Love Sex and Lasting Relationships - The Secret to a Lasting Relationship, Part 2

Are you currently in a relationship that's frustrating. I mean a relationship that's going nowhere you know and is it a pattern is relationship after relationship, but there's no real connection. No real intimacy than stick around for going to talk about how you could have that the grace of God, thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with shipping chip serves as our Bible teacher is international discipleship program today.

Chip continues a series, love, sex, and lasting relationships by giving us a model of building lasting trips versus God is really interesting as you can take that model can literally clearly contrasting that with picture of this model is an trips message so maybe jump online to LivingontheEdge.org broadcast for top billing notes on the up to use it with chips teaching today. Okay let's get started their strip with part two of his message from Ephesians chapter 5. The secret to a lasting relationship.

Ephesians chapter 5 verses wanted to not put the text in your notes. The first half of that book, he tells us who we are in Christ and how precious we are. How loved we are what is already done for us. You are a son of God because of Christ, and that you are adopted, and he cares for you and it doesn't matter how you look and he actually wanted you to be exactly the height that you are with the personality you have with eyecolor that you have with the personality you have had.

He actually likes you and you don't have to be this skinnier this hard body to where these," he loves you just the way you are and by the way, that is the key to experiencing great love with other people because until you understand how deeply loved. You are you will try and find that love and make someone else. The completion to make your life work and it always ends in disaster and so he says therefore be imitators of God, how as beloved children and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God is a fragrant aroma you pull out of town to ask you just make a couple observations. This will really help you put a line under where it says be imitators of God, just put a line under and in about the right command.

Number one, there's two commands in this passage the word is mimic literally its command mimic God doing relationships with others what God does to you mimic him. Now notice I want to put parentheses around the next phrase is as beloved children so Karen so I'm to mimic God. Time to love the way God loves in relationships with other people, but I'm to do it or someone who's already dearly loved and accepted and precious by God command number two underline walk in love, walk in love, to command. Notice that the line becomes up next describes what it means to walk in love, just as Christ also loved you (round so command number one and imitate God.

How is someone who is deeply loved and accepted just for who I am, command, number two, I'm to walk in love walk is a choice.

Walk is progressive walk in step sometimes you fall down, but I walk how just as Christ loved me the rest of the verse says will. How did Christ love us, who gave himself for you to picture of and all the port of all time and all humanity.

God so you he saw me and when Christ was hanging upon the cross.

He died in your place, and in my place to pay for your sin and that he rose from the dead to prove that it was true. To offer spiritual life. Just as were physically born to offer a spiritual birth in a new relationship with God? He does it to God as an offering to sacrifice.

When Jesus was praying through for those of you with little Bible background member, the garden of Gethsemane. Did he emotionally want to go to the cross.

Yes no emotionally. I didn't hear you know so he's agonizing life. He understands separation from father. He understands across the understands of thorns noses. You get beat with an inch of his life. All those things but he looked at you and he looked at me and here's what love is. Love is choosing to give another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost. That's what he did and see the changes your relationships is not how I feel she meeting my needs are things going well in our sexism as hot as it used to be.

He's gained a couple pounds unit is a really difficult with our kids right now there's a lot of pressure in her job. I don't think she I don't think he's really the right person. I think were growing out of love and and or those are feelings and those are movies playing in your head.

Love is a commitment, love is a choice to give another person what they need the most. Not when they're being good when they deserve it the least a great personal cost. Now notice if I could take all this passage and put it in four steps like Hollywood formula, it would look like this. Number one, become the right person.

That's what God thinks become the right person. If you have your Bible or mobile device open up to Ephesians chapter 4 it says therefore right says therefore be imitators of God, you need to look behind it because what is going to say is there certain attitudes that you need to get rid of their poison in relationships and or certain attitudes that are like gods that will transform relationships so notice Ephesians 4 pick it up with me in verse 31 it says get rid of what all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice any of you ever struggle with having some of those attitudes, actions or words not your mouth, in your relationships without sex.

Good. I do when you get hurt, get rejected when you're confused we feel betrayed anger, bitterness, slander, start telling other people malice how to get back at him notice.

Look at verse 32 but be kind to one another, compassionate or tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgive you when he says mimic God, he says, become the right person you become a person that's kind what kind you do nice things for other people just to bless their life compassionate. That means your tenderhearted and you walk in the shoes you are empathetic and you understand where they're coming from and it's not demanding about what I get. That is how I give when they blow it your forgiving is not that you become a doormat. It's not that you're doing that and there's boundaries. Of course, but when they blow it just like you blow it you don't hold it against him to get on the table when you forgive them mimic God. Here's the deal. Here's what's wonderful in God's view. For those of you that are divorced and not in a relationship for those of you that are single and not in a relationship for those of you that are 13, 14 or 15 thinking I'm not exactly sure what all this is about but my parents are to be good idea for me to sit in on this right and I can hear him saying I know a lot more of what this is about the misguided things which is actually quite true. You don't need to be in any relationship to become the kind of person who mimics God, let me ask you this if you found a person to date. That was kind, compassionate, tenderhearted others centered and forgiving when you blew it. That sound like a pretty good catch. That's it. That's a different set of qualities then man she looks good and tight jeans are. I love him in a tight T-shirt or he drives a Ferrari that's really different is and see the thing is you, the people that are really kind and very loving and forgiving and godly yes who they're looking for they're looking for other people that are very kind and loving right so that the way to get the best is to become the best. You need to become what you want and you can work on that every day that's where the greatest thing I do for my wife every single day is pursue passionately my relationship with Christ so I can become more like him as his spirit creates in me through his word and community. The living Christ in me the second thing is, rather than finding the right person you be come the right person and that if you don't fall in love. You walk in love. You walk… It's a choice we define it.

It is you got it yet. Love is giving another person.

What what they need the most. When they deserve it the least that great personal cost. See what I can tell you is I didn't know any of this.

I never picked up a Bible till I was 18 and I did. I did the whole deal. Hollywood's way into I was in my early 20s and all the fallout and all the mass get it okay and I got married and I and our relationship. We really did do God's way. So I thought it's God's ways can be great can be awesome. What was for three months really awesome and I found out that I needed to walk 11 trees was getting on my needs and I did know that if you're the son of an alcoholic, you become the rescuer in my antenna was always up everywhere how I help how I rescue because I feel good about me when I rescue people and she had this little like that said I came from a difficult home and then I got abated by this guy and he was selling drugs and ran off with another woman and I got these two kids and I'm looking for help will we were a match made in hell and I don't mean that as a cuss word. I mean, that is a description and so we both love God, we got married three months in she really doesn't want me to fix her because that's all I can do it and I really am. I'm really pretty struggling with some of this dysfunction.

It was really attractive because so many Neil at work were married like 36 months and now I'm in seminary now I'm in counseling. The best money. The best time ever spent why because you can only walk in love as a dearly loved about the word. Beloved, we don't use a lot. Think about this walk in love, as someone who feels God's love and acceptance pouring over your mind and your heart and your soul. So, at some level you don't care what anyone on the whole earth thinks about what you think what you wear what your body is like because you are so precious and so loving you or someone sign for someone's daughter, and he made you special and when you get that now, instead of needing you can give. And so I had to learn how to do that but a lot of it was me. I made her nuts, she made me nuts and she tried to fix me. It did not work so I tried to fix her did not work. I talked the couples are going through really hard times it a go something like this. Well, if she would boom boom boom boom. This will be okay will I would do that, you know, if you like. Pick up stuff around the house and met for got married we like used to have sex and outs kids and stuff and work in pasting pressure and NNU before we got married him and he he did silly stuff like open the door and Johnny notes he call me. I'm just thinking of you. We talked for an hour and 1/2 on the phone. Now I can't get into text me back and he wants to make love or you can break good boom boom boom boom and you know what someone has to stop and see what unlocking keep asking what do you give me an MI fulfilled its Hollywood someone steps up and said you know what we can break the cycle.

I'm so deeply loved by God in the midst of all this, yet we probably need to get some help would probably need to get some good counseling. We probably need to get a small group with other people.

There is messed up as we are because everyone is messed up. They just don't admit it and we can help one another and I'm going to choose to give my mate what they need, even when I'm not getting anything back because once that happens cycle breaks hearts get tenderized restoration curse. The third is you not only become the right person and walk in love with you. Fix your hope on God and you seek to please him to this relationship to see if the heart about of all of Hollywood is narcissism coming.

We will be nice to people will do things but there's always a sort of all do this if you do that all act like this.

If you do that, I'll give this to get that that never to sustainable and then when you put your hopes and dreams on this person and then things break apart devastated God's the only one that can make this work and until your whole with him you don't have the ability or the capacity to really love there's a couple of professors in Seattle Pacific and I teach a course that everyone takes this not required. It's about love and relationships and how to find the right person and there's no notes. You don't have to take any notes you have to come to class and they come thousands of them, but they read this statement at the first class and everyone has to memorize a statement and they go over every week and then they teach people about how this works. Lesson Leslie Parrott right if you attempt to build intimacy with another person before you done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the wholeness that you lack an end in disaster.

But we could have if you're like one of those old-time tent meetings that I've seen on TV. I think can I get a testimony right, we've all done this heavily. We've all done this were trying to find someone to fix these holes in us and see if you if you decide you know what, no one has the power to do that. I don't care who they are, what they look like they will always let you down because they're human just like you let them down in the paradigm is on to become the right person. I'm gonna walk in love with my heavenly father so I can choose to give what only he can give me time to fix my hopes and dreams not on this person because again, let me down. But this marriage I want to be as much as I want to be fulfilled and that would be a nice byproduct. I want this to be an offering to God. There's been times in my marriage that this even as a pastor is like I don't want to stay in this marriage. This is too hard. I'm too frustrated mean in a nice way she makes me nuts.

We had so much stuff to work through and we needed all the counseling a little bit more and since then we have read so many books and listen to so many things on going away on weekends you like because word desperately needed to learn to let learn how to love God and to love each other but you know what it did it sustained us through the little hard times and status through the years three through six. It sustained us with baby in diapers when you didn't have much time to sustain this winter for teenagers were going crazy and then would empty nest. It was hard for me. I was real excited about my wife is all discreetly losing her kids and ministries that witness what all, seasons they have difficult difficult times. And God wants you to know if you could grasp that in a fallen world. You will always have difficult times, but if you become the right person. If you walk in love and you set in, fix your affection on him. He'll take the difficult times like a piece of sand that rubs the wrong way in the oyster of your heart and you create a pearl and you end up if you persevere like I've I've had a window that I never dreamed was possible.

The intimacy in the marriage that I have is beyond anything I dreamed every area of my marriage is better than I thought it could be an and every area that you can imagine. We struggled in and then the best we could. Out of all of our dysfunction week we tried to model for our kids. This is the direction to go.

And they they grew up and I said you know what I think I'm to do relationships God's way and they found makes that love God and other raising kids like this and adult kids that want to be around you.

It's like are you kidding in his will tell you the rewards that God has for you are beyond your wildest dreams and the great majority of people in the great majority of Christians bailout too soon to early because basically even believe in the stuff and these are just magazines can't watch five Netflix movies a week and watched three reality shows and it just seems like all the action is out there. The fact the matter is this interesting research.

Those who walk closely with God, pray together as a couple are in God's word on a regular basis, and worship together divorces in the low single digits.

It happens very rare and then this is research I mean someone have to do this. I thought I would you know where the hottest greatest sex is an American is not in the singles at all monogamous couples with deep spiritual values and commitment to one another.

You know why because sex wasn't designed to quote just have a physical experience when there is a spiritual connection and a connection of the soul in the heart and the mind and when there's two people doing life together coming together physically is a celebration and God says the marriage bed is holy.

It's not dirty it's holy in the something that happens even the current research about it in a man's brain. Certain things happen inside our brain that allows us to come down as were with our wives in intimacy that allows a depth of sharing God's plan is you become the right person you walk in love, you set your affections on him and when failure occurs. Repeat steps one, two and three, and it will meet does anyone think Teresa and I ever have an argument. Raise your hand from Allah. Of course, does anyone think that she disappoints me or I disappoint her and we hurt each other's feelings. Yeah so in the old days. What I did was Mendocino what this is what she's doing when she changes then and she was going well in Ottawa all change when you change because it was all about finding the right person falling 11th and now you know when that happens I go back to step one. The grammar actually isn't just become the right person. It's it's literally not just imitate God.

The grammar is demonstrate yourself as imitators of God and I go back and were having a conflict. It's a choice and I say, God, this is this is not I'm not happy. So what you want to do and me. What is it about me as a man, what is it about me as a father.

What is it that me as a husband that you want to change that needs to change because I can't. I tried like ears change her that's not the work I've got zero control of her hundred percent in May, so I go back to step one. I want to become the right person. Something I own. I mean even even if in my perverted little heart is 90% earn 10% me under my 10%, and repent is probably 6040 is probably me the 60 but I'm deluded like you is what we are and I'm the walk in love to give her whatever she needs and I don't feel like she deserves it and I'm going to choose to do that. Not even for her. I'm doing it for you and I will tell you power forgiveness breakthrough. I come from a non-Christian home little Christian exposure. I thought born-again evangelicals.

Whatever whatever the term is a people actually believe the Bible on a personal relationship with Jesus. I grew up thinking your word is nuts.

Okay until I saw it lived out and then I watched how the world lives and I thought you not to. I've always been at least shrewd. Maybe not smart but shrewd and and if you're shrewd what you look at let's see 50% chance round one.

It won't work 75% round to you and I don't know if I can afford to be on a diet and have a hard body. The whole rest of my life. This is a lot of work that doesn't work for almost anybody. I'm probably not in the 1% of the gene pool, you may be God's way does little better right it's gonna take everything was said about God's way of doing relationships and put a little pyramid if you are single or if you are divorcing and feel like there's a freedom to pursue a relationship. If you are a widow about how if you're married, you can save how my doing at this here is where you want to start the issue is not that she looked good and tight jeans or does he look good in a tight T-shirt and where what's he drive the issue is spiritual.

Is he a godly person is she a godly person, integrity, character, that's what you're looking for number one, regardless of the little you know.

Electricity goes through your head you can hold off on that.

Secondly, you want to see him in a social situation with no dating you to see how they treat friends and people.

When you go out and you hang out and you seem a worker seen with friends you a seems socially so they don't put on there like I'm trying to get you face the mommy start dating you paint your face. He paints his new play game third then you want to really get to know the person more be honorable psychological profile this on the Internet you want to get to know his heart. Her heart dreams personality 21 kids finances, you will really get to know them all the research tells us that before 1960. The reason that there were so few were divorces. Is it people took a long time at a slow road toward relationships for number reasons. Number one, there was taboo of getting divorced. Number two. There wasn't contraceptives or acceptance of cohabitation and so you realize if you get a relationship you get pregnant and you're stuck and so people took a long time to figure out is this the right person, they'd evaluated 1969 the reform of the loss change was no-fault divorce pretty soon. Cohabitation went from a thing that people should never do what you are believer or not to its normal to accept it.

So people slide into relationships they slide into relationships now they feel trapped. Now they have a baby outside this is not the right person that I took me 2 1/2 years to find out is now getting a divorce so you want to know this person then you, hold back those emotional feelings and as God gives you green lights and you clicking on the motion and then are you ready for this, as these things line up you can't read okay you get married and then the spiritual and the social and the soul and the connection and you don't just have sex you make love and the angels in heaven, and the God of heaven, far from being dirty says this is a holy and pure thing and so when your kids are small and ask about sex you tell him, absolutely. It's a wonderful gift from God limited preteen you say yeah. Pretty soon your bodies can be changed because God is preparing you for something very wonderful and then when they're teenagers you you talk about sex and how the sacred stewardship it is and why and you what you train your kids you given God's prescription early on, all the way. You be glad you did know that little pyramid that I gave you I I did for number of years a divorce recovery program in our church and 80% of the people would be people that were not Christians, but they did divorced and they found that this is a really good place and so they would come and so I thought showing them that pyramid and what they ought to do would probably not go over well. So here's the one that I showed them up. Don't just don't think she paper to put up Hassett hey you know you probably think I'm a pastor and I'm gonna really shove Jesus down your throat and tell you people know how terrible you been what you need to do and I said actually I'm I'm pretty new.

I just became a Christian, you know, early adulthood, let me just talk about relationships.

This is how I learned to do relationships and just when we walk through this I learned the relationships I was looking for hot girl and you maybe you too and you not go to bars and then like most of you probably within the at least a week or if not, then I can hook up and you have get involved sexually or at some level, and then pretty soon you have, you know, the dropping of 30 points of IQ and have these overwhelming feelings of oh I'm in love and I'm loving you don't then you kinda get to know him and sometimes you start to get to know her and you go all my lands. She is so hot there's zero between your ears right over the sky like he is a hunk and I mean he's in the self worship he kisses his own biceps all the time coming. He's a narcissist. I mean it's it's it's it's like sickening being around him. He looks good from a distance and so you go what – not the one for me. So what do you go back fishing, physical, emotional, and then you find someone. Hey we really cannot you really connect and for many people, he already started living together and then you know you get socially around his friend, your friends, even family and then you usually move in together and you do it for three months or eight months or year to what is it about all the celebs and all people at some point there is this sense there's more to marriage than just cohabitation and having kids and sharing jobs is like because God is putting the DNA it's a spiritual moment and where they want to do they call people like me and said, would you marry us right and so I asked him in the divorce recovery. How many of you did relationships that way like I did some hands and then this was before Dr. Phil, so I feel very proud of myself at this moment I said let me ask you so how does that work for you during the divorce recovery class and they're going it didn't. So I did. I said okay. Are you already is on she paper is it ready 123.

Turn the she paper over in a setting of the pyramids were made like that.

They probably wouldn't be here today and I said look at look at how to make this is God's design. If you really want help.

First get right with God.

He loves you and go on this journey and transform your life and for some of you that's the message he has, in fact, when you get a couple just to go, thoughts, and the will wrap things up here through four quick questions. Question number one. Sort of an honest moment between you and yourself which triangle most represents your approach to building lasting relationships with your merit or not. If you are honest, don't tell anybody which one Hollywood's regards. Second, what would your present and/or future relationship look like in which what you want to look like God's Hollywood's third of what specific steps you need to take to begin implementing God secret to lasting relationship and let me do a little coaching here. If you're an uninvolved single what I mean is you don't, you're not in a deep relationship. Don't do the dance don't do the little thing the little you know go through that process. Hold your emotions back we'll talk. But until the green light comes on.

Second, if you're an involved single you're dating someone or maybe you're living with them right now will encourage you to take that trying to say where are we, what, what's what we skip, what would we need to do to get this relationship worked really functions the way we wanted to. And God wants it to. If you're married, I encourage you to to sit down over couple coffee this afternoon and can look at that triangle look at each area discussing how do you think were doing a scale of 1 to 51 maybe not so good. Five awesome how we doing in spiritual, social, emotional, psychological, and we please talk to ladies first. Do not use this as a club kick member you can mimic God kind, compassionate, forgiving see if someone says I'm sure glad we went to church. I finally got to go when I gather George with major not spiritual.

You know I got news he's never going to and for or if you're the guy going hey man finally someone talk about sex today.

What I'm trying to get through this is kind of hard to bring up the incident. Well, you those other four things really important. Let's talk about the top of this and how are take that sheet of paper in a couple coffee and so you know something we all struggle let's let's just talk. What were you since were at with the gentleness and what would it look like to maybe just maybe you choose area that we could make some just baby steps toward an all choose an area we talk about what it would look like to live before God to be kind to each other to forgive each other to make progress Morgan help you discover inside outside of marriage. How to know with absolute certainty and the difference between love infatuation to be back with his application. Just a reminder this message. The secret to a lasting relationship is from his series, love, sex, and lasting relationships in these messages strictures the candid truth about romance sex the way God designed it and true love because we long to love and be loved.

This series will help you discover God's way to make a good match grow in intimacy and build a love that lasts a lifetime for a limited time, resources for love, sex, and lasting relationships are discounted. The MP3s are always free to order your copy or to send it to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or tap special offers on the app for additional information. Just give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 chip in this series you're talking about God's prescription for love, sex, and lasting relationships. I know there's a time of great teaching and every message but if you have to boil it down, what would you say is the key to what makes this series so helpful.

Dave what I know is there's many very committed people that love God with all their heart and whether there single or single again and I want have a great relationship with a godly person and they wanted to last. What they normally don't have is a plan with good structure. Once our emotions get involved with another person. Once the attraction takes over. Most of us drop you know our IQ by 30 or 40 points and then we move according to our emotions instead of a structured plan that God's wisdom can provide what this book will do chapter by chapter essay. This is the world's model. This is God's model. Here's the next step. Here's a test to know if your love.

Here's some things to avoid. Here's some very practical things to do, so that you end up with the right person in the right kind of relationship to get God's very best. There's something about reading and going through a book doing it alone, but then doing it together they can really make a difference super helpful.

Thanks, over a limited time.

All the series resources are discounted, including the book. It's our desire to get this resource into the hands of as many people as possible so we hope you'll take advantage of the discounts today. Maybe have a copy for yourself to read with your kids or grandkids and maybe want to give to a parent you know you could use a little help getting the conversation started with their kids for all the details, visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org tap special offers on the app or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, which it was you ended your teaching today.

You were telling us about talking with a group of people that had all gone through divorce would you do a quick review force because you went over it pretty quickly and it's pretty different from how people do relationships today. The fact the matter is I can still remember drawing that equilateral triangle and then describing how God's formula for love and sex, and lasting relationships is just the opposite and you should've seen their faces when I drew it.

You know, sort of the world's way.

Hollywood's formula and I said how many of you did it this way and 100% of the hands went up. And you know I had sort of that moment like so how's that working for you and then III said what if it was like this that I flipped it over. I said what if the foundation of that equilateral triangle was spiritual. What if it was really about a relationship with God that each of you have, individually, and that it wasn't about getting it became about how you give to the other person and then second, one of the next layer on that pyramid or that equilateral triangle was was social and then rather than jumping in bad or just looking at his biceps or her figure, you begin to say how do they really relate with people and what are they really like and rather than a date. You do something in a group and you get to see them especially with family members, but then the big question is when and how did the emotions kick in when do you allow, you know that drawling that attraction that you have to become a part of the relationship and that is exactly what we to cover in our next broadcast, so don't miss it or if you do go to LivingontheEdge.org and stay with us. God wants you to have a great relationship, but he wants you to do it completely different than most of us have learned as we wrap up I would think each of you was making this program possible through your generous giving 100% of your gifts are going directly to the ministry to help Christians really live like Christians. A few phone chips teaching to be helpful, which are not yet on the team. Would you consider doing that today to donate.

Just go to LivingontheEdge.org tap donate on the up or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003, let me thank you in advance for whatever the Lord leads you to do one selects time for everyone.

This is Dave really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge