Troubled Friendships - Part 1

Welcome to the intensified Catholic child family October 19 you have a difficult relationship that causes you pain Scripture points the way to healing, forgiveness and restoration for troubled friendships.

When you think about your assets.

What is the first thing that comes your mom will most people would comes their model, things like their finances in their possession, but second only to your friendship with God, your friends, of the most valuable asset you have in life. I will talk about in this message is simply this, I want to talk about the problems we have in our friendship problems we have in our relationship and I will talk about troubled friendships.

I want you to turn to just one verse of the Bible. The simple reason that there are many verses we could talk about and I just want to look if you will, in the 16th chapter of the Proverbs and the 28th verse and notice what he says.

A perverse man spreads strife and slander separates intimate friends and so oftentimes we develop friendships that don't last. We intends on the last but they don't and there's some vertebra specific reasons why they do not last and one of us to talk about is to see what we can do to recapture those printers but before, let me just say this, there are times when we choose friends we should not choose. And the reason it's so important is because friends make an impact on our life. And when you and voluntarily relate to someone and develop a friendship with someone we are going to become to some degree a little bit like them or they are certainly going to impact our life and one where the other and so is very important. The conference we choose the Scripture gives as a brief list. At least she's a brief list of the kind of friends you and I should not choose these the kinds of people who should not be out close, intimate friends know somebody is as well. But suppose I'm trying to win this person to Christ that there is a difference in your developing a relationship with someone on to lead them to Christ than it is developing a close, intimate relationship, and it may be that you want to lead someone to Christ and there is certainly that has got to be some closeness but you have to decide because, listen carefully. If you're not careful they'll drag you down rather than you lift them up and so you have to decide right up front that this is an ungodly person, someone who is unsaved. You got to decide how very definitely and clear are my convictions. Secondly, you got the decide just how far are you willing to go to help that person to trust Jesus Christ as their personal savior. So you have to decide because otherwise they may impact your life in a greater way than you impact their solicitors to see what God says about business. Some of you may lose your friends as of today, because God says in his word. Avoid these people so I want you to check it this out now look at this here some kind of friends that you not will. If we have these kind of rinsing on the causes trouble.

Therefore, he says with the board. Let's look if you will and will stay in the book of Proverbs look if you in the 20th chapter of Proverbs and I want you to notice the 19th verse and one of the kinds of friends you do not want to develop a friendship with is a gossip. Listen to this, he or she who goes about as a slander revealed secrets therefore do not associate with a gossip that is. And if and in but he says don't even associate with a gossip know why.

If you think about it for a moment I gossip is not only a person who will talk to you about somebody else but say your friend is a gossip they talk to you about other people and they slander them while they criticize them.

You just mark this down if that person is a gossip if things don't go just write the pseudonym they don't talk to other people about you gossips don't just gossip about some people I gossip is a talebearer and oftentimes as we saw in the Scripture one who separates and divides friend. And especially if that person is a jealous person. They will do anything and everything to keep someone else out of your life from being your pretties is, therefore, ability, gossip second look. If you of the 22nd chapter of the book of Proverbs and what is notice here in the 24 verse and that is a person who is quick-tempered, he says do not associate with a man or a woman given to anger, although the hot tempered man or woman are you will learn his ways are her ways. That was the problem. The problem is this. When you associate with a person who is very, very angry and that you listen to them and they begin to talk about other people and things that are happening to them and so forth. Next thing you know, he says don't even associate you don't associate with a gossip you associate with a person who is innately angry because ultimately they can express their venom and their anger on you. He says anger ago a hot tempered man are you will learn his ways. That is, you will find yourself doing the same thing. All right, what about a person is disloyal and discontent 24th chapter of a Proverbs look at this 24 chapter. Look, if you will, in the 21st verse, my son, fear the Lord and the king did not even associate with those who are given the change that is there unstable, but their calamity will rise suddenly and who knows the ruin that comes from both of them that he's talking about people who are both rebellious toward authority and there unstable. Any person who is rebellious in any area of their life.

They have a bit of instability about a rebel reacts. Rebels open time is hot tempered, or they can be very very cautious but he says don't even associate with them. They don't belong in our friendships. Then there's the person who is self-indulgent look, if you will, the 28th chapter of the Proverbs 28 chapter and notice if you will, in the seventh verse.

He said he who keeps the law is a discerning son that is one whose life is on the control, but he who is a companion or friend of gluttons humiliates his father that is here somebody whose life is not in control, that not discipline that this does not refer just to eating the simple reason I usually think about gluttonous we think about just eating that a person who is out of control.

For example, a person who loves lost his desire out of control. We all have desires good desires that God places in our hearts and that desire when it's completely out of control becomes lustful so that you are driven by your desire, rather than just simply having a desire he said don't associate with those people don't have them as your friends then if you look at the 29th chapter of the Proverbs it knows what he says here 29th chapter beginning in verse three he says don't associate don't build a friendship with an immoral person to a man or woman who loves wisdom makes his father.

Her father, glad but he or she who keeps company with immoral people. Here is a man speaking with harlots, immoral people waste their wealth. He says you don't develop friendships with people that you know are immoral. Somebody says well you know they can do what they wanted and I will do what I want to do and then not going to influence me. You think about this for a moment, every single one of us have our five senses and we all have a nature that is comfortable and we can all disobey. Choose to be disobedient to God. Unanswered question.

Which way does human nature move as it moved upward toward God or does it move away from God. Human nature is always moving away from God. That's why he says you avoid these kind of friendships because these kind of friendships will ultimately drag you down. As he says here waste your time or waste your life, you're the fifth chapter 6 chapter Proverbs whole chapters are most those chapters are about immorality and so he says you don't develop friendship with the person that you know to be immoral when your peers say looking I was not going to hurt you. And after all this one time I hear of they are going here and so forth.

This I mean after all, what happens is that you violate the passage of Scripture says you don't have fellowship you know build intimate relationships with immoral people. And then of course he says no me just mention one other and that is the food look in the 13 chapters you will 13 chapter of the Proverbs notice if you will, in verse 20 he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion or the friend of fools will suffer harm a fool is push got out of their life then not interested in spiritual things. The micro proverb says that they are arrogant example and oftentimes extremely careless and indifferent so you don't want to run with people.

What would people build friendships with people who are foolish in their thinking, and who have left God out of their life dealt with that in mind, very, very clear. A discussion from the Scriptures at the watch this.

Why because of the influence they have in our life now soliciting for just a moment. The whole idea of what causes that is what causes our relationship because there friendships that fall apart what causes to people who really have a good friendship, something happens and before long what's going on.

You think you feel yourself becoming more and more distant.

What's going on well friendships don't just happen summarizes alignment. This friend and we just recently had this wonderful friendship know you meant that person and you may have developed a relationship, but real, genuine, true, lasting friendships are things that we develop in life. They don't just happen.

You may meet somebody new happen to like them. At that moment their personality or whatever it might be in there.

Some people who may meet you who want to develop a friendship with you but what's the motivation. What is the real motivation to seek friendships true, genuine friendships are able to discern the motivation of the other person and so it takes building blocks into people's lives to make a true genuine relationship and friendship.

So what I like to do. I just want to run through these rather quickly. Let's talk about those building blocks.

Now let's think about for moment we build a relationship or friendship with someone we wanted to last. And so therefore if we wanted to last. We wanted to blossom. We wanted to bloom. We want to bloom into an enjoyable relationship very satisfying relationship. A lasting relationship that is friendships are extremely valuable. Think about this.

No matter what you have, what you possess.

How long you possess that who you are. If you don't have any friends that something terribly missing in your life and you feel it. You may not even want to be a friend of anyone that you don't trust anybody what you've done is what you shut them out.

You shut yourself in. And so it takes building blocks to build great friendships and so one of those building blocks well number one when the most important ones is time if you going to be a friend or someone argue going to develop a friendship. It takes time.

That is, you got to be willing to spend time with her now.

I will admit that I probably lost some friends in life. The simple reason that I've had to say to them. I don't have time. Maybe I didn't. Maybe I did.

But if I did not.

It was either because I didn't value that relationship babies. I should have. Or maybe I knew that I didn't have time.

But for acute real true genuine friends.

You really don't if you're a busy person. You don't have time for lots of friends of the first of all you not going to gain lots of friends anyway so you been a major on the view that you do have and so it takes time. It takes time to build a relationship. So if you don't have a true genuine friend you got to decide is going to take time. I want to spend time with him with her. I want to listen to them and so the first ingredient in the first billing Pakistan.

The second one is talk when you get a person talking a let's say you and your friend begin to talk. It doesn't make a difference.

What subject it's about the more they talk is what happens.

You peer into their heart. You peer into their mind what they think you peer into the heart what they feel, you peer into their very soul and their very spirit, and before long you know what you you know that person now.

Sometimes the more you know about a person. The boy love them, and sometimes the more you know about him, the less you love them. That's because human personnel is a difference in people have different interest in life and something that is hard to get along with what I want you says you got to talk true genuine friends have to talk to each other and then the third building block is tears and laughter. If you going to be a real genuine friend or someone regularly times are you going to cry with a child because you gonna talk and you can tell them how you vent your feelings have been hurt. Maybe about them or somebody else and so they going to be times when you decry the tear in there times when you got a laugh but if you not willing to talk and you can't cry together and you can't laugh together. You not going to have a real true friend and that demand something. I was then there are those some, shall we say, triumphs in life those times when you're able to share with each other some good thing that happened you live some difficulty with going vineyards in detail happen. I asked the Lord to give me direction.

I do know what in the world to do anything. What he did.

This is useful to share what God's doing in your life of the child.

Those those triumphs and then you also share the trials and the tragedies in life. Those difficult things you go through and at times when you just want to sit and talk to someone and say you know what I just need to unburden and unload. Think about this from all night… Amen I know you are missing this if you don't have a friend you can talk to when you have parts difficulties and hardships and disappointments and pain when you going through sorrow in your life if you don't have a close, intimate friend, I can tell you this. It's not good on your health is or was a got there with my health. When you stuff it in Ukraine. It and you Janet and you keep it in on the inside. You don't think that affects your health. You keep it up and you'll find that it will. There's something about crying that is extremely healthy. There's something about emptying your heart and your soul your mind and your spirit to someone. There's nothing wrong with tears.

There's nothing wrong with laughing and there's nothing wrong with sharing a trial and a triumphs and then there's something else other than another one of those building blocks is tolerance. If you have a friend if you have a genuine friendship. You don't have to tolerate something I've heard this story over and over and over again in this past week I sent listen to a man tell a story he told the whole story. The whole thing. I've heard it 10 times about heard it once and you know what I said this, a man I mean I just made hotheaded for the first time so that was nowhere. We also looked at each other smile. Will the next subject.

You know what you tell right and then of course you tolerate some things that are not so please you tolerate that ugly attitude you tolerate some things they say that hurt your feelings. Are you tolerate attitudes that you know are not becoming the them or to you, so we all have to put up with each other about things, and the truth is, if you're looking for perfect friend you'll never find you know why because you'll never be one there's no such thing as a perfect friend, but there are some building blocks that are very important. Another one of those building blocks is transparency. This is where a lot of folks they stop right here while I handle touching on Hamlet laughing in on Hanley crying but this transparency busy as you may not discriminate all out know is not what I said transparency means I'm willing to open my heart tell you what I'm feeling tell you when I'm hurting tell you when I'm angry tell you when I feel misunderstood, tell you when I feel rejected Teddy when I feel happy. Tell you what's really motivated me tell you it's turned me on. I'm so excited about what's going on if you can be transparent. You can have a friendship, you can have silver close relationship, but true, genuine friendship means you transparent and then of course there's truthfulness.

If a person is not honest with the UK.

Bill friendship will not being truthful with one another. Sometimes you may say things that you think is the truth you thought was the true that's one thing you can say no I'm sorry I made a mistake at the as well hurt his what I thought but just absolutely be totally untruthful, voluntarily, deliberately, willfully manipulate somebody that is the building block that is absolutely essential that I be absent onto Samantha so you know what a blue band.

Sorry, but at least be honest about it sometimes friends don't even know when they can be honest with themselves. If you can't be honest with yourself and some time is difficult, especially if you don't want to face up to something we've all been there in times I'm sure were not able to face up to something and myself that I would did not and therefore as a result, I would be true from that if he asked me if I tell the truth absolutely. But if you did something about yourself you can say is truth with the truth. This is not truth and so your friend says that's not the truth about you that's not what you really like you have to decide am I going to be transparent same. You know, you probably see something else and I need some help. So here are some building blocks and I want to just jump those dams. I think the be helpful now if you could put it in one word.

What do all these building blocks add up to 14 letter word what what is love because you see, if you go around that list and you think about talking with someone laughing with them being transparent with them. If you think about all the things we talked about all that adds up that I love you. That's what it says I love you and I don't know where you are in your friendships, but I can tell you this what you've heard in this message can make all the difference in the world.

If you then here friendships. And if you want to forget yourself and you willing to give it all you've got. You'll build friendships and relationships that will last.

Listen, not just the silver ones but they go, that is those that you treasure until the day you, thank you for listening to travel transcends if you'd like to know more about child family for InTouch ministries nine antistatic OIG podcast is a presentation InTouch ministries advantage of