Relational Intelligence - What is Relational Intelligence?, Part 1

When you want to do something really well, just don't give it your best shot you going to training you take the class. Maybe hire a coach.

Seek expert advice to begin a journey called Relational Intelligence. You want to get God's advice on how to make relationships better than ever before. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Living on the Edges of international discipleship industry in the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.

Today we begin a new series called Relational Intelligence. Sometimes we do things just because that's the way we've always practice always believe it's the best in this new series Relational Intelligence cause to get God's about some of our relational habits that fellowship standing up on the series with her son Ryan was pastor of a vibrant young church in California. So today were going to hear from Brian as he brings us part one of his message. What is Relational Intelligence. Proverbs chapter 14 as we begin this series, relational. I want to just make this opening remark. We all long. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. The deep desire of your soul is to have this life-giving intimate character shaping relationship that has this rugged commitments one like you are hardwired in design for meaningful rich relationships and is not just any type of relationship, but it's a intimate relationship. It is where you really know someone and you really own life-giving like when you're around them. You remember when you have friends like this, or you have someone like when you're around them.

Your site like you're just so full you refreshed its character shaping like when you're around this person you want to be a better person. As the proverb says as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another that there is this relationship that that you're just growing in your becoming more of who you were made to be through that relationship that is not this, like, you know, go with the flow relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another, not a fair weather friend not a Fairweather marriage, but that you make this absolutely rugged commitment. You know that Kamal or high water.

They're going to be with you through the storms of life. You may not always like each other all the way through, but there is a deep-seated commitment that were with one another and we all have this deep longing and desire and the question.

The question is simply how in the world we get that kind of relationship right how the world do you get that type of friendship is life-giving, character shaping that that you're really known and you know them. How do you get that type of marriage, life-giving intimate minute I said intimate.

Many of the guys minds with the sex like really sexy you can talk about that to but where you're really known how you get that type of relationship, and here's what I would say is in our culture and in our day.

We do not need more relational information is everywhere.

What's needed for us to experience those types of relationships is actually forward: Relational Intelligence. Said another way, it's it's relational wisdom say we live in a world that is absolutely overwhelmed with information and yet starved for wisdom. What is Relational Intelligence. What is relational wisdom. Why is this so important because II think as we begin unpack this you'll see why this is really the framework for us to experience those types of relationships Relational Intelligence or wisdom is the skill of navigating relationships well if the ability, if the skill is not just knowing it is this absolute skill to navigate crisis well to navigate conflict well to navigate major decisions well or maybe even financial or future decisions. Wisdom fundamentally isn't just information. It is a skill in the here's what's great about skills. You can grow and develop in skills coming to be a little example to help us unpack this think about swimming if I want to learn to swim.

I can read a book muster like well you could just you too big right I give you two. I can use you all the information about you know the proper stroke and techniques, and in all those sort of things. Now here's the thing I am not a skilled swimmer or really know how to swim and tell what I get in the pool right I know intellectually but I don't know experientially and there's a massive difference between knowing intellectually and experientially. And when I copied to the pool all the stuff that I learned is all that is. Now I'm beginning to put it into practice and develop a skill of swimming. This is Relational Intelligence. He Relational Intelligence is not merely the acquisition of knowledge and this is why this series is a little problematic because for some you want to put some nuggets of truth in your mind and walk away and select your better at relationships does not work that way Relational Intelligence is the proper application of the correct oral right knowledge. That's wisdom. It is the proper application is getting into the pool and swimming. I have to practice and put it into practice the way you develop a skill about this the way you develop a skill is I have to begin to use it. Get coaching on it and then have this consistent repetition to grow in its it is the proper application of what the right knowledge. Think about this essay that you want to grow as a swimmer I don't know why pics women adjusted and let's just say I'm hosting a night. That is all the Clinica swimming clinic and then let's say Michael Phelps is hosting the swimming clinic just down the road which clinic are you going to go to, not mine. Why, because I'm not the most decorated Olympian of all time. I'm just a guy that can swim. Michael Phelps has the right knowledge that when if you really want to learn the skill swimming. I would go to his and Ike I would close up my clinic down and go to his as well. Think about this the God of the universe who hardwired you and created you and actually understands how relationships were fundamentally meant to be designed and operate says I want to give you the skills and help you grow in this and we need to been begun saying okay you know what I think I'll take your advice.

This is a bad way to say it, so I'm sure I'll get a few emails from this is okay. God is the Michael Phelps of relationships like you can compare that way I know now I know it's a bad illustration but you get. You see is not merely the acquisition of knowledge.

It is the application of the right know and so here's what our series is really fundamentally about our series is we live in a world filled with soundbites and relational advice that we just tend to swallow whole never really evaluating is it true is it good or is it wise and there is a massive difference between sounding good feeling good and actually being good for us not if you flip to your Bibles if you wouldn't mind opening up to the book of Proverbs. Actually, all you have to do is take the middle.

Some of you have hard copies. Most of you have a digital copy of the Bible puts in the middle you're pretty close to my have to flip back a little bit Proverbs. It is the book of wisdom and the Hebrew Scriptures.

The Old Testament and there's these pithy sayings that are principles for life is important to know they're not promises there just principles. This is how life generally tends to operate and if you apply them.

You'll flourish in different areas, relationships, finances, you know all the rest. Spiritually, and so if you turn to Proverbs chapter 14 we we see this incredibly powerful statement that II think is one in which we need to wrestle with the fresh when it comes to our relationship. The author says it this way, says there is a way that appears to be human rights but in the end it leads to death. There's a way that feels good. There's a way that sounds good.

There's a way that looks good, but in the end it's killing us there's a way that were going about relationships, friends, listen, there's a way that were going about our dating there's a way that were going about our marriage. There's a way that were going about our our deep core familial relationships that appear to be right and we can even justify them. But in the end it's under minding your relationships. It's killing and we don't have to look very far to see. This is true in fact was just step back for a moment and look at the state of relationships in America. In America there's this growing pessimism in finding a love that will last a lifetime.

Fewer and fewer people are actually getting married and you think about it. If you look around and if, on average, 40, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. All there's a good reason to be pessimistic about marriage, like a man. You got a 50-50 shot. I don't know about that. Think about friendships friendships. We live in the most socially connected time and yet people are more disconnected than ever.

Americans are friendly, but Longley according to the Barna research group Genesee has been identified as the loneliest generation, how Genesee that has grown up as a digital native always been connected and there just hoping in coping and trying to make it through. It breaks my heart. This is across the board.

1/5 Americans have no person they can talk to socially connected but completely disconnected us look at family the average family spends 37 minutes of quality time together in some families go well, that's a lot of time I we just hope to get that amount of time 37 minutes. Wow, where do you get that time and maybe it's just the car drive because it when you're in my stage of you know, parenting. I have two teenagers and a middle elementary school. All we are our unpaid Hoover drivers for our kids just driving from one thing to the next. The average adult spends three hours on social media per day. Andy Stanley, pastor and author had this incredible poignant statement about the families, our kids are growing up experientially rich but relationally poor factors. Parents only want to give our kids the experiences that we weren't able to get his voice spent so much money and effort and energy to give them all these experiences and to keep them from experiencing the bad things we experience which are, you know the things that help shape us into who we were made to be anyways. And yet there growing up relationally.

Poor or let's look at dating in America online dating has become the dominant way people connect, and there's and there's nothing better that in fact a lot of great things about that over half of all singles have created a dating profile. The great majority of people find dates this way. It's interesting only 2% find dates in the church. Here's what here's what online dating though has helped produce in our consumerist culture swipe right casual noncommittal hook up dating culture.

The rules of dating are always shifting technology and how we interact and what's no dry. Dry respond is it the 48 hour rules of the seven gelato.

I don't want to text back.

Do I wait for him to take and so as a result singles report to being extremely confused Genesee, and millennial's, however, still long to find a love that lasts Genesee, and millennial say yes that intimate, life-giving, character shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment. That's what we want and here's what's amazing when a hookup culture only 9% of singles really wanted a casually, the vast majority know we want a real significant relationship and here's what we half to face how were going about relationships is not working. There is a way that appears to be right. But in the end it leads to death. There's a way that looks good. Made him feel good.

Certainly sounds good, but ultimately is undermining the very desired relationship that you long for some of you might be wrestling with me a little bit going like okay Ingram if Relational Intelligence. Relational wisdom is so great, why in everybody doing it. I'm so glad you asked. Thank you. Let's talk about, I believe there are two main challenges with Relational Intelligence and why this is look up past and our culture. The first challenge with Relational Intelligence is countercultural. This completely counterculture. This is not the way everybody friends. This is not the way everybody dates this is not the way everybody does relationships limit me just say this for quick if you like the results that everybody else is getting then keep doing what everybody else is doing.

If you don't, you might want to consider Relational Intelligence. This is just a newsflash that might shock some of following Jesus is countercultural Christianity from the very beginning, not just like in our day from the very beginning is completely countercultural. In fact, Paul the apostle when he is writing his letter to the Romans, which is this incredible letter. The first 11 chapters are unpacking the mercy and the grace of God like this is what Jesus has done for you and then chapter 12 he shifts in light of all God is done for you, and is, therefore, offer your bodies are present your bodies as living sacrifices is your spiritual act of worship. And then he says this great line do not. The pattern of this world, that word can form literally means to be molded. Don't be pressed in and molded to the pattern or the way that this world goes about dating, don't be Preston or molded into the pattern. The way that people just tend to do marriage. Don't be Preston and molded to the pattern of how everybody's going about friendships, but be transformed literally the word means. Allow yourself to be changed and transformed how by the renewing of your mind, see what we put into our mind is of principal importance, then notices this is so good nemesis, then you'll be able to test us the idea of testing the genuine genuineness of gold and approve like determine and see that what God's will is think about this God's will is not that is holding out God's will is not that he wants the worst for you. God's will is good is pleasing and is perfect will for your relationships for your life God wants what's best in you get experience that when you begin to go on the and embrace the counter cultural ways Relational Intelligence was Living on the Edge with shipping from Ryan Ingram's teaching from his series, Relational Intelligence picture with the city's got some thoughts about the message you just heard. But before he gets to that. I hope you'll take a second to go online Share and encourage others to join us for this series to navigating relationships is never been easy, which is why Chip asked Brian to come ensure these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges culture is a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking so Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building.

From a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections for limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or dissented to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org for additional information. Just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will chip as we launch this new series. So what made you decide to interrupt your own teaching ensure these messages from Ryan. You know Dave, one of the passions we have it Living on the Edges to rescue the next generation and candidly, for all the right reasons. I'm quite a bit older than my son, Ryan. I've had a lot of experiences.

He's never had.

I have a little bit even different training and so I bring some things he doesn't have, but the converse is true and he has some experiences when I sat and I listen to these messages in her room of young people may be the average age of the church.

He leads his 28 years old.

It looks like United Nations there from all over the world are in the bay area. It's a high-tech area and I'm watching a connection of a group of people.

A lot of people are coming down on millennial's, who long to awaken their generation are totally committed to Christ and as I was listening to Ryan relate to them.

I realized you know something I have a lot to learn and so what I really wanted to do was in a fresh way delve into some of the things that are literally killing us in the church killing relationships and it was such a fresh voice and God's truth that I wanted you to hear. So that's why were doing this and I'm gonna take the privilege of giving little coaching and commentary at the end of each message so that the right I get the team up on this will whether you're a radio podcast, Orap listener, we've got you covered. I hope you'll set a reminder to be with us for this entire series and let me encourage you message notes are available for the series 2 so if you like to jot down notes while you listen and get all the extra details the message notes are a quick download@livingontheedge.org or just Fill in notes on the will know your strip with a final thought as we close today's program. I want to go back to the very premise that you heard at the very beginning. It's this idea that Ryan shared about relational desire that we all desire an intimate, life-giving, character shaping relationship that has a rugged commitment to one another that loyalty that connection that we want that in guided guy relationships. We want that in gal take our relationships. We desperately wanted.

For those of us that are married or those that are single you you long for that and see that develop and grow to the point with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It moves to being a fiancé in the net marriage partner.

And here's the question. How's that going for you. Do you have those kind of relationships. Where do you see progress and and where are the challenges in your life. Here's what I want to tell you were going to talk about the way that you've been taught the way that you think and the way that we perceive life and if there's anything that we need help on its relationships. You know when you want to cook you can go to YouTube if you want to learn and play the guitar, you go to YouTube you can hire coaches we get advice there's experts, there's counselors. I don't think we've had a lot of great expert counsel from God on being intelligent and relationships and when you do stupid things in relationships, even if you do them.

Sincerely, they produce devastating and terrible results. I want to encourage you to really stay with us on the series is my son Ryan and I help you get to be really smart in your relationships with all the positive results of joy and peace in connection with the people that matter most. Just before we close to say thanks to those of you who are giving regularly to the ministry of Living on the Edge you're making a huge difference helping other Christians live like Christians if you're enjoying the benefits of Living on the Edge, but aren't yet on the team to do that today. You can set up a recurring donation by calling us at 1-888-333-6003. Tapping the donate button or visiting us online at http://livingontheedge.org. Thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads until next time, this is Dave Gurley saying thanks for listening. this Edition of Living on the Edge