Practical Advice on Making a Marriage Stick, Part 2

Today on Insight for living. Every time we open her mouth either build up or tear down. We either affirm you so you know what's broken my heart talk nicer to each other and we do this, grieve the heart of God. What you were what you told self-inflicted selfish mistakes, breach of trust or out of our control unwanted disease, global pandemic marriages will face adversity today on Insight for living.

Chuck Swindoll continues the message he started on Thursday's program which is identifying the forces that work against the marriage gardens. Let's pick up our study in Ephesians chapter 4 title this message practical advice on making the marriage. Five principles that are all practical advice for keeping a marriage together, making it stick first one is in verse 25. Therefore, as he sums it up. Laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you if you will allow me with his married partner for we are members of one another.

Eugene Peterson paraphrases the first part of verse 25. No more lies.

No more pretense tell the truth lie wears many faces from mild to extreme forms of deception diplomatic hedging stretching the facts, not telling the whole story staying silent when we should speak flattery telling another what he or she wants to hear rather than what he or she needs to hear very common in marriages trying to look better with the other than we really are hiding our fears are real feelings not telling the truth about our motives or if were on the phone about our whereabouts, we hitch or we do until we stop lying to John R. W. Scott renders this fellowship is built on trust and trust is built on true change the word fellowship to marriage. It fits marriage is built on trust and trust is built on true there's a second. In verses 26 and 27 when you read it slowly, be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. One man renders this.

Go ahead and be angry but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. Don't stay angry.

Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the devil that kind of foothold something our learning over these years and here's the point to express our anger in appropriate ways and at the right time.

We are learning to express our anger in appropriate ways and at the right time. Please notice I did not say we are learning never to be angry. Scripture says I'm supposed to be angry. Isn't that what the command reads be angry when's the last time you obey God, and got angry. I thought all was wrong. See, I was raised to think like that.

So for 10 years. I put her down over time. Anger appeared, I know what I was talking about.

I was raised wrong.

All anger is not bad. There is a righteous indignation if it does not anger you. When you read about someone who molests a child or something wrong with your thinking if it doesn't make you angry when you see on fairness and inequity in equity occur in our society sums wrong with you scale about and when wrong is happening in a marriage is something strange about just smiling at all. Rather than addressing it the right way right time. If all anger were wrong then Ephesians 5 in verse six would be a tough nut to crack. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God's anger comes upon the sons of disobedience of all anger were wrong.

God's wrong to be angry toward the sons of disobedience and Psalms are full of the kind of writing. The point is he's not tolerant he's not passive he's not.

There are times when that needs to be true in our lives, but it needs to be expressed appropriately and at the right time. It's a matter of respect.

I've learned that if I if I really have the kind of respect of my me that I need I will give her room and she will give me room to express angry feeling she has a real good comment that I've learned from her. She says we should never go to bed angry because when we do it's like wet cement during the night, it gets hard experience that don't answer out loud, it's a it's a great habit to form that you not let the sun go down on your rat.

That means you sit up until the conflict is resolved. If you talk till 334 in the morning you will agree to anything that is amazing what that does were not going to sleep were not going to bed back to back, you're not going to let that fester.

Many marriages are studying in festering anger. Some of you are very angry about something that has never been expressed. The problem then is that you sort of saved stamps. You know when used to save green stamps and get put one in every once in a while get your book finished and you go redeem the book that happens when you're out front talking for your wife to come on and get in the car and all of a sudden she arrives and it's it's all over the car she's redeemed her book saving the stamps in all this time we are learning not to let that build up we are learning to express it appropriate.

I'd like the way Harold owner renders handles this.

Paul does not want believers to give the devil an opportunity by their anger, devil twists and distorts the truth. If there is no quick restoration between parties further anger mounts and dissension and revision often result. It's heartbreaking to see couples at each other's throat because of unresolved anger, let it out at the right time the right way. There's 1/3 in verse 28. This is going to shock you.

We have learned to stop stealing from each other.

I can imagine the lunch talk after this message today. Our pastor and his wife used to be the well it's true. Look at verse 28 he who steals must steal no longer, but rather he must labor performing with his own hands, what is good so that he will have something to share with one who is need now the context of this obviously is in the realm of the real world, not limited to marriage, but I'm going to apply to marriage this is obviously in a society where people steal. Paul is telling the reader to stop stealing and one of the ways to learn to stop stealing is to do hard labor, either your own work or work in prison, so that you pay a price until you learn the value of honoring other and what is rightfully theirs. I would one mean about a marriage that steals from each other was more to marriage than material possession there's time, there's trust. There are promises, your expectations I steal from my partner and I have done this on a number of occasions when I steal time. I promised her and I let something else encroach on that time and I give precedence to that rather than to my problem I steal from her when I take a sacred trust which is a secret. She may have shared with me and I announce it or use it sometime against her.

I steal from her when I when I take secrets that are known only between her and me and I get miles out of to make myself look she could do the same. Partners can steal from each other in the the way they spend money.

I know a couple their marriage did not last but he was a man given to a whole lot of golf. He was sort of addicted to the golf course and spend time adult going to go. He was also tightfisted and threw a fit when she would go over the budget at the grocery store and she finally decided to call solve this problem by saying to him, you know what I'm going to start keeping track with all the money you spend at the golf course and I'm going to spend it at Nordstrom's, so you can spend it on golf and I will spend the same amount of amazing what that did curb his golf game. You know the matter of fact is, it did not solve the marriage breakdown. She found her partner was stealing from you and I have observed that unless we write down appointments. We will keep them with each other so we write them into our calendar. Otherwise I'll forget that I said this evening will be ours. Nobody else's there be something else to take its place.

So we're learning not to steal from each other like in verse 29 let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification needs for building up according to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear talk about a great verse to go by our telephone when that be a great verse to put right there. Cynthia happens to have this verse out of the amplified Bible sitting at the top of her computer screen sitting there for her to read every time she's ready to do an email. Are these words let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word, nor unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need of the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace God's favor to those who hear it. I just read this week there at six.

The principle is this where learning over the years to be very careful with our words, not only the words themselves, but the tone of our words. The tongue is the most powerful enemy in your home with it. You can slice and dice you can rip apart. You can murder you can assault and never bring blood you can cause the explosion so that the strap stays in the brain in the form of words that are unwholesome Washington Irving put it very well.

The tongue is the only tool that grows sharper with constant use were given no wobble room here. Look at the word no unwholesome word. The Greek sentence is a little awkward, but it drives home the point. Every word corrupt out of your mouth.

Let it not proceed is not good.

Every word corrupt out of your mouth.

Let it not proceed. The word unwholesome is a little mild in English. The Greek term use refers to rotting wood or rotten vegetables or rotten fruit or rancid fish it's used for that extra biblical literature, vivid enough, we have the word putrid stinky is another word. In fact, the term is used for wilting and foul-smelling flower. It's also a term that could refer to profanity years ago when I was a kid we used to put shrimp in newlyweds hubcaps on their car down in Houston. You get a lot of shrimp and is always fond of.

While there, and they're having a lot of fun at the going away party were out there shoving the shrimp in the hubcaps and after about three or four days of the Houston he got slamming John coming out of the wheels and brides moving farther and farther away from the groom running what's wrong what happened well shrimp got putrid and rough.

That's words that are inappropriate can come out in your mouth every time we open our mouths, we either build up or tear down.

We either affirm or we assault is just that simple. You know what's scanner broken my heart.

We talk nicer to each other at church than we do to our own partners. People are much sweeter to me than the error or to their husbands or why I say grieve the heart of God. Becky says don't grieve the Holy Spirit of God. What you words watch your tone guard.

Fifth and finally is found in verses 31 and 32 let all there's a word again bitterness and wrath is the wrong kind of anger and clamor and slander be put away from you. We started by laying aside falsehood.

Now worthy in putting away these things in. Be kind to one another like the way my sister renders this just be nice to be a nice change. Don't answer out loud. Wouldn't it be a nice change. Just to be treated nice principle is this where learning to demonstrate grace and continually forgive one another were learning to demonstrate grace and keep on forgiving each other. Why, because we keep on file.

We are not by nature gracious. It was said, I love this quote, it was said of Alexander white. The pastor, the Scottish pastor and author known for his kindness all of its geese became Swan nice touch. What is your wife becoming because of you.

What is your husband becoming because of you I got up real early this morning into earlier than I should gotten up and I wanted Cynthia get up with me.

She wanted to sleep a little later than 430 and so I was buying stuff around a fixed fixing the coffee and you know turn the clock rate which I am and I she's pulled the covers up and I'm jerking on the covers and so we have a few words together the soul on my Bible when I got to the second service I found a little note to my beloved husband. I knew then I was in trouble because her husband heart in response to the cute little veiled threats you tossed my way this morning before my eyes were even open. I would like to suggest that when you read that it's going to be bad. I would like to suggest that you not say anything which would result in my having to demand equal time on the plot that is always signed.

Your loving wife is it a little little know that that's adorable and keep that sometime you you can write just a little note kind of the day. I just got a Russian affection for her, pulled off posted you know spend too much pulled off posted. I wrote the three words I love you.

I stuck it on the mirror ice to do that. We had teenagers home and don't do that when you got teenagers and all.

So now that they're gone I can write whatever I want to know I wrote I wrote I love you and I thought you know she'll probably after the treaters, you probably don't know why but to my surprise last evening we took a drive in her car. She had transferred the little note to her dashboard she could read it. There is not tell you that is to say you just don't know what it note me. You just don't know what those gushy moments when you just feel a surge of affection can mean to your partner dying Reformation close with the words of the surgeon's name is Richard Selzer, MD, from his book mortal lessons notes of the art of surgery.

These are his words assemble the bed where young woman lies her face postoperative. Her mouth twisted in policy clownish tiny twig of the facial nerve the one to the muscles of her mouth has been severed. She will be.

Thus, from now on. The surgeon followed with religious fervor, the curve of her flesh.

I promise you that.

Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek to cut the little nerve, her young husband is in the room he stands on the opposite side of the bed and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight isolated from me private. Who are they, I ask. He and this wry mouth. I have made gaze at an touch each other so generously and greedily the young woman speaks will my mouth always be like this.

Yes I say it will because the nerve was cut she nods and is silent young man smiles.

He says like it's kinda cute all at once. I know who he is. I understand and I lower my gates, one is not bold in an encounter with God unmindful.

He bends to kiss her crooked mouth and eyes so close I could see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers to show her that their kids still works.

I remember that the gods appeared in ancient Greece as mortals and I hold my breath and let the wonder and we bow together. Time is so short before you know it you'll be burying him or her. Before you know it. Life for the past before you know what you remember 100 things you will wish you would have written or said and it will be too late, work at it now fellow Strickler state that it these are principles that will give new life to a marriage gasping for oxygen. Try the GNU C father. We hail your name because you were the one who originated all of this brought us together with our partners forgive us for working so stupidly push each other apart do serious work of surgery in our life in areas that need to be start with me. Thank you for him who is able to guard us from something to present this fall's for the presence of his glory with exceeding Jesus's name amen. Today we are featuring a message from Chuck Swindoll titled practical advice on making a marriage stick is for many years since we've addressed marriage and the family on this broadcast and we know many in our listening family are prepared to make the most of the study. The series is called marriage from surviving to thriving and to learn more about this ministry.

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I love the full orchestra music.

The fact that you see him and have a full choir and during the sermon. I even stand with the congregation, read the Scriptures.

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