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July 30, 2022 3:30 am
A frustration point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be – but choices beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit to trying to force solutions on more than one occasion – only to frustrate myself, my wife, and who knows how many others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I’ve tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large box that I call “The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem.”
Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment.
For me, the box is genuine,
and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things - He’s better at carrying them than me. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet I can affirm that each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them.
Letting go of what is impossible to carry helps me live more peacefully with equally impossible circumstances.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4 (KJV)
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In addition, that love one has a chronic impairment of some kind that is most likely not going to get better in this world.
So while our duties is family caregivers intersect so many other individuals who are doing similar type of things parents. For example, there is the expectation with children that they're going to grow and learn and become able to do certain task and function in life in a certain way. But when you're caring for somebody with a chronic impairment where the roots of aging parent or child with special needs or somebody who's had a traumatic event, there is the understanding that this is not going to get better for the both sport. This is going to be a long slog and you're going to adapt your life to this so there is a difference. And yes, the duties intersect or sometimes it feels like we do the same thing, but that's only because were merging together on certain task, there still is the expectation that it's going to get better when you're dealing with.
For example, children. So just wanted to have that because I guess that what it is not to diminish anything else and he wants doing wishes that we as family caregivers have a very specific journey and that journey involves us often having conversations with the ceiling. They were thinking how we go to do this past our own grave. What kind of provisions must we make what we do, how do we function in this and it is at times terrifying and then there's heartbreak of watching someone struggle knowing that it's not going to necessarily get better and it's it's filled with all kinds of different dynamics. You know you you grieve over certain things every day knowing that those things are gone. They're not. They're not going to happen and I recall that a a box of things that God will have to redeem you know there is. It's a frustration point for for many of us is family caregivers when we have unmet expectations and in knowing that they're not going to occur but but we we visualize what what could be, but choices beyond our control or roadblocks in, and I'm ashamed to admit this.
I have tried to force solutions on more than one occasion I have done this and I I have stayed here with my head hang a little bit because I see that is a regular temptation with me in a regular choice that I make to try to push it but I end up frustrating myself, Gracie, and who knows how many others, and so I've learned over the years limit of the creek that I am learning over the years to let go of those hopes and expectations, but I'm also learning that letting go of the six can be very painful as over the last couple of years I've tried a different approach and this may work for you may not. But this is what I do.
I envision a rather large box in my mind just kind of envisions large box it gets large. The day that I call that the box of things that God will have to redeem and when I offload these items that create this grief. The stress this angst and up put it in their in and in their filled with heartache and disappointments.
All these things and I offload that to God put in that box of things that God will have to redeem. I find that it reduces my stress and the potential for resentment.
Those who regularly does this program know that I deal with that word resentment a lot on the show because I believe this is a huge battle for us as caregivers and expectations are often embryonic resentments and they can grow to consume us and that resentment is something that you see over and over and over in Scripture. You can see it all the way back to Cain and Abel were Cain presented his brother Abel for the favor that God showed that and I can just go through Scripture. After Scripture for Scripture because this is the human condition. This is what we are prone to do. We have these expectations.
This is what we want.
This is what we desire and if we don't get it. We present and yet we are called as believers to take a different path to turn that over to God to trust him to work it out in his time. What does that mean in his time and you go back to Ecclesiastes 3 I would recommend you spending some time there. Ecclesiastes 3 okay it's a it's a small book that we've heard familiar passage was loose, take a moment as a characterless look at this in context, and you know the first part of it where it says for everything there is a season, and every time a matter under heaven attended border time.you you further subbing. The birds turned it into a song. Turn turn turn back in the 60s and so we we've heard this, that there's a time for this, but then we stopped there. If we push on from verse nine we see what gain has the worker from his toil.
I've seen the business that God is given to the children of men to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Also, he is put eternity into man's heart reading on verse 11 yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I think through that for just a moment he's put eternity in our hearts we know there's something more. It feels different if you will.
It is there something more.
This shouldn't be. There's a bigger picture. So as I struggle with these things that we as caregivers do that eternity in my heart planned by God, which is ignited by the regeneration of the Holy Spirit because then we understand in Christ what this is starting to mean now and that he has a plan for this that he will redeem these things that we are not left to our own devices and the box for me of things that God has redeemed that's genuine box is a real thing to me and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of these things and that he's better at carrying them than me now.
Of course the temptation is for me to go back to that box rumors that wouldn't retrieve those items in Stillwater and and I'd struggle with that but yet I confirm that each time I put those things back in that box of things that God asked redeem a growing list tempted to dwell on them as caregivers, we have some and letting go of what is impossible for behold, here mail these things helps me live more peaceful help with his equally possible orders or subsidies about a program here's the Scripture wants putting this up with get into more lift $30 rest of the program directors to full Revelation 21 could handle all kinds of checks that was on the front and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes and their shop got no more death or sorrow, nor cry. Hopefully neither shall there be any more pain for the former things are passed away.
That sounds awful lot of God every day doing all is someone who advocates residents box of things that God history, caregiver leak.com. This is hopefully cleared and this is a program for you is a family carrier were so glad you this hope for the care of the dog comes more ghostlike will be so come seeing there is everything written by his wife Melody green and it remains I think one of the 25 hymns. Every Christian on and maybe I'll do a whole series each week or so just to him because I know some of you have heard me talk about the hymns but there's a reason I do this because these hear him say with such clarity.
The message of the gospel, hope, strength and encouragement that we can hang onto when the storms hit. And this is one of them.
We were told by the last block the box of things that God has to redeem and that word redeem redemption is throughout all of Scripture, you will see this being portrayed alluded to modeled and then the redemption for our souls was accomplished at the cross and all of these things that we see today that are broken with this world is all being redeemed and will be redeemed through Christ and what he is doing. We don't know when. And we don't like waiting list. I will let you but yet here we are, and that's why this song is such an important song to us as believers. There is a redeemer Jesus, God's own son precious Lamb of God, Messiah, holy one, and then then when he gets the course. He just breaks loose. Thank you. Oh my father for giving us your son and leaving your spirit to the work on earth is done father-son spirit and this is one of those crucial hymns.
I think to us as believers that we can sing, and whatever dark watches of the night that we find ourselves. There is not one set of circumstances that we can face will face as Christians that this hill is not applicable and it was important to us as caregivers because we live through very dark times. Many of us do in their times when our words fail us.
We don't know what to say we don't know what to pray. We don't know how to think. We don't know what to do and it's in those moments when were anchored in music like this that we can whisper it out even because the words have been laid out so beautifully for for us to be able to wrap our malls around to say these things and expresses our heart we you can remember we were born and built design to worship God. Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever and exalting him is in our DNA. When we reject that we are turning from that we are walking away from God. Walk away from our design and that's what this whole mess is all about. But when we do this we are doing what we were built to do and that's why it flows out of us and gives us strength in it it it it it gives strength to our bones and and we can we don't have to sing it or play it very well. We just say it and do it out of obedience. First, and then out of great enthusiasm as it comes because it builds us up as we do it in an this is what I mean when I say there's a box of things got asked redeem when we recognize that he is the great Redeemer.
We see this by faith. Now, but we can anchor ourselves and Isaiah 51 is a 5111. Therefore, the redeemed of the Lord shall return income was singing the design you know that song I think, to hear on the program go to caregiver keyboard of the Lord to salvage her was singing undecided and this is everlasting joy shall be on their sons that they shall obtain gladness and joy, sorrow and mourning shuffling was so mighty to me it sounds like gospel redeem these things in sorrow and mourning shuffling where they shall obtain gladness and joy and so the question is for us as caregivers when we are seeing these things and we have these unmet expectations. We wanted taken away. We want to not have to deal with this right now. Are we willing to trust him with it.
Are we willing to allow him to unfold in his time, and if so why are we willing to do that. She's really poorly no what we believe and why we believe it.
What does that even mean if were not willing to do it, that's a different conversation but if we are willing to do it.
Why is that in the why becomes critically important to us so that we reminding ourselves where were were saying to ourselves. He's going redeemed us and the more we say that the more we understand it anymore. We anchor cells that the more work to just parse our souls will erupt with gratitude we go back over the caregiver keyboard here and listen to this list. This unfolds and Keith Green did what he performed. He starts over simple. There is free Redeemer. Okay this is that there is a redeemer Jesus, God's own precious Lamb of God, Messiah did exist of this course. They all forget Sears, the Trinitarian part leaving your spirit were cc we see this is what is this is the 25 hymns and no because it anchors us into something that is on and we live with great uncertainty from day to day as caregivers. No one is going to happen one moment to the next and were struggling with this and we are railing about. And when we anchor ourselves back in this it gives us pause. It stiffens our spines and reorient something you remember what Paul said was that do not meet this transit by the renewing of your mind, what is that even look like. It looks like seeing him like in reminding our spirits on why this is important. There is a redeemer Jesus, God's own son.
Okay, first off, there's an implication there that something needs to be redeemed and that there is one who will redeem it and then when you get to that. Thank you. Oh my father course for giving us your son and leaving your spirit to the work on earth is done.
Recognizing that work still needs to be done, but we are not left alone. What Jesus accomplished on the cross. It it's it's on a cosmic level it's even hard to describe how magnificent this is. But there still work to be done not work to save our souls. That was done accomplished through Christ justice was paid. We were bought from sin at a precious price but this world was still broke and we are emissaries of the kingdom where it is not going to be broken.
Where is not broken is never has been broken in his kingdom and we are emissaries that were ambassadors of that into this fallen world, and some of us may have to indeed be part of great brokenness. That's were we as caregivers coming is that we're seeing this up close and personal. So how do we reconcile this with a good and loving God. Why would I even have a box of things that God has to redeem because I part of this I'm part of this brokenness, gracious, part of. We see it every day we see loss that we see opportunities that we wished we could've taken part of or things that could've happened differently and doesn't always work that way. But when we remind ourselves that there is a redeemer, one who will come and make and restore all of this so that we will be like pheasant and Isaiah. They shall obtain gladness and joy, sorrow and mourning shall flee away and is a quote from Revelation. The first luck and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
There's an implication that were to be crying now and we are and we do, you and I both do we know this is so is God. But here's the promise and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, nor shall there be any more pain in that interesting that word their pain is that it is not anymore. This easy to get disease specific. He didn't get those kinds of of dysfunction specific use has not been more pain that will be more sorrow for the former things have passed away so I love that him and I would encourage you to download today get it.
You know, go to the hymnal and play it if you could play the piano or the guitar or whatever instrument you play pick up a flute. I know I got my friend Lisa Williams over Australia who's a flautist she's been on the program and and Lisa pick up your flute and play that today and sing this how I don't care if you can sing or not sing. It's okay.
Just think, and let it but it just flow out of you and watch what happens when you get that course. Thank you. Oh my father you to get stronger. I promise you can breathe a little easier.
Your hearts can get a little bit lighter.
Why, because you're doing what you were built to do praise him in the midst of all of this.
There is a redeemer Jesus, God's own son.
The love that last line of the last verse. The third verse he says when I standing glory. I will see his face a barrel served by King forever in that holy place. Thank you.
Oh my father for giving this yourself and leaving your spirit work on earth. By the way were part of that work. That work is this Peter Rosenberger hope caregiver hope for the caregiver.Peter Rosenberger many years ago when my wife Grace became a AA PT. She sold the importance of quality prosthetics. He saw the importance of the support team and people that could help her regain her life after losing both legs.
She had this vision of creating an organization that would help others do the very same thing while pointing them to Christ and for more than 17 years we been doing just that we purchase supplies. We send equipment and we train recent teams over to West Africa would been working with the country of Ghana.
Several clinics over there now and each week more people walk because of Gracie's vision 2011. We watched the new program outreach to family caregivers. Drawing on my mail 36+ years as Gracie's caregiver through medical nightmare for insights of learned all of the hard way to fellow caregivers to help them stay strong and healthy will take care of some is not. You want to be part of this go out to standing with.com/giving study with a calm/giving steady with hope and those without.com/giving. We as a family. The caregiver.calm if you want to be a part of the program or some form of things to me a note comes right to me. Whatever's on your heart. Whatever comments, questions and criticisms keep those to a minimum. Whatever you got on your heart that you want to say would love to hear from you talking about redemption today that in Christ our Redeemer and the box of things that God will have to redeem not that were putting demands on God. We recognize that those things beyond our control. I've asked my longtime friend, Pastor Jim Bachmann from Stevens Valley church in Nashville Tennessee Stephen's Valley.church you will find out more about them. He and I have been friends for very long time is pastor me through many dangers foil since the here's is great stuff, and and so this is a conversation that's been ongoing with the two of us for many years over God working through these things and I thought well I just asked Jim to come on the program and share his heart and thoughts, and as I is I have run out of other you go back to the bottom of the barrel and I with it does have a cyclical pattern but you know what I say. There's a box of things that God will have to redeem for us as caregivers, we look at this appointment on a regular basis.
We all face disappointment as human beings is the human condition when you're dealing with a chronic impairment in a chronic deteriorating situation. You know, disappointment is is a part of daily life, and if we hold on to that. It just festers it is that you been pastoring for a very long time.
You seem people that have struggled with this festering of resentment, whether it's in the caregiving environment or not it still is debilitating. Talk little bit about that and what are your thoughts on this. While I've seen it yes greater and I've also noted the difference in your experience your own heartbreak and disappointment. I'm not really what caregiver is you, you would find it, but living in a fallen world, where all going to run a suffer some something some things that will give rise to bitterness, jealousy and envy in self-pity, etc. my case it was losing a job that was marinara trimming in your case it's scaring for a wife. It's been afflicted for him for years now all along that almost 40 almost 40, I don't know Peter, I think this is the same answer. This issue is very early this year and that is the end of the day to be grounded in Scripture to have a relationship with the Lord that is authentic where you can cry out to the Lord, complained of the Lord even shake your fist in the Lord during the rate of backup Joe knows as unhappy books we we know about them, but we don't like to dwell on them, but these biblical writers Psalm $73 out of my faded almost slipped. I was envious of the arrogant.
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked, and they have no problems. I have no health issues and paraphrasing, of course, in the Psalmist admits it here just as faded almost slipped, which I interpret the main ready give up. You know math. This is why God did God take better care of his enemies and it others friends. Maybe I'm better off being as enemy at that but the whole Psalm turned about. Verse 16 or so.
14 until I entered the sanctuary beautiful beautiful thing we think about until I entered the sanctuary then discerned there in like all of a sudden I think that's a song written by ISAF with choir director in the temple under King David.
Something happened were not given the specifics, but when he entered the sanctuary are so much in corporate worship, but it might've been augmented by himself, and is somehow another. His perspective went from this horizontal look at all my problems in my suffering to the vertical and he is earned there and entrance Benitez earned his own as well and they realize that the prosperity of the wicked is fleeting and the suffering of the righteous is fleeting and God's gone like it right someday. Someday maybe a long way off, and were also impatient that we we want immediate gratification in the immediate vindication and immediate relief from our suffering, but having the long view and having the vertical perspective I think that's the answer that's all thing I've ever found it that's comforted me when I felt like I was suffering wrongly in my golf one strike my fist that God will be grounded in the Scripture and entering the sanctuary inherent relationship with the Lord and what is outside Jobson, though he slay me all trusted Holly was easy for Job either no worries really glibly think that was a tough thing to say.
I think there's an implication when you go into the sanctuary and again these are part of this is part of a long-standing conversation you and I've had about the worship service in the worship act in that music in hymns and and if you notice none of the hymns that last that people request at their funerals and so forth are hymns that commiserate. None of that. Nobody wants that they want. They want songs that reflect that spine stiffening exultation of God. Despite whatever's going on. I was interviewing for last week of my friend Pastor Rob Morgan. He was talking about helping his wife, Katrina. She was on her to. She lives her nest on youth that Rob Morgan I think it was a he he took up his wife, Katrina, MS for 25 years. She just recently died.
The last couple years, and as he was helping her to bed sheet. Her eyes were closed. She was not totally loose and he was helped lifting her there's you was very small and petite and