How To Handle Conflict and Criticism Wisely - Part 2

Welcome to the intact podcast for the entire family. Tuesday, April 5.

Do you have a godly plan for managing dispute learn about how to handle conflict and criticism. I think the final session of the series wisdom's way. Conflict is part of what is a part of life in every aspect of our society with us of the whole or that's on your job or this of the school was among your friends, conflict and criticism and misunderstanding. It's always going to be that someplace available to rebut his life and so we have to ask is not how can we escape it because we can't but rather how do we deal with it. How do we handle it. How do we respond in the right way because oftentimes there misunderstanding genuine misunderstanding. Sometimes it's about of a difference of opinion. Sometimes two different people a group of people have different perspectives on how things ought to be done or what they look like, but then sometimes it's in be in jealousy. Sometimes it's pride and power-hungry and so they're all different kinds of reasons for people to have conflict at oftentimes it develops into criticism because usually when there's conflict somebody go start criticizing somebody else. When that happens, how do you feel how do you respond there is a right way, there is a wise way. Let's look for just a moment and I want to give you a list of about nine things every single one of these important everyone, how do we handle conflict and listen whether we caused it or whether someone else caused is not even the issue because oftentimes it will be the when sometimes it can be both sides.

The question is how do we handle this you thinking about maybe somebody that you love deeply love.

But this conflict between somehow just keeps all and just stays there.

You'd like to erase it and get away from it and you've given in given and given and given is still there, giving him isn't necessarily the way to handle conflict and denying it's there and acting like it's not there just forgiving and forgiving and forgiving and forgiving, but you haven't forgotten you haven't dealt with this not the issue.

The issue is how do we handle it.

So let's think about these things not want you to jot them down number one when conflict arises between you and someone else in this criticism over whether it's there or not you maintain the quiet spirit you maintain a quiet spirit. This is what the possible no sharp outburst. No quick defense of yourself or maybe no defense at all, but first of all a very quiet spirit very important that you don't jump up. Have a fit and throw a fit and have a big pity party and berate everybody around you because of something's going on. You maintain a cause for usual sometimes and I hear people so you know what I just have a template that's the way God made me wrong, God did not make you with a short fuse. You cannot blame and you cannot excuse and you cannot justify your reaction on the basis of your short fuse.

Because the truth is if you have such a short fuse get you a longer abuse because that is not acceptable and is a believer it's absolutely unacceptable and absolutely licit is it is an attempt to justify something is not right maintain a quiet spirit. Yes, you cannot talk about how to be moment maintain records. Number one, number two. Make no attempt to defend yourself immediately that I didn't say that there would be occasions where you have to defend yourself but don't do it immediately. Let all the criticism and all the pure all that I get by. Don't defend yourself immediately. You may be forced by the circumstance to defend yourself in some situations, and sometimes I would never say don't ever but there be sure that you let all the Fargo by first number three visitors carefully ask the Holy Spirit to put a seal upon your lips and a guard at your mouth.

That's exactly how to get the Scripture down. Luke 1212 write that down. The Bible says the Holy Spirit will teach you in the same hour what you ought to say, and I believe he will also tell you to shut up when that's what needs to happen.

He says the Holy Spirit will teach you in the same hour what you want to say hundred and 41st song. The third verse. David says, oh Lord put a seal upon my lips and I guarded my mouth.

There times when we don't need to say anything. We are maintain a quiet spirit, we not going to defend ourselves immediately, maybe not at all if not necessary not know. For example if somebody gets on your case.

They begin to criticize you and you know where it's coming from, you know that something that happened to them yesterday.

They just ignited them and they got all their antennas out and they just came to work waiting for the first person just open their mouth about anything you so know that you know what you need to defend yourself.

It won't do any good.

This, yes, ask the Holy Spirit put a seal upon you lips regards her mouth so that you will know when is the right time to speak because sometimes lots of times it makes no difference in anything you say is an absolute waste of time. On other occasions. That's not true.

So we want to be sure we maintain a quiet spirit told him to defend ourselves.

