Resilient - It's Emotional, Part 2

One of the most powerful emotions, both good and evil is anger when we see injustice. It spurs us on to do something to make a difference, but left unchecked, it will destroy our lives and those around us. So let's learn to deal with anger positive. Don't go away. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge ship Living on the Edge of the international discipleship between the Bible, currently in our series called silly standing.

The storms of life picking it up where he left off in our previous project is the foundation for what were about to here take the time to catch that later on the trip by LivingontheEdge.org key though is the premise that anger is a secondary emotion.

It's not the problem it's the result of something else and that's where chips had so grab your Bible and let's join ship for part two of his message. It's emotional.

Our life-changing response to anger begins when we replace listen carefully.

Our reaction for reflection and here's the key question and I want to spend the rest of my time walking through this with you. Here's the question what's the root issue behind my anger towards why am I really angry is it injustice is hurt is that I'm frustrated or is it some insecurities developing 20s very briefly and I want to mention I was.

Here's here's ABC right please in your minds eye. Just walk and thank God be resilient.

I can't respond to what's happening. All these things you know – there's political division.

There's racial division.

There's health issues or economic issues and anger is just actually poisoning my mind and my heart okay why am I angry my hurt, my frustrated is it injustice.

Is it just my own insecurities and then what you need to do is you need to use what I call the a, B, C method are you ready a acknowledge that your angry being backtrack to the original calls were emotion and they see, consider what should I do, that's that that's a process so let me give you three specific issues that tend to be underneath the surface. If you and I were sitting in a room together.

I would have a napkin and I would draw the picture of an iceberg and put away the line over the very top of the iceberg and I would write the word anger on the iceberg and the underneath of it.

I would put the real issues behind anger and there's many but there's three foundational issues that cause you and me to spew to leak and to stuff so you asked the diagnostic question what's behind my anger and here's the first question am I hurt what specifically do I feel what unmet needs do I have when were hurt and it can be real or can be perceived it can be as little as a comet that someone says or devastating that someone emotionally or relationally or physically hurt you or it could be what happened in the job or in the meeting.

A lady wrote me a letter who was one of those people who said you know I really not a person that has anger issues and she writes she goes the talk on anger brought out a lot of things that I've been sorting through and I've struggled with. All week I had a scenario at work last week that cause me to become very angry. A coworker was working on a project that I knew a lot about. I thought I had a valuable insight to offer and I wanted to make sure that the best alternative was presented and chosen. Evidently I had overstepped my boundaries because the manager in polite words told me to shut up and brought out because it was not my project. I immediately clammed up and fumed inside. I am the stuffer type. It wasn't until later that I realized my feelings were hurt and I wasn't even sure why. Now when I look back I realize it.

I took it as a stab against my self-worth for someone who seeks the approval of others. This was a devastating blow. I felt rejected and when they disregarded, especially my valuable advice and then she writes it's amazing.

I never realized. Anger is a cover-up for hurt or insecurity I should have put two and two together because whenever I'm angry, it's usually because my feelings have been violated in some way and then she finishes her letter to me she goes. I love it when I I see these startling revelations.

It's tragic on the one hand, as I'm now realizing the severity of my problem.

But on the other hand, I can now take crucial steps of healing, healing, recognizing the problem is the first step in you and this is what I've seen and I've seen so often the people they have anger issues. Some of you don't even know you have others or skewers and you know you do and then you say I'll never do that again you feel so bad you feel so guilty and you tell people and I'm so sorry and you're very sincere and then you do it over and over and over again in some of your leakers and on onto sarcastic and is the way I grew up in our family that way and that's how we express affection and I just want to tell you all that is a bunch of baloney fact the matter is there is unresolved issues and anger is the tip of the iceberg and so many of us feel hurt that we don't know how to get our hurt out and deal with it and so we either bury it or we pass it on sideways or we just get fed up over time and then we spew so let me give you a tool. This is a tool I call the eye field message.

I'm always grateful when I get to share a tool that I got in marriage counseling many years ago in her early marriage. Patrice and I did not communicate and we had no idea how to resolve anger and we were with a biblical counselor and just a tremendous guy in we couldn't resolve anything.

We couldn't communicate. We can talk of anything it had potential conflict. I was a talker, talker, talker, and she was a clam up her claim upper claim upper and so we had a disagreement she would just turn one way in the bed and I turn the other way and abandon. We do that for two or three nights and then get up one day just pretend it didn't happen getting nothing resolved and so he said here's you need to learn to attack the problem instead of the person and so we we nodded our head like you know good people doing counseling.

That's a great idea. Okay, now here's here's the tool is called and I feel message so we had a little 3 x 5 card and in bold print on the refrigerator for two years.

Yes, two years, I feel… When you… So I feel hurt when you come home late for dinner when I'm at work all day to fix it. To say I love you. I feel hurt when you reject my affection when I feel very close to you and you seem cold and irresponsible. I feel you get it frustrated I feel mad I feel sad that we don't talk more deeply and more openly with one another. See, no one can deny your feelings. You know that's different than you ought, you should. You never this are killer words. So if you're hurt doesn't get addressed. It will go somewhere and so we had to go into training and we had to learn. I feel messages emboli sometimes you're not ready to say them to your boss or your mate or someone you might think right now either.

You're not ready or they're not safe, you realize there someone that you can give your I feel messages to the can take whatever you can, given skull, the Lord Jesus called God to do it if you would open up the Psalms 25 to 30% of all the Psalms. Guess what they're called lament Psalms.

The formal name and I do like this. God I feel angry I took software are you.

Why would you allow this to happen that's not fair. This things I slowly ticked off. How come the bad people get stuck in the good people get bad stuff and why did you come through. I mean they are gut wrenching and it's interesting as they they share that lament and those feelings honestly then there comes this point where they get some perspective and God begins to speak. Let me encourage you to share your hurt with the Lord. The second diagnostic question behind your anger is first time I heard the second question ask is, am I frustrated the anger is inseparably linked with her expectations. The first step to examine is how realistic are my expectations say unconsciously. We have expectations like life ought to be fair you should lock me you should never get matter. Get down on me I should be happy I must be fulfilled. My job should work out for me all the time. My kit should always be well behaved.

My husband should be kind and considerate. My wife should be affectionate and caring we have these expectations that we lay there and then when they're not filled.

Guess what we feel frustrated.

Well, frustration is one of the a mild way to say that you're angry killer words when you're frustrated and not that any of you would really have words like this come out of your mouth. I'm just kidding is you know when you get a real argument with a friend with a coworker or with the mate.

You never you never do this. You always do this, you're just like your mother. You're just like your brother, you ought to use should those are killer words. Always, never, every ought and should ought and should or what parents say to children always and never, never true. No one never does anything and no one always does anything and so what they do is they think just attacking words their labeling words to shut things down as I would encourage you to just say, Lord, will you help me eliminate those words from my vocabulary and you say to yourself what you do. Then when you really get discouraged and frustrated.

Let me tool number one is I feel message tool number two is a desire versus I demand expectations. You know a demand is you ought. You should why don't you what's wrong with you. I desire to go something like this I would really like to spend more time together and have some times where we can really talk. I desire it would be great if you could come home earlier.

I notice when you're home for dinner. It really perks up me and the kids in. It's really important to us.

I desire that you know this year we can really block off some time and can take a real vacation. I see that you're working really hard. I wish that when you call a meeting that late at night and I'm out of town that you would have the expectation that unit 330 in the morning when I'm in another country or on the East Coast that you'd expect me to be there. You're saying that to your supervisor. I wish I desire it would be nice.

Those are messages that people can digest. When you poke when you attack.

Guess what, for every action there is equal and opposite reaction so how many of us have been you are you should. Here's how a lot of conversations go in homes were among friends or even at the workplace, and the person is. No no no no right it's not what happens is you have two people that are far apart wounds and scars be quick to hear. Be slow to speak right be slow to anger for doesn't achieve the righteous life that God desires.

The question is why am I angry a my hurt, be my frustrated see am I feeling threatened and when someone uses harsh words or calls you a name or gives you an angry look or someone cuts in front of you in traffic and then makes a gesture. That's probably not saying were number one when you hear angry voices when someone insult you.

Or when someone violates your space or even physically hurt you or attempts to you feel threatened.

That's normal when you feel attacked you feel exposed. Each of these times it's interesting how God gives us biblical examples and in this one.

It's interesting in first Chronicles chapter 15 versus 29 it's about King Saul Hayes, the king has all the power and he just hears songs about David. Your songs let me know. Saul has slain his thousands and David is 10,000 will instead of what while I recruited him.

I hope training he lived in my house. What a great success.

My life must be to empower young men like David know he's threatened. He perceives it and takes it as you know, my territory, my power and when more insecure.

Whether it's real. Whether it's just perceived. When we fear that were being exposed when we feel inferior. We fear rejection or we feel like were less than all of those things we feel threatened.

The word is insecure and those things cause us to respond in anger. If we don't process and ask why am I angry what's going here who's firing the darts is or something to learn whose approval. Do I need as I think through just asking these questions and I think of Joseph's brothers right today try to kill them, and they decide to selling. They were mad but why because they were hurt me dad treated Joseph Dent different than us, and so there was hurt.

No one likes me treated that way so they respond in anger, member name and that the guy who came from Syria and he wanted to be healed and the profit the need to come out and talk to me to sit-assert outset I want you want to go dip in the Jordan River and the sky has come all this way and brought his camels and donkeys and thinks he's gonna pay for it and and and any the Texas he wasn't. He was frustrated. He was Y because his expectation was the Texas well I thought he would come out and say some holy words over me. There's lots of rivers I could've gone to River in Syria and thank God he had a servant who was sort of saying and said hey boss, if you would've said in a do XYZ something really hard, you would've done it would at least go try this and of course he didn't. He was healed, but all I want you to see is that over and over in Scripture.

Anger and the root causes of anger are the things it can destroy relationships can bring us down. In fact there at the core of not being resilient, unresolved anger issues not getting to the root problem means that you won't be resilient, anger is something that can cycle you know you get stuck in it. Resentment. The Scripture talks about.

Don't let a root of bitterness grow up and by many be defiled.

We are living at a time in our country right now with political issues racial issues social economic issues that resentment and bitterness blaming deep seated kind of anger can poison your soul and I can. I can't say this anymore bluntly or honestly repent of that do not allow you to have a us versus them every person in the world is made in the image of God, Democrat, Republican, white, black, Hispanic, Asian okay rich people, poor people. This political party. This movement, we don't. We cannot have a broad brush that puts people's and categories you don't want that for you. Don't do that to anyone else. What I would say by way of an aside is you will never overcome those kind of issues unless you get some proximity you have to get close and get to know a real person with real feelings with the real life that's different than you can encourage and don't post things on Facebook. Don't be negative. Don't be critical live in such a way, let your light so shine before men that they can see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven holding forth the word of God. The apostle and say you could be a beacon of light in the midst of perverse and crooked generation. God wants us as believers to bounce back from what's happening be the difference maker's beetle light salt. Finally, I would just say that anger can be turned from your arch enemy. You know that the horse that keeps throwing you off and causing damage to being a faithful ally effect. The Bible actually commands us to be ready for this. Ephesians 426 and 27 commands us be angry that words be angry. The right kind anger at the right kind of things and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger message, deal with it. Resolving look under the hood and do not give the devil an opportunity. Think about that. There's probably few areas that allow demonic activity to begin to fester in people's minds and souls and hearts like unresolved anger, God doesn't want us to blow up the bottom left were to leak out. He wants us to be angry and not sin. He wants to take the power of the wild stallion of anger and payment to use it as a tool to motivate us to righteousness a tool see areas that he wants to change deep inside of the core of our being.

He wants us to learn to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger to become like him, and bless and love those around us.

Lord I pray for my brothers and sisters right now that in this moment, your spirit would bring to mind how they deal with their anger. Whether they spew whether they leak whether they stop for as many people wrote to me I'd I do two or three of these in Lord, would you helps to understand that you understand what's going on but you want to help us anger poisons our soul ruins our relationships.

Lord, please help us. I pray for those that have deep unresolved anger issues that you would give them the courage to get help find a great Christian counselor, a pastor, an older friend. What I pray for those that that stuff and feel down or depressed that it maybe the light would come on, they would realize they been really angry about some things are to some people and they never realized until right now.

Would you help him to get out a sheet of paper. Internal and just start the process. I feel and begin to write it out and allow you to bring to their mind and get it out of their insides and onto something objective Lord I pray since were going all feel angry and be disappointed.

Would you give us the grace to bring our anger to you. You can take to be honest with our emotions before you, and then get your perspective and the need and then women in Jesus name this application, but if you're just joining us, you're listening to Living on the Edge with shivering and chips talk today.

It's emotional is from his series called resilient withstanding the storms of life.

Navigating life's storms is never easy, but as believers in Christ, God gives us the resources we need to keep standing strong. No matter what comes our way, chips, teaching provides a fresh perspective from James chapter 1 on not only how to do it, but how to do it well, and bless others along the way for a limited time, the resources for resilient are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or to send it to a friend visit us@livingontheedge.org tapped special offers on the app or give us a call at AAA 83336003 that's AAA 333-6003.

Wiltshire finally got a great application for the Weber before you get to that that your latest book is taken off like we've never seen happen before both here in the US and literally around the world would you talk for just a minute about why you think is happening, I be glad to Dave we all get stuck.

We don't know what to do. I mean, should my kids go to discord that school should I relocate should I sell my house. Should I try and stay with this job. Find a new job. I mean people right now are living in unbelievable confusion and they need answers to specific things that there is no Bible verses right. There's not an absolute right or wrong, but God promises to give super natural wisdom that's the skill and the ability to know exactly what to do when to do it and how to do it in your specific situation, and he promises to give it 100% of the time if you will fulfill one condition and in the art of survival. We explain what that condition is and how every believer can experience it. It's called the art of survival. Art is an acronym ART a is the attitude that helps us navigate adversity are is the resource God offers in adversity and T is the theology guides our perspective in adversity in a world of chaos and confusion. Chip explains there's an art to survival skills honed by practice that lead to joyful endurance. No matter what. If you're looking for a pastor perspective and peace.

You need to read chips new book the art of survival. Get your discounted copy@livingontheedge.org with the chipping roadmap or by calling us a triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 83336003. I hope you'll do it today as we wrap up today's program. I understand this is only to broadcast talking about the emotion of anger and every time I talk about this. No matter where or with whom Erwin get an amazing response of the lights coming on in people thinking while this is bigger and deeper and I need help and so first let me tell you that I have one word picture that I think will help that I want to share with you right now and then I wrote a book called overcoming emotions.

It destroyed and that same content is available on our website. MP3s that you can get for free and what I want you to know those of you that this poked you somewhere.

Don't just go on. This is a turning point in your life. You see, anger is like a red light on the dashboard of your car you driving your car the red light starts flashing you don't stop the car, get out, open the trunk, get a hammer and then get back in the car and smashed the red light right. It does no good. The red light is not the problem. Anger is not your problem. It tells you something is wrong under the hood in your soul. It could be that you've been hurt. It could be you suffered injustice. It could be.

There is an injustice. This wrong and God is moving you to act on it. Here's what I want you to know anger actually can be your friend, but never think it's the issue it's a secondary emotion.

We've done some teaching on this that I would love to get in your hands because anger is destroying so many people's lives.

Some of you are depressed because of it. Some of you are ruining relationships with outbursts and some of you are passive aggressively just alienating people get a hold of your anger. Let God do what he wants to do. Are you ready the Bible commands you be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, deal with it. Get help and we would love to be that help just before we close all to say thanks to those of you who are giving regularly to the ministry of Living on the Edge you're making a huge difference helping other Christians live like Christians know if you're enjoying the benefits of Living on the Edge, but aren't yet on the team would you do that today.

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Thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do one for all of the services the jury say thanks for listening for this Edition of Living on the Edge