In Times Like These

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If you get something you will say you will know you want us to talk about whatever's on your heart with hope. The caregiver.com. This will form their sin to be contrite to me and we can talk about that on the program or however you choose to communicate. Also, there's so many resources out there. Please take advantage of the podcasts free music out there blog posts, books and so forth.

Please take advantage this it is hard enough to be a family caregiver. There's no point in doing it all by yourself. So let's get some help for each of us and and that's how we do as characters. Friends don't let friends, caregiver load in healthy caregivers make better caregivers when you get bad news when you get a terrible diagnosis and you family with the level how you handle this. What do you do, knowing that this is not going to have the fairytale ending that you'd like your face with a terminal issue some type of illness that is about and all of a sudden okay this got real real quick web. I guess today Kate dressed in understands this and she's got a book out a new book is called in times like these, 30 minute 30 many devotionals for those with a loved one facing terminal illness and she brings her experience of this and some insight. She learned along the way. She's been a writer for some time in his walk through this journey decided to put it down and offer a path to fellow caregivers who also walked on this terminal illness path that leads all the way to the cemetery Russes gives us a hard topic but she's done this with the intent of pointing us to Christ through this okay. Welcome to the program.

There I did have a hard time. I gearing my brother and terminal and everyone died terminal brain cancer 50. I dealt with that for two years before he passed away came out of the blue to shock trauma that even people who are healthy never stick right now. I went back caregiver that took care of him day in and day out like it felt like anytime you have someone that you love taking a terminal illness. You are heartbroken you need help and encouragement and all of those who loved my brother needed that pastor or friend for his extended family deal with people that are needing help and encouragement.

Did you find that a lot of people try to figure out why this was happening to him.

Well, you know, there's the question everybody asked why do good things happen.

I mean why do bad things happen to good people and we know from the Bible that bad things happen because we live in a fallen world, and a lot of people do try to say things like God's will and back and go through all of them finger back is very difficult to hear when your loved one that make you feel when you hurt because those things are very cliché in their really platitudes people come up as I don't know what else to say so they say something like that have that make you feel this somebody watching this from the inside out well and I knew I was going to lose my brother well is hard to hear you tell how glad you can change anything and that because your whole world. It kind of turned it down in, and reduces it to a short little phrase or something that you will better or that supposed to all of a sudden make you say okay well I guess that's true, and anything you go on a very difficult thing. I don't call people for saying hi to think because so many time you like to say and they're really trying to have a good intent.

They are trying to think they do have a good intent by default it is it is it's it's rather annoying and in and could be downright heartbreaking to people in my favorite verse in one of the favorite verses in Scripture's Job 213 versus his friends came and sat with him quietly for seven days because he saw his suffering was great.

There say anything for seven days and I thought well let's I can imagine a lot of people nuts anything for seven minutes and when you when you got this was the reason I wanted to have you on the program because okay you walk through this with your family with your brother and you decided to turn this into something different with having devotionals specifically gearing this in your book and you know and and if you don't know what to say okay will hear somebody who has walk through this can give us some some thoughts on how to say something and how to approach something it wasn't a love cave in the Jewish Suba when you have a sitting Shiva when you when you are with the bereaved. They're sitting there in a chair and you don't initiate the conversation you wait for them to say something to you and then one things you can do this.

Proactive as you put their hand in yours and then put your other hand on top of theirs just assures them of your presence there.

You don't have to. You're not saying anything. You're just being with did you find that that was the case with you. Were those meaningful exchanges happen. We just people just be with you.

If you find a lot of people very comfortably or graciously, because I'm kind of awkward for people at church praying with other believers was very comforting knowing that they are trying to support you on your journey, but I think during our church prayer times were not comforting when he had other believers that are just surrounding had, and gave me some great advice and that instead of writing a hard time bring bitterness in my heart. Make sure that I found thankfulness because the Bible held that need to be thankful in all circumstances.

This kind of circumstance very hard to be thankful for what you're going through, but someone said that Kenny and I never forgot that. And I thought you know I'm not going to make what I feel create bitterness in my heart so I thought I need to come up with a list of things that I can be thankful for, or grateful for.

Throughout this trial and so I tried to find things that I could focus on instead of focusing on years that I wasn't going to harm with my brother or years. I felt like maybe she did not have. I decided to be thankful for all the years I did have with and be thankful that I had childhood memories with my brother that other magnetic.

On those types of things trying to focus on the things that I did have instead of the things that I wouldn't have been cheated from accent. It does make sense of the things it does reflect again things of Scripture to be grateful it's hard to beat, pressed angry when you're filled with gratitude and appreciation and you know people think well you this is positive thinking. No, I don't think that's that's that's too trite that's limiting this go back to what you said earlier to limiting phrases… Positive thinking. No, I think it's important for us to recognize the truth of the situation accepting that yes this is painful, but there are also other things in here. What are some of the things that you failed through this journey that change the way you looked at it and gave you the wherewithal to walk all the way to the cemetery with this very important that I separated from feeling now go up and down they change every day with a trial that is so notionally passed your life feeling better anger or depression or on the whole spectrum that I learned through at that faith is more important than feeling and that our faith is certain feelings are feelings can be deceitful sometime. Faith tells us that our God is sovereign because he holds all things together. Bible said and I found that God later. Of course, higher than our way and that always guides land bring him glory.

I think that the Bible passage about Lazarus and Jesus knew that Roger and I and he knew that he was going to raise him. He was still glad that he lost Lazarus, Becky had to go through this. Sorry that Mary and Martha were going through it. Any he was upset about it that he wrapped the Bible tells them that just says that even though there are times where bad things happen.

God has a bigger picture bigger picture taking you to bring Lazarus back from the dead he was going to bring his father glory important to remember acute faith says there's a bigger picture in your brother did he respond to these things will deal with this email. My brother and I didn't think about-marital things with each other, so I'm not sure how I never discussed how I was dealing with it when I spend time with him. We never talk about the type think that I know that I never heard him complain in the whole two years related going through. I never saw him depressed or or any kind of you know hard things that he was going through. Always pretrade to me that he believed in Jesus and he knew that Jesus was taking care of him, spoke volumes, even though he never said those words to me volumes and it gave me encouragement and hyper Christian. He lives in the faith that he hadn't got help me to be encouraged and want to be like to be a strong this extraordinary good he was at peace with this. A lot of people know they become very bitter to become despairing, and so forth. But clearly she choose to do those things and talk a little bit here the next segment about some of the devotionals that you wrote to walk through this so I've said many times on this program. Jesus blesses those who mourn for they shall become more busy waging out despairing morning means, except what is grieving over talk more about that would take dressed in her new book is called in times like these, 30 devotionals for those facing.

The speed Rosenberger your help somebody walk for the first time I've had the privilege many times through our organization.

Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished a bit but while this is that I'm not a heavy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com would you take a moment ago understanding with hope.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that@standingwithhope.com update Rosenberger and this is your caregiver minute in the caregiving journey we daily encounter five drama moments I can really wear owners. Some of those drama moments, maybe from our loved one. Others might be from friends and family medical community and sometimes was how drama moments come internally as we mentally slept ourselves around over things we wish we had done better, or which we not done at all. Eliminate all of those moments, but we can reduce the by asking one simple question how important is this to test the question we ask, how important is this it gives us and others an opportunity to prioritize and even detach from the circumstances so we can determine is this really a crisis or maybe this is something we can just let go.

How important is it for us to be, caregivers, and we can answer that one right now together. It's vitally important. This is been your caregiver minute with Peter Rosenberger brought to you by standing with. There's more information@standingwith.com and Rosenberger.

This is program for you as a family caregiver are you feeling are you doing going on with you.

You know you're in a much better position to be a source of help and encouragement and strength to others. If your headspace in your heart.

Space or healthier, healthy caregiver sleep your caregiver support being healthier is to learn to accept certain realities with peace. Even with tears roll down your face, but with acceptance of knowing that he who began a good work is faithful to complete. This is the beauty we have as believers, that we can share with the world. If we understand it ourselves, were not going to be immune to the things of this world that are broken and fall.

That's what brings our guest today take dressed and onto the program with her new book is called in times like these, 30 many devotionals for those with a love one facing terminal illness and she walk through this with her brother. She had to observe it. Going through now his wife was the up close, personal caregiver all day today but Kate walk through this with and she watched and she struggled with her own questions in her own journey of trusting God with this and she has written about this and share your heart Kate. Tell me something that surprised you about this journey for yourself that you didn't expect. Maybe on your own walk or whatever something that just stood out as a surprise.

I felt like every way. Patient I question, or I didn't understand like it.

And third, one thing I learned that all of that are our data were ordained for one of them comes to be. The Bible tells that no, they're not prominent. Long live with health or wealth or any of God has ordained that each for a specific amount of time on this earth and I just feel like I never looked at it like that before.

I always look at someone guideline. I guess I will be should have been better if they would have lived a full life like it that way. I did something different for each of fact, I never really realized that her thought much about it and tell I lost my brother at a young age and that was kind of writing help looking at the world and expecting what God brings into your life whether it chronic or terminal illness. Torque under the problems that come into your life. God has made your life unique land that he has for your life and people always bring glory.

Thank you for that end and I changed my Outlook when my brother got. I could see that because those are things we hear from a distance of suffering but was up close and personal. We have to wrap her arms around that wrapper minds around that is best as we can to recognize his sovereignty and his goodness.

Even when facing such a a harshness I've maintained also for a long time that caregiving doesn't stop at the cemetery that the impact of being a caregiver could last for a very long long after the grass is growing over the great is that a fair statement to make you and your sister-in-law totally agree one hard afterward a lot to process is a lot to learn much clearer when I'm lying through something like that. After the death there is still much you learn, you know you're not actively going through that particular situation and I found that the true and that's why I didn't write the book a devotional book are probably five years after my brother Jack because I could see things a lot clearer. In hindsight, and I could while you were going pretty well. It takes a while to percolate doesn't just settling you to to really see some principles and precepts, and you don't want to just think sometimes we rush to fasted facilities. Things think it least to settle in our spirits for while cells like this. What it did with you. What is a devotional that you like we do huge about time here but can you share at least one of them, or at least the concept of one of that you wanted to write about in this book. Sure I talk about how should know about God how God cares about our course. The Bible tells us. I believe it found 3418.

He is close to the brokenhearted and he also said that her thumb birthday completed 56 eight talk about how it keeps track of all of our tier. Why did he did that because everything out at about let me cry.

What's going on in her heart and I just find it comforting that the God of all creation so powerful cares about what we care about and very comforting when you're going through something like it and you're watching a loved one suffer and die so difficult and is) and close to the brokenhearted can't get better and what would you like to say to those right now who are dealing with this terminal illness with their loved one. They know what's going to happen. They got the news.

You and I can think of a few people right now are dealing with this reality. With cancer diagnosis, and so forth. What which book you want to tell I would say Eric how he drank God time tell the word of many chronic and I really believe that Scripture is the foundation and on each day on the way to get through very difficult time and that he will provide the PP tell that I leave with you my gift to you not as the world can't do I get to you not let your heart be troubled, and I let it be fearful and God is there to help.

I and Q you minister to our heart.

I think that's important thing to remember.

You know is is you said that Scriptures is peace I give do not as the world gives. Think what kind of peace does the world give and I think sometimes the case like this when you have somebody with the brothers case you branches the world's peace often looks like will at least is not suffering you know suffering is over. That's not really peace in the world's us. That's really more like oblivion.

And there's no is no different than the euthanasia type of thing or putting down a hurting animal with the hope of the gospel Jesus that I give you pieces but much different than this. Give me something else.

Peace that is not at least is not suffering from Christ perspective is where your heart is, is that he's he's with him.

He's not only of not suffering he is in the place with the one did you find that that was that. That still angers you is even hear those words. Now knowing that your brothers with the Savior that he trusted and that you can trust that same Savior as well for yourself and for your friends and other loved ones that remain is talk a little bit about that right. We hope that we will be reunited with an when we all get to heaven and so I don't have to wonder that I will join him and we will be together again. But even like the hope that there is more to life and even though he had just a few short years on earth matter in the big excerpt because having it our home. And that's where we all want to be world has nothing for it. Our citizenship is in heaven. The Bible said not where hope is where, and that's where that dream is that we know better, or at in control of all of the wonderful thing will leave you with the quote don't you respond to it in the context of what you walk through what you've written this from Alexander Solzhenitsyn who was Russian gulags.

For many, many, many years said bless you, prison bless you for being in my life are there lying upon the rotting prison stroll. I came to realize that the object of life is not prosperity as we are made to believe, but the maturity of the human soul as I grab you when you hear the very are dying God and his, for I not on earth has to offer well or a great job title or telling a million bookstore or anything that the world has to offer. Our eyes and what ever we go through should always be focused on hand and promises that he can't break. There is no greater nothing cratering world will soon appreciate you bringing that the book is titled in times like these, 30 many devotionals like the word many on their by the way, to take because a lot of times in the throes of the stuff you don't want to read these long treatises. People that do that.

Just something simple 30 many devotionals for those with a loved one facing terminal illness and we talked about the beginning of this interview. When you said a lot of people know what to say.

But here's here's how.

Here's a starting point. What Kate is done to her new book that's available that go up to Amazon get the book in times like Kate dressed and maybe you know somebody who is dealing with this family makes a great if you don't know what to say. Listen to those who have done it or sing it. Kate, thank you for being a part of the program. They really do appreciate this is over the care of the speed Rosenberger hope the caregiver.com will see you next