The Holy Spirit put a seal upon… And number four. Ask the Holy Spirit who lives within you, who gives discernment to give you discernment to understand what's happening what's happening. All of us have suddenly found ourselves in conflict. We thought, where did that come from, what did I say what happened.

It may not be anything that you said it may be something going on the other person but it also may be something that you and I said all we did so we asked the Holy Spirit to give us discernment to understand what's going on what's really happening.

The situation number five very important but sometimes difficult no matter what the circumstance.

What the conflict may be due.

It is coming from God is "no, wait a minute.

Haven't heard you say that God doesn't call sin right in God doesn't cause these things. I didn't say view it as God sending it. I said do it. As God is it coming from God. Know what I mean is a contradiction. No is the reason I say that if I get my focus on the person who's causing this and that's where my focus is on going to have a greater tendency to want to talk want to blame one accuse one adjuster, accusation, but if I'm saying father I'm go see this is coming from you because the truth is he or she could not have done this created a circumstance because this conflict unless for some reason you allowed it to happen. Therefore, because you allowed it. I'm go look for something good in it to turn a profit me because I do believe what you said in Romans 828 that you causing all things to work together for good to those who who love you Nicole by your purpose and so I'm going to look to you. I'm going to see this is coming from you, and you can stop it if you choose, you didn't. So therefore you have allowed it.

And so what I want to know is how can I learn and what your purpose for this. I think what that'll do. If somebody has jabbed you really hard. I mean really stuck it to you. Bad I mean everything, and you just absolutely wants to just come back with vengeance on them. It's hard to have that PPP could talking to God you say Lord I'm hearing this is coming from you. You know what happens no matter what they've done to you. It's like God just goes down. The pain delves down the sharpness. You don't feel that way more very important receipts coming from God that he caused it. Not that he send it.

But since he is in control of our lives. Does he not say he sits upon his throne and he rules over all he could stop it if he wanted to he didn't. He allowed it. So I'm either going to suffer from it or I'm going to benefit by that's a choice I make. According to my attitude and my response then number six this is a tough and sometimes ask the Holy Spirit to show you is this my fault if it is, he will sometimes he may have to work at getting through to us. Yes, that's your fault. Yes, you are the cause of this conflict. Yes, it's something you said this is something you did that when that's the case what should our response be admitted to the other person. If there's one person involved the more admitted.

Ask for forgiveness for whatever you did and then make a commitment to correct your conduct or what you said and then asked this question would you like to suggest something else that I could do that would help better me in a way that I can avoid this if we been wrong.

We have to say I'm sorry I apologize and ask you to forgive me for this is not happen again and any suggestion that you could give me. I would be more than happy to listen to because I want to be everything God wants me to be some very important step because that is the step of humility. What we're saying is I'm not perfect I make mistakes I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I want you to forgive me. I'm asking in genuine sincerity that kind of humility will take you a long ways in life, then the next step number seven. Forgive the person. But whatever happened if they wronged you. Doesn't make they may have wronged you, and they cause the conflict and then doing the criticize you.

Forgive them no matter what you say but but there's some things you just can't forgive people for like what right. Let me ask you this.

Is there anything that you and I have ever done that the Lord Jesus Christ would not forgive us for no have you ever come to him and said, Lord, I'm sorry. I've made a mess of things.

I'm asking you to forgive me and God say no. No more forgiveness, no with is that he's is he that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and the cleansers from all unrighteousness. And how many times did he say you are not to forgive our brother Peter thought it was a big deal seven times. No, not even 70×70×7. Does that mean for the 91st time you have added sugar, no he means endlessly. We keep on forgiving so it was part of this way if Jesus Christ will forgive me for everything no matter what. What right do a whole have to hold anybody in an unforgiving state. I don't have that right.

He said in Ephesians chapter 4 the 31st and 32nd versus the kind one to another, tenderhearted is that tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God through Christ Jesus has forgiven you and me. Forgiveness is absolutely essential. Lest I suffer the terrible consequences of an unforgiving spirit like becoming bitter. Living in bondage, placing myself in a position where my relationship with other people who would be the wrong we know have our own those relationships will finally deteriorate and so forgiveness is absolutely essential.

Number eight. Look beyond the conflict look beyond the criticism look beyond and ask the question how can I avoid this the next time. What can I do for this person to help them understand that I love them that I care what can I do beyond this instant, so that that person will understand that there's a different way. A better way of handling things like this, you see what happens when conflict arises in criticism comes like a storm. We get all enmeshed in it. We have to look beyond that to see what is God up to. How can I help this person.

What does God want to teach me in this, we look beyond it. Don't let yourself get stuck in it because what it does. It paralyzes you, and once it paralyzes you. It's very difficult to get out without some time, somebody helping you so we can look beyond and then number nine. We gonna take advantage of the conflict in order to do two things we can take advantage of it and turn this thing into something good.

We don't take advantage of it and do two things we gonna learn from it. We can ask God to help us to learn from this. How this person thinks I have people think why people act the way they do.

What is it that causes people to respond the way his fun.

We don't learn something about how people respond when you learn something about ourselves. I might as godly as I thought I was cannot really and truly maintain quietness cannot really love my enemies cannot really and truly genuine pray for this person did that inside do I want to retaliate, I'm going learn something and secondly very important. It is an opportunity now to learn something, but it is a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the life of Christ by the way we respond to conflict and a criticism. You see, we never know when that person who is unsaved who watches our response that may be the most powerful weapon. The Holy Spirit has the penetrate that hard and help them to understand that our Christian faith is real. Our Christian faith works. Our Christian faith makes it possible. Based conflict and listen to criticism and to stand face-to-face with difficulty, hardship, trial, pain, criticism, ridicule, and still smile still have a piece still have joy in our heart. No matter what. And no matter how awesome testimony of the reality of our Christian faith. Now you may have listened to all this and said there is no way I'm going to forget there is no way I can do this and so will I agree with you can't. If you've never trusted Jesus Christ as your Savior.

Listen carefully you know that all you have is your human responses. All you have is your natural fleshly humanness what any human can do. But once you trust the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior. You know what happens once you ask him to forgive you of your sin once you tell him that you do believe the testimony of Scripture that Jesus Christ came in this world, the virgin born son of God went to the cross of Calvary and when he did he paid our sin debt in full in his death and that makes it possible for you to ask for forgiveness of your sin and your sin be absolute totally and completely forgiven for ever and ever and ever. Because what washes away your sinfulness washes away your penalty is the blood of Jesus Christ at Calvary and the moment you ask him to forgive you to save you he forgives you he cleanses you he makes you one of his children. He inhabits you in the presence of the Holy Spirit, who is a person of the Godhead and the Holy Spirit is the one who enables us and equips us and strengthens us and energizes us and motivates and enables us to love and forgive and to be the persons God wants us to be interviewing the trust them as your personal savior, God will enable you to deal with conflict and criticism in listeners.

One last statement. The most important conflict in your life today. If you have never trusted Jesus Christ is your conflict with Almighty God. He says he created you to be his own. He created you for a purpose. He wants to live within you and through you and accomplish things in and through you and to draw you into an intimate personal relationship with him that make your life absolutely unbelievable but because you have decided you can live your life without him you going to bear the weight of your own sin you going to have it your way. You and God are in great conflict. Listen carefully unless you accept his son Jesus Christ as your personal savior you going to die and you going to lose this conflict. You cannot win it your fighting against the Almighty God, who is the creator of this universe. You can't win but you can win if you trust him as your personal savior and telling today I will be saved. I want this war between us God. This conflict I wanted over today I give up and I surrender you know what happens when you surrender to him. He to win you with an eternally when you surrender your life to him and that's my prayer and they can be yours simply by praying in your own words.

Lord forgive me of my sins, I thought you long enough. I want to give up this battle. I don't anymore conflict between us but the power of the Holy Spirit that I just heard about on the trust to live my life for you all the days of my friend, you will have discovered life and it's very fast. Thank you for listening to part 211 how to handle conflict and criticism wisely.

If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or in touch ministries and had started lagging his podcast is a presentation in touch ministries Atlanta, Georgia