If It's Hysterical - It's Historical

Roseburg this is the program. It was a family caregiver more than 65. One of the if so, you're in the right place. If so, how are you doing what's going on with you to see if the caregiver is not a good place.

What happens to the person caring for okay that's a pretty obvious question now. The less obvious question asked courses how to help cure what people think the caregiver needs help with people don't know what that looks like and that's what this program is all about and I'm bringing you more than 35 years of experience to help you stay strong and healthy while you take care of someone who is not. That's the whole point of hope for the caregiver that we can live a calm or healthier, and dare I say in a more joyful life even while serving as a caregiver during very dire circumstances in dealing with very harsh realities we can do this. I know there's that's what I do hope for the caregiver.com you can go and see more about what we have to offer, check out our podcast which is free. We have now getting close to 700 episodes out there. It is the number one podcast for caregivers in the world and we have the numbers to show that they just came in. It's kind of exciting so please take advantage of this books, music, podcast, blogs, whatever else that you want to find out there. There's plenty of stuff take advantage of it. Friends don't let friends caregiver loan and this the purpose of this program.

Let me tell you that old joke you probably heard this would guy was getting some things checked out of the scarring testing out his lights and everything else in the asked the guy behind me and I said to you. Go back and check on some things and he said is my left blinker working gases. Yes no yes no yes no yes what is that have to do with caregivers over to talk a little bit about that today and spent some time unpacking seeing something but not understanding something we got chicken the blinkers from behind he was looking at it. He had site, but he did have insight. He recognized that there was a currently and applied in the brake lights were coming on but he didn't have insight to the meaning of what he was seeing now that has a lot to do with this is caregivers because we see things but do we have insight into what were seen. If we don't have insight, then we are doomed to keep heating the same processes over and over without understanding and just reacting to them in the same manner we don't grow we don't evolve.

We don't increase our understanding of what's actually going on a go back and look in Matthew 13 and Jesus said this in verse not whoever has ears to hear, let them hear and and his disciples came to him said what you speak to the people in parables, and later on in that chapter. Just couple verse that Jesus said this is why speak to them in parables, though seeing, they do not see though hearing, they do not understand, and in them in verse 14 is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah. You will be ever hearing but never understanding you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. I see so many verses of Scripture, the talk about seeing and understanding opening your eyes open your ears listen the do you grasp this concept of teaching people how to see and have insight instead of just relying on site. Go back and look at what Jesus said to Thomas when Thomas said okay. I believe that I see Jesus bliss of those who haven't seen but they believe those people have understanding great faith and in is caregivers.

How many times are we repeating the same events but not growing louder, but you but this is been a long-standing issue with me and I felt stupid most of the time.

Still do.

Vermont tells me the obvious becomes obvious right before becomes obvious, but part of the issue is are we looking at things with the intent of understanding or are we just seeing it. Do we want to have insight do we want to grow. Do we want to learn and understand what is going on here.

Do we want to see the fingerprints of God do we want to see the precepts of God. We want to see how Scripture is applying to this or do we want to just cherry pick whatever makes us feel better. For the moment. This is the challenge for us I believe is caregivers as human beings, but we as caregivers live in a crucible of relentless challenges that bang our heads pretty hard and we have to somehow grasp something greater that's going on.

Otherwise, we become just incredibly bitter, miserable, despairing people.

It starts with do you want to understand you want to see this. Do you want to to learn through this process. That's the do you have that thirst in you to be able to do that and then once you decide yes I do I want to see beyond the circumstances, I don't want to just sit there and look at a blinker going on and off on and off and say it is working is not working is working is work were not getting the big picture. It's doing exactly what it's designed to do. It's built to do and were not getting insight into this.

Do we recognize that there is a sovereign Lord in all of that will dealing with, but these are hard questions, but I believe that if we are willing to humble ourselves and submit some teaching on this and learn from this that we can gain a sense of of insight that will not take away the sting of what we have to deal with, but it will give it what it will. It will give purpose to it that we did wheat that has eluded us. Maybe that's a better way of saying it will give purpose to the journey that we have not considered. Now I'm not trying to go down that path where people have said to Gracie and me over the years all you do you not know God and his grace we look at the great testimony, but that's not the purpose of talking about okay that that is that is man's concoction of what we think God has purpose that we could have some cut a great ministry there a lot of people that great ministry had both legs and didn't have to go through most of the gracious God, that's not really where I and I've always found that a little bit clich� when people say that to us. The purpose I'm talking about is going deeper into the things of God having understanding sometimes I can be a very lonely place.

And Jesus alluded to this back in Matthew 13 when he said you know they asked what he speaks people's weight in Matthew 11 1311 he says because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom has been given to you, but not to them.

Whoever has will be given more, they will have an abundance.

Whoever does not have been with the Herald taken from. This is why speak in parables, no see.

They do not see though hearing, they do not understand this very difficult concept to wrestle with. But there is of the text. Jesus said it summer going to get this summer. Not in the challenge for us is okay. We live in this circumstance, we live with these harsh realities are we willing to go deeper because I think this is where peace and contentment in ultimately joy comes from being able to trust God in this because you're seeing greater evidence of his work in your life, not just necessarily in the life of your loved one in your life. I followed in that trap.

Like so many others assayed okay if she gets better than I will be okay. I will feel better. I will be better but I got news for you after living a lifetime of this gracious situation hasn't gotten better for her. It's gotten substantially more difficult as the years ago. No, what about us. Can we get better and this can Gracie and I both get better in this and the answer of course is yes, Scripture says we can but it requires doing more than seeing something requires more than site. It requires insight to talk a little bit more about this in the next block disputed Rosenberg� Hope the caregiver hope caregivers.com as caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves.

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Guess what.

Out of 65 million other Americans who are serving as caregivers right now. Not to mention those listening around the world. I bet you they do to get the same thing.

Somebody's got nothing that any of us are dealing with a core level of the heart level is unique. That's the good news okay yes or circumstances may be unique. The type of caregiving circumstances we find ourselves in, but the cry of our hearts as human beings as caregivers is going to resonate literally around the globe because it reflects the, the, the fear, the obligation, the guilt to the resentment, the despair, anxiety, all those things that we deal with. As we look at the caregiving landscape in front of us so that's what we talk about here on this program.

I don't tell people how to caregiver like it to you to take care your loved one anymore. You tell me how to care Gracie. You know, we have tips that are pretty universal. You know that couple comes on how to talk to doctors or insurance companies and things such as that within the nuts and bolts of what were about here on this program is helping the tangle the heart of a caregiver which is often a dumpster fire was face, and if yours isn't given. Sometimes it'll come and and that's okay that there's there's no shame in being exasperated and all the things were going through Scripture knows this is what speaks so much to this throughout Scripture you know if you're having a hard time with this. You're in the right place. Glad you're here hopefully caregiver.com. Think back on the counter that you've had was somebody who was overreacting to a situation in adult and child and adult you know. And this is all part of what were Tobin and the last block in gaining insight we really want to understand what's going on and when you saw the person overreacting. You see this a lot with politics. Now people just all over the map. I mean honestly is you look at some of these people using and how do you get out of bed in the morning and and there such very lights going on in our culture and when you encounter somebody like that up close and personal. When you do, how did you feel it when you when you caught off guard. Did you feel uncomfortable didn't make it back off. Did it help, but how did you feel with your psychiatrist friend of mine. He shared a phrase that he often communicated to his staff know when they would see patients, very think about it guys and practice as a psychiatrist in the kind of folks that are coming in you ever watch Monk and if you have it you get a picture of that but it when you when you think of a psychiatrist office people going in. There's going to be some very challenging people that come through those doors and this guy was. Not only clinical practice but he was also a professor and an been around long time.

Has the alphabet after his name one thing she said to staff this when you see a patient overreact or act out always remember there's a story behind that behavior. Now let's dig deeper. What what he saying is adults don't lose self-control in a vacuum.

We just don't wake up on days that were just going lose self-control. There's a buildup and there's a story behind that behavior. Again, this is part of us gaining insight we caregivers find ourselves in this unpleasant predicament of engaging an individual with a frenetic or hyper behavior.

It's helpful to us to remember that the behavior is bigger than the moment it could be something very simple. That triggered a behavior that is disproportionate to the event and there's a reason for that. And if we remind ourselves like the psychiatrist told his staff.

If we remind ourselves that there's a story. It enables us to speak to the deeper issues driving the outburst is been my experience that in those moments reason doesn't always serve us well.

It be great if it did not give you an example. There was a well-known celebrity playing in a pro celebrity golf tournament in the Nashville Tennessee area some years ago he was paired with pain, Stuart. You may remember pink your wonderful godly man who died tragically.

This is again many years ago and this particular celebrity. Every time he shanked a shot or or did something that Mr. Potter whatever just he would act out horribly. I mean vulgar scream and holler throwing stuff just been a real petulant child in pain Stuart used reason and he pulled him aside and he said to him you're not good enough to act this way when you blow shot, and if you were good enough, you wouldn't act this way. Think he actually said you're not good enough to act this way over this and if you were you would.

That's a situation where reason worked and it pierced the scanning got his act together and changed his tune. There's a story behind it. Course but this celebrity could hear reason he wasn't impaired.

He just was being a jerk, but what about your loved one that may be impaired. Maybe there on some type of narcotics are an alcoholic maybe they have dementia, Alzheimer's, whatever any other cognitive impairment reason often comes up short in situations like that. If we have to use a different tool and that tool is assurance. When you see somebody behaving erratically or acting out demonstratively or saving better net spazzing out not like to celebrity book you don't for something else going on something over the top battle maybe like this but often times it is due to a long-standing wound and it is been my experience that you cannot argue with the one you tend to care for that one and all its us all the symptoms involved with that one. The remains of much more effective response.

You don't argue with one when my wife lost her leg Bowflex. I don't argue with amputation you you don't do that you don't reason with amputation. You assure, assure shoe shoe and in the process, you'll find a couple things happen number one your your speaking to the root cause of that, whatever that behavior is your speaking to the root cause they may or may not listen. But here's what happened here think second part of that. The more you speak to the root issues more insight you have into the deeper issues the stronger, more calm her, the more focused, more peaceful the more safely you walk through these things, the more effective you become, the healthier you become.

I become, the more we say these things, the more we act in this manner, the healthier we are outburst at temporary or minor problems are rooted in a long time journey that it could stretch back lifetime way beyond yours or my skill set to deal with. But if we detach from that immediate eruption. It allows us to better understand and address the volcanic turbulence that's behind the explosion we not just victims of the lava that's pouring out of. We understand what's going on. We recognize we can operate from a place of safety but it starts with one simple thing I leave you with this on the segment.

It starts with us remembering this phrase if it's hysterical. It's a store name. I will write that down. If it is hysterical, then it is historical and go back to the blinker analogy we used in the last block we just seeing this phrase are we getting insight. We have site or insight.

We understand what that means, if it's hysterical. It's historical. There is a story behind them without psychiatrist it.

There's a story behind this and our invitation to serve your job.

It is not necessary responsibility with our invitation is to learn the story to understand the story behind and in doing so, it better equips us to deal with whatever were dealing with the products that we can't fix. We may not have any impact on but we can have an impact on ourselves as we navigate through this.

Which would you rather do.

Would you rather go down a Whitewater River with no understanding and no paddle no lifejacket and no helmet. Would you like to go down prepared you could hit the rapids, nothing to change the river when you go to navigate it more smoothly and that's the journey for us as characters, we can't change the circumstance.

We can't fix we can't undo it.

We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, but we can navigate this more peacefully and in the process. Better minister to those who are in distress because if were doing it from a place of understanding and insight they were allowed to apply scripture to it in the work of the Holy Spirit comes through that Scripture and brings calmness and peace if to know what else do you Martin Luther King Jr. once said, were not makers of history.

We are made by history. You understand what he saying that there's a story behind each of how we got here and how we respond to things God is interested in that each of our story. He knows his home intimate and as we learn to trust a minute will see him was an artist and his words are short.

This is the caregiver hopefully caregiver the