What Families Need to Thrive, Part 1

Today from Chuck Swindoll is a life principle that I hope you will. Relationships are built on trust and trust is built on the more you live, the more you break the relationship before your trust is broken. I am often amazed at how many couples live to one another. They simply do not tell one another. The truth in today's cultural landscape. The traditional family is under attack.

Clearly defining what it means to be a family unit has fallen victim to personal preference today on Insight for living trust. When Dalton draws us back to the biblical model, especially the personal virtues that cultivate healthy families during the next half-hour.

Chuck will identify eight characteristics that will bring your household together. So whether you're single, divorced or widowed. Your home is teeming with toddlers or you're in the golden years there something in this passage for Saul brought the Bible, please turn Ephesians 425 to begin with. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 29 let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification. According to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear verse 31 let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. Also, as Christ has forgiven you. Chapter 5 verse 21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ wives to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Verse one.

Chapter 6 children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother verse forefathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord or sort of summarizes it in verse 10. Finally he says finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the full armor of God so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Verse 18, with all prayer and petition, pray at all times in the spirit and with this interview be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints when Edith Schaefer, wife of Francis Schaeffer decided to write her book on the home. She chose a title put together by four words that form the searching question. What is a family and then she set out in the chapter titles that would follow. To answer that question that appears in the title.

What is a family. One of the chapters is titled the birthplace of creativity.

That's a family another shelter in the time of storm. Another title a perpetual relay of truth, isn't that a good way to put it.

What I specially like a family is a door that has hinges and a lock and educational control. My favorite of her titles and chapters of the book a Museum of memories I may ask you as you travel back to your original family. What pictures hang in the gallery of your mental images go back there revisit the scenes. What you find in your Museum of memories of your family or their tears that stain the windows you look through brought about by pain mistreatment, perhaps even the neglect hunger. You may remember laughter that's now in the walls of your life and from that you have cultivated a life of joy and delight in living those memories are so powerful. One man writes of them. The memories of family exert a remarkable influence over our lives.

This influence remains with us until the day of our death. Great writers of given testimony to the power of family and the influence of childhood. Charles Dickens, for example, as he wrote David Copperfield, if you know the life of Dickens. You know that woven into the fabric of that story or scenes from his own painful and nightmarish past funds. Click file, most notably in his work the metamorphosis presents vivid expressions of a disjointed and unhappy and to multiples childhood as Ernest Hemingway reached the later years. His biographer Carlos Baker writes of how he became more vulnerable regarding the truth concerning his own unhappy family and his hatred against his father, and Baker's biography Hemingway. He reports had some time set in the open door of the shed out back with his shotgun loaded drawing a bead on the head of his father in the house.

On the other hand, there are pleasant memories that many have the late Gen. Douglas MacArthur remembered through his years at West Point, and especially during the lonely years of his leadership in the Pacific front of the second world war, the words of his father spoken to his mother without their knowing he heard them when he was just a lad. His dad said to his mother. I think there is the material of a soldier in the boy.

Indeed, perhaps the most tender come from Corrie 10 boom who remembers her pop every night as she would go to sleep. She remembered his hand on her head as he prayed for her always ending the time together with the four words Cory I love you.

She said not even the horrors of the concentration camp at ravens brought could erase those memories she was able to sleep by imagining her heavenly father's hand on her head saying to her, Cory, I love you.

What is a family. It is certainly more than a museum, it certainly more than a door.

It is more than a relay. It is well I decided to do what you would often do when you want to find the meaning of a word. I checked the dictionary. Boy was I disappointed. Webster says a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head. Well thanks a lot that really is great so I pulled out my magnifying glass and drew my second volume from my exhaustive English concordance Oxford and I called it sometime. The exhausting dictionary that I have and I checked family and found the body of persons who live in one house or under one head, including parents, children and servants. That's not my home. I was a servant went out you were. Maybe that fits Oxford but it doesn't fit us what is a family. Well, now's the time to start writing. Here are some thoughts I been giving to the whole subject of the family. The family is where we put down our first roots for reform are most lasting impressions we put together the building blocks of our character where we determined that we will view life through prejudice is or tolerant. I really don't laugh, and we learned that we are still respected when we weep family is where we learn to share to relate to treat other people. Family is where we learn to view our surroundings correctly expertly determine the line between right and wrong between good and evil. It's blurred. If you're from a dysfunctional family. If you're from a solid, secure family whose parents knew the meaning of those words, you don't wrestle with them today still right that still wrong that's still good that's still bad you have your family to thank for that. Someone is called the family, the place where life makes up its mind.

It's where you learn to make great decisions and to stand by your convictions.

It's all of that and so much more knowing that I was way over my head with my own words. I decided I would do some research and as a result of studies done in several different areas by very reliable sources, I've come up with eight characteristics of a successful family. This is not my list.

This is a composite of the lists that I have read from those who have spent half their lives.

If you will, studying the family families that are wholesome, healthy, or even call successful in many of the writings are marked by these eight characteristics and it's not an exhaustive list. Certainly not, but these seem to be most significant. First, all the members are committed to one another. All the members are committed to one another family therefore is a unit with committed members living their lives alongside one another. Second, they spend time together the characteristic of a wholesome, healthy family and interestingly the more time spent the close of the family. There are exceptions, but for the most part that's a rule don't believe a lie about quality instead of quantity time dad use that when they work late to often. Well, I'll just spend quality time between seven and 730 on Saturday morning with them know it takes a lot of time spent family spent time together. Third, there is open and frequent communication. Open communication.

You can bring up whatever you wish to bring up you could ask whatever questions on your mind. You won't get slapped. You will be respected, open, free communication, frequent number four they're able to solve problems of the crisis. Wholesome, healthy families work through problems together.

They solve problems in a crisis never met a family that didn't have a crisis when those families are healthy, and wholesome families. The crisis only makes them strong disaster only brings them closer.

They work through problems in crisis number five the express affirmation and encouragement often healthy families express affirmation and encouragement. Good job son great part. You did very well with that.

Who your report card has variety nice nice your brothers is boring yours. You got the whole spectrum were we affirm people we affirm people are.

We encourage what people do remember the different don't leave out one for the sake of the other. You are secure beyond words. If you were raised with affirmation and encouragement you learn to accept who you are. You understand that and your parents have made a marvelous contribution in helping introduce you to yourself, were not born knowing ourselves, we discover ourselves first through the Council. The presence the influence of our moms and dads number six. They have a spiritual commitment, wholesome, happy, successful families have a spiritual commitment you learned of God through your mom and/or dad, you learned to love the church you learned spiritual dimensions of living. You learn principles from the Bible you learn to love the word of God. That spiritual commitment was learned first at home. If you are from a successful and healthy family. Number seven. They trust each other. I come back this a little later, but we have in mind here, relying on one another. The heart of it is respect for one another. You are from a family that respects one another, then you have learned to trust one another when there is a breakdown in trust. There was a breakdown in relationships number eight. You expected me to include this. It's not my list again. It's where I've found it in others. Freedom and grace are cultivated freedom and grace are cultivated, you have the freedom to be vulnerable. You have the freedom to fail. Remember I said that you have the freedom to fly to grow. To learn the freedom to be different from your parents and from your siblings. Your encouraged to be free and it's all built on a platform of grace. That's quite a list. Tim Kimball close that last quality, a grace based environment to good way to describe it now turn to Ephesians chapter 4 and we will see some of the things that we need most of all to get there. This is the journey that were all taking and some of us are this far along. Others are that for long summer just getting started doesn't matter is no better time than now to start doing what's right. We cannot change what was and by the way, the things I'm going to share will work for single-parent families. They will work for blended families. They work for families with few children and many children.

Families that have now launched their children and those who were just beginning to bear children. Therefore, all of its what's needed in order for us to emerge into this kind of successful family. These seven qualities I find in Ephesians 4, five and six verse 25 of chapter 4. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. When you allow me a little room with the text to apply it to the family.

Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you with his wife this children with his parents, for we are members of the same family first quality is telling the truth to one another is a life principle that I hope you will never forget relationships are built on trust and trust is built on crude, the more you live, the more you break the relationships, the more your trust is broken. I am often amazed at how many couples lie to one another.

They simply do not tell one another the truth. If you've done much or any marriage counseling. You've seen it emerge in your own office. You see mouth drop open UC heads flashed to one side when one of the partners that somehow I didn't know you said that. And here they lived together at 15 2025 year why didn't they know because he lied because she hasn't set it one of the foundational platforms for family that works is telling one another. The truth we start early.

It's ideal. We begin to do it later is more difficult, but truth becomes the foundation of the trust and that's what he saying here laying aside falsehood. We speak truth to one another not going to speak truth. We have to watch our words which explains why verse 29, 31, 32 read as they do. First of all, willing to give you the principle of modeling restraint and Curtis, just as we tell one another. The truth we also learned model restraint. That's verse 29, 31, and courtesy. That's verse 32.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. We could stop right there and build a whole sermon on that the word unwholesome means Roth is used for rotting wood or rotting vegetables and fruit outside the Scriptures. Here he uses it for words. It would includes, it would include insults, putdowns, verbal slams, ugly sarcasm, profanity, let no words like that proceed from your mouth.

No, they come from attitudes. The attitudes are addressed in verse 31. Notice the word all let all bitterness, wrath and anger clamber slander and malice be put away.

Each word is meaningful being the word vulture that I am you would expect me to pause at each one and at least briefly explained to the word bitterness. It's a word for long-standing resentment, a spirit that refuses to be reconciled. Nursing old wounds rehearsing old lines it leads to us, what I call a sourpuss attitude. I have a friend who tells me when his wife gets mad at him. She doesn't get hysterical. She gets historical and designer back in 1987. You disown it a nine 9091 units are the 99 before I remembered it was August 1990 good nights file cabinet for a brain she goes by what's what's the problem she's better she's she's better she should take. She pegs it with the date men do that also not a gender thing gets it. It's a simple thing to an unpleasant reaction wrath and anger go together. Wrath would represent an outburst of passionate reads, shouting matches, anger would be more of a sullen, albeit hostile attitude clamber is a word we don't use these days it's it's a word for insulting and sarcastic statements, putdowns stated loudly in an openly slander we all understand it means speaking evil of someone else and even can go so far is malice, which would be planning evil against another. You know there are families that do that. I hope yours isn't one of them seriously, I can't think of a more difficult thing to live with knowing that my brother or my sister was working against me or I against one of them. Some families live like that they learned it from their parents, who are holding grudges against someone now rather than go there, look at the positive side, no unwholesome word no unpleasant reactions look at this courtesy in verse 32. If I had a wish for the family of God.

You can read it in verse 32 we would be kind to one another, tenderhearted is the word for compassionate and forgiving time compassionate, forgiving, say that with me, and compassionate, forgiving the reason they are important is that all of us need all three listening to Insight for living. To learn more about Chuck Swindoll in this ministry. Visit us online@insightworld.org well when his message continues, Chuck will invite us to follow along in Ephesians chapter 4 as he helps us understand what families need to thrive and this is one of the messages that's included in a popular book trucks written and if you're ready to dig deeper on your own or want to use this book as a discussion piece for your small group.

We invite you to purchase a copy. Chuck spoke is called marriage from surviving to thriving in his book Chuck included a chapter about staying young as your family grows older and he points out the danger signs of marriage relationships at any stage of life. So ask for a copy of marriage from surviving to thriving. It's available for purchase.

When you go to Insight.org/offer. If you're looking for a way to listen to Chuck preach. You'll be glad to learn that just a few weeks ago, John presented a time sensitive two-part series to his congregation in Frisco, Texas. One of his messages was designed to help us look back at 2021 and the other was designed to help us with forward in 2022. The response to Chuck's online sermons was broadly overseen, so much so that we decided offer both audio recordings free of charge to anyone who requests them. These two messages from Chuck are offered under the title pressing on in phase download the free audio files by going to Insight.org/pressing on through your give your receiving a constant source of Bible teaching for yourself and for countless others come to rely on Chuck as well to give a donation right now follows listening in the US dial 1-800-772-8888 or you can also get online when you go to Insight.org/donate. Join us again when Chuck Swindoll explains what families need to thrive.

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The preceding message. What families need to thrive was copyrighted in 2005, 2006 and 2022 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2022 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited