Relational Intelligence - Love is All You Need, Part 1

How is it that we can fall madly in love and know for certain that this love will last forever, only to fall out of love Rieke separate maybe even divorce. Why is love so fickle that's today on the welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge drift.

Your finger tips are vital to turn this international discipleship program that I've been through this program we continue our series called Relational Intelligence. Basic math is pretty simple like a post be able see when it comes to relationships and all kinds of things besides equations just not that simple? Why are we still going to relationships, thinking that it is were about to find out how chips teaming up on the series with his son Ryan Ingram was a pastor of a vibrant young church in California.

So today were going to hear from Ryan as he brings is part one of his message. Love is all you need. First Corinthians chapter 13, regardless of whether you're an introverted, or you're an extrovert. We all have the same desire this longing. This intrinsic need to have an intimate life giving, character shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another, intimate, meaning that worries you really know someone in your own by them. This is just not on the surface level with life-giving like the people that you see in you and maybe had a few friends like this that you just like you just sold was refreshed by them that their character shaping is like I want to be a better person because I'm with them and around them. And this is not a fair weather friend of Fairweather marriage that has this rugged commitment like you know there with you through the thick band through good times and bad, and the question is how in the world do we experience or have those kind of relationships. What we need is Relational Intelligence or relational wisdom. Relational Intelligence is simply the skill of navigating relationships. Well, it's a skill to be developed and grown and honed in and it is different because I think what we live and we live in the age of information. We get so much information and sometimes we think if we get more information we require more information then that makes me better relationships, not just makes you know more about relationships.

Relationship intelligence is developing a skill is the application of the proper information or the right knowledge that we actually have to put it in the practice. One of things I've talked to my kids. I like to coach him so I coach my kids and their sports and talk to him say that practice doesn't make perfect practice makes permanent see here is the difference practice does not make perfect perfect practice makes perfect practice makes permanent so whatever you repeatedly do. Will you will permanently do and so the correct knowledge and information put into practice is so important especially when it comes to relationships when it comes to our relationships and making sure you have designed us you have created us and so going to come to ask okay what is the wisdom that you have and how to go about our relationships and how we going to then put it in the practice this morning were talking about love or don't look at the skill of navigating love and not just romantically in all shapes and forms of it, but we say things like this love will get us through how you gonna make it on love. I don't know the plan now but we love each other. We say things like the world would be a better place if we just love each other love is what makes the world go round.

Love is the most powerful force on the planet. Or maybe this is more popular just love me and try to change me just love me. We believe in love at first sight, and as a culture and as a people were constantly falling in and out of love and what love has become is love has now become our trump card hasn't see it. We use love in this way as long as I love them, or as long as you love them, then it is okay, who am I to stand in the way of love. Why fell out of love with them and am now in love with them so I can cheat on my spouse or I can do this I can violate God's call in the way design relationship because I just love them and is become our trump card not in this conversation today about love there.

There is underneath it is modern love promise that's inherent in our like our conversation and dialogue about love is what we buy into the promise goes something like this when I fall in love, then everything will fall in the place when I fall in love. Wouldn't it be great to fall and when that happens, everything will fall in the place because love is what makes the world go round and you don't need a plan and just when you fall in love and you like.

We don't really believe that, but we believe that that's kinda how it works at another way, when I find the right person, then everything will work out right when I find the right person.

Mr. perfect Miss right when I find them. Then my life will work out right and have this kind of progression to it. The modern love promises find the right person fall in love and then live happily ever after.

Right. I find the right person, which is a challenge in the world we live in is how do you know if you married the right person or found the right person with a billion people. It's a lot of choices to find the right person and then fall in love, live happily ever after in the challenges and you know it and I know, and we experience it is what happens when you don't experience happily ever after. See what we do is we reverse engineer the love, promise. If everything doesn't fall into place and we fall out of love.

Said another way, if everything is not working out right then I must have married the wrong person for some you been married a year for six months two years. The seven year itch thing I hear you look at him like I don't really love them anymore things and fall in the place's not working out right. They must be the wrong person. I ask you this about love. If love is all you need wise in love more resilient if it is the most powerful force on the planet more resilient.

Why is that Sarah is staying power. Why do we fall in and out of love so much in our culture. Winds love so fickle.

What is it for like one day your love one day or not. One day while she's the most amazing and also under the most amazing I think part of the problem has to do with the way that we like to use the word love and then the way that we define the word. I think about the way that we use the word love in English because that's what I'm speaking English. I guess that's the reason I use that only uses in all sorts of interesting ways. Right. I love the Golden State Warriors I love tacos. I mean they're fantastic. I love Mexican food and then I love my kids. We use this same word and we know we know we mean something different by it every single time, but doesn't lose its grip loses all its power. When we use that same word for so many different things because the love that I have for my kids the love that I have for my life. The love that I have for my friends, is far different than the love that I have for the not too different, but different or food and then how we define love and I think this gets to the root of it, honestly say we defined in our culture love as a now thing itself force that Webster defines it this way. It's a feeling of strong or constant affection for person. Is this attraction that includes sexual desire. A strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship, a person you love and romantic way. We've all probably experience something like that before.

This force right Cupid drew back his bow and then you're like Dr. head over heels like what just happened.

I don't know love happen, it just hit you with this force is this thing and you know you saw her across, you know that the gym across the quality saw him across the coffee shop and you couldn't get them out of your mind. You went to bed just daydreaming like oh my gosh try to figure out okay how I strike up a conversation and the new social media stock coming out.

That's weird, but know I could like be their friend and DM them and maybe say hey and that they say hey back and maybe something might happen there or you had that maybe set a party. Maybe it's on a trip or just a conversation happens, something ignited and you like fell in love and yet the challenge and what you see what I see and what we experience as were a culture obsessed with love, but we actually seem to have a love deficit when it comes to our friends when it comes to our relationships when it comes to the deep areas. So the question is how do we have a love that's actually resilience that stands the test of time that can withstand the storms of life. How can we have a love that we go that will last a lifetime. One of the amazing things about when the Bible was written as written in time when Corneille Greek was the dominant trade language and so across the entire Roman Empire that you at least knew the trade language which is Greek and then he probably knew your own local dialect. For example Jesus and his disciples spoke Aramaic and that was their native tongue. And yet they also would've spoken Greek because you had to know Greek as the dominant trade language to be able to communicate and great thing about Greek is they don't it doesn't just have one word for love doesn't just use one word to use this for every single way and factors love, and these are all important in our life. And yet there's only one of these that is to be the foundation and saw what I want to do is be as I begin to unpack these for you to begin to think about and evaluate which one of these words is actually my law foundation. This is what this is what I'm building relationships upon not just dating relationships, not just marriage relationships.

But the relationships with coworkers and friends and neighbors, and you begin to go okay and there is a foundation upon which your building and you have to be understand okay which of these four loves am I building a foundation upon all of them aren't Wharton so but only one of we are to build a foundation to have a love that last.

And so, the first of the four loves is the one called store day.

This is familial love. It's a natural or instinctual affection. This is a parent's love for child this is siblings love like brothers and sisters. If the store gay type of love wouldn't store gay is your foundation and we see this a lot with especially parents and kids in our day and maybe you seen helicopter parent right they just.

However, in my day. Some of you remember this, my mom would go get out of the house and here's what is amazing.

We like eight years old get on the bike just arrived in the neighborhood. Why because it's like be fine also.

And today we have these hovering parents and what happens is when store gay is your foundational type of love is that your kids are your life. Maybe you're in a family and you like.

Maybe if your college person. Your family or your parents become your life and there's this idea of failure to launch as well. And what happens in marriages isn't kids in the marriage suddenly begins to center around their kids and so instead of investing in their relationship. There just hovering got helicopter many of snowplow parents. Maybe some of you had snowplow parents. Maybe some of you are snowball parents was snowplow parent is they just want to push all the obstacles out of their kids way you want to plow it in for a marriage or that's built on that. What ends up happening is the last until the kids get out of the house and then one of the spouses suffers an identity crisis because their identity was in their kids and then the couple looks at each other and has nothing, store gay incredibly important familial love, but it is not intended to be the foundation of her love. The next is Eros.

Eros is the physical or sexual love, a deep feeling of attraction or sexual desire. When were talking about love and our culture Cupid brought back your boat will write that part of it. Were talking about Eros were talking about an Eros type of love. It is this physical sexual if it is this moment and it's by the way, God is not down on Eros. We think that God's like a pretty like oh my gosh you do that know he invented it. It was his idea and so we should take note from him about how to go about her sexuality. He wrote an entire book song a song all about romantic love in her sexuality. However, when Eros becomes the foundation what happens is a relationship as a people we become pleasure seekers me centered and emotionally based, and as soon as that attraction diminishes as soon as the passion begins to fade or dwindle, go, I just don't love them anymore as never intended, is important and beautiful and wonderful to be the foundation of our love. You have store gay you have Eros in the you have for Leo Leo is the friendship or companionship, love, it's a close association and affection. I mean I think one of the lost arts in our society today is the is the companionship and deep friendship by Ike.

This is a love that we need to dial up is an area where we don't do friends very well and we live at a surface level and for many, this is an area where you going like I need to invest more in my friendships. However, if the Leo is the foundation what it ends up doing is it creates a bit of codependency on the other person and you begin to look for that other person to fill or complete. You and fulfill your need. This can happen especially if you have a background maybe you have a family background. This topsail store gaze hard. Maybe you have a background where Eros is one of those that it actually does feel gross. It feels hard like me, not you don't know what I've been through and so then what happens is, then we lean in to the fillet of siding that becomes our life source in connection and these are all important. There important to our friendships that are important to our relationships. However, they cannot sustain and last as the foundation of our love and the last one and many of you are. I know what the last one is you probably wrote it and already in your notes the last one is what anybody agape. That's right, agape is an unconditional sacrificial love. A love marked by give seen and not getting it is other centered unconditional St. I love you unconditionally wish by the way, let me just explain this for quick unconditional doesn't mean there isn't boundaries to it. It means, and so every good parent understands this. Let me explain. I love my kids unconditionally and what we tended to interpret unconditional is you love me as I am.

Don't ever change me or expect anything of me up my kids I get because I love them unconditionally. I want the very best for them. My love will never vary.

And I see that there's activity and behavior in their life that will ship rectum and so my unconditional love says I want to give you what is very fast and I know that that attitude that response direction of life is good enough. Fundamentally harm you see is agape is unconditional sacrificial love marked by giving not getting in fact, the apostle Paul in first Corinthians chapter 13 gives us this definition, and what I want you to do is as you listen to this many times we just go yeah heard it before, is at a wedding the other day and say it's just that you know sweet love passage which you hear this a fresh this is powerful. This profound this is like cutesy wedding need work but you know what this is gritty this is real and first Corinthians chapter 13 the apostle Paul says this love is patient, love is kind fact he only tells us two things which love is think about this. Don't you want a roommate that is patient and kind. Don't you want a coworker that patient and kind.

Would you like a boss that is patient and kind when you will hope that your spouse is patient and kind. Okay about your kids who are patient and kind says love patient this long-suffering during kind, gentle, tender, and then he gives us seven things that love is not. It does not envy is not jealous. Love doesn't look at your life and go I want what you have or am upset that you have love doesn't look at someone else's Instagram gaming golf. I wish I had. It does not envy, it is not how you think about that love doesn't inflate one's own importance. It doesn't make it about themselves. It does not dishonor honor others. There's no shame in love.

There's no guilt in love. There's no putting you down for wanting to make sure you're put in your place in love. It is not self-seeking is not about you or maybe set another way, it is not self absorbed in the me centrality that we live in. In our culture says it's not all about you is not easily angered, irritated, annoyed, frustrated, those are all words I used to say that I'm not angry I'm just irritated,of frustrated right we don't like say anger all that soon, but but is seeps in so many different ways with our relationships, it keeps no records of raw thing on the shipping group and Ryan Ingram's teaching series, relational, intelligent stricture with us and he's got some thoughts about the message you just heard. But before he gets to that.

I hope you'll take a second to go online Share and encourage others to join us for this series to navigating relationships has never been easy, which is why Chip asked Brian to come ensure these messages but bring such practical applications to the daily challenges culture is a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking so Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building. From a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections for limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or descended to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information. Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will now hear strip with a quick word I want to take just a moment to talk directly to those of you that are seeking a way to be more connected to the ministry Living on the Edge where need of partners.

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I don't know about you, but as I was listening to Ryan's message.

It's so obvious that our romantic idealized view of love is vastly different from the kind of love that Ryan was talking about and I just want to pause right because it's such a big word and were so inundated with this view of love. Maybe the first step is just to stop and ask ourselves, let's review what is love and what is it not and I love just a little research he gave us their store gay love yet there's love. It's a family love. There's there's Eros love, of course, there is this erotic, passionate, sexual love. This felt like a love that's the love of of deep friendships and companionship and then there's this agape love that is described in first Corinthians chapter 13 and where it's this love. It's patient and kind and gentle when it's exactly how God loves us and what he calls us to do in loving one another.

I think the big thing I got from today's message was love is a verb it's a choice I think somehow we made this ethereal feeling and that are basis of relationships in life and whether things are going right or wrong or based on how I happen to feel. Can I tell you that your feelings follow your choices. When Jesus was in the garden and he was praying father, not my will but yours, and he knew the horrendous price that he would pay physically, emotionally, and far more spiritually is in that moment of time he would be separated and fellowship with the father as he took your sin and my sin upon him. I want to tell you that he didn't feel like going to the cross to love you love me, he chose to go to the cross. Love is giving another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost. Now here's our application for today. Who do you need to choose to love what you feel like it or not. And as you make that step by the power of the spirit of God and the grace of God. What I can tell you as you choose to forgive as you choose to care as you choose to reach out God's grace and power in the real love will enter your life and begin to heal those relationships.

What you think the one person that you need to choose to love today and do it then.

Let's watch God work just before we close. Would you pray with us for those who are responding to trips encouragement today. There's always a spiritual battle going on when people feel prompted to draw near and obey God, thanks for taking a minute to do that until next time for everyone here is really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge