Keep It Light While Keeping You Safe

As caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we Always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you what does that look like I'm Peter Rosenberg and I wanted to you about a program but a part of. Now for almost 10 years. That's legal shield for less than $30 a month. I have access to a full law firm that can handle all kinds of things. If I get a contract put in front of me if I get of dispute was something doesn't matter, I've got full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wicket is that we as caregivers have to deal with power of attorney medical power of attorney will every bit of it as a caregiver. We need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use legal shield to go to caregiver legal.com look on the left-hand side versus legal shield to selected turns purple this pick a plan to give you some options if you don't need to do those no selected checkout and be protected. Starting today that caregiver legal.com and all caregiver Hill American family radio version of this is the program who is a family care 65 million of us right now in this country are serving as a family care you take care of aging.

This makes Kip somebody with the trump of someone with the disease somebody with alcoholism, somebody with addiction, somebody with mental illness.

The list is long and the number of caregivers is growing of people who are doing this without pay without training just armed with love in the sense of duty and responsibility and sometimes a goofy sense of humor like mine. I hope you have a sense of humor as you do this and hopefully by listening to this program, you will see that it's okay to laugh and have a good time and to be joyful even in the midst of this, we got plea of tears.

Do you laugh you cut up.

I constantly teased Gracie and we just live life. We were livid with all kinds of craziness I was at the hospital with third man in Denver a couple weeks ago we had to go down there for some exams and tests and so forth. In were facing some other things but we had this series of appointments and consultations.

We had one that was like right after lunch and then she had a CT scan that was scheduled for 6 PM that night and were staying across the street from the hospital in a hotel and I just didn't want to have to haul Gracie back across the street and then come back. It cumbersome and tiresome for her painful for so we headed out to the CT area. The hospital and to see if we can get you pushed up on the docket and the lady was very nice. She said I'm getting relieved that I'm putting you down. I think we could do this.

My replacement to be here shortly want you guys go out and have a cuppa coffee. I want to see if I can put this through and just let him know when you come back and so we went out to get some coffee, which on a side note is never is easy as you think because when there's a menu. Gracie wants to read the menu, and then she wants to combine things on the menu to form a new menu. What I like to refer to is the Gracie menu where since they have a kitchen, or says they have the equipment, why not combine it the way I wanted is kind of her thought process and I'm like just order from the menu. I either will be go to McDonald's. She was to read the menu I go to McDonald's.

I know the menu forward, backwards. I can just name it I can get behind the counter and work and I understand the menu at McDonald's. It is not changed drastically over the years.

There are some things they keep adding that her ancillary but the core McDonald's user yeah the menu still say that was Gracie.

She wants these well can you add this to the salad or can you do this themselves that they are the coffee shop just Udo banging my head on the of the counter why she does her thing and that the poor barista behind the customer is looking.

That's my life. So we got the coffee she wanted it it was it was quite good.

Obviously, and we headed back down and there's a new guy at the counter just like the woman said. And so I went up to this young Bessette. I was told that if we gave you five dollars of the picture be Arthur we can get it a little early for the CT scan will and I said what a straight face and Gracie's other roll your eyes at me and this guy is looking at me, I'm just from another planet that I didn't care because it made me laugh.

It didn't really make her laugh that much but it made me laugh. She she did laugh because it wasn't funny.

Let me be fair, she didn't laugh because she's used to this and it tiresome to her, but I promise you if you got her still and quiet. Gracie was that for the she was a year that was funny. I just Udo. I've heard it all, but I figured you know we spent so much time in hospitals and doctors offices in imaging places and labs. If I stop living life and being who I am and Gracie stop being who she is. In these places look on life and we have were just who we are. We fully grown used to this. Yes these are serious places were serious things happen, but it's also a job site for pubescent shop for people and they know just like you at your workplace. They want to be able to enjoy their day and they get enough misery there. Speaking of misery.

I always find the airport to be a challenging place, particularly when you have somebody that is disabled, pushing through the TSA, and particularly at the Denver airport and I'm sorry whoever sleeps senior got the TSA the Denver airport if you're listening this program.

There are some opportunities for improvement. Let me just say that okay there's some opportunities for and I struggle going through their but by the time I get to the gate. You know, I'm a little bit tired an end and we will fly back southwest of straight flight from Denver to Bozeman and the people southwest are always so great and I I I just appreciate their humor and all the other things I do to make the flight enjoyable flying is not what it used to be and Gracie. By the way, still dresses up. I do okay but she X addresses up to fly. She knows it's old school but she doesn't care. She said my grandmother used to always say you look nice when you go out in public on planes and so forth and so she does, but the folks at Southwest are always very very kind to us in. She boards first and then exit/these were always the last ones off the plane, but she's always the first on. She requires just a little bit extra time to get on and so were going of the jetway are usually have bags that let me give you some background on this Gracie is the only person I know that has a wheelchair with a trailer hitch on it.

She requires so much carry-on and and paraphernalia that goes with it and I'm like your Sherpa I'm carrying all these things and I was so proud of her to fear you a chance to meet her want you to tell her how proud you are of her that we were able to consolidate tonight's worth of stuff for her into a carry-on bag, a large purse for her and a small laptop bag for me and we were able to do it. That took 30 something years of conditioning to help her learn to pack light. Now that doesn't sound like very much, but you try carrying that while pushing a wheelchair okay if you get a little bit gnarly and I'll have all the bags stacked all week so like I have a roller bag that I have Gracie's other bag or the maybe I can even for the third, but all wrapped around my neck if I have to, that out wheel that bag with my left in with my right hand a hold Gracie's hand and all directors through the Air Force only when she's in a wheelchair and so she's rolling pretty good clip to owner hairs blow it in the breeze critically on those marble floors of the carpet. But then there's those clueless people aimlessly rolling around on site on your left on your right you get a sense of grace thought about putting a harpoon on the front of it, but I thought that that's not good.

I have just kidding throughout the gate in the Southwest gate officer so kind and said can I help you with your backs will immediately an animal file probably in trouble for saying this on their reference the movie that maybe some of you a safe sleep. Sorry, young frog is with with with Jean Potter's character said to Marty Feldman's character I Gracie you get the what some help with the FedEx and he said you get the blood out of the wood with the turbid and if you haven't seen it that.

Don't worry about it, but it was. I use that live in us that the Southwest was about with the bankruptcy. Did you get the adduct get the one with the turbid and it may be laugh. Gracie not so much the Southwest did had no clue to what I was saying, but it made me laugh and and help make a difficult little bit more tolerable for me and so I do know I'm sharing this with you guys are probably look like what's the matter with you, but I'm used to that phrase people vastly that over the years I've been a caregiver for over 36 years and I've been through my share of airports and struggling with wheelchairs and everything else and if I want to laugh and say something goofy to the gate officer at an airport, or if I want to say something stupid, you will gather scheduling CDs. You know what I'm about to go forward. It's okay to live life. It's okay to laugh and you know what else it's okay for you to be safe. Talk about that when we come back from the brink. This is Peter Rosenberg. This is hope for the cure.

As caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves. Who helps you what does that look like I'm Peter Rosenberg and I want to tell you about a program but a part of. Now for almost 10 years.

That's legal shield less than $30 a month. I have access to a full law firm they can handle all kinds of things. If I get a contract put in front of me if I got of dispute was something doesn't matter, I've got full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with power of attorney medical power of attorney will every bit of it as a caregiver.

We need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use legal shield to go to caregiver legal.com look on the left-hand side versus legal shield to selected turns purple this pick a plan to give you some options if you don't need to do those selected checkout and be protected. Starting today that caregiver legal.com back to hopefully caregiver this is Peter Rosenberg of this is the program for you as a family caregiver were so glad that you're with us how you feel you don't hope for the caregiver.com there's little for their you can sit do is let us know what's on your mind. And also while you're out of line, go to our Facebook group or Facebook page you can like that. Along with that and that a Facebook group we post a lot of things in their other caregivers post that there struggling with and maybe you could offer some insight to another caregiver. I administer the group. I keep it from going off the radio so please take advantage of go out and join along and offer your insights.

Or maybe you can glean some insights from others who have gone through similar things that you have been through. Hopefully caregiver.com is where it all starts. Plenty of stuff for you to take advantage of out there don't don't do this by yourself.

Friends don't let friends caregiver low okay. I wanted to address something. I had a conversation with somebody this week a listener reached out and we ended up having a conversation about this topic.

She's got some family dynamics that are pretty intense and involves a brother who's had a lengthy history of drug abuse she's making some decisions, but she's no feeling all things that we all feel in situation like that. We have to make hard decisions you feel guilty you feel, alone, and that you feel all the different things you you you you know the drill.

You know what goes on with us as caregivers in the conflicting feelings we have, however, she is very unsettled in this and I*what is what is the goal for you. We talked about that little bit. We finally landed on this place where her safety is paramount. She doesn't feel safe and she's got this house with her mother. She owns the house mother lives with her, but her brothers also been there and he comes and goes as he pleases and she can't seem to get him out of there. You know, in this day and age, how hard it is to be for someone and she is our mother has significant dementia and it looks like it may be time to go into a memory care unit and she's going to do that and then sell the house and that we shouldn't have to go through the eviction process but she's going to make sure her mother's care for this she was out when she wants to be done with her brother and another sibling and not have that drum knowing that her mother safe that she's not at the mercy they can't come and go in an assisted living like they do at this house, but the bottom line is she doesn't feel safe and I assured her that her safety is paramount. Happiness is not the goal were not to feel good about a lot of these things and goes not to be happy or comfortable or any of those things, but safety is nonnegotiable for you was a caregiver and that means your financial safety your emotional safety or physical safety.

All of those things are absolutely critical to you as a caregiver, because if you're not safe. How can you be a good caregiver. If your situation is precarious, financially. How can this continue that it is we get to be wealthy but that doesn't mean you have to find solid ground and sometimes it means scaling way back in reducing your debt load reducing your outflow as we talked about last week of the program, simplifying your life looking at things that you really just don't meet what do you absolutely have to have that how can you cut from anything else.

Understand that when you're caregiver you your more or less in survival mode all the time and your situation is tenuous. If you have the physical safety issues going on that has to come first. You've got to physically be safe if you got a family member who has a drug problem or drinking problem. Their abusive their unpredictable all those kinds of things you just don't feel safe in your own home. That's got to change and so out I walked through the process of doing her due diligence prior to this, making sure she has all of her legal documents in hand, making sure she's done all of her homework.

His followers, the memory care center for mother.

All things need to happen quietly go behind the scenes get all of that done and then make the appointment to confront her brother and say this is what were going to do, and she's actually offered a pretty generous thing for her brother who was basically penniless but he's not a young guy so he he's got some some real issues from drug use and everything else and she's made it pretty generous offer, but it's nonnegotiable she doesn't feel safe and she doesn't need to have him encroaching upon her life. How many of you will have something like that going on. We just don't feel safe. What you do about an decisions are not to be easy.

There's just no way around this could be a hard decision but you serve yourself well when you've done all of your due diligence. Make sure you have all the legal documentation that unique and if you can't afford a lawyer there services after I subscribed one myself that provides me legal care unit for easy monthly fee less 30 bucks a month and it's full access to a full attorney firm anything any power of attorney, all that kind of stuff, but all of those things you do yourself a favor by having your homework done so that when you having to make that hard decision. You're not just doing this in a vacuum.

Your you're not just doing arbitrarily. You've got X, Y, Z laid out for you and then when she sits down with her brother to have this conversation. I recommend strongly that she have someone there a petition from law enforcement to be there and you and you pay them off duty cop something to be there to protect her to keep this thing from going off the rails. If you need serve with a some type of restraining order whatever there's, you know, it's best to put that in the hands of law enforcement. When you are dealing with somebody has a history of drug abuse in any type of substance abuse. It can go sideways really quick so it's always best that you've done what is necessary for you to be safe. And yes, it's unpleasant. Every bit of this is unpleasant, but is not as unpleasant as you being assaulted. It's not as unpleasant as you being injured or worse. And that's a very real possibility for many families there's that unstable element in so many families, particularly dealing with substance abuse or mental illness. You're not dealing with a well person you're dealing somebody with an impairment by definition, and if they go berserk when he got it is not just like this this pep to be a case where a woman is dealing with her brother but also have very close friends dealing with his sister who's got a lengthy history of some very, very troubling mental health behaviors when it comes to violent behavior from somebody abusing alcohol or drugs or somebody with the middle health history, gender is not the factor that impairment is the factor and it's important for you to do what is necessary for you to be safe. Okay not comfortable not happy but safe. Are you safe and that's why it's important for us to think this way and then let's also think about what is safe financially, making sure you know where all the ownership papers or where all the mortgage information power of attorney. All of those things. Whatever you need.

Make sure you know where it is, the more you know, the safer you will be because you will have things in order and you can produce them financially so that you're not caught unawares that taxes are up to date filing protections and so forth that you don't you can talk to medical providers of your love with that you've done all the necessary steps for this that you know more.

The Willis you know the old statement where there's a will there's a family member. What if that family members impaired as in the case, this one with her brother what he think he wants to do with money discussed get a lengthy history of substance abuse. He's jobless and really has been a troubled soul for very long time has left a trail of cartilage in his wake, giving him unfettered access to money just because the legal documents were in place that a good idea. So these are things that we can do to help us feel safe and then also safe spiritual where you going with the spiritually when I think of safety always think of Proverbs 1810 God's name is a place of protection the name of the Lord is a strong tower the righteous run into it and are safe. Good people can run there. Be safe in the name of the Lord, what is that even mean when we anchor ourselves in God and trusting in his provision for us. He gives us that clarity of thought that that columnist to be able to make these important decisions. Remember last week's program I talked about making decisions from a place of calmness and safety you belong to God, you are in Christ, you belong to him, and you can make those decisions and great safety. You don't have to be freaking out. You don't have to be in any way out of a sense of desperation and panic that son of God who is the author of confusion and I think this is the this is the path for us as believers that we can make those decisions from a place of calmness and trust in his provision. His wisdom, his insights all of those things play into our decision-making. What did Paul say in Philippians chapter 4 verse six be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Here is. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus, that sounds an awful lot like safety doesn't you make much better decisions when you feel safe and when you recognize that you are safe in Christ.

So for those who are struggling with physical safety because of these kinds of things but start with their spiritual safety and then let that extend to all our decision-making. Get your legal documents in row and if you have to get law enforcement involved already done your homework. That's the way we Rosenberg caregivers since the whole