Kingdom Pursuits - Devotional Humor for Assisted Living Facilities

No K for years I have had these devotions, assisted living, called Somerset in Marksville and have written these papers and written out these jokes and devotional thoughts and I thought it would be fun and actually doing the ranking.

The proceeds broadcasted just do them audibly. So here are the jokes starting out with random Robbie ramblings.

So start a new routine this week doing crunches twice a day captive in the morning and Nestl�'s in the afternoon. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner is all it was doing was gathering dust. So here's a question for you is a caterpillar's worst enemy, a daughter pillar and know that you I see people about my age, mountain climbing, when I feel this good. Just get my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Recently I just written a song about tortillas were actually it's more of a wrap the deer about the; the broke the law. He was given to consecutive sentences, so I'm sure you've heard this one red sky at night sailors delight.

How about blue sky at night, day, are the small rivers that run into the Nile. Juveniles were, how about I woke up this morning. Forgot which side the sun rises from well then it dawned on me, and I had a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are, but I do laugh more. So this joke is called when the chips are down. When the young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment. He went shopping for cleaning equipment is cart was loaded with a broom, mop dustpan sponges in a full array of cleaning products that last minute he topped off his cart with a loan food purchase a large bag of potato chips seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look. He explained I'm a messy eater. How about without a paddle.

Another joke told you to keep an eye and your cousin canoeing. The mother said where is he. Well, her son replied thoughtfully.

If he knows about as much about canoeing as he thinks he does. He's out canoeing, but if he knows as little as I think he does. He's out swimming in here we have devil's food. I like this a lot actually. Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday school each deep in his own thoughts. Finally, one said what you think about all this devil business. We studied today. The other boy replied thoughtfully while you now Santa Claus turned out. It's just probably your dad to it.

So here we got stooges, census taker, how many children do you have woman for census taker may have their names please woman any meanie. My knee and George census taker. Okay, that's fine, but may I ask why you name your for child George woman because we didn't want any mold here with a prodigal on product we are sitting in church a few weeks ago while the minister delivered a sermon based on the time the story of the prodigal son when he got to the point where the father sees his son returning in races out to meet him. The minister said throwing wide his arms. The father said it which point my younger son spoke up and said your grounded military intelligence and military leaders succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are all assembled in front of their new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it to describe the hypothetical situation the computer and then asked the pivotal question Bates Eric attack or retreat.

The computer hummed away for an hour and then comes up with the answer yes the generals look at each other somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer.

Yes, what instantly. The computer responded yes, sir, we have obedience Sunday school teacher. How many of you children would like to go to heaven all raised their hands. Example Ronnie the teacher asked him why not.

I'm sorry Ronnie replied. Mommy told me to come home right after Sunday's so moving on from the jokes we always do one devotional story and I found this in guideposts most moving testimonies of 2019. So an MIT professor meets the author of all knowledge. I used to think religious people were ignoramuses that I got smart and took a chance on God as early as grade school when I was a voracious reader and a straight a student identified with being smart. I believe smart people didn't need religion as a result, I declared myself an atheist and dismissed be dismissed.

People who believed in God is uneducated in high school I let a crack classroom debate arguing for godless form of evolution confident my side should win.

This was science. When the class voted and awarded victory to the creation side. I was dumbstruck. Most people didn't understand science. I figured either that or they were unduly swayed by the most popular girl in class. She had a swimming pool in the backyard and through fun parties at that time I babysat to earn money and were my favorite families was a young couple both the husband a doctor and a wife were really sharp. One night after paying me. They invited me to church. I was stunned people. This smart actually went to church on Sunday morning came around I told them I had a stomach. They invited me again the following week, but once more I came down with another phantom stomach. The more they persisted, the more I struggle to invent convincing excuses you try faking an illness to a doctor. Eventually, the couple tried a different tack. You know they said, going to church is not what matters most. What matters is what you believe as you read the Bible. I figured that if I wanted to be an educated person. I need to read the best-selling book of all time. The doctor suggested starting with Proverbs reading one chapter daily for a month.

When I first open the Bible this with the King James version.

I expected to find phony miracles made up creatures and assorted gobbledygook to my surprise Proverbs was full of wisdom.

I had to pause while reading and think, I quietly bought yeah I quietly bought a modern translation called the way and read through the entire Bible. While I never heard actual voices or anything to justify summoning a neurologist, I felt a strange sense of being spoken to. It was disturbing yet oddly attractive. I began wondering whether there might be a God. I decided to work my way through the Bible again thinking that perhaps my experience was common for first-time readers. This time I would step back and read it more carefully the better to debunk it. I also vowed to learn more about the Bible's origins in the study. Other religions maybe I thought my culture in which most people were Christians or Jews was conditioning me define Christianity attractive favorite Jewish teacher at my high school ran a gifted program that let me devote one class each semester to whatever I wanted. I studied Buddhism and Hinduism and several other faiths I visited Temple synagogues mosque and other holy places more than anything I wanted to get past this religion phase because I knew I didn't want religion.

But despite my wishes of internal battle raged part of me was increasingly eager to spend time with God of the Bible, but an irritated voice inside me insisted I would be happy once again, if I moved on. There were two passages I found especially troubling. Matthew 1033 but whoever disowns me before others, I will disown him before my father in heaven and Matthew 1230 whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters I resented what I felt like an unwelcome ultimatum. I didn't want to believe in God but I still felt a peculiar sense of love and presence. I couldn't ignore during my freshman year in college I reconnected with a friend I met in the summer's honors program. He was a straight a student in the star both on basketball court and football field.

I've never known anyone so smart or athletic. He help me with difficult physics homework and then he invited me to his church. This time I felt fine. The sermon prompted many questions. I started to raise my hand while the pastor spoke before realizing that every else.

Everyone else was sitting quietly.

I nudge my friend, can we ask questions, he hushed me.

We learn if we can ask after the sermon I tried getting answers, but people mostly one of the socializer started coming to Sunday school classes because the teachers let me ask questions. I also kept reading once under the pastor talked about the difference between believing there is a God and following God. I knew just I knew Jesus claim to be the way to God but I had been trying to avoid anything Jesus related. I couldn't help hearing his name with the word freak attached, but the pastor got my attention when he asked who is Lord of your life.

He discuss what happened when a human being. Put yourself on that throne.

I was intrigued I was the captain of my ship was it possible that God would actually be willing to lead me from there I came to a deeper understanding of what it meant to have a relationship with God through faith in Jesus. It seems silly to pray about this. After all, I still had doubts about God's existence. But in the spirit of the of Pascal's Wager, I decided to run an experiment believing I had much to gain, but very little to lose. After praying Jesus Christ, I ask you to be Lord of my life my world changed dramatically as if a flat black-and-white existence suddenly turn full-color and three-dimensional. I lost nothing of my urge to seek new knowledge.

In fact, I felt emboldened Golden to ask even tougher questions about how the world works. I felt joy and freedom, but also heightened sites since of responsibility and challenge. Have you ever tried to explore something mechanical and only kind of works. Maybe the wheel spin but not smoothly then you realize you are missing a piece when you finally put together correctly. It works beautifully. This is how I felt when I handed my life over to God. I thought it worked fine before, but after it was fixed it worked exponentially better.

That's not to say nothing bad ever happened to me. Far from it.

But in all things good and bad. I could count on God's guidance, comfort and protection. Today, am a professor at the top University Massachusetts Institute of Technology in my field. I have incredible colleagues would help me translate my lab researching the different making products difference making products usually including a smartwatch that helps caregivers save the lives of people with epilepsy. I work closely with people whose lives are filled with medical struggles people's children are not healthy. I do not have adequate adequate answers to explain all of their suffering.

But I know there is a God of unfathomable greatness and love, who freely enters into relationship with all who confess their sins and call upon his name. I once thought I was too smart to believe in God. Now I know I was an American fool who snubbed the greatest mind in the cosmos. The author of all science math Maddox art and everything else there is to know today.

I walk humbly, having received the most undeserved grace. I walk with joy, alongside the most amazing companion anyone could ask for. Fill the desire to keep learning and exploring.

Roselyn Pickard is a founder and director of the effective computing research group at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Thank you for sharing this time with me on kingdom pursuits, devotions