How To Handle Conflict and Criticism Wisely - Part 1

Welcome to the intensified Catholic child family amending a bill for someone who consistently wraps you the wrong way get them practical instruction on how to handle conflict and criticism wisely from the series wisdom's way. When you find you. So placing conflict and criticism. How do you feel you feel insecure.

They feel said they feel angry you feel hurt down inside you feel guilty what your real feelings and all of a sudden you find just the right in the midst of conflict in somebody's criticizing I want us to look at that today in this passage in Philippians chapter 1 beginning in verse 12, the apostle Paul is imprisoned and you would think that everybody in Rome who'd heard that he was in prison would certainly be there to cheer him on to help him to encourage him and to pray for him would uplift him and to help in any way possible. But that was not the case and I want you to notice what he says beginning in verse 12 of his first chapter now want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel so that my imprisonment in the cause of Christ has become well-known throughout the whole predatory and guard and everyone else and most of the brethren trusting the Lord because of my imprisonment have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear, that is, those on the outside, some to be sure of preaching Christ even from envy and strife, but some also, he says from goodwill, the latter do it out of love knowing that I'm appointed for the defense of the gospel. He says they know why I'm here, I defended the gospel of Jesus Christ all over that world.

Their day. The latter do it out of love knowing that I'm appointed for the defense of the gospel before more proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, rather than from pure motives, thinking to cause me distress in my imprisonment.

What then only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in this I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice now when you look at that passage you think will what is that had to do a criticism and praise were his what's happening. The apostle Paul was brought to Rome as a prisoner and there were those in Rome in the church who were very much opposed to the apostle Paul two reasons. Number one because of his emphasis on preaching the gospel to the Gentiles.

They thought it should be preaching the gospel, the Jews only, and secondly because of his emphasis on grace instead of law, having a pastor Hebrew background. They thought that his emphasis should be on the law, but he was preaching the grace of God, and those two reasons they were having some real theological conflict, and there was criticism and also there was in the because the apostle Paul was known everywhere in his day among the church and those who were in Rome a little bit jealous. And in this because his popularity and people always talking about him and so he shows up in Rome as a prisoner and instead of it being a time of great healing our time of unity.

It became a point of conflict and it wasn't something the apostle Paul did. It was just the fact that he was there. Given those kind of situations when for some reason, not anything that you particular did there was conflict and next thing you know you were the object of somebody's criticism.

How do you handle that kind of conflict and that, criticism because all of us have to figure how to handle this. How do you handle it when somebody begins to criticize you in this just tremendous conflict between you and it's something that you didn't purposely do are you may not even know why it's happening but it's there and you have to deal with.

So the question is how do we deal with these things. Well, one of the most important things is this that is to discover the cause of the conflict.

When we think about the causes listening about in this light. Sometimes this is the honest difference of opinion that to be "husband or wife or in your business or whatever it might be among your friends, honest difference of opinion. Sometimes we see things differently from other part of some way. Some of the person would see them and so instead of maybe being able to sit and talk about it doesn't always come across that way. May we miss communicate with somebody and that they thought we said one thing and we thought we said something else and they understood. One thing we understood something else. And this is why when I'm dealing with somebody.

And I want to be sure they get the point. I said to them, tell me back what you think I said what do you think I said because sometimes what they thought I said was not what I said and so probably a lot of conflict bonds. The cause the root cause is miscommunication. I thought that's what you said. I heard what you said. I thought that's what you meant, you heard me right.

But that's not what I said.

That is, that's not what I meant and so sometime that's a part of it. But then we get past that and that is in me, jealousy that oftentimes can end up in being bitterness. Sometimes there is gossip. Somebody says something about someone that's not true, even if it is true it causes conflict hard feelings, criticism, and oftentimes relationships break up as a result of sometimes that Tara conflict is the result of somebody's own personal emotional baggage they drop in life in a difficult situation difficult circumstance. Maybe they've been abused. Somehow, either sexually or verbally or physically by their parents or someone else and so it's down on the inside of them and so they feel rejected and they feel unworthy and they feel dirty, and they feel guilty and so when you and I can identify the cause of conflict within someone we can identify the reason that there being critical of us half the battle is over and I think when I'm talking with someone in there criticizing me for something.

If I can understand the reason no matter what the reason is if somehow I can understand the reason, there can be healing. Healing can come when we understand the reason to give oftentimes the reason may be humanly speaking, very legitimate. We may have said or done something or it may be a misunderstanding or how we couched it on the tone in which we said it all. The reference that we made their lots and lots of innuendos that people can pick up and so they become very critical. And all of a sudden you have a conflict in your boat looking at each other thinking what all this come from or member that Satan is always does his best to get in the conflict and miscommunication.

Whatever the issue is why does it happen so happens for lots reason sometimes that happens because somebody has wronged someone because someone has absolutely wrong. Someone there possible. That certainly clear here with him because there was an attitude and conduct told him that was not right and so there are always reasons so I would simply say if you are in conflict with someone today. If there is real criticism going back and forth between you, ask yourself the question, what is the real cause is it something within me that was there before ever met this person. Is it because of something I said is it the way I said it did not trigger something and that person that I did not mean the trigger because I don't even know was there or have I wronged them hurt their feelings in some way have I overlooked them in a way have I failed to meet a need that they felt that I should meet, that I knew about that. I did not see the truth is, whenever there is conflict and there is criticism we want to have the spirit of humility. We want to have the right spirit, the right attitude, we want to look for ways to bring healing not to continue the conflict and not to shut somebody out not to cut them off. Nothing throw them away. There's no one so unworthy as to be tossed out. Jesus Christ died for the entire world. He died for every single person and especially this conflict between the Christian and the non-Christian. We have the responsibility to take the initiative to do our best to bring healing and oneness of the lives of those people because if they're lost the order without Christ, how they deal with these things how they handle these things when they don't they don't know God in such a way that he's forgiving and that to remind them that they have been forgiven or can be forgiven by him. So to identify the cause is very very important. If there's going to be healing a second thing that so important is this.

And so it was true. The apostle Paul and that is that we be realistic about how conflict and how criticism affects us. The apostle Paul knew how to handle conflict. He knew how to respond. He knew how to listen to criticism and to respond the right way because he had lots of experience. By this time in his life he gone through, over and over and over again the issue today is look here and I can't escape it, how we can respond we can respond in a godly fashion. We can respond in a way that glorifies our father, we can respond in a way that we can say with him.

I'm still gonna rejoice. I'm gonna rejoice matter what I'm going to be grateful to God no matter what somebody says, will you look on the conflict. Amen will be the apostle Paul's certain Lord Jesus Christ had conflict there been many many women down through history have had all kinds of conflict I mean conflict beyond anything that any of us have ever born, and somehow they come through with such an awesome sense of gratitude to God Thanksgiving praise made unwavering faith.

The apostle Paul certainly knew how to respond to these things and so when I think about how he did and ask myself the question, Lord, how we to respond how much to respond. People often respond. For example, in very unrealistic and very unhealthy ways is the way they respond when they come to conflict and to criticism, they respond by repressing it. That is vague knowledge that is there, but that are wondering about this orgy okay I understand. So they will walk away.

This was we get rid of.

Sometimes they suppress it they just stifle it down and they denied that it even exist. And then sometimes people respond in a very negative fashion that quick to blame quick to accuse refused to look at themselves in somebody else's fault. It's always someone else's fault.

It's never their fault. You don't see any of this here in the apostle Paul's response.

Their attitude is don't blame me. I can even imagine this would come up and so they actually refused to acknowledge the issue and deal with it.

All that happens with that is we hinder relationships sometimes it's emotional insecurity.

Sometimes it's perfectionism trying to live up to something.

They came. What a terrible form of bondage sometimes is just pure pride. They just can't say I was wrong. They just can't say please forgive me. They just can't say I'm sorry. Listen if you can't say I was wrong.

If you can't say please forgive me if you can't say I'm really sorry that my friend, you are bound up in a form of bondage which will absolutely prohibit you from ever having a real piece real joy.

Real happiness in your life for the simple reason we going to have Paulson failures and so if you try to live up to something you cannot let you know to be in bondage. Pride listed is inexcusable absence of self-esteem and ego is so distorted that we think we can't make a mistake and we can even if we did, we can admit it that we are above and beyond all that, all of these things cause greater conflict, greater disharmony and greater criticism. So one of the results in a person's life when they deal with criticism and they deal with conflict and that way was several things are true. Number one, they limit their potential to grow. If you can't say you know what I was wrong.

They limit the potential to grow they close their mind because they can't learn the things that God wants them to learn. Second, that they'll never discover who they are until you and I are able to look at ourselves and acknowledge her failures acknowledge our faults will never find and who we really are, will only know the person that we want other people to think we are that someone will know the issue is who am I thirdly what they will do is they will fail to grow in their spiritual life. There's no growth when a person shuts their minds to the fact that they are wrong and that they made a mistake or that they've hurt someone else of the something is therefore there never be able to grow and then ultimately what happens is you develop an unforgiving spirit afterwards. If you can't deal with criticism you can't deal with conflict, you develop an unforgiving spirit because of someone causes conflict in your life and hurt and pain you may be right or you may be wrong doesn't make a different if you don't deal with it.

It's going to simmer and is going to soak and is going to get down into your whole emotional being and bitterness and resentment is going to flow through your whole system and ultimately your unforgiving spirit will destroy relationships again is spillover than somebody else. It is somebody that you love somebody is precious to you and what happens you lost.

This is exactly what's happening to people on their jobs and can get along in their families. They can get along with the children with a husband-wife parents can get along. Why somebody is unforgiving, somebody can handle little criticism, even if it's gentle, loving, godly criticism is an confrontation with Associated with condemnation.

It's just to say you know what this is like a work and if you can handle that you hinder yourself. All of your life. So there's a penalty to pay another big question is this, then how do we handle conflict, how do we handle criticism expressive somebody we love somebody we love it all about heart and they criticize us all.

They just cause conflict within us about something. How do we handle it. Listen carefully now. Sometimes, no matter what you do. You can't fix somebody else. No matter what you do. If they don't want to change. You can't change. They don't want to be fixed. You can't fix it then will relationship you can't make it happen.

If they insist on being bitter and hostile, resentful, and holding these things against you, you can't make them be forgiving that some folks like that. Listen carefully you and I are not responsible for other people's responses. We are responsible only for ours. We may like to share. We may try to share. We may want to give some suggestions.

But you know what we can't make it happen. We can't make it happen. And so we are responsible for how we respond to conflict in the criticism and solicit think about how we should well think of the apostle Paul again. First, certainly, is what you find in him.

In these passages, and that is in an unwavering sense of quietness about missing what he says. He says the former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, rather than from pure motives in the cause me distress in my imprisonment. What then all that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed and I'm rejoicing this. Yes I am rejoicing. I do rejoice that is an awesome sense of on wavering quietness in his spirit. The second thing I noticed there is an unshakable, unshakable joy.

He's not just quiet this something inside of him that's that's rejoicing that the reason he's able to rejoice in the midst of being a prisoner in role and they didn't have color television. I stick a padded Baird's and the wonderful food being in a Roman prison was the next thing to death.

And here is with this unwavering sense of quietness in his spirit. This unshakable sense of joy to listen carefully. Do you know why I say men is why he was looking beyond his circumstances beyond his hurt beyond his pain beyond the conflict and beyond the criticism he was looking beyond all of that and being able to see what God was doing in his life. Listen carefully when you and I are walking in the center of the will of God. When we were walking in the center of the will of God.

No matter what the criticism is in no matter what the conflict is we can stand with unshakable joy on wavering quietness in our spirit because we know that we're standing to sue the will of God held by him. Protected by him cared for him about of one. Thank you for listening to how to handle conflict and criticism nicely. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley more intense ministries by index data lacking is back after the presentation of intense ministry in Atlanta, Georgia