to help people in a pastoral counseling class of helping people and I learn about anger and how it actually works and I realize we don't have. We have no idea how to resolve it. It's impacting every area of our relationship. So I go to the professor asked for help in the long story is. He said you know I have a brother who is a retired hit heart attack is a retired senior pastor really knows the Bible. He's one of our best counselors and you have very predictable problems from the kind of family you come, you have no business saying anything to anyone to get this resolved and so will give you a special student rate of $85-$95 and you can see my brother for about 12 sessions and and will. This is not rocket science.

You can resolve this so I'm making $1000 a month with three kids going to school full-time working full time I'm gonna tell you that $90 a week for 12 weeks is the best investment ever made, and we learned how to go to training to deal with our anger and how to express it appropriately. What I want to do now is I want to give you that tool to tool the training apparatus is. I feel messages I feel messages when Teresa would shut down and I would talk or get very very angry. What we what we learned as we we couldn't we couldn't communicate and that shut down everything in our life and so this feels a little unfair to me but I'm going to try and deal problem with my anger is at a time when I didn't have any money at all. I paid $90 a session to give to you right now for free which doesn't seem fair. But what what we learn. We put on a 3 x 5 card and instead of you ought you should you always you never those those are angry words when couples are roommates or friends are fighting you ought.

You should or how dads talk to their daughters or how mothers talk to their sons.

Those words are disallowed in the marriage relationship you are you should or you always.

You never know, no one always or never does anything. See, those are labeling things.

So what you do is you attack each other.

You need a tool so you contact the issue and so what I learned in my counseling was to make. I feel blank when you blank we put on the card was on the fridge raider to put my Bible and so I had to learn.

I feel hurt when you give more attention to the kids and me.

I feel disappointed when I spend this time making supper and you're always a half-hour to 40 minutes late.

I feel like you don't love me you don't care. I feel disappointed when I feel angry when you get see what it does is it takes those issues and they come from your heart and you identify how you feel instead of attacking the other person we were learning how to do this and I perpetually felt like my life was overwhelmed and I would always seem like if she made a special dinner I would come home late and I learned over time.

We always argued about this and part of it is the differences when you get married like when you are dating. I was adventuresome and spontaneous and exciting and we got married. I became irresponsible when when I was dating her.

She was consistent godly follow-through structured after we got married and she was rigid, unbending, no flexibility as we start focusing on those things and so you know we would we would she really wanted dinner at a certain time, not just blow through it lose track of time, but I did it over and over and over and over and over and so eventually I learned when I'm really late. Come in and be angry pick on her early because a best good offense is better than a good defense as I find something about her and attack early on when I walked in, you guys are smiling some you guys know this tactic right okay and so then we would argue and I feel justified. And you know here's what's happening though in a relationship. As I come in and I'm I'm ready to get mad at her because in the counseling obviously two or three sessions is not helping too much because I'm not obeying it yet and so I walk in and you and everyone's already eaten an hour ago.

There's two candles lit.

There's food is on the plate and she seated in them, waiting for okay good: and she was calm she was here. You dinner minimum to wait for the attack and she kind of lets me get a few bites and then she she looks at me very calmly and she and her eyes are watery she said Chip I feel like you don't love me when I spend the better portion of the day preparing something for you to express my love and you disregarded and just come home in our late.

This was my gift for you. I feel like you don't love me. I never made the connection to me. It was a power issue. That statement began. I just thought of what we went over second. I'm a fight with you but I love you if me being home on time says I don't love you. I can change that and I'm literally very few times ever after that message can I encourage you to begin to use.

I feel messages can encourage you to write it on the card, put on the refrigerator and here's what I can tell you you have anger issues and some of you stuff and some of you spew and some of you the reason you have an addiction is how you deal with your anger. The reason you eat is because of your anger. The reason you want so much TV and play video games is because of your anger.

The reason you stay at work is because of your anger. You have a habit in the Q8 you feel unrest and difficulty and pain.

You develop some routine negative thing that gives you the reward of feeling better. I feel better I ate. For a while I I watch this movie. I went on Netflix. I served on this.

I did that II went out and help these other people because I didn't do with my own stuff. Those patterns are rampant in this room. And God says don't do training going to training you going to training and say you know something, I'm to be honest in what I'm gonna do when I'm angry I'm going identify. I'm angry and it's can be hard and I'm given I feel message. I feel hurt when you I feel disappointed I feel used. I feel angry and and you begin to address those issues. I feel angry when we make a budget and you spend money that we don't have.

I feel hurt when the attention is given to the kids and I realize we have made love in three weeks and doesn't seem to register the other two and angers make direct requests part of our anger is always around expectation expectations are that we think our mates think the way we think, or our friends think the way we think and they can read her mind and so it's like I'm going to be over here and I've asked you to meet me and I'm doing a BC and D. Of course you do at least a B right and I don't know were angry and things I will did you ask him to do that. No you just expected to happen and so you make direct requests so much of our anger is even work you know you you work with someone and you're doing this part of the job they're doing that part of the job and you just expect it will if I'm doing this earlier to do that you don't ask him to do that and then they don't do it and then what you ticked off then you ticked off and you don't say to them you stuff the downpour comes out in a meeting three weeks later you would be shocked at what happens.

And again it takes courage and grace will you start making direct requests and select back to our our marriage world. You make a direct request.

Your stay-at-home mom you might say, honey, I'm glad and understand you had a hard day. There's been a lot going on but when you walk in the door.

I want you to give me the first five minutes of your day and then rather than ESPN of the Wall Street Journal. I need you to play with the kids for half hour to give me a break. Direct request would you do that because how long is that they make making angry or your man and you said yourself I been on the road for days.

We have soccer, softball, basketball or weekends or blurred work this committee. We went to church and you what we not been together physically or had a romantic evening for believe it or not. Ladies, guys count the days 21 day, seven days 16 days and you say direct request I'd like to set aside one evening a week where we put the kids to bed early and we have a romantic time of really talking and enjoying one another and the guys are going like I've always loved the bottlings less not very romantic or spontaneous. Like all the movies will house. How's your way working for you. I mean NNU what most women knowing okay. That's request they mentally think okay, that really matters to him. But here's here's the thing we don't talk to each other that way. And if you don't give I feel messages and if you don't make direct requests. What you do, you will stuff you explode or you have these habits when you ought to be talking to God or talking to someone you love or doing something that's profitable you're on Facebook or you're watching meaningless stuff or eating food that you don't need any Christian circles.

We can't create all these kinda different ways that their quote not really sinful, but are not sinful in their overtly violating some scripture but there sinful and that you're not being honest with yourself you're not being honest with God, you're not being honest with others and you not honest about being angry, and yet dealing with it appropriately. Can you see what would happen in your life if you said okay. What's the area that I'm really frustrated in what's the what's the area you get real with God. You have to tell anybody else right now and you would say I've tried have tied up tied up China tried. I can't change and you said okay. What's the feeling I have. What's the thing that I can't change what there's a reward there's some reward you're getting out of what you're doing. It's usually temporary, short-term ease, long-term pain, consequences, and if you did okay for the next 90 days on and how it impacted I'm gonna be honest little things big things with myself with God. Anytime I represent myself with another person in speech or action that is not true. I'm going to go to them as long as it doesn't hurt them and I'm gonna confess you do that to her three times this week I tell you be more honest and you been a long time is its painful and ugly. And here's the deal, like one had to go to marriage counseling. I still remember sitting in that room thinking I hope no one sees me, but why because I'm proud the reason I don't want to confess my pride don't apologize my pride when you go into training on these things, God gets to the very core of the core so that the life of Christ can be formed in you question number three on your note. You notice here. It talks about. So what specific area in terms of anger against others, yourself, has been an issue in your life application right on the card and start using I feel messages. Are you willing to go to training which I'm here's the deal. We can talk about transformation right. The series is gonna come the series is going to go and you can either begin to do some of these baby steps of training. You do this 90 days with me. I will tell you things will happen in you that you never dreamed, trying hard, no matter how sincere certainly won't break the power of certain ingrained habitual setting sins. You have to go to training yet to going to training like the person that I knew 42 years old had never run in their life had a friend and said you know I want to run a marathon.

She couldn't walk 3 miles she changed when she went to bed. She changed her diet. She walked three or 4 miles, three months later, she jogged 10. Six months later, 26.2 without stopping everything she needed was already in her. She went into training so that God could do in and through her what he'd already deposited physically. I want you to know everything you need to become the Christlike mother father student brother sister worker is already in you because the spirit is in you and he will use his word and his people as you go into training 90 days from now you will see significant difference.

My question is are you willing to be honest enough to spot. What's the one area I want to do training your list thing will be right back with his application for this message. The role of spiritual training in the transformation process from his series. Yes, you really can change if you're feeling burdened by your pastor, find yourself stuck in an unhealthy behavior. Don't lose hope.

A changed life is not only possible, it's God's will for all of us, so we hope you'll keep listening to this series to learn how to experience ongoing life change and were here to help you along the way. Download chips message notes stream our exclusive video content or take a look at ship's newly revised book and as always, the MP3s are free. Learn more about all the resources for yes, you really can change by going to LivingontheEdge.org or calling AAA 83336003 hapless nurse simply tap special offers will chip as we come down to the last few days in the series. I know you received a ton of emails and calls about how the series is giving people the traction they need for lasting change.

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Well your strip with his application. As we close today's program. I will stop for a moment because this is one that's like taking a needle into our overall nerve when you start to tell people be angry but don't sin.

I mean, anger is one of the most volatile emotions and is not just when we burst out with anger but it's when we stuff it down and get depressed or when we act in passive aggressive ways and we tease people and we let it leak out. But if you are struggling with anger or if you know someone who struggling with anger what I talked about the ideal message is a powerful tool, but there's a whole process you need to go through because this is one that when you start talk about anger. It is the tip of the iceberg. What's underneath of it what God wants to do in your heart and in your life when you begin to discover you non-bitter angry I'm resentful or I'm depressed and you know maybe it's because of anger and you know I'm not sure how I would use and I feel message.

I don't have the courage to do that. What I discovered when I was teaching through the Bible James chapter 1 and this passage on Ephesians.

I realize what a big issue this was. I eventually taught an entire series called overcoming emotions that destroy but if anger is an issue that you think into yourself. You know I have the shame that goes with that of got the Guild that goes with that or my husband blows up work. I don't how to respond to my boss this is a resource that people told me over and over and over again.

Literally, some of said that saved my life mean that turn my life around and is not because I wrote some good book. It's because what the Bible teaches about how to respond. Anger is so different than what you've learned your whole life. When you understand that truth it will really set you free. If we could be of help. Let us know.

We would love to get that into your hands to help you be angry but not sin will the resource trip just mentioned is called overcoming emotions that destroy as a Living on the Edge listener. You know were committed to helping Christians really live like Christians and overcoming emotions will help you get to the root causes of your anger and then get it under control.

If there's someone you've injured with your anger, the series may even help you restore that relationship, you'll find all of the overcoming emotions that destroy resources on our website LivingontheEdge.org sure to join us again next time. When she continues his series. Yes, you really can change. Until then, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening to this edition of living all the