Backup Singers to the Duet of Marriage - Backup Singers to the Duet of Marriage, Part 2

Did you know that secular researchers have discovered the most significant predictor of a happy marriage is so simple, but it's so powerful and today my friend Doug sure what that is. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Living on the Edge features the Bible to all this international discipleship program once in a while there's a message he thinks is important enough to share with you this message from his friend Dunfield is a good our previous program was the first two songs, backup singers, better known as Christians, what Christians seeking to support and encourage the covenant of marriage. Whether it's your own or someone else's listed it's available online. LivingontheEdge.org or on the chip and portraiture to follow up with us after the teaching, so be sure to stick with us for that time together. Okay, let's jump in.

Here's Doug Fields with part two of his message backup singers to the duet of marriage. What is it look like for you to honor your spouse to give you a way that's very very simple. I recently read an article from the University of Georgia.

In this article was published in a journal on an academic journal and human relationship. Listen to this after interviewing married couples on relationship satisfaction covering everything from communication habits to finances.

They found that the most consistent significant predictor of happy marriages ready for the most significant consistent significant predictor of happy marriages was whether one spouse expressed gratitude. What distinguishes the marriages the last from those that don't last, is not how often they argue, but how they treat each other on a daily basis. The study goes on to show the power of thank you, and suggested as a small, practical ways couples can help strengthen their marriage is not amazing most significant contributor to marriages that last is gratitude. You hike on your spouse by saying thank you is that you like. That's not rocket science. I could probably do that. Yes, you can spanking you can day you can make that happen. I brought this article to my small group of men and I was asking them what what what you do to honor your wife and dialogue go big on Valentine's Day. I was buyer a birthday gift way to go day. What about the other 363 days of the year. That's what it means to honor, to express express gratitude with one another. So the first song marriage needs to be honored by all the understanding when you have me milliseconds on second song I want you to sing is a powerful duet is marriage needs to be enjoyed seeing God did not give you your spouse to beat you down and drain the life out of you to make you more like Jesus. I and there is a whole movement in the Christians base about marriage is to sanctify you marriages to make you holy. It's not about making you happy.

It's about making you holy guy. My deeper follower of Jesus because I been married 32 years to The field absolutely has it made me holier better man. Yes, but marriages also made me happier. To that I think there's a balance between happy and holy in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament as we we look at the wisdom literature talks about how to avoid a meaningless life and take advantage of living look at this verse is chapter 9 it says go eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart for it is now a God favors what you do read the next five words with me enjoy you live with your wife enjoy life with your wife whom you love all the days of this meaningless life that God is giving you some great verse I love I love God's word. I really do like that word meaningless, meaningless, can actually be translated as fleeting, fleeting meaning.

Life is moving by going by so quickly. So enjoy time with your wise men.

You don't have to choose between a wife or a life that you can have both at the same time, you can enjoy life with your wife.

God is given you a spouse not to grind the life out of you, but do help you live life holy and and happy. If marriage needs to be enjoyed by all. How you enjoy your marriage to give it one practical tip that all social science points to insist date when another date when another. I mean that's what we do before we get married and then they get married. What happens you merely know we did all this stuff American Airlines mood yeah and and and and we we miss it. Life gets in the way we don't enjoy each other as much now you know when you go out to restaurant tonight and you look at couples there like sit next.

No sin.

Across from each other. Looking at the phone just like during during one another, listening to each other. Choose your meal in a manner that's not why when Kathy and I 32 years ago got premarital counseling before I got married, which is a great advice for anybody.

I remember two things. Marriage counselors at first he said sex starts in the morning I was 19 years old. I like awesome I love that I love. I was right and that I need to write that down. I is an ideal starts in the morning into the afternoon. I've heard about that you know entity a will and then it would explain to me is not starts in the morning on how you at which that wasn't as exciting, but the second thing that he said he says if you want to win in marriage date, your wife continue to do what you done in the past. Why do we stop I think most of us in here.

We don't understand the power of dating or we say people have all kinds of excuses I don't have any ideas. I don't know what to do keyword Pinterest Pinterest I lot of ideas on Pinterest are I seriously I got a sad to admit that I know that my wife got me on the computer looking at Pinterest and I just do you put in date ideas and just thousands show up it's it's awesome. But what my marriage counselor said 32 years ago, just out of his got out of his intuition now fast-forward today.

There is all kinds of empirical evidence that dating leads to enjoyment. There is the National marriage Project out of University of Virginia suggests dating leads to increase marital satisfaction and suggested five benefits from the research one dating keep lines of communication open to dating allows couples to shatter routines and get out of a rut. Three dating models commitment to their children for dating relieves stress and five dating rediscovers passion and sparks sexual intimacy.

Some of you just woke up I and about without. Here's what happens in all marriages without any intentional plan today. A marriage will begin to drift and then other things get in the way and want to marriage just gets 1� 2� off course over a long period of time that actually leads to a shipwreck you want to enjoy your marriage.

The day one.

As a matter fact, these two fit hand in hand because when I said marriage needs to be honored. It's a lot easier to honor your marriage when you enjoy your marriage all right.

There's 1/3 song that I want to ask you to sing. Not only does marriage need to be honored by all and read to be enjoyed by all is marriage needs to be prioritized now at this point is gonna bother some of you the ones it's gonna bother those of you who put your parenting over your marriage.

The Bible teaches that your marriage is to be the primary relationship, not the parent-child relationship in Genesis chapter 2 right in the beginning right beginning of the Scriptures is what it says. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. If you look in the New Testament Jesus quotes the Old Testament in Matthew chapter 19 in Mark chapter 10 you see Jesus saying the same thing that were united there united to his wife that were united is another word for it for intercourse.

That to become one and they are united in God's eyes. Men and women you are not wine with your child, your child is eventually to leave but by but but you graduated go out of the house. You know that I mean you love them deeply, but you are not one with them and in today's culture.

A lot of homes are experiencing what I would call a kid centric home child centric home where the child is the center of everything in mom and dad make the entire life around the child and then eventually when the child is older the child doesn't want to leave, hence no longer getting married, 22, 28 child doesn't want to leave and the parents don't want the child to leave in order to prioritize your marriage.

It means you put your marriage before your kids.

You put your marriage before your kids and is matter fact those of you were little bit on the younger side. If you do that your empty nesting years will be amazing and don't get me wrong I love being a parent, but Kathy and I we were wise enough to anticipate the empty nesting years and empty nesting is joyous. Here's what's frightening.

What's frightening in today's marriage again or talk about strong families and a broken world. What's frightening for couples of kid centric marriages, will you even have a marriage when the children leave researchers out of Bowling Green University write this, and in 1990. The do the math that 27 years ago, 1991 in 10 individuals who divorced were 50 years or older 27 years later, that number jumped to more than one 3.6 there's a phenomena now in our culture called the graying of divorce, graying GRE wide gray hair, meaning older people are getting divorced. What because helicopter parents who made their whole life about their kids when the kids were finally gone.

There was there was nothing left of their marriage. You put your marriage before your kids. That's the priority that's God's design for marriage. I can hear your pushback semi-like maybe you just don't like your kids much I like my kids, that's not true that you can't prove that then secondly if you really do love your kids like. I think you do if you really do love them. Can I tell you that one of the greatest gifts that you can give your children is a strong marriage they need to see mom and dad, dating and talking and laughing and and playing together friends too much hangs in the balance and can I tell you that the job of the children's ministry in the youth ministry is to come alongside of you to support you but it's your primary job to help kids walk in the faith and too much hangs in the balance. If they don't see a loving marriage. The Journal for scientific study of religion says children of divorce Christian parents are more than twice as likely to leave the church. It's fascinating to me. It's an alarming statistic, 60% of children of divorce, walk away from the faith, why I think it's because maybe mom and dad promoted God's love, but apparently God's love wasn't strong enough to keep them together in the hypocrisy was just too great and studies are just still coming out on this just a few months ago in the Washington Post. There was a headline that said how decades of divorce have helped erode the faith. So I talk about this today.

Why, why should the church help marriages win because we are about discipleship were about discipleship in in adults and were dispelled discipleship in the next generation and we want to help kids walk in the ways of Jesus. And they're more likely to do that if mom and dad do mom and dad stay together.

So, am I asking you to do. I'm not. I'm hoping not nobody feels guilty and here is not about guilt. This is about growth when my asking you to do. I'm asking you to do these sing these three songs and apply them to yourself, that we should honor marriage that we should enjoy marriage. We should prioritize merit when talk about honor marriage lab at this. What if I said is your is your marriage worth 1% of your time 1%� Take that concept 1% of your time. There's 1440 minutes in a day 1% of your time is 14 minutes and 40 seconds, not sitting next each other and watching TV. That 14 for rounded up 15 minutes a day need in the ride. I expressing gratitude for one another talking about what you what is honorable about that person that would change your marriage. That's what needs to honor your marriage. I'm just 15 minutes a day to start somewhere. Maybe it's only one minute a day, but start there. That's what it means to honor your marriage then to enjoy your marriage. I talked about dating.

What's 1% of your week while do the math out 1% of your week is in our and 40 minutes.

That's a date and hour and 40 minutes is is is a date and to date to date. I would say today weekly an hour and 40 minutes. When we do the kids duct tape always and always works day that it's up to prioritize your marriage prioritize your marriage means that to stop the kid centric homes is matter fact the first time you leave on the day your child might cry. But guess what they're gonna get used to it and they're going to grow up in an environment where they understand that mom and dad are modeling something to them that will last them for a a lifetime.

It actually will create a confidence in the security in them is as children. Some of you are struggling and I and I get it. You've never ever had anybody singing those songs to you and I want to encourage this church to become that type of church that are is about strong families and a broken world that we lift up marriage. We talk highly about marriage. We model the enjoyment in the priority prioritization of marriage because when you change marriage and change the church when you change the church change the community changed change the culture we go on. Today I want to take a moment right now. Talk to about what Doug to share dinner. There's a lot of conversation, a lot of conversation about changing the culture written into the needs of the world. There's a lot of angst out there among fellow brothers and sisters in Christ about you know what's happening. The political world what's happening in the moral world. You know what's happening with the just the situations and lack of civility. Here's what I want to tell you we can keep looking at those big things out there and keep waiting for someone, somewhere, some big thing to happen but you need to understand what Doug shared is pivotal. It's crucial and it's true the foundation of human society is God's design. A man and a woman coming together and then it's a man and a woman coming together that make a family in a family absolutely that design. That group of people that small group that authentic community that unique positioning of what a man brings to relationship what a woman brings to relationship and then when they're committed to one another above their children and above work and above hobbies and above success and above making money, and even about being happy. That's the kind of thing that produces is security in children and the foundation for a culture where there's truth in with there's life and where people thrive in and marriage has been under attack and it's not just under attack out there that the percentage of fellow believers that just kinda wink and say you know God probably understands and were living together with the percentage of believers who you know this is really hard. It's not very fulfilling. Right now, I know the Bible says I shouldn't get a divorce but I don't think it's that big a deal. What I want you to know is that when we lowered the bar on the institution of marriage. We will begin to see greater and greater cracks not just in our marriages and in our families, but then in our communities and then our churches, and then in our country and by the way, that's where we are right now and so what I want you to know is that if you think by yourself by your willpower alone that your marriage is going to be what God wants it to be or what you want to be, you are sadly mistaken. You need to be connected to other people.

You need that the support of some men to help you to be a man. Some women to help you be the woman. The God want you to be. You need to be connected in it's called a supernatural communities called the church and with with all that's happened in the last year or more.

With COBIT you know I get I mean I'm I'm living in California where we can't meet and you can't go to a restaurant and in many places you can't sit in the church building indicate worship and it's easy to say. I'm tired of watching quote church online, but if there is an alignment if you don't take initiative.

I have watched out one particular church in our area who is gone full-court press to demand real community risk regardless of all the online experience and they have served and they loved and the social distance and they help the poor and they help people that couldn't pay their rent and the church has actually grown and their impact has been tremendous during COBIT, but it happened because they said were going to stay connected that they actually launch small groups online in their small group ministry grew during the Cova time and now I can tell you of multiple people that I've met who basically people I love people actually that you know, go to the church where I go to and I just look at magazine I was watching online, it got kinda old and then pretty soon will I can watch at any time and then it went from that to I can know I can watch anytime, but I don't really and then there's this disconnection like there's no responsibility there's no accountability. This is not a calling to make you feel guilty. This is a calling to say stop, wake up when you are drifting when you are being deceived.

When you don't have people around you, you're in trouble and I'm in trouble.

What you deposit right now and I want you to say Lord, would you show me what I need to do to get connected with other believers to strengthen me as a man to strengthen me as a woman to strengthen our marriage to be the person you want me to be in Jesus name, amen. And I'm going to challenge you to get connected.

Pray with people watch online. Find a way to serve, but I'm going to challenge you to get connected to the body of Christ you're listening to Living on the Edge chip will be back in just a second, but in case you jumped in late, our guest teacher. Today was Doug Fields with his message backup singers to the duet of marriage. What I love about this message is Doug's identifying key ways for us to support and encourage the covenant of marriage, whether it's yours or someone else's to get your copy of backup singers to the duet of marriage, or to send it to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information. Just give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 chip over the years you've been so willing to share the struggles you and Teresa have been through and come out of in your marriage as you look back on and over 40 years together. Is there a resource from all that you've learned. I mean for people want to go deeper and really finish well in their marriage. What would you say one day you know I never dreamed I would write a book on marriage but to after about 35 or 40 years of marriage I was asked to write a book on marriage as we see it crumbling in so many aspects in the Christian community is so what I did is I took what I learned from Scripture about man's role. The woman's role what God says about it and then I took the lies that I think trip us up in our marriage, and then some of the practical tools that have been so helpful for me and Teresa and I put them together. It's in a book called marriage that works and then marriage that works truth cards and we put this together as a resource because one a lot of couples don't have is a game plan. They don't have structure. They don't have.

This is what will do.

Maybe just once a week or will do this with a couple other couples, but something simple that they can do and work through and then the cards to reinforce it so they renew their mind change their behavior and grow deeper and deeper in their relationship. I'm so excited to get this into the hands of people who really want their marriage to be all that God wants it to be what we hope you'll take advantage of the discounts on this resource bundle. Whether it's for you or someone you know, let me give you those details again with bundled chips book marriage that works with a companion resource called marriage that works truth cards now in the book chip presents the biblical design for marriage what God intended it to look like what it is, the unique roles of men and women and how they play out in things like finances and parenting and then in the cards. He spotlights relational lives that tend to derail marriage providing biblical truth to get us back on track. This is a powerful combination of resources that will give you the tools you need to strengthen your marriage or help you build a solid foundation before you even start to check out the discounts on this marriage that works bundle go to LivingontheEdge.org Special offers on the app or give us a call at triple late.

333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, just before we close. I want you to know that as a staff we ask the Lord to help you take whatever your next step is. We love to hear how it's going. Would you take a minute to send a note or give us a call either one is easy. Just send a quick note to chip@livingontheedge.org or give us a call at triple late.

333-6003. Overall of us here, this is Dave Julie saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge