Respect The Trauma

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Most people don't know what to say when they're encountering someone struggling with the tough time of divorce, a broken relationship, a tragedy rather painful realities that you ever heard that you, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. Then if you are struggling with something and you run into those individuals they kind of try to box up say things like, you know, maybe just put it behind you don't look in the rearview mirror, or that's in the past you know the kind of sounds like good advice. You know to keep moving forward. But what is is a caregiver. Have you ever felt like there are times when you you need to just look at it for what it is.

I believe that there are times when we need to acknowledge the magnitude of someone's heartache and that it's appropriate to do so and for lack of better word. Sifting through the mess and assessing the destruction is required.

No recovery takes time and part of the process is meticulously inspecting the damage that doesn't mean we have to obsess over things, but it is okay to take a proper inventory you know any any insurance adjuster I review all insurance adjusters were or ever worked with. And you had an event that happened at your house that you will tornado afire some kind of damage property damage whatever and that insurance adjuster comes out and they got a clipboard and they can go through a list of things to see what's what's happened here and I give a ballpark estimate over sometimes a very detailed estimate of what is going to take to fix this. If it's a total loss if it can be repaired.

All of those things doing that in our lives we ever do that in our lives through our own challenges. You know, we we live with a lot of loss as caregivers we live with a lot of damage and carnage.

Along the way. It takes a toll on us and a lot of times caregivers mistakenly think will I would just go to get to this point and if we can just get them to stop doing this then will be happy if we could just get them to behave differently than will be okay if we could just contained the situation then we can take it from there. Does that work is that ever work for you.

What about what was okay just to get mama to Jesus you know and and and get to the cemetery and in our work is caregiver is is is done and and we're able to go live our life now happily is at work and a lot of caregivers painfully discover that the journey doesn't end for them as a caregiver at the cemetery. The hard reality and all too many caregivers are now able to attest to the lasting impact of caring for impaired level and long after they're gone and I do not personally this is just me. My personal opinion is not my experience. As such, because I'm still a caregiver. I'm 36 years of this I haven't had host caregiving experiences. I firmly believe that caregivers struggle with some form of PTSD, you are nodding your head on that one and you still stay in those wounds and you can't get out of that resonate with you will the does I'd really like to hear it because of a kit when I'm not a statistician so I can't come up with all kinds of reports and so forth. But I think that there needs to be some investigative work on this that we discover if indeed this is happening because I believe it is we caregivers are ignored. By and large in our society word invisible army of 65 million in the. The symptoms of PTSD and caregivers are going to be just as ignored as the caregivers so I'm calling attention to this because I believe it's their and have talked to enough health professionals that I feel like we had a case for so I think there's something worth exploring. But in the meantime, we gotta live with this weather we can documented or not with healthcare professionals.

We still gotta live with. So we do well there trained professionals, along with loving family and friends that can help us navigate path to healing. We do this, there are people who can help us with this and we have to be very selective on who we choose for the a lot of times it starts with your family physician. Your your primary care physician just checking your blood pressure know how is your blood pressure is a caregiver curious to know I've struggled with mine.

Not hugely, but enough that no one I'm going to have to do something about this and so I had to take blood pressure medicine don't like it that because I don't like them to think I'm in pretty good health. Otherwise, but you know I'm about to try to work on that with exercise and diet and so forth. But in the meantime so that I had I had to do with as yours do you respect that stress that you're under. Do you respect if you no longer caregiver.

Do you respect the stress that you were under in the long-term implications of that on your body and that is what the whole point of this opening monologue here is, is that the first step towards healing for us is caregivers always involves thoroughly inspecting and respecting the trauma we as caregivers endure relentless trauma over our tenures, caregivers, there's this crisis after crisis after crisis. You know we were we were designed to have the spikes of adrenaline and so forth as human beings, but that was to kill tigers you know fight off a bear working on tigers every day is caregivers. If you notice that the stress levels that we deal with family tigers. If you are face today or do you anticipate facing today.

Are you inspecting that trouble you take an inventory of this stem to stern your physical health your emotional health your financial health. You respect in the trauma of what is done to you and your wallet. Have you taken an honest assessment of what this is done to spiritually kind of questions that you asked about your faith about God, heavyset down was somebody who's been able to kind of work through with those things he doesn't judge you for asking the slicks and take an honest assessment and getting folks that you can trust to give you some good counsel in this and sometimes yes it's a counselor. Okay sometimes it's a professional counselor who who's got some real seasoning to sometimes it's a good financial person a good businessperson who can help you come to sort through the craziness and come up with a plan to rebuild Tony Snow said that, I love toys.

I miss him terribly. We've got to rebuild human hearts to persuade people that hope isn't just possible but essential because your heart is a need to be rebuilt. This is over the kingdom of this is Peter Rosenberg at about 3 1/2 decades as a caregiver. I've spent my share of nights in the hospital sleeping and waiting rooms on foldout cot shares. Even the floor sometimes on sofas and a few times in the doghouse.

But let's still talk about that as caregivers we have to sleep at uncomfortable places but we don't have to be miserable. We use pillows for my pillow.co these things are great. They have a patented interlocking feel that adjusting your individual sleep needs and for caregivers. Try to sleep in all the different places we have to sleep leave me our needs get ripped up significantly. Think about how clean your pillows are in the covert world were all fanatical about clean. Can you wash your pillows with my pillows for my pillow.co if we throw in the washer and dryer. We do it all the time 10 year warranty guarantee not to go flat 60 day moneyback guarantee made in the USA is a caregiver you need rest. I going to my pillow.com type in the promo code caregiver you get 50% off the four pack which includes two premium pillows and to go anywhere, pillows also receive a discount on anything else on the website.

When using your promo code caregiver is my pillow.com promo code caregiver Rosenberg program hope for the cure.com that is your Chapman is one of my all-time favorite songs.

I just love that song told you many times does he listen the program for a while. No I'm not.

I'm of the, where I was sitting.

The first time I heard it for some reason that phone just mailed me and 40 something years later I still just love hearing it every time you talk about respecting the trauma we do. But this is the last block and I wanted is to come to build on that little bit. We just finished the Easter season and I went back and read something Mark 16 seven Mark 16 seven let me back up to four when they looked up they saw that the stone which was very large had been rolled away as they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side and they were alarmed, the little army said you are looking for Jesus the Nazarene who was crucified. He has risen is not here see the place where they laid him go tell his disciples and Peter is going ahead of you into Galilee.

There you will see them just as he told you that I was just up to Stuart and Peter and Peter now.

Certainly my name is Peter.

And so, therefore, of always resonated with that particular verse and Peter. What a single Peter. These angels were messengers from God. This is a clear to me indication that God was very much interested in Peter's trauma. God recognized the heartache that Peter was enduring. After denying Jesus three times into me this extraordinary and let me read a couple more verses here just to get to paint this picture. Matthew nine seeing the people he Jesus felt compassion for them because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.

They said to his disciples, the harvest is wonderful but the workers a few therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest. If you read that in the that was the ably the numeric estate if you read that in the message here same thing.

The message that Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and abilities taught in their their meeting places reported kingdom news and heal their disease bodies healed their bruised and hurt lives. When I looked out over the Krause. His heart broke so confused that aimlessly were like sheep with no shepherd. What a huge harvest. He said to his disciples, how few workers on your knees and pray for harvest hands. Listen to Hebrews 415 for we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses. We have one who is been tempted in every way, just as we are yet not without sin, and you can look through the Psalms and you see multiple references lengthy references on how the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and you get a picture of God that says he does respect the trauma he respects our trauma that are distress moves him and you see this over and over and over.

So my question is why are we not doing this for ourselves and for those around us, respecting their trauma. Romans 1215 says rejoice with those who rejoice mourn with those who mourn, do we do that we genuinely rejoice with people when they have wonderful blessings in their lives or do we envy them or delete feel bitterness because we're not having those things as caregivers. A lot of things are elusive to us doing. Rejoice with those who are having wonderful things in their lives.

Examples may be a bit personal, but I don't think she'll mind me sharing it. I watched John Erickson Todd posted a video of Gracie standing in the hospital after the surgery and she's walking down the hall light is taken enormous meta-effort to do it. This huge surgery she's put another prosthetic legs and she's walking down the hallway and Johnny texted me and and and called me a FaceTime and so forth.

We talked and she genuinely rejoiced that Gracie was able to do this. Johnny can't stay. She rejoice that Gracie could and there's a song that Gary Chapman wrote for Gracie and I can't wait for you out here alluded to this a couple weeks ago and Johnny and Gracie were singing in the hospital with my friend Stephen on the guitar and there's this sense of great excitement for both of and this song reflects what's going to happen to them in eternity. But right now the rejoicing together, but I watched Johnny do this and I thought well she was genuinely rejoicing. Not envious, not feeling sorry for herself but rejoicing what was going on with Gracie and respecting her trauma and mourn with those who mourn, do we know what that means we know what it means to sit was somebody in the mess that has befallen just to sit with and respect the trauma and accept the reality of what is happened. It's hard to do these things. It takes something out of us. It takes a humility to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn think it takes a great humility and our Savior has demonstrated this over and over and over again throughout all of Scripture, and that he is seeing these things and Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this quote I love this quote we must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do and more in the light of what they suffer and we regard each other in the light of what we suffer, and I look at this as caregivers and I think we sometimes become so myopic about our own suffering. It becomes so upfront to us it. It's like holding your hand in front of your face and it obscures everything else that we can't see what's going on around us and when we step back away from that will be allow the Holy Spirit to help us step back away from that and attached just to hear to gain a better perspective. It allows us to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn in a much more healthier manner like Scripture is asking us to do. He was a man of sorrow acquainted with grief. Scripture talks about the Messiah back and I say I said this 700 years before Christ was born and he looked out at the masses that he saw the his heart was moved and then you see this past passage in scripture verses in and in the gospel of Mark, where many think that the gospel of Mark was dictated to John Mark by Peter.

Many scholars believe that you have to go talk to some scholars but that with this with a suitably but how much more important than those two words, if that is indeed the case where Peter was dictating this account to Mark, Lisa, go and tell his disciples and Peter so how about us understanding that our names can be inserted and that just as much for those of those of us who feel like we have dropped the ball. We have let God down. We have mess this thing up so badly you understand that the God we serve is going tell his disciples and you and me and each one of us.

We are after that, a hand that does not resonate with you.

Does that connect with you. Do you understand that he knows you by name and he sees your trauma and once you understand that the King of Kings and Lord of lords, the great I am the Alpha and the Omega sees and respects your trauma and take that next step of faith. Respect yourself and then export that to respecting other people's truck that is what I believe the Scriptures all point towards bear one another's burdens pulses encrypt his comfort one another with the same comfort we ourselves have received from the God of all comfort.

It starts with him, and flows through us into each other. This is what I believe that is happened to our society. In this great disconnect that we have our society work the mask in the isolation in the coven. Everything else pulled us all apart from each other a week. We were struggling along in isolation. We've got to be communal in this we got to corporately come together and worship and build each other up. Bind us together, Lord, bind us together. You know that that to and and and and are blessed be the tie that binds these are these are songs that mean something that we are connected with this and that we are connected by a Savior who understands and respects our trauma. Just as we tried to grasp during Easter week. The trauma he into it but can't we can even grasp it, but he condescends to us to respect ours as caregivers as caregivers, not just your love was trouble, not just Gracie's trauma Peter Straub and Peter and you. He sees this and I felt that some of you may need to hear that this can be strengthened by the fact that you have a God who knows your heart and speaks to me that's hopefully caring as caregivers we have so many things that hit us all the time and we can't always nail these things down by ourselves.

Who helps you what does that look like on Peter Rosenberg and I want to tell you about a program but a part of. Now for almost 10 years.

That's legal shield less than $30 a month. I have access to a full law firm they can handle all kinds of things. If I get a contract put in front of me if I got of dispute was something doesn't matter, I've got full law firm that can help me navigate through all the sticky wickets that we as caregivers have to deal with power of attorney medical power of attorney will every bit of it as a caregiver. We need someone who advocates for us and that's why I use legal shield to go to caregiver legal.com look on the left-hand side versus legal shield to selected turns purple this pick a plan to give you some options if you don't need to do those though selected checkout and be protected. Starting today, that's caregiver legal.com, hopefully caregiver the speed Rosenberg. This is the program for you as a family caregiver so glad that you're with us, go to hopefully caregiver.com. If you want to see some more information about the program with podcast about the book about the music from Gracie and me. The articles that I write of got quite a few out there objected to what would hear of got up Tribune media picked up another one of my commentaries and you can see that in multiple papers. If you go out to right now on to the hope of the caregiver site. Just click on the about verses media just click on manual see all the stuff that I've written on their just go or just go to hopefully caregiver.com/media and you see the various commentaries that I put out there in places such as Fox news Tribune media content which distributes to all the Tribune media family of papers and publications and so forth. Washington Times has a new article that I wrote about politicians who don't retire when cognitively they should.

And there's some things in there that I make a point on it, and also leave the trap that people fall into as enablers you see that that the celebrities in the these political figures and so forth. They have an industry around them and that industry is fueled by that celebrity remaining on stage that politician remaining in office and all too often wants to get out there. They don't want to let that go in order 13 with her family or whatever and I let off with the story of Woodrow Wilson was very very sick. It had a stroke and he was bad shape and his wife Edith covered extensively for him and the public didn't know it, and she by her own definition in her book called my memoir. She basically threw herself into making sure that anything that got to him, she'd already filtered through what was important but needed to go to him have his actual signature. A lot of things such as that even though he was very impaired and she declares that she never made a single decision regarding the depth of disposition of public affairs.

She failed to recognize that she was making those decisions every day by deciding what went to her husband who was struggling from the aftereffects of a stroke and other issues that he had and the American people didn't elect her elected Woodrow Wilson, but they wouldn't let him step aside and that's one of the reasons that the 25th amendment was put in place when the president is impaired. The 25th members there to make that transition smoother smoothly and hopefully and the vice president steps in at that point, vice president can't step in the speaker of the house tips the speaker the house can't step in and speaker pro tem, and in this particular article that said the washing times right now. I reference a story about Sen. Strom Thurmond from South Carolina, my home state who was the speaker pro tem for the line to the presidency in his 90s and was not cognitively well, you be the judge you received and also referenced another representative who you may remember this in the news who was concerned that overpopulation on the island island of Guam would cause the island to tip over looking at staffing a bunch of Marines there and you know there are a lot of times where these politicians will out stay their cognitive abilities. Why who's driving this, who's the one that dims the spotlight and you know you seen a lot of this with with celebrities who careened out on stage filled with drugs and alcohol.

They get managers and booking agents and everybody else's investment make a salad of that celebrity staying out there this happened.

Elvis and he had to discontinue going out there, even though he really needed to take a step back and you can go through a lot of Whitney Houston and others.

It is this really tragic how these people will allow this to go on this enabling so wrote about and I was grateful that the washing times pick it up and then Tribune picked up the other article about keeping humor in tough situations and I wrote that when I was in the hospital.

Gracie's all of these are out of the website and I hope you'll take advantage of it and read and glean a little bit for what we talked about a lot of the show, but I wanted to put it in writing and are very grateful for these media outlets that seem to trust me with these ideas. One of things I don't like to write about from a caregiver related field is that whole clich� of you know, you gotta take care yourself and all that come stuff.

I think we can do better. I think we can go deeper. That's what I do is spend some time understanding the human condition.

In this in this particular article in the washing times are really spent some time with the human condition. These are things that drive me and what I do here on this program and everything that I do and I and I actually put this line in the article. The terms we are prone to deceive ourselves and others without objective, and establish safeguards the addiction to power, fame and money can quickly blend any of us even to propping up someone beyond their capabilities ever see that in Washington you ever see that out displayed these well-known figures were there propped up beyond their capabilities and it's heartbreaking to watch and it has some very serious ramifications. Here is a close, unlike those elected offices. Most family struggling with and impair love. One cannot affect the nation's policies or security in those circumstances, enabling impaired individuals can result in disastrous outcomes of your seeing this played out work there people in Washington know that our clamoring for Sen. Dianne Feinstein to be transitioned out of the course, a lot of people are calling for that for Joe Biden and their other's senators encouragement and meant women who have stayed so long that there there staffers are running everything in this enabling that we as caregivers understand we we found ourselves in this journey. In this role, where we are trying to prop up somebody out of whatever reason, you know were embarrassed for them. We heard from them. We care for the we want to continue with their dignity and I get that. Those are things that are that are very noble, but you're not helping someone if you're enabling them to inflict damage on other people. That's the whole argument of taking the keys away and yet we have people in our nation's capital and in-state houses across the country and in City Hall's and everywhere else, who are affecting policy that affects how many people in their cognitively impaired that we had even gotten to the ones that are alcoholics and addicts nor the ones that harass their staff and all those kinds of things.

There's a lot of enabling that goes on because that's the human condition. And if you go back and look at the book of Jeremiah Jeremiah said the heart is exceedingly wicked as you think this is the understand we have us as Christians, we understand the reality of sin and we if we give sin any cut 1/4 it's going to take over were not evolving into better people see just what the world thinks if we can just somehow throw enough money at it. If we get rid of these dissenting views than we can achieve this utopia that we can somehow be a better population a better race a better whatever society we can't know wherever two or three are gathered their scrubby problems and this is the human condition. We are a broken sinful people who need a Savior and as long as you reject the biblical worldview you are doing yourself and everyone else to these disastrous consequences that are played out in history. Over and over and over. That's the whole point of of looking at history is to see what happens when these things occur in our and our societies go back and look at the Bolshevik resident revolution go back and look at socialism and communism and fascism any of the isms were not cold was observed called isms because are still around.

And as long as we keep allowing people that do not value the word of God to make policy decisions were going to have these crazy things in our culture that were seen every day were purely know which restaurant to use the new know who to congratulate from winning a swim meet in it all stems down from the broken human condition that is ravaged by sin and that's why we have Savior and you know the. The first two blocks the program with about respecting the trauma, I think that applies to also looking at the they said in our life in the sin in our culture sin in our society respecting the trauma of what sin has done it has permeated everything that I don't think I may have said this on program to long ago, but I think it bears repeating. There was a pastor got up his pristine ministry should know better. And they did an investigation after church split and in the Nashville area is a big ugly brouhaha and they wanted to go back and see if they had made some mistakes became exes yeah mistakes or babysit this to the presbyteries and mistakes were made but we should be so hard on her cells less the craziest thing that reformed pastor could ever say.

Of course we should be hard on ourselves that this flies in the face of reformed theology.

We should always be hard on ourselves and understanding that we are prone to these things, like the old hymn writers is prone to wander, Lord, I feel it and and so we we look at the reality of what sin has done to the human condition and we do not give any quarter, we don't give it any place to rest his head because it will continue to fester. Look at what we went through over a virus that had less than 1% death rate receipt and has 100% death rate for eternity. And so, again respecting the trauma must respect the trauma that is been done to the human condition by sin and then understand then that context of what it means to have his cross becomes that only have about over the caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is is available here for the cure.calm trauma because you come from is a heavy topic respecting what I really and looking at not only our individual damages caregivers. We see struggles devastation that are societal which is the global struggle of what this is in the trunk are our cry because they said you but we do gently into the last block we talked about the gospel because you and I wanted in the program is something rather special. That is the message you know Edwin had reasons he it was these that need met. That was a pastor, theologian, that is, the caregiver got more to go. This is fester is only known for running one and Euclid see a picture of them you see the Three Stooges looks like Larry you know he's got Larry here could and it's a rough but an amazing he may have written more hymns, but the only one that that he is known for is this one of them will step over to the caregiver keyboard.

All right, see if you know this to plunk out and as I got older I started to play this little differently had a few different cords and so forth and give it some texture because the lyrics are so wonderful. It's a major seven and is just a simple melody that was written by a man named Jackson several people try to do a melody for this him and this is the one that stuck. But Edwin Hatch wrote this wonderful wonderful texts.

This is breathe on me, breath of God. Why we do this year because of it.

All the things we've been talking about of respect to the trauma and so forth.

I think there's a point when we realize okay we could messier and we get it we have a rebuilt would take an assessment.

We've looked at it, we see the carnage receive the damage and now we gotta do something different and that's where this text comes in. Breathe on me, breath of God, fill me with life anew, that I may love as you have loved and do as you do. Breathe on me, breath of God into my heart is pure, until my will is one with yours to do and to endure people that write text like this have spent awful lot of time thinking about the things we discussed in this program today thinking about the trauma thinking about the brokenness thinking about this and how is this any different from what David wrote in Psalm 51 Reese's, have mercy upon me. Oh God, according to your lovingkindness. According to the multitude of your tender mercies blot out my transgressions, wash me thoroughly for my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin for acknowledged by transgression and my sin is always before he see in the carnage he see in the trauma he is respecting the trauma of what he cost and this is what he had this terrible incident with Bathsheba and killed her had her husband killed and thought he got away with it in the Nathan the prophet came in confrontative and David saw it for what it is and we see it for what it is. Whether it's our own iniquity or just the mess that we are dealing with the receipt to accept it and that.

Are we willing to save building with life anew and this is the next step for us. First we have to see it for what it is accepted for what it is.

We spent so much time working herself into pretzels to avoid accepting what is in his caregivers were afforded a different opportunity that a lot of people because we see things relentlessly. We have to come to grips with the work of barking mad when you have a chronic impairment that is every day pushing you to the limits you to go to lose your mind you can find peace in this matter what's going on around you, and that peace doesn't come from within us. It comes from him and us trusting him with this and this is what this wonderful Texas of the song reasonably breath of God, fill me with life anew, that I may love the way you love and do what you would do breathe on me, breath of God into my heart is pure, until my will is one with yours to do and to endure. This is no different than the prayer. David was pretty good after perjury with the hyssop David said you got your going to have to do this. I don't have it in me to do this and I think that is the that is the place the launching place for us his caregivers. When we understand that we don't have this in us to do this and we come to that conclusion. If we sometimes have to sit in the mess respect the trauma for what it is.

See it for what it is. See the destruction see the carnage and then just cry out breathe on me, breath of God, fill me with life anew that becomes her prayer nest with this wonderful hymn writer has given us in this beautiful tuning so I thought okay you know what this is a heavy subject, I know, but it we glued with heavy stuff is caregivers okay I get it. We do not want to EN was the soothing sound of my wife singing this him that she saying to my mother why my mother was struggling with congestive heart failure in ICU that I think of play this before the program, but it's been a while, but I wanted to EN with this so this is Gracie for her CD, singing breathe on me, breath of God's hope for the caregiver.

Hopefully caregiver.com E there is and may on wooden green name.

Oh my is heel and will see a way to do a new marrying. We are today. I pull Lee and Lee high. He usually is a D burying only her I and can be the he be grad and he and I will say this. Peter Rosenberger did you know that you can recycle used prosthetic limbs know. Can we been doing this at Steny with hope since 2005 for six years I did it myself out of our garage and sometimes on colder nights of sit by the fire, nor did it not be surrounded by a bunch of prosthetic legs that have come from all of the country and I would disassemble them and store the feet the pylons the needs the adapters the screws all those things. It can be re-salvaged and repurposed to build a custom fit leg wonderful organization in Nashville partnered with us to help take it out of my garage in my den and into a better system. This is core civic core civic.com that they are the nation's largest owner of partnership correctional detention and residential reentry facilities and they have a lot of faith-based programs and I'm proud to say that standing with hope is one of those programs has been now for over a decade inmates volunteer to help us disassemble those used prosthetic limbs.

Reports show the inmates who go through faith-based programs are better equipped to go back into society and the recidivism rate of return back to prison is so low they don't want to come back in society doesn't want to come back and faith-based programs are a big part of that and that's something that core civic really believes in them. We are so thrilled that standing with hope is one of those programs for the first time started inmate looked at me said I'm never done anything positive with my hands until I started doing this program stating without another inmate told me that I never thought of people with disabilities until I started doing this and this is an extraordinary partnership and very moving to see this see we can do so much with these materials but a lot of family members have a love one that passes away. They don't know what to do with the Linda keep it in the closet or sometimes even worse than throw it away. Please don't let that happen. Please send it to us standing with hope stated with hope.com/recycle Steny with hope.com/recycle and let's give the gift that keeps on walking