Caregivers and Anger Management

The slippery from his record rehabbed overdose.

That is, anger management, and talk about what that song was saying today what about the hope of the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg. This is the program as a family caregiver after last week's program. I got a note from a friend who asked me to talk about lashing out as a caregiver, and the anger that comes over us and we been talking about you over the last couple weeks. Various hymns that strengthen the heart to speak to that fear in us that you went went out last week we did a mighty Fortress. We talked about that spine stiffening song that Dick texted, that helps us to face these terrible terrible things we have to face and then the last block we talked about my Faith looks up to the and and how it sustains us in these places but you know the dark side of that fear is that it produces anger and rage, and the shame and all of these things that add to it.

You could see so much of this on display in our culture, but nowhere was it more visible than what just happened at the Oscars and use all will Smith at first he was laughing at the joke that Chris rock told if you saw this and I don't know that Chris rock knew that Will Smith's wife had alopecia and she's a loser here. There's been a very difficult thing, but they've also had enormous amount of public conversations about their open marriage and a lot of different things going on with this couple, and if you look at the clip of it.

You'll see. Will Smith is laughing at the heat you see the face of his wife. She looks over at him and the disapproval that comes up and that's when he got up to go do what he did, which was assault. Chris rock.

Now I'm not good getting all the nuances that, but I think that John Nolte it Breitbart said it best. All those decades all that work and then at the very moment of his career Trent when he gets an Oscar for best actor. He drops his pants to reveal a eunuch. The ultimate insecure man cuckold who sticks with the woman who serially humiliates an insecure bully who takes his public humiliation out on smaller men and this is what happened is that is an exact representation of what happened. He has been serially humiliated by his wife, and she has whatever hold on him, or whatever it is I don't know but that shame that rage all of a sudden just erupted and he did what he did and he just absolutely torpedoed his career and his life he'll never be the same. From this, what about us as caregivers that we don't do this on a public state like he did. But let's not kid ourselves. Each one of us possess great frustration that seeds in our hearts and turns often to reach and we lash out will lash out sometimes in our loved ones will lash out at people other people or our security guard that speak this just awareness out.

Been there, done that you can read about it hard" about the TSA.

I think what happens is we feel so helpless that but like I wrote the article, not the TSA is for, but I would I go into airports predicament and pushing Gratian wheelchair and I see all the craziness that they make us go through and and you just feel it. Well up within you and you want to lash out. We were at the hospital the other day that took Gracie down to the piano in this huge lobby.

Nobody was around.

As I have permission to play the piano.

The lobby had to audition for it and we went down and out solicitor 6% she's been out of the room like this and we would without a poster to Richard and she went and sat by and the piano there in a wheelchair interest facing the wood bulkhead on mask. Nobody was anywhere near us and one of the staff numbers at the when told that Gracie was singing and they came and told us that she could. She wasn't allowed to sing because of covert and it puts particles in air, we have to follow the science went out. That same size also is causing a great deal of confusion among some of these people about what a man and woman is built will have that discussion. Another time, but the point is, I'm sitting there with woman who's been in the hospital for two months and singing softly to me through mask. Basically, for not even near anybody. We can't do it.

Know what you think. That caused me to feel we do lash out. I didn't lash out. I wanted to just get up close and walked away. But is a bit too old sometimes to fight every battle but I can understand that, and so can you.

There are stupid things that hit us to fly all over us.

It seems like we keep it together for the big things but on the stupid things we lose and I cringe when I tell you what I'm about to tell you I would. I cringe over it, but I remember years ago one time. We just got home from the hospital been at the hospital all day with some test were planning on going hospital which is will the significant we had to go through all the steps. I'm so tired.

We needed to make dinner for the kids receives in a wheelchair in the kitchen and she said do you want me to help make dinner and I smacked the kitchen cabinet door slammed shut in us and know I'll do it. I have to be in control of something. I cringe to tell you that such is the journey of a caregiver will Roger said people who fly into rage always make a bad landing you get that feeling is this quote from Herman Melville from Moby Dick. He piled upon the whales, white hop, the sum of all the general rage and hate filled by his whole race from Adam down and then asked if his chest had been a mortar.

He burst his hot hardshell upon it.

We will fixate upon things and then pile all of our reach on things and you saw this happen right there in front of the world with Will Smith the rage he felt what he was personally going through in his relationship with his wife. He poured it all out on Chris rock in front of the world. How many of us out before we judge will Smith I'm not I'm not here to do their that this is not a postmortem on with this behavior. It is a teachable moment for all of us because we all live with fear and shame and guilt and that's that's going to come out of rage if we don't deal with it. So appreciate this suggestion from a friend that we talk about this very very difficult issue and appreciate the song from Lecrae listen to these lyrics angry and I don't really care what they say. I'm angry.

Nobody better get in my way.

I'm angry and fight in a bus to them popping up caught up in a rage man somebody better stop me angry and hating and pushing him shoving somebody better get because I'm about to do something angry and out a list of this verse. Been up all night got me feeling weak. No sleep on the first day of a long week.

I guess I'm still in school. These people testing me for disrespecting me. I will respond aggressively along day short views in the worst mood my temper red hot. Does that describe you as a caregiver certainly describes me secure different many times in their times when the fear in me, and sometimes the shame and the guilt well up so powerful it just comes, I can't see straight.

You can't be a caregiver for any length of time and not go through this.

So what we do, how we deal with this well was go back to Scripture.

James 119 through 20.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires that there are things in this world and things in our life that are worth getting angry about, but not raging about and there is a proper place for this. I think it was more than acceptable for Will Smith and his wife to feel a bit of anger about being poked fun of by Chris rock. He's made fun of people for a long time. It's a good thing they did go to a Don Rickel show but I think there's there's always the opportunity to feel a bit of indignation, but how we act on it is different, and as caregivers we have to understand we are all ready at the breaking point on any given day. We are tired we are weak we are frustrated, just like it says and that's all that Lecrae you have been up all night and feeling weak. This is where we are as caregivers know anger is one thing. Rage is another uncontrolled unreasonable rage and this is where we as caregivers must guard our hearts. The Scripture from Ezra 96 and I said, my God, I am ashamed and humiliated to lift up my face to you my God for our wrongful deeds have risen above our heads and our guilt is grown even to the heavens ever prayed like there is was under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit. So says a whole lot better and more poetic.

The way he wrote it better than anything I've ever prayed, but the sentiment still the same. Too humiliated to even look up. Show me a man or woman lashes out and reach and I'll show you somebody who was tormented by fear, shame and or guilt but usually all of the above. So rather than cluck our tongues at will. Smith's behavior at the Oscar and somehow say wow thank the Lord that I'm not like that Kyle will we have been nominated for best actor we haven't lived his life but I understand the out-of-control feelings that erupted over him that he somehow felt like this was a good idea to go up to do this if you told him 10 years ago. Hey, here's what's gonna happen. You could get nominated for best actor and at the peak of your career, you're going to go up on stage and slugging and start yelling obscenities from the floor of the Academy Awards.

He never believed, but you know what, how many of us would never beliefs of the things we've done siliceous learn from this list explore this together let's go deeper into this what we do with all these feelings in is how can we confront them so that no matter what happens with our loved one with the TSA was some guy that comes doesn't want us to sing at the piano, whatever stupid stuff. We got a deal with. We do not lash out. This is something we can explore as believers is right there in Scripture talk about this would come back. This is hopefully caregiver belief that we can live calmer and healthier, dare I say it more joyful as a caregiver in Roseburg as a caregiver. Think about all the legal documents you need power of attorney will, living wills, and so many more than think about such things as disputes about medical bills.

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Scripture tells us, and were talking about fear and guilt and shame and things launches into these uncontrollable lashing out moments of rage in dysfunction. Sometimes we lash out at ourselves and that becomes despair and wanted to spend more time on this for an amount set up text to be said looking you talk about this about lashing out lesson yeah can't you again. I am the wily coyote of caregivers.

I have had more anvils dropped on me more piano stripped of the run into more painted tunnels out of what I mean you know I I've I have failed on every level, and so this is something that I want to spend more time with this block it. Annamarie subscriptions to you on the course. The context is when we lash out based on fear based on shame based on guilt and usually it's a combination of all of the above, we feel indignant over fences and that's okay. Some things are worth feeling and think about.

But when we lash out out of these things and then sometimes is great.

Just great weariness and and just I've had enough of you people think a little bit more of what you're entitled to it up to your perfect example Scripture Moses go back and look at numbers 20 verse seven and God spoke to Moses take the staff assemble the community, you and your brother Aaron speak to that rock. That's right in front of them.

He said, speak to that rock this right from and it will give water you will bring water out of the rock for the congregation and Carol will both drink.

Moses took the staff away from God's presence as commanded. He and Aaron rounded up the whole congregation from the rock Moses photos what he said. Listen rebels do we have to bring water out of this rock for you and with that, Moses raised his arm and slammed his staff against the rock once twice water poured out congregation cattle drink. God said to Moses and Aaron, because you didn't trust me didn't treat me with holy reverence and for the people of Israel you to art going to lead this company into the land that I'm giving. I read that from the message sometimes is little easier to understand it, but God told him to speak to the rock Moses got upset. He got mad. He lashed out and he slammed the rock hit twice in God said… He lashed out the cost. The cost cost of the promise land as if you didn't trust me you didn't trust me didn't treat me with holy reverence in front of the people of Israel, so it always comes back down to trusting God and when we are lashing out were saying will do it ourselves. We don't trust we don't trust them with this love one who keeps asking the same question over and over and over and over and over.

We don't trust him to work with this individual who is behaving poorly and being ungrateful or irritating or in many cases that I've heard this more times and I want to call cursing at you while you try to take care of them but we do have a breaking point. We do have a limit to how much we can take with you. That's the point we we need to see that limit and recognize that we really can't do this on our own. A lot of times God let us get to the point where we just reach her or limit, and we say I can't do this anymore because you're right. You never could.

That's the point were not doing it under our own strength. And that's the problem for us. I think as caregivers we are extremely capable people were highly resourceful. I often say that we are high functioning multitaskers we can do a lot of things and it gives us the illusion that somehow we can be in control of something, but there's nothing like taking care of somebody with an illness and impairment in a dysfunction in a disability for couple decades to expose how little control you have anything and that's when we go to our knees and realize a way to do we trust do we trust now here's listen this in Isaiah 50 verse seven but the Lord God helps me. Therefore I have not been disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like flint and I know that I shall not be put to shame. You resonate with that. He helps you and therefore have not been disgraced.

Do you set your face like flint. This is what we do as caregivers we get to the point will realize we cannot do this and we are trusting in God on this and we set our face like flint instead of your shame. Isaiah 61. There should be a double portion instead of dishonor. They shall rejoice in their lot. Therefore the land they shall possess double portion, they shall of everlasting joy. God is in the business, replacing shame with joy and honor.

And that's with the cross is all about Christ despised the shame of the cross in order that we wouldn't have to experience it and we can plunge ourselves into that.

I sought the Lord any answer he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant in their faces shall never be ashamed. Romans 10, one for the Scripture says, everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame. Psalm 3117 oh Lord, let me not put this be put to shame. For I call upon you, but the wicked be put to shame. Let them go silently to shield: you and we can do this.

As caregivers we can do this in the midst of what ever again I offer this disclaimer, your there's a disclaimer at the end of the broadcast from the network.

The views of the vineyard of the been threatened to put one on here for years. This is the views and opinions expressed by the host of this program are not things that he owns, but that is being worked out in him over a long period of time and a lot of failure, but now I see that path okay and I head towards that. That's solid ground so the midst of all this craziness that we deal with and you are going to lash out. Make no mistake about this, if you haven't given some time and some of you are even lashing out at yourself. In fact, most of us do, but Yvonne told me he said you know I wouldn't hang around somebody treats me as bad as I treat myself some of you are lashing out at yourself. Let's take all this to where it belongs.

The only place that can be dealt with. That's the cross so then we can like Paul said in Galatians 220. That's what this first meet. I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body as a caregiver. I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself. Now listen the way look racist in that song that I played the last block coming in this hip-hop song. He said I'm angry and I don't really care what they say this is anger management leases. I would die for my respect, but I got no humility in Jesus pay my debt while I reject him willingly. Man, I got some nerve holding anger in my heart.

The father could've come and serve me that beef up à la carte, not to mention torture. Jesus took all my misfortune. I've been free from the law, but I'm serving these court orders unforgiveness is my pedigree. You say you're sorry better be better being mad at you, then try to be a better me a note in my working try to demonstrate his worth and though he shall be plenty grace. I don't extend to other persons and that anger led to murder when you pull up that murder scene. It's Jesus nailed upon the cross yet that murderer was me that he goes on, first Peter 223 man when they used to hurl insults at Jesus. He did retaliate he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

The gospel manages our anger. You feel me the solution is to gain a heart that's thankful for grace in Jesus Christ well said no to think this is how we do it when you find yourself lashing out. Understand that you are in a host of people who have done the same, but you are not in bondage to the and he will not only equip you to walk through this he will give you the grace and strength to make amends and to learn from this and he will reach into all that guilt all that shame all that fear all that indignation all that weariness every bit of this, he will touch all of that and flip it in a way that makes sense for his glory so that you can walk in freedom in this.

Even Moses after God said you're not going the promised land he accepted God's provision of that and had the grace to walk that out for his own punishment, his own consequences of his anger of his lashing out. If you were beating yourself without mercy right now. If you're lashing out at yourself over your lashing out understand this great grace in Christ and he will walk with you through this. The Scriptures mean something this wonderful artist like praying got this and he wrote this in this great great text that he said the gospel manages our anger. You feel me the solution is to gain a heart that's thankful for the grace in Jesus Christ – solution that is hope for the caregiver dispute arose murder hope for the caregiver.com will see you next. Some of you know the remarkable story of peers wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey. Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think the inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own profit and arms and orange everything when you see all this makes me cry as I see this on their faces and I know what it is like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out me in the hospital.

These men are so glad that they get to be doing is one thing said something good with my did you know before you became an amputee that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled and had no idea I thought Peg leg. I thought a wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex the sea legs and all that. I never thought about. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people all providing the means for the supplies to get over there.

What does it do to you, just on a heart level. I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I can be able to come and say the this guy right here in Africa with that.

I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to lean I don't want to leave. I I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together.

Now that you've had experience with it what you think of the faith-based programs. The core civic offers. I think there is absolutely awesome and I think every prisoner out there for half faith-based program ties the return rate of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know that this one car is an amazingly low rate compared and I think that that is me just has something to do with God is broken. If you want to donate use prosthetic limb, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well-groomed you donated some of your own for the out of the please go to staining with.com/recycle gain. We