Relational Intelligence - What is Relational Intelligence?, Part 2

Are you satisfied with your current relationships.

I mean really are your current relationships take you where you really want to go is time to assess and make some changes and if so, you know how stay with that's today.

Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge drift. Your trips are Bible teacher on this international discipleship program that I've been through currently of a series called Relational Intelligence. As we learned in our previous program.

Relational Intelligence is the skill of navigating relationships well that is not just getting up knowledge that's important. The proper application of, especially when it comes to delicate dance of doing relationships, no chips, invited his son Ryan Ingram share this message with us and after Ryan's teaching trip will be with us in studio to share some additional funds so be sure to stay with us for let's get going. Shelby and join Ryan Ingram for part two of his talk.

What is Relational Intelligence. If Relational Intelligence, relational wisdom is so great, why in everybody doing it. I'm so glad you asked.

Thank you. Let's talk about, I believe there are two main challenges with Relational Intelligence and why this is looked past in our culture. The first challenge with Relational Intelligence is countercultural, if completely counterculture. This is not the way everybody friends. This is not the way everybody dates this is not the way everybody does relationships limit me just say this for quick if you like the results that everybody else is getting then keep doing what everybody else is doing.

This is just a newsflash following Jesus is countercultural Christianity from the very beginning. Just like in our day from the very beginning is completely countercultural. In fact, Paul the apostle when he is writing his letter to the Romans, which is this incredible letter. The first 11 chapters are unpacking the mercy and grace of God like this is what Jesus has done for you and then chapter 12 he shifts in light of all that God is done for you and therefore offer your bodies are present your bodies as a living sacrifice is your spiritual act of worship. And then he says this great line do not fall to the pattern of this world, that word can form literally means to be molded. Don't be pressed in and molded to the pattern or the way that this world goes about dating, don't be Preston or molded into the pattern. The way that people just tend to do marriage. Don't be Preston and molded to the pattern of how everybody's doing about friendship, but be transformed literally the word means. Allow yourself to be changed and transformed how by the renewing of your mind, see what we put into our mind is principal importance see we put so much into our head that just conforms us to the patterns of this world seek like I got a get into God's word. I got to get God's word into me. I can begin to have my mind being renewed on what is true and writes then notices this is so good nemesis, then you'll be able to test us the idea of soup testing the genuine genuineness of gold and approve like determine and see that what God's will is think about this God's will is not that is holding out God's will is not that he wants the worst for you.

God's will is good is pleasing and is perfect. Well, for your relationships for your life God wants what's best and you get experience that when you begin to go. I'm going to embrace the countercultural ways of Jesus and Relational Intelligence. The second reason I think this is a challenge is probably the biggest stumbling block for many of us is not just countercultural is counterintuitive, like wait a second you're asking me to do what the path to experiencing intimate, life-giving, character shaping relationships is often contrary to what we expect.

Not when Jesus talks about the kingdom of God and the ways that it means to follow him. He talks about it and is counterintuitive. In fact, listen to that what he says to his disciples. He says whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves take up their cross and follow me, which are doing okay.

I want to follow Jesus means I have to deny myself that's counterintuitive for whoever wants to save their life. Hold on preciously to their life will what lucid and whoever loses or give their life away for my sake will find is counterintuitive and we see this, you see someone who's consuming with them consume with only their things and what they want and what they need and what happens is they ultimately lose their life. Jesus says is counterintuitive.

You want to find your life will lose it for my sake give your life away you say things like this, the greatest among you is the one who serves. See, we have to embrace that Relational Intelligence is counterintuitive. Let me give you yet returned back and rather to the swimming. There are principles of swimming that are completely counterintuitive Arctic. I remember back to when you are learning to swim. Can you think back there and maybe some of you, your kids or you can think back to when your kids are learning to swim and one of the principles of swimming is to swim well you have to put your head in the water right and you have ever seen like a small kid really try to get this is just so like I need to do, but not our fight flight response tells us do anything but put your head a lot. I put my head in the water. I ground that is a dumb idea. Hello, I know this is like, you know, it is counterintuitive, but when your head is up. What happens, your body goes down, and at very best and very best you can.

Doggy paddle with the best of them, but you never will swim well I have to put my head in the water allows my body to float and then I'm able to develop the skill of swimming is counterintuitive to me like what's wrong with this doggy paddle. Nothing, nothing, I just never seen it utilized in the Olympics is completely counter intuitive for the remainder of our time.

What I want to do is look at an American relational believe that has informed much of the relational advice that we've accepted it and American belief goes something like this. I have the rights to go about relationships. However, I desire and still get the results I desire you know as Americans were all about our rights and freedom.

I have the right nothing wrong with that. In fact many of you moved to America for those rights and those freedoms and was like I have the right to tell me what to do. I have the rights and the right to go about relationships. However, I desire and still get the results with the result in intimate, life-giving, character shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another. I have the right to do friendships. However, I desire. Whether it's being disconnected or just reaching out when I need you and still get the results that I desire the rights of to do relationships at the workplace. However, I desire whether I'm engage or disengage and still somehow get the relationships that I desire.

I have the right to date.

However, I my wife and I were watching the opening episode of the bachelor. Don't judge, don't judge the first episode amazing because that's where Peter has watched his parents relationship to have this marriage over 30 years and he's talking to all these women, many of whom he made out with on the first night and then talks about this love that he longs to get that will last a lifetime. I have the right to date, 30 women at the same time, sleep with many of them vote them off the island like survivor and then said, with the winning contestant I mean woman watch the entire episode back of how I did relationships with 30 other women and then still get the results of love that last a lifetime. See, we buy into this because it sounds good it feels good in the moment and we don't want to believe that how were doing relationships will somehow undermine the relationship we awfully long two or three verses later, the author of Proverbs from our proverb that we said there's a way that appears to be right. But in the end leads to death, says this the simple believe in everything but the prudent give thought to their stop simple believe anything know what is the simple the simple is a young person who is untrained, morally or intellectually, and therefore the horrible and naïve.

They just take in whatever they hear and go yeah sounds good, I'll do it. Yeah, of course, the prudent. However see that the simple believe anything but the prudent. What are they do they give thought to the steps to the prudent understand that all of life is connected, the prudent understand that your past decisions not only follow you into your future which they do but they actually directing your future, and so the prudent give thought to their steps. Now this is what the prudent understands. When I take a step, it moves me in a particular direction. Take a step forward and take a step back and take a step to the side. I am moving in a particular direction. When I put multiple steps together. Now I am moving along a particular pass, I'm headed in this direction every path, every road has destination. It is taking you somewhere hello Ryan Lysol about the journey not the destination. Fantastic.

You're still headed somewhere to the prudent understand as I'm making these steps and taking the steps.

These steps are taking me some where and I understand that all of life is connected and so I recognize that there is even though I'm enjoying the journey. Right now there is results or destination that I'm headed towards so Relational Intelligence says I may have the right to go about relationships.

However, I want but I am not free to choose the results I desire you do where this is America. You can go about relationships. However, you desire. But you are not free to choose the results you desire. So as we begin this journey together, and Relational Intelligence. Would you take a chapter out of the prudence playbook and give thought to your steps.

See our tendency, actually, culturally, is not to give thought to our steps, but this give thought to other people.

Steps critique other people steps talk about their steps and why they shouldn't do what they're doing. Let's just lay that aside much of to give thought to our own steps. So let me ask you if I continue taking these steps relationally. What is the destination.

Think about it. If I continue to take the steps that I'm taking in my friendships if I continue to take the steps that I'm taking in my marriage with the destination to we spend a lot of money on the wedding day and a lot of intentionality on the wedding day and somehow think it's going to be automatic moving forward my counsel when I talked to newly engaged people is invest the same intentionality and focus on your marriage as you did on your wedding spend money on your marriage, not just your wedding. The single best investment for marriage is the counseling that my wife and I do regularly if I continue taking the steps relationally with my coworkers was the destination for something you are flirting with enough fair at work. Your 14 with an affair at the gym and you're just going nothing's come of it is just a conversation and you're just allowing little things in your ear like you're not at the destination but you're headed in the direction I continue taking these steps dating lives. Or how about with your family with your kids, maybe asked this question just a little different if I continue taking these steps spiritually with the destination house you time with God is leading you closer to him. What if I continue taking these steps sexually with the destination for financially, emotionally, maybe you just keep giving your heart and maybe written your withholding your heart, your keeping your heart from people about vocationally. For some there's an the way you're going about your work is undermining the long-term relationship and impact with your kids and some of you are running and going and you never see your kids all with the motive I want to have a better life for my kids. Your kids just want to have a life with you. If I continue taking the steps relationally. Lots the destination for some your wrestling because you're like okay Ingram what about if you've Artie taken a lot of steps down this path. What if you've taken a ton of missteps.

What about me where I'm at. Think back to that definition I gave us earlier in instrument life-giving, character shaping relationship that has a rugged commitment to one another. I don't know where you're at. But here's what I do know Jesus has made a rugged commitment to you. It was displayed on the cross and he said I don't care where you're at what you've done, what your background is. I have made a rugged commitment that had says all go to any lengths to bring you into relationship with me to bring you into my family on the cross and so instead of running from God filling this voice of shame and guilt like you're not good enough you to simply run to him you just confess like God I need you and you are a pay for all this and you knew I was like my brokenness and he said I want to take care of it and you want to welcome me home. So instead of going like man I'm I'm just no good.

I can't do this and we good so that just negative self talk, you know, my God, Artie did this and so I'm gonna run to him. I love the. The personnel know who said this is no I cannot go back and have a brand-new start I can start today and have a brand-new end is true for you because of the cross. I like how CS Lewis said it. He said we all want progress but if you're on the wrong road.

Progress means doing an about turn and walking back to the right road. In that case, the man who turns back soon as is most progressive, would you give thought to your steps and would you say maybe your down the road.

Help I have the God is made the rugged commitment to me who loves me unconditionally and has invited me in and I'm going and realized I'm going that direction. I'm stopping I'm coming toward you, and there's no shame there's no guilt is just come to me. Love says welcome or listening to all the with us to talk about the message adjuster, but in case you jumped in late August. Today was Ryan Ingram with his message. What is Relational Intelligence. Navigating relationships is never been easy, which is why Chip asked Brian to come ensure these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges culture is a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking so Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building. From a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections for limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or dissented to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information. Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will Chip for a couple weeks now we've been inviting people to do the daily discipleship with you again soon. Well, on Monday, September 14. Can you describe what daily discipleship is and what folks can expect when they sign up for David the daily discipleship with me is meeting one-on-one in teaching people from Ephesians chapters 1, two and three how God sees them will learn some Bible study methods will do a little journaling. We will actually learn how to meet with God. You know Relational Intelligence at the core of it is actually understanding how deeply you're already loved so that you can give the love of God to others.

So let me invite you if you want to really practice Relational Intelligence join me for daily discipleship with Chip if you'd like to join the short daily video sessions with Chip. Sign up today. Beginning September 14.

Trips go to sit down with you to do a brand-new daily discipleship study each video session will only be about 10 minutes and as the course progresses triple walk you through how to read Scripture and how to hear God speak directly to you through the first three chapters of the book of Ephesians to sign up for daily discipleship with Chip. Visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for more information just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 as we close today's program.

I love the way Ryan quoted CS Lewis and he said that you know we can have a brand-new start, but to have a brand-new start means that once you realize you're on the wrong road. Progress means turning around and he, he reminded us that because of what Christ has done that are sin our guilt or shame the things that would make us want to run away from a holy God. Those barriers they'd been removed and because of that Jesus would say in his day walking upon the earth, and he says as loudly or more loudly by the Holy Spirit speaking to you right now, come all of you that are heavy laden with the weight of your sin and guilt your shame your struggle. It shows up most profoundly in our relationships in the rejections that we've experienced in the people that we've rejected in the barriers and the things that we've crossed the things we know that we've done wrong and the people that we've heard God would say to you today. You can have a brand-new start, but it means that you have a change of mind. The word is repentance. It means you turn from your way in your direction on this day at this moment, and you say, oh Lord, I know I need forgiveness. And so I'm coming.

I turn from my way and I ask you right now, please forgive me of all my sin based on what Jesus did upon the cross today. I believe Lord Jesus you died in my place today. I trust that euros from the dead, and in doing that you offer me new life and so I take you up on your promise. When you said you knock on the door of my heart if I would open the door you would come into my life and live with me, forgive me, save me and make me your own forever.

Right now I do that come into my life make me your son make me your daughter.

I believe Lord I thank you that for every person, whether there on the side of road pulled off driving their car in their kitchen or have paused on the treadmill to pray and ask you to forgive them and come into their life, we grant them to grace to text or call the greatest Christian that they know would you direct them to a Bible oriented church and the Lord would you just give them that great desire to go online quickly to LivingontheEdge.org where they could click and we can give them some help some resources to begin to grow in their new life in Christ. Thank you very very much if you prayed with Chip. I hope you'll take a minute and call us at 1-888-333-6003. We love to talk with you and get a free resource in your hands that'll help you understand what you just did and where to go from here if you'd rather go to the new believers tab on our website LivingontheEdge.org or tap special offers on the app we'll find that same resource.

We just want to help you get started on your new journey of faith wraps it up for this program with us again next time. Until then, this is Dave thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge