Love Sex and Lasting Relationships - Sexual Purity in a Sex-Saturated World, Part 1

Is it possible to be sexually pure.

As a follower of Christ in the world that we live in.

I can't tell you how many people come to me with guilt and shame and struggle and basically say how I've tried. How can it be sexually pure. Whether it's logging on, or in a relationship. How do you be pure before God. That's today. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Living on the Edges and international discipleship industry featuring the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram Jadeja continues his series love, sex, and lasting relationships.

Some practical advice about a topic we rarely talk about sexual purity teaching with us here in studio to show some general comments. If you have a Bible handy over now to Ephesians chapter 5. Let's join Chip's message sexual purity in a sex saturated world when you really really love someone you want to give them something that you know will really make him happy and I remember maybe the first time I really got this from a father's perspective. I have a twin little boys and they were hitting that like five, six, seven-year-old agent I was in seminary at the time and we were just, I mean dirt dirt poor. I was working full time, going to school full-time and truth was home with the kids and remake a little under $1000 a month in my little boys.

They wanted member your first bike and member it like the first Christmas and you got your first bike I want to get my little boys a bike and as I started saving saving saving and Christmas came and we got a pretty cheap couple bites of granddad came and help me put them together and then you know we went outside we lived in this apartment complex and that was it really large government-subsidized apartment complex with it.

Have like buildings with a couple three stories and then it had sidewalks that would go around each building like 56789 sidewalks widen the tree here and there and so you know that morning the boys got up and my father heart was bursting in. I can't believe it. I got a bike and shiny little bikes and they were just about like this about this and so you know what you do you go out with them okay okay so you're ready to do okay okay you know so literally you know there's little like for bikes for them. So I mean within a couple hours they got it down and then I had to do something was really hard because I just saw their face, and I was so excited I gave him this really special gift and that I had to be sore like okay now there's some rules. As you know, like really good gifts usually come with some rules and around this place we can go around the circle was pretty safe.

But I mean just beyond it was a highway with five lanes. I mean just absolutely unbelievable me.

My kids get killed really slick and not only that, but this was a very interesting place. It was a sort of a rough neighborhood there's a lot of students, but also right above us was a drug dealer and I remember one point time hearing a thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, and it was him dragging a woman by the hair down the stairs. This is very true story he had assured often recall marks all over him and he came out to see what was going on and he looked like me like if you want her to stick around and I said are you guys okay they walked away. I still remember this picture of him walking barefooted. No shirt in the snow. On another occasion, I heard some really strange sounds and II came outside and as I got outside this guy had a gun and turned on them. Oh my gosh I thought it was going to die so I thought you were someone else and apparently a deal had gone bad. So I'm telling my boys look if you guys go outside the circle you are in more trouble than you can imagine chasms I'm very fearful for secondly this is our building around this building the guy upstairs meets with the other people in those buildings. That's not say if you ever ever ever like ever, ever go past this building. Your dad will re-create your whole life in a way that your never forget. And I mean I was just because I just knew if they ended up over here on the drug dealers are not nice people at the end up over here five lanes of a high weight. This is my beautiful gift to them, but it's not to be good and I want you to know that as a father and his apparent the reason you get such joy out of giving gifts that delight your children's heart is because you love them and the reason is that your made in the image of God and he loves to give us gifts that rule our hearts and one of the gifts that he gives us is sex was never intended to sell stuff.

It was never intended to have a one night stand and fulfill some temporary lust.

It was a gift that would bond a person's mind and heart and soul emotions and body with another person for a lifetime seals that relationship and creates a bond that God wants to never break and so were talking about love and sex, and lasting relationships you last time we talked about that a loving relationship. Demand sexual purity. When I got done last time I had to young couple here in other people hear people out there at all, people say you know what I really really get it. Like I'm living with my boyfriend right now or you know I one guy said can I be honest with you, as it will sure we were discussing outside that door and kinda told me where he was really at in each one of them basically said I really want to do this. God's way, that are you kidding man. How you do that and we talked a little bit, but one morning I have is and I didn't grow up as a Christian I never open the Bible till I was 18 and if you happen to be visiting like to someone invited you and you thought yourself let you know the pain was pretty good and it seems okay so far is little different for me but now you, look at these notes and you're actually in your mind, you will say this to the friend you came with. Is this guy actually going to get up and say that sex before marriage is not only wrong but stupid. I mean this is 1/21 century CIC like in a say that out loud and I bet if he does will probably you know pull out some old book that I don't necessarily believe in and give me all these reasons from this book of life and I'm just going to think myself and I don't come to church a lot but I probably won't come back.

Well let me just do something just for that group because that was me a number of years ago and so let me give you some research that isn't from the Bible. It's all secular research about sex and sexual fidelity.

In some reasons why you might want to reconsider your position.

Even if you didn't believe in the Bible on the front of your know some put here five fax about sex back 1 those who abstain from sexual intercourse before marriage report the highest levels of sexual satisfaction in marriage not. Not sure how they measure all this, but a whopping 31% higher level of sexual satisfaction and that was by the Bethesda research group reported in the Washington Post back number to those who cohabitate or live together before marriage had a 50% higher divorce rate than those who do not. That was a research study by UCLA back number three.

Those who abstain from sexual intercourse before marriage have the highest rates of fidelity in marriage that was in a study done at the University of South Carolina back number for the introduction of sex into a dating relationship, almost always ushers in the breakup of that relationship. Dr. Les and Leslie. Counselors and teachers and just as they done surveys with thousands of students you're in a relationship you're dating you start to have sex.

The probability that that relationship will and skyrockets the moment that happens. Finally, sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS or genital herpes can remain dormant for up to a decade or more, but be passed on to others. During that time so another words you can have no symptoms. The person you have sex with has no symptoms they may have had sex with other people and you may never ever know, and you can actually get it passed on and wake up 10 years later, HIV-positive something else. Here's all I want to say this may be an ancient book but is filled with wisdom and I will tell you that if you didn't even believe in the Bible and you're sitting here and you said yourself well okay I don't know if I buy the Bible yet, but the best research says if I want the best sex if I want to have a 50% lower probability of divorce if I want my partner to be not running around on me if I don't want to catch some diseases and if I really like the person I'm dating and I don't want to crash. What he's actually to teach about not having sex before marriage is really kind of the picture of a beautiful wonderful gift like fire that brings light and warmth and heat, and when fire is in the fireplace. Amazing and wonderful things happen the same fire if you take it out of the fireplace and stick it in the middle of the living room floor. It burns your house down so to talk about how to live a sexually pure life in a sex saturated society because you're smart okay know when you agree to lease from the research smart people would do this and even more importantly because you want to be holy. You want to get God's best. Anything less is second rate sex. The question I want to ask and answer is how to say yes to love and notice second rate sex anything apart from a guilt free passionate aligned with God align with one another from the heart. Sex is second rate. Now this can be three things you need to know to have God, love, and eliminate second rate sex number one a bit on the review side is loving relationships demand sexual purity. Now you can lost and you can be about yourself. But I mean loving relationships. Notice what it says the command walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us as an offering a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. So, to walk in love means you're giving caring sacrificial unselfish you want to put the needs of this other person had of your that's love.

That's the positive side of walking in love and relationship he says now negatively those are some things you do hear some things if you really love someone you don't do but do not let immorality or impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among the saints and there was not any filthiness or silly talk. Of course, jesting, which are not fitting but rather the giving of thanks that word immorality. We get our word porn from its poor and the Greek impure extends that and basically what he says is any sexual relationship or activity, fornication and adultery. Same-sex relationships anything apart from one man one woman inside of marriage violates God's command because he's got this gift any scissors, a 5 Lane Hwy. out there that when you violate this you get killed in their spiritual drug dealers out there that wipe you out and so that's the command. The reason is for this you know verses five and six you with certainty that no immoral or impure or covetous person who actually is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. And he says let no one deceive you with empty words or because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

In other words there. There's consequences. God loves us so much that when we violate what he says about human sexuality and relationships. He says it makes him angry. That's all. The word wrath means it makes him angry and when a parent is angry he disciplines those he loves to bring about the kind of behavior that will print protect them from danger, know most of you will be completely shocked.

Knowing the wonderful parent that I probably was at 28 or 29. Even after I told my two little boys with these shiny new bikes that they could only go around the circle around the apartment, and they should never ever never ever be like never go beyond that building. You be shocked to find out they didn't obey actually do something in our human nature that if someone just says draw the line. Don't cross it. I may never thought about before.

When they say don't you just make me want to. Doesn't you know as a father, a very irresponsible thing to do would have been saying to my six or seven-year-old boys unit is around that's all what you went onto the highway.

It's only five lanes you didn't get killed. It seems to be okay. I hope you're just as lucky next time. Or, you know what you and cross that building in there only three drug dealers in a big deal didn't go down and they seemed even, nice to you in fact offer you something to try know what you would say to me is urine irresponsible, idiotic, stupid, uncaring, unloving father and you'd be right.

You see, when I caught them going beyond the circle. I actually enforce the rules.

I provided consequences.

I started was sort of like consequences to get their attention and they were very responsive and so II increase the intensity of my consequences. I did some things in loving ways to help my kids know I don't think I ever want to go beyond that circle again.

At one point in time. I just said you know what you can even use that bike for 30 days unless you're willing to obey me. Why is it because I'm trying to keep something good from them or do I have I given them a gift with it has huge opportunity for great responsibility in great danger. What would happen. What would happen instead of you thinking that God has made all these rules about sex that keep you from quote the good time and you started realizing while God wants me to have great sex with the right person at the right time, with no hangups, no pain, no baggage, no issues, no diseases, and the reason he has these rules is because he wants me enjoy the gift and that's would be the truth, but you listen differently. If you believe that. So he's given us a command walk in love, he gives us the reason and then now she gives us the application is not all you need to walk in love.

I want you to walk in the light therefore do not be partakers with them circle the word new notes partakers for you were formally darkness, but now you are light in the Lord walk as children of the light and then explains will what would it look like a mean parentheses if you walk as children of the light.

What would that look like will it be for the fruit of light. In other words, the fruit is the evidence of something the fruit of the light is all goodness and righteousness and truth, trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord, which underline the word darkness in which underline the phrase you are light that word partakers very interesting word in the original language.

Literally, the ideas don't even associate with them. Therefore walk in love. Why because there's consequences that are from love. He says now therefore, how do you behave don't even associate don't go to places don't watch things don't think things don't hang out with. Don't put into your mind and into your heart. People and information and videos and books and magazines that pull you away and keep telling you that out there in the five lanes is where the action is, or where the spiritual drug dealers are hanging out and then he gives a reason he goes formally you were formally darkness. He doesn't say you were in the darkness.

You were darkness, but now you are light member what Jesus said I am the light of the world since don't stumble because of me. I am the light of the world and then what did he say to us later.

He said to his followers. You are the light of the world. He didn't so say go be the light of the world or act like you like the world you are the light of the world peace is me living inside of you manifesting the power in the presence and 11 the holiness of God. You are the actual light of the world now. So he says walk that way.

This is how Christians live like Christians in their sexuality and he gives us three words at me just briefly highlight what they are. He says all goodness, all righteousness and all truth, goodness is moral excellence is not just being nicer kind its moral excellence with a sense of kindness and generosity and was when you're walking in the light. You were morally pure before God. Someone is meeting someone who's good and generous and kind.

So that's what it means to walk in the light you're looking for the needs of other people. Your your words and your in your life are telling the same story you're walking and all goodness.

In fact, not only just goodness but righteousness are your living right. The literal meaning of the word is getting another person.

What is their due.

So if it's respect you give them the respect their due. If it's a commitment. It's the commitment that stupid it's doing your duty before God and doing your duty before men, you're the kind of person that's right your righteous you. You're just your fair and then the next one is truth. It talks about integrity. So is a beautiful word for truth. It's not just doing the right things with some sort of little narrow. I'm going to do what's right. This is true has the idea of an integrity where there's peace in your heart and where there's a desire for what's beautiful and what's right and what's good and what's kind see a lot of us struggle a lot with our sexuality and what issues in the Christian life and in walking with God because we have this deal inside of us is that we all hate hypocrites.

Don't we may not think it's just inborn. I mean I hate it when people tell me one thing and they act another way. I hate it when someone gives me a complement no say this about me.

Don't you but what startling thing happen in my life as I realized I hate all hypocrites, but I even hate it when it's me. You know when I shave and I'm looking in the mirror and then think about what kind of man am I really and how do I really treat my wife and my thoughts go and am I really walking, integrity, and in light of the last 24 hours am I doing what is right and just and living in truth. You know when there's a real high level of alignment. There's a piece and not only that, I mean in the good sense I like myself a lot you don't like yourself you don't like yourself because that level where it went ones not congruently when it doesn't line up you know in your head in your mind and your lips.

This is what I say I believe in what I think. But this is how I'm living it just produces tremendous tension in walking in the light doesn't mean you're perfect walking in the light means you responding, day by day, and moment to moment what got shown you about what's true so people are living together, go wow I need to walk in the light people to overcome pornography go while you and I need to go get some help people there walking lights that you know I just find myself at work lusting after these guys are these women and you gotta want to change that and talk about how, but the application is something powerful and winsome to be at peace and have your conscience clear and have relationships and to look people in the eye and not always feeling like there's something or someone behind lanes with the real action is in you can have these little hidden portions of your life's message sexual purity sex saturated world series.

Love, sex, and lasting relationships in these messages strictures the kid to truth about romance sex the way God designed it and true love because we long to love and be loved. This series will help you discover God's way to make a good match grow in intimacy and build a love that lasts a lifetime for a limited time, resources for love, sex, and lasting relationships are discounted. The MP3s are always free to order your copy or to send it to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or tap special offers on the app for additional information. Just give us a call at triple late. 333-6003. Now here's chip with a quick thought. I want to take just a moment to talk directly to those of you that are seeking a way to be more connected to the ministry Living on the Edge where need of partners. He will take a step of faith and make a monthly financial commitment to the ministry that you may be thinking because we reach millions of people through radio and broadcast and online in ministry resources that we probably don't need the money or that were supported by all these people. The fact is, it's a very small percentage of all the people who listen or do small-group resources that actually give to the ministry. We depend on and we deeply appreciate those partners who make the decision to walk with us, especially with the monthly commitment doesn't have to be a large amount. So let me ask you, would you please pray about becoming a monthly partner. Thanks so much in advance for whatever God leads you to do well as you prayerfully consider your role in giving to this ministry.

I would remind you that when you partner with Living on the Edge you become part of a much bigger team. So as we partner and minister together a gift of any amount is significant send a gift or to become a monthly partner donate online that LivingontheEdge.org Donate all me up or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003.

Your partnership is greatly appreciated. Okay chip let's get to your application. Oh what I want you to know is is that trying hard is not a remedy.

All the research we know what happens inside of the brain in terms of pornography is not unlike crack cocaine. It is an addiction and it grows and requires stronger and stronger and more perverse hits.

What I can tell you in our time together is one. You have to have a game plan.

This is not like I promise. I promise I'm not going to do that again or if it's not porn. You know were sleeping together and I promise I promise I won't do that again. That will not work as most of you already know so you have to have a game plan. The first step is what we talked about a conviction their need to come a time where you say I want to be sexually pure. I remember in this struggle in my life. I kept oh God oh God oh God and the Lord whispered as I was praying for chip do you do you want me to answer this and might my honest answer was no. Not really woman stop praying it and and for some of you that's where you need to start is do I really want to be. You know all the right reasons. You know the shame of the guilt that follows, but that step number one is step number two is you're not going to let this on your own. You need help, you're going to need accountability, you need a plan. You need a conviction and you need help. One of the resources that has been really helpful that grew out of my own personal struggle and with a lot of men I dated a men's conference.

It's called how to slay the dragon of lust and that is exactly what it is.

It's super practical very very specific and I think it will give you the tools to take those first steps to overcome this thing that so many of you struggle with and you long to be free.

So what I want you to know is there is freedom there is power but you make a decision you need help and I would love to be a part of the journey. If I can how to slay the dragon of lust go online LivingontheEdge.org you can click and get it today that Living on the Edge we want you to know about an easy way to listen to our extended teaching podcast here chip anytime on Amazon's Alexa echo and echo.just say Alexa open Living on the Edge and you'll hear that days extended teaching any time you want go for chip and everyone here, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge