Backup Singers to the Duet of Marriage - Backup Singers to the Duet of Marriage, Part 1

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You know, I've watched some strong Christian couples nearly lose their marriage in the last few months because of a slow, gradual drip today.

My friend Doug Fields will give you the stop the drip statement welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Living on the Edge features the Bible to helping Christians live like Christians from time to time she appears a series or message he thinks is important enough to share with this message from his friend Fields is a great example for a treat as Doug brings us the first two songs, backup singers, better known as Christians, what Christians need to be singing the covenant of marriage with her at your own or someone else's job will be with us to add some of his own thoughts after the teaching, so be sure to stay with us for that.

But let's get going, Shelley. Here's Doug Fields with his message backup singers to the duet of marriage? What is the primary rule of the backup singer document to back up thanks not real I been warned about this service that you're not the sharpest bunch. So yeah bye-bye what is the primary role in the back singers somebody with a high school education right answer with what they had labored to make it sound better to back it up yet. It's really to make it to make that main group come alive, and here's what I love about this series is strong families and a in a broken world is I'm inviting you to become backup singers to the most important duet in our culture and that is that is marriage.

I'm in my mind I'm kind of on this crusade to get people of faith people in the church people in God's house when you would you join me to become a backup singer to this duet called marriage and I'm convinced that when you change marriage, you change the church and when you change the church you change the community and when you change the community. You can change the culture that there is sometimes when you and your marriage is struggling when a marriage is disintegrating or struggling or have having issues you don't wake up in the morning all excited to meet with Jesus technologies his regular tea and crumpets and I just can't wait to do fellowship with him now when your marriage is in good impacts all parts of your life. It impacts your faith. It impacts your parenting.

See you can't teach little Billy about grace when you don't know how to give grace to Little Billy's dad mom and dad, it's impossible to teach your daughter about forgiveness when you're harboring grudges toward her mom see at its core. Marriage is really a discipleship issue because when the primary male and female relationship is is struggling. Nothing else is working. I know that for many of you and hear your marriage is struggling right now. It's not vibrant it's not alive. It's not what God intends it to be. So it's going this idea of a backup singer. What if you became a backup singer to marriage. Now some of you are single, don't check out because singles about about 90% of you will get married and you need to know Morgan to talk about and those of you that are married, don't you get it because in our culture. The percentages are not high that the marriage will last a lot. Marriage is the last actually there more about a roommate roommate situation so I dug about a backup singer. What am I asking you to do is I'm asking you do for CMS can you sing this song then marriage needs to be honored by all marriage needs to be honored by all.

It's something very simple that all of us can do is that you can actually begin speaking highly of marriage that's I'm asking you do your to speak highly of marriage. There are just too many negative messages in today's culture about marriage knives in my church not too long do we have a little outside eating area coffee shop type thing and I'm I'm I've got my headphones in, and I'm actually studying for message prep and there's this. These two ladies that go door church sitting behind me and I was doing the spiritual thing. I was eavesdropping on their conversation gag as I needed some material for my message and one lady says to the gnats says oh I know you've been through a lot this year. He will never change. We believe that Jesus died and rose again. And Jesus breathes new life into dead things so we actually believe as Christians that God can take a selfish idiotic husband and change him. We also believe that God can change in thinking a constant drip of a nagging wife that can be transformed right. I mean that's what we believe in the book of Hebrews, the, the author of Hebrews its 13 chapters long and in chapter 13, at least in my Bible. Anyway, the headline says this concluding exhortations and what he's saying is okay now are moving to the end. I'm going to land the plane and I want to tell you what's what's most important. Listen to these biggies keep on loving one another's brothers and sisters pretty important. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing a remit continued.

Remember those in prison and if you were together with them in prison and those who are being mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering and then he says is marriage should be honored by all marriage should be honored by also look at the context he's at the end of the book saying love one another because potable care for those who are suffering, follow God's teachings and in the list of these biggies honor marriage.

See that's what a backup singer does that here she becomes a marriage advocate you lifted up is is God's design you promote marriages as good. You speak highly of it as if it is a beautiful thing.

Honor really means to esteem. It is highly valuable esteem.

It is highly valuable.

Now, why is this important point because currently we have got the millennial generation who is scared of marriage there scared of marriage because what they've seen in older generations. What they've heard about marriage and it's sad. It's designed to be great until singles that all the time.

Marriage is God's design.

God created Satan's. It was his idea. What am I saying about honor marriage is right. It's beautiful. It's God's design, its healthy date fall in love and then honor God with marriage the bargain married as much anymore. You just a decade ago, the average age of marriage is 22 years old 10 years.

It's 28 years old that people just aren't getting married and you talk to people is that what I gotta wait until I'm an adult okay and what's 27 but but then that you and I understand that those of you did. I it's confusing confusing in our culture because an adult you don't know when you're an adult. According to bear aspirin. You're an adult at what age 12. That's right. In order to drive a car you're an adult at what age 16. That's right order to vote.

You're an adult at 18 and to buy alcohol. It's 21 into Rent-A-Car its 25 right and according to Delta Airlines in adult ticket is age to I so somewhere between two and and 25 you are an adult now I'm I'm I'm an adult when I'm financially independent, at which point, none of us are adults right so I understand it's hard so here is the deal, whether married or not what I'm asking you to do is to sing the song that marriage needs to be honored by all the some of the words of Doug Fields. I stole right from the Bible.

Hebrews chapter 13 marriage needs to be honored by all. Now that's about other people's marriage to Witt to your marriage.

What is it look like for you to monitor your spouse. I'm in a give you a way that's very very simple. I recently read an article from the University of Georgia. In this article was published in a journal on an academic journal and human relationship. Listen to this after interviewing married couples on relationship satisfaction covering everything from communication habits to finances. They found that the most consistent significant predictor of happy marriages ready for the most significant consistent significant predictor of happy marriages was whether one spouse expressed gratitude. What distinguishes the marriages the last from those that don't last, is not how often they argue, but how they treat each other on a daily basis.

The study goes on to show the power of thank you, and suggested as a small, practical ways couples can help strengthen their marriage is not amazing most significant contributor to marriages that last is gratitude. You hike on your spouse by saying thank you is that you like all that's not rocket science. I could probably do that. Yes, you can spanking you can get.

You can you can make that happen. I brought this article to my small group of men and I was asking them what what what you do to honor your wife and dialogue go big on Valentine's Day. I was buyer a birthday gift way to go.

Okay, what about the other 363 days of the year. That's what it means to honor, to express express gratitude with one another. So the first song marriage needs to be honored by all the understand island with me milliseconds on second song I want you to sing is a powerful duet is marriage needs to be enjoyed.

See, God did not give you your spouse to beat you down and drain the life out of you to make you more like Jesus. I and there is a whole movement in the Christians base about marriage is to sanctify you marriages to make you holy. It's not about making you happy. It's about making new holy guy MI a deeper follower of Jesus, because I've been married 32 years to The field absolutely has it made me holier better man. Yes, but marriages also made me happier. To that I think there's a balance between happy and holy in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament as we we look at the wisdom literature talks about how to avoid a meaningless life and take advantage of living look at this verse disasters. Chapter 9 it says go eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart for it is now a God favors what you do read the next five words with me enjoy you live with your wife enjoy life with your wife whom you love all the days of this meaningless life that God is giving you under this is a great verse I love I love God's word. I really do but but that word meaningless, meaningless, can actually be translated as fleeting, fleeting meaning. Life is moving by going by so quickly. So enjoy time with your wise men. You don't have to choose between a wife or a life that you can have both at the same time, you can enjoy life with your wife.

God is given you a spouse not to grind the life out of you, but do help you live life holy and and happy.

If marriage needs to be enjoyed by all. How do you enjoy your marriage to give it one practical tip that all social science points to insist date one another. Date one another. I mean that's what we do before we get married and then they get married. What happens give Ehrlich know we did all this stuff millionaire like new yeah and and and and we we miss it. Life gets in the way we don't enjoy each other as much now you know when you go out to restaurant tonight you look at couples there like sit next. No sin. Across from each other. Looking at the phone just like during during one another, listening to each other choose their meal and another that's not live when Kathy died 32 years ago got premarital counseling before he got married, which is a great advice for anybody.

I remember two things. Marriage counselors at first he said sex starts in the morning I was 19 years old. I like awesome I love that I love. I was right and that I need to write that down. I was an ideal starts in the morning into the afternoon. I've heard about that you know entity a will and then it would explain to me is not starts in the morning and how you at which that wasn't as exciting, but the second thing that he said he says if you want to win and marriage date, your wife continue to do what you done in the past.

Why do we stop I think most of us in here. We don't understand the power of dating or we say people have all kinds of excuses I don't have any ideas. I don't know what to do keyword Pinterest Pinterest I lot of ideas on Pinterest are I seriously I got a sad to admit that I know that my wife got me on the computer looking at Pinterest and I just do you put in date ideas and just thousands show up it's it's awesome. But what my marriage counselor said 32 years ago, just out of his got out of his intuition now fast-forward today. There is all kinds of empirical evidence that dating leads to enjoyment.

There's the National marriage Project out of University of Virginia suggests dating leads to increase marital satisfaction and suggested five benefits from the research one dating keep lines of communication open to dating allows couples to shatter routines and get out of a rut. Three dating models commitment to their children for dating relieves stress and five dating rediscovers passion and sparks sexual intimacy. Some of you just woke up I and but without here's what happens in all marriages without intentional plan today. A marriage will begin to drift and then other things get in the way and want to marriage just gets 1° 2° off course over a long period of time that actually leads to a shipwreck you want to enjoy your marriage.

The day one.

As a matter fact, these two fit hand-in-hand because when I said marriage needs to be monitored. It's a lot easier to honor your marriage when you enjoy your marriage. Listening to living all the beds with Chip Ingram and Doug Fields message backup singers to the duet of marriage. Doug will be back with part two of this message at our next program but you will be with us in just a minute to share some thoughts about what you heard today what I love about this message is Doug's identifying key ways for us to support and encourage the covenant of marriage. The rich yours or someone else's to get your copy of backup singers to the duet of marriage, or to send it to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information.

Just give us a call at triple late. 333-6003, which up before you get to your thoughts for today and one of the core messages of Living on the Edges that healthy marriages are the foundation of strong families was wheeling into the series with the aim of strengthening marriages. We put together a unique offer for folk seven.

We could you tell them a little bit about it and why it's so important. Absolutely Dave no I wrote a book called marriage that works right talk about the role of a man. The role of a woman I want to man to be what's a man to do what's a woman to be with the woman to do and what I learned over all these years of pastoring all the counseling that done. I tried to put that in a format that's very, very practical, and that what I learned is people read a marriage book and it's like all that's great. I ought to do this, or maybe I could do that but they forget and so I took all the core content of that book and I put it on what we just called marriage that works truth cards you sorted go through these cards, three or four at a time each day, and it gives you very practical specific ways to build a deep and strong marriage. You know were living in a day. Dave where marriages are falling apart or drifting apart and this is a tool that will help those who want to stay close and grow deep to really have something specific to do that will produce that kind of marriage. Perfect. Thanks for that. Let me go over those details one more time with bundled chips book marriage that works with a companion resource called marriage that works truth cards when the book chip presents the biblical design for marriage what God intended it to look like what it is, the unique roles of men and women and how they play out in things like finances and parenting and then in the cards.

He spotlights relational lives that tend to derail marriage providing biblical truth to get us back on track. This is a powerful combination of resources that will give you the tools you need to strengthen your marriage or help you build a solid foundation before you even start to check out the discounts on this marriage that works bundle go to LivingontheEdge.org Special offers on the app or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 okay chip let's get to your application as we wrap up today's program. I just want to first say how delighted I am to have Doug do some teaching you know every now and then. I have friends that teach you know cross American exit around the world and and will come across a series or a message or two and I feel like oh wow either. I wish I would preach that but I wanted you to get it. And so the other thing I love about Doug's teaching is I'm laughing. I always find myself cracking up and as I'm laughing then something sorta seeps inside my soul where I go. Oh well you have done that was really funny but I really needed to hear that. So I hope you enjoy the next few days as I have dug up.

You know, to take the reins and speak God's truth and you notice today that he talked about two major points. One is it we need to honor marriage.

We need to really value it that it's good that it's positive and the second was that we need to enjoy it and I like this idea of of backup singers and I shared at the opening of the program. How I have been very close to some very strong Christian couples that in the last few months, literally almost lost their marriage and I mean were talking ideal couples leaders in their church in God's word. I mean the kind of people that from the outside.

We would all say wow. I mean, we want to marriage like that but little by little by little by little, and what happens is pretty soon we begin to lose connection with one another and one of the things that Doug shared the very end.

He talked about the power and the importance of dating you not been married to Teresa for over 42 years and I would say there are two things that we have done and I've shared in the past with had a lot of struggles there's two things that we have done that I think have been at the core of our marriage. First is out of personal devotion and conviction. Every morning Teresa and I get up first and we meet with God.

He designed marriage. I know he wants me to lay down my life for Teresa. I'm going to just tell you flat out, there's a lot of days I don't want to live my life. In fact, there's things she does still after 40 years that bug me and believe me, I still bug her but you know when I meet with God. I see how much he loves me when he fills my soul. Then out of his love. I can I can be other centered I can put her first.

I can honor our marriages more important than work or hobbies or her stuff that I might be interested in, but the second thing we've done is we've had regular dates. Probably the first 30 years. It was it was every Friday morning because as I pastoring at busy schedules and my weekends were really full and there were seasons with very small children and so on Fridays. It was my day off and I dropped the kids off and we would literally do like a three hour sorta breakfast, brunch and relax. Take a walk. Have a good breakfast. I take our time have a good talk.

Sometimes it was really fun stuff.

Other times may be a serious talk but was built into our schedule and remember Teresa telling me once she said you know it it's only two or three hours. But what I know is, no matter what sort of building up inside of me. I have you all to myself.

During that time.

The other thing that I don't if you really call this a Dayton you know some of you that are you hear me talk about coffee a lot. I'm not sure I like coffee as much as I talk about coffee that nearly every morning or at least for five or six times a week we just hide away as a couple and and it might be 15 minutes might be 1/2 hour might be 10 minutes and will just look at each other's hate. Let's grab a cup of coffee and we might just go outside and drink cup of coffee or first thing early in the morning even before we spend time with God or you know, feeling a little blog and I'll just look at her and say hey this jump in the car and maybe get a couple coffee and sit in the car but what it is. It's that connection.

It's enjoying one another.

So here's my assignment and I know many women and many men listen to our program. If you're a man I want you to shock your wife and I want you to take the initiative and say let's go out on the date and if you have children, men.

These are brownie points. You'll thank me for I want you to be the one to say hey guess what I've already got a babysitter lined up now after she you know. Thanks, and says I can't believe you did that, then decide.

It doesn't have to be expensive about where to go and what to do and ladies, if that. That's not can happen with your husband, let me just encourage you to say hey why we plan some time to get together, put it on the schedule. Let me encourage you the enjoyment, the refreshment keeping the relationship of the man and the wife ahead of the children and ahead of work into man and dizziness is what will keep your marriage from drifting apart.

I can't wait to hear what Doug has for us in our next program is a great way to stay engaged and connected to chip and Living on the Edge is with the chip and remap you get free access to all of Chip's recent messages is message notes and much more. Not only that, but it couldn't be easier to call or email directly from the app until next time, this is Dave drawing for everyone here saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge