Relational Intelligence - You Deserve to be Happy, Part 1

Whether you're an introvert or an extra for all want to be known.

Your note in ways that are life-giving, character shaping, there's this commitment that we long for in a relationship over the long the question is how do you find friends like that make a significant relationship that's working to talk about today. Stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge drift your finger up Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram on this international discipleship program.

This program, we continue our series called relational intelligent, talking about the skill of navigating relationship with honors God first brings us blessing the process. This program, we tackle that elusive Jim called chips teaming up on the series with her son Ryan Ingram was a pastor of a vibrant young church in California. So today were going to hear from Ryan as he brings us part one of his message. You deserve to be happy Psalms chapter 1 you long I long to know someone deeply and for them to know us significantly and fully where this life-giving likely friends where you just like I'm around them and I know them and they just refresh my soul and not just that but you want to be a better person, like their character shaping and you know that they're going to be with you through thick or thin is not a fair weather friend and not a Fairweather marriage has this rugged commitment and so we asked the question how in the world do we have those kinds of relationships and so we said relational wisdom is the key in that relational wisdom or intelligence is the skill of navigating a life well that is that is not just the acquisition of knowledge and yet wisdom is this skill just like learning the skill of playing a guitar or shooting a basketball, or swimming. It is a skill and so is the proper application of the right knowledge that there is this training and applying for some this is where the rubber meets the road and was talking to a couple afterwards. As we talked about the end of the series and like it's actually not the end of the series is the beginning of the series, because now it's time to apply and thought like what a great response and is true with you. You and I we need to begin to apply the lessons that we've been learning about how to do relationships start off with week one with this verse is said in Proverbs that there's a way that appears to be right. But in the end it leads to death.

There is this a way that appears to be right, relationally, that appears to be right and how we go about our friendships, but in the end it actually leads to acid and undermines the very relationships that we want. There's a way that seems right. There is a way that sounds right, there's a way that even if feels good, but in the end, and you know I know we've experienced it ultimately is good for us and so were concluding with what I believe is the advice that has shipwrecked more marriages destroyed more friendships in this bit of advice. It actually has caused people to really undermine their very future because this hasn't even more implications not just relationally, but for decision-making in all of life and the devices you deserve to be happy that sound good and we all go he yeah some of your like Ryan, don't mess with this one right. Please okay follow your heart. That was a hard to swallow. Don't mess with.

You deserve rehab because it sounds good. Seems but is it really good forest underneath that advice is this modern relational vision is actually a new way of like viewing all of relationships of the outcome or desire of what we want to see happen relationally in the modern relational vision says that your happiness is most important. This is what we bought into that as a culture that your happiness is most important. In fact, maybe let's make a theological some of us would say it this way, God's will for your life is to be happy.

God wants me to be happy in fact. Students if you ask a parent what do you want for your kid. All I want for my kid is to be what thank you guys.

I love that. Why is your happiness is most important put it in the relational context.

The purpose of relationships is personal happiness.

The points of the marriage and point of the friendship. The point of what dating is your personal happiness notes to find happiness because the way we define happiness has shifted over the years actually classically the way you define happiness the way the ancients in Scripture would defined it as well, but also just in classical thought would had to do with this virtuous life is food well lived life is the one where you look back on life and you're happy with it. Whereas when we define happiness today has to do with a deep sense of personal pleasure or satisfaction.

It is this you know pleasurable satisfaction of the moment and so the purpose of relationships. Is this personal happiness and so you exist for my happiness. I'm dating you. I'm marrying you I'm friends with you so that I'll be happy will. How do I be happy. Here's our uniform you if you will when I get and then you fill in the blank.

Then I'll be happy when I get when I finally find the right person. When I finally fall in love when I'm marrying her marrying him. Then I'll be happy and for some you like when I'm not married to him and I'm not married to her. Then I'll be happy when I get the right job when I get out of this job. When I'm successful. When I finally own a home and others are out on an alumni when I finally sell this home when it finally moved out of the area. This areas craziness so insane and so we moved away then I'll be happy when I build that lifestyle brand can travel the world and in the lives and have people live vicariously through my pictures and I don't have to live through other people's pictures and I'll be and so then we give this bit of advice for people do what makes you happy. If the purpose of relationships is personal happiness is the most important thing is to be happy, then you should do whatever makes you happy rights if it feels good do it. In fact, we ask this question. Oh my goodness in this question has shipwrecked more relationships do they make you happy. She just doesn't make me happy anymore. He doesn't make me happy anymore, and if the most important thing is to be happy, well then I need to do what makes me happy. Do they make me happy.

No, the honeymoon stage moral. We do this with our friends right just need to surround myself with people who make me happy. Well if your friends don't make you happy anymore then get new friends, and so we come to this conclusion. If I am unhappy. Something must be wrong. Let me ask you this.

Why is it that happiness is so allusive is so fleeting, why is this something that were running after were pursuing but we never quite get it if we do get it just vanishes so why are our life so full and yet we live such unfulfilled links you. I think there is a problem with happily ever after. You know we talk about it in the fairytales in the midst of living happily ever after is not just a fairytale. It's what we desire.

Whether it's with an marriage or friendship for and work.

We want the happily ever after. Don't week, I fell at the job that I work in its happily ever after.

You know, do what you love and you never work a day in your life will I guess I don't love this anymore.

Feels like work today. The problem with happily ever after. Dr. Victor Frankel, psychiatrist, neurologist, many of you know, Holocaust survivor, famous writer. He said it is the very pursuit of happiness. That torts, happiness.

He says pursuing happiness. See happiness isn't the problem it's The Pursuit of Happyness that is the problem will why does making happiness. The end goal of your life a problem. What three things I want to highlight for us. First, it tells us that difficult is bad as someone once said no difficult name bad, just hard.

See we have suddenly begun to believe a lie that if anything is difficult. It is bad and to be avoided as hard, but listen to this. When happiness is our end goal will never sacrifice and without sacrifice will never do anything of Michigan's see we begin to believe that delay discomfort, risk, and convenience obstacles could not be the will of God as if God exist to make me happy. And this is hard. It could not be his will. Dr. Tim Elmore talks about this in our current culture's work because of the technology and the like were living were beginning to believe some things he says in the age of speed we've begun to believe that slow is bad in age, convenience, we've begun to believe that heart is bad, and the age of entertainment we started the believe boarding is bad and age of nurture were believing that risk is bad and age of entitlement were believing that labor is bad. The problem with happily ever after his first it tells us that difficult is bad, that if I'm going through something hard and I must get out of it must be wrong and yet will never do anything of significance or debts of the worst.

If we don't go through difficult to get there. Secondly, it leaves us dissatisfied relationally. It leaves us dissatisfied relationally. This whole win. If thing when I get here, then I'll have this. The problem is, is when you get that it doesn't fully satisfy doesn't. In fact, I was talking with some friends that reached all their goals. The other day you like really yeah mid 40s. This is what happens, especially with high achievers financially, relationally, independent met all their goals.

Guess what common thread depression dissatisfied looking and longing for what's next. See, we think if we just got that job if we had this if we were able to finally travel wherever you want go where everyone knew/I just sat across from someone who can travel wherever he wants any time he wants in his dissent. Philip Cushman talks about the empty self. I think it's an accurate assessment of our culture today is the empty self is filled up with consumer goods, calories, experiences, politicians, romantic partners and empathetic therapists. The empty self experiences a significant absence of community tradition, and shared meaning a lack of personal conviction and worth and self and embodies the absences as a chronic undifferentiated emotional hunger. This absence is just this chronic hunger of the soul never satisfied the problem.

Hep happily ever after, tells us difficult that it leaves us dissatisfied relationally and it creates a disillusionment with life with others with our self and with God increases disillusionment. Now think about this is my purpose is to be happy and I am not happy. They with something must be wrong with me for many you believe that happiness is the most important thing. The purpose of life. The purpose of relationships is to be happy. And I'm not talking I want to be clear on the clinical side of things, but the widespread anxiety.

The widespread angst that was seen amongst this generation. I have to do have to do. I think with Ms. place in the goal of what life is all about. If it's all about being happy.

And I'm not happy. All of a sudden this internal angst. Something must be wrong with me. I must be broken. Think about it parents as we said all I want for my kid is to be happy and that kid doesn't feel happy. They feel like they let their parents down in this weight. They feel underneath will of God exist to make me happy. And I'm not happy then God has let me down. The problem with happily ever after. Is it creates a disillusionment because it's the wrong purpose or goal for our life J.P. Moreland class I search that right in their book the last virtue of happiness.

If happiness is having an internal feeling of fun or pleasurable satisfaction and if it is our main goal. Where will we place our focus all day long. The focus will be on us and the result will be a culture of self absorbed individuals who can't live for something larger than we are as parents will then view our children as a means to our own happiness, marriage work, and even God himself will exist as a means to make us happy the entire universe will revolve around our internal pleasure me. You deserve to be happy. And yet, in a culture of abundance.

Why is it so if you are why is there such a restlessness and angst in our souls. Could it be that we have the wrong info happiness itself isn't the problem. In fact, let me ask a better question for us not, how do I make sure I'm happy in life.

I want to make sure I'm happy to make sure I get mine.

But listen to this. How do you make sure that you end up happy with your life. Have you ever thought about that.

Like when you look back. Maybe you're 60 years old, some you like. Will I ever be 60 yes you will when you look back and you look at decisions you made you look at the relationship you had you look at the life you live the character you have and you would go well. I am happy with my life.

There is a difference between pursuing happiness in life and looking back in truly being happy with your life. Call this the law of happiness. Psalm one unpacks the law of happiness and how we are to go about our lives in such a way that when we look back we go while I'm so happy with my life with the decisions I made with the relationships I had with the person I became, if you got your Bibles and you open up the Psalm one will pick it up in verse one begins this way, the author says blessed underline that word. Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take her sit in the company of mockers. He begins this song. The very first Psalm of of the Psalms of Psalm one.

It's a wisdom Psalms meaning. This can teach us about how to live life well he says you want to know about how to live life well. He starts off with happy, blessed right now. The sword blessed run actually in the Hebrew there's a very specific word for blessed.

This is not it.

This word means happy that right up above it. Happy the Psalm says this happy happy are those you want to be happy. You want to look back and be happy with your life and to share the law of happiness.

How you go about this so that you can look back 10 years 20 years 30 years from now go home and I'm so happy I was hard in the moment.

I'm so glad that's the type of life. The happy life he says happy. Now notice this is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked circle that word wicked know when we think of wicked we think about the worst people on the planet right like the wicked and and you can just kinda like have a few different people from history. Maybe show up in your mind that are wicked like okay that's wicked so I don't really have friends that are wicked only defined wicked for you. The wicked are those who live as if there is no God biblically the wicked that are those that live as they are the very center of the universe. Life is all about them and they live for now. See, I would say there's a lot of people who call themselves Christian who live exist. There is no God that they believe they are the center of the universe lease they act that way and they live for now. Not recognizing that there's eternity seeing what he saying is happy. I truly deep, resonant, happy people are ones who do not live as if they are the center of the universe as if there is no God as if now is all there listening, Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and Ryan Ingram's teaching from a series relational intelligent stricture with the city's got some thoughts about the message you just heard. But before he gets to that. I hope you'll take a second to go online Share and encourage others to join us for this series to navigating relationships as never been easy, which is why Chip asked Brian to come ensure these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges culture is a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking so Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building. From a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections for limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or dissented to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information.

Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 chip great teaching from Ryan today and I know you want to talk about it before you do could you take just a minute and talk with us about the increasing pressure. Christians are facing. I mean you're in contact with a lot of people.

What you see happening all day and I would say that America has made a major pivotal shift and and I think as Christians we see to responses neither of which is going to bring about long-term positive change and one is a combativeness and anger, a sort of the culture is the enemy and the other is what I call and set up in combat. We capitulate and so go with the flow unit whom I to judge. Let's just all be loving, and so the one has truth with no grace and the other has grace with no truth and so there's never been a day when we need to do more and we can't do more without the prayers in the financial support of our Living on the Edge, partners, and so if you've never given to Living on the Edge it let me tell you now is a wonderful wonderful time will be true to Scripture we truly equip people to live out both grace and truth in the power of the Holy Spirit.

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I would highly encourage you get on board today we can make a difference together with that mission resonates with you. We'd love to have you join us. Helping Christians find the balance between truth and grace and the boldness to speak up in love will change the world we live in medicine to give to support the ministry of Living on the Edge just go to LivingontheEdge.org Donate on the app or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 and thanks in advance for following God's lead as we close today's program I want to really encourage you to be with us next time. For the rest of Ryan's message is we need to keep in mind that we all have this tendency right were all still with this sort of leaning this bent for our own personal happiness. Think we're living in a world that is told us that you deserve a break today in life is about you and if you're not happy something is wrong with the world is wrong and the fact the matter is, is that I need and you need to think about our friends or roommate or spouse or children are relatives or coworkers and then leaned back just for a moment if you will, and ask yourself these questions do I approach those relationships and do I filter those conversations and do I make the assumptions about their actions around are they making me happy or not. And the answer is yes, we need to pause it when you deposit do some real soul searching and say, oh my. Somehow we have drifted into making our whole world about am I happy and fulfilled instead of in my surfing and my caring in my loving MI contribution to them that makes them happy because the fact of the matter is, as Jesus was absolutely clear on this one fundamental issue about all of life, relationships give in to be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over back into your lap for the measure or the way in which you give it will be poured back to you what I want you to know that if the goal is for you to be happy you will come up dry and empty. And if your goal is by the power of God to give to care to be your friend to share your life to share your resources. It's in that journey you will find true happiness.

God has a different plan in our next broadcast Ryan's can help us experience it have Living on the Edge were happy to let you know about an easy way to listen to our extended teaching podcast here chip anytime on Amazon's Alexa echo and echo.just say Alexa open Living on the Edge and you'll hear that days extended teaching anytime you want well for Chip and everyone here, this is Dave really saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge