Caregiving Versus Caregiving

And go for the caregiver, IP, Roseburg, and this is the program as a family caregiver are you doing little with you for the 65 million Americans right now are serving your secure there putting themselves knowingly, voluntarily, without pay. Most of them between the vulnerable Loveland and even worse disaster.

What you do to help a family caregiver. How do you help them stay strong and healthy. Is it just a matter of getting their level to stop acting out a certain way, then the caregivers will be okay. Not hardly.

When you have a chronic impairment. This is not going to be resolved anytime soon and you have to learn to be healthy and strong in the midst of it, you can't wait for it to get better or worse before you start making healthier decisions for yourself. Otherwise is good in very badly. But what does that look like where safety where solid ground.

That's what this program is all about caregiver suffer from what I call the three eyes we lose our independence we become isolated and we lose our identity every caregivers going to go through this caregivers simply just loose himself and someone else's story is not healthy.

If you're constantly talking about someone else and not what's going on with you. Think about what the signal that you're sending yourself about that.

You don't matter that your inconsequential when the last time somebody ask you how you were doing. How did you respond did you start talk about your love will did you start rattling off their chart while she had a bad night or he's not doing very well, or our situations this or we did such and such went to last time you spoke from your own heart.

How's that working for you. Are you able to express yourself. That's the first step.

That's why ask every color to the show. How are you feeling now because were taught a basis on feelings, but I want the caregiver to start thinking and speaking in their own voice no matter what's going on now done this for a lifetime and have learned painfully.

Most of things I learned of people that we as caregivers have to regain our identity, maybe even discover it for the first time I've learned is caregivers. We have to stop being isolated.

We have to push back against that I/we have to gain our independence regain our own agency taking control of our actions, our thoughts are words, our own deeds and this is how we push back against this isolationist crippling to call you today with the good stuff about how isolated he feels is a caregiver for his wife and and what it does to him have spoken with so many families of special-needs children. But what happens when there icily because other people. It even. Sadly, even churches don't know how to respond how to welcome how to connect with even say so. This program is all about helping caregivers develop the vocabulary to understand what help. Looks like and then hopefully inspiring each of us to ask for that help with the third step is to receive that help. It's not enough to know what help is it's not enough to even ask for, you have to receive it, and that involves a good bit of trust because sometimes the people giving that help don't necessarily know how to do it the way you want it and you, scared that it'll go off the rails were create a bigger mess than that.

You have to clean up a little little conifers allow them do it for a while and then leave. There's a little bit of trust involved in so receiving that help in giving clear boundaries and guidelines and helping people understand what help. Looks like to you, but you can help them help you until you understand what it looks like yourself. I hope we also give non-caregivers a vocabulary of what it looks like to help the family caregiver, pastors, counselors, doctors, financial planners, or anyone in any profession that a caregiver interacts with like a pharmacist after this often over my journey.

My wife at one point her pain management folks were just throwing opioids at her. We eventually got away from the doctor. During that time he was at a loss to doing a just Slinging more prescriptions are just the rubric of opioids you know at her and enter considerable pain and and it turns out that you know it was necessary for mall intentions is just thing a punch above their weight class.

And we need to ratchet up and getting some better experts.

They were really thinking this through, and I didn't know enough, but that the interesting thing during all this, and this is where they did drop the ball. Is it not want doctor, nurse, or pharmacist ever pulled me aside and said hey putting a lot of behavior altering prescriptions into your wife.

You might want to get some help for yourself. And here's where we recommend or hear something you might want to consider. Nobody ever said anything like that and that's why I stayed on this program is caregivers.

We've got to have clear direction on where solid ground is what it looks like to get there that it's okay for us to seek help for ourselves.

Here's what help.

Looks like it is not like were going to have this extended drawnout plan will have seven steps that you can accomplish this is a caregiver, thing now it's what this does help look like right now, today, in this moment, and I'm in the middle of this journey myself again in an acute situation in the hospital lobby finishing up this program that I'll head back over the hospital with Gracie. She recovers from her 82nd surgery and it's a long recovery processes are been in the hospital for over a month. By the way, if you hear audio changes in this program. I'm doing it remotely from Denver. So just be family. What is help look like for me. What would you say to somebody like me who's doing this now and have been doing it for 35 years and I do see you go out there do a Google search of many people say that there caregiver experts their caregiving experts, caregiver experts and caregiving experts, so I look at their stuff and I see people who took care of somebody for a couple years their loved one died and they got some great tips and they would offer those two.

I look at those tips is it important to have good tips and and I look for those things you don't predict. If you deal with things like wound care and you have to performed nursing functions and so forth. Caregiving tips are great, but that's not what keeps me up at night. That's not what caused me to hang my head with weariness and even despair. That's not what caused my fist clinch and impotent fury is my lack of caregiving tips what tears my heart apart and I found tears the heart apart virtually every caregiver I've ever met is that fear that we get into the guilt, the despair, the obligation of the resentment all those things that tear our hearts apart and it doesn't matter how many tips we have.

It doesn't matter what kind of excellent skills we have it wound care or fighting insurance companies or you deal with doctors and all that Stuff. None that matters when your heart is a train wreck and guess where the greatest resources for dealing with our heart that Scripture everything I faces a caregiver. Everything you face as a caregiver on a core level on a human level on the heart level is covered in Scripture.

I have looked in Scripture, there is no place where he talks about a guy caring for his disabled wife 35 years to all the surgeries multiple imputations and everything else there's nowhere in Scripture that covers a go look about your own circumstances. Chances are you will see anything there that describes what you living with, but then look differently and you'll see countless passages that talk about fear, anxiety, stress, resentment, discouragement, despair, loneliness, all of those things I would like to Psalm 23 alerted as a kid, but I went back many years later and sought from a caregivers eyes and I am stunned by the way it all of a sudden just came to life. It said gay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil without art with me.

We caregivers often travel through a very long valley of the shadow of death, but he's not leaving us were not alone and that and I realize that his presence is with me to comfort me to strengthen me to equip me to fortify me. That's what this program is all about strengthening the family caregiver putting us back to Scripture.

The cousins were not dispute arose despair Rosenberg in a math 3 1/2 decades as a caregiver. I've spent my share of nights in the hospital sleeping and waiting rooms, some foldout cot shares.

Even the floor sometimes on sofas and a few times in the doghouse. But let's still talk about that as caregivers we have to sleep in uncomfortable places, but we don't have to be miserable. We use pillows for my pillow.co things are great. They have a patented interlocking field adjuster your individual sleep needs and for caregivers. Try to sleep in all the different places we have to sleep leave me our needs get revved up significantly. Think about how clean your pillows are in the covert world were all fanatical about clean. Can you wash your pillows with my pillows for my pillow.co if we throw in the washer and dryer. We do all the time 10 year warranty guarantee not to go flat 60 day moneyback guarantee made in the USA is a caregiver you need rest. I going to my pillow.com type in the promo code caregiver you get 50% off the four pack which includes two premium pillows and to go anywhere, pillows also receive a discount on anything else on the website. When using your promo code caregiver is my pillow.com promo code caregiver you have had ample opportunity to make pretty much every mistake you can make secured and I will be back when I came down to this particular surgery with Gracie. I purposed in my mind that I was not going to overreach.

I've done that before many times and it's embarrassing. I cringe over okay. I am the Wiley Coyote of caregivers and I kept to a certain script of what I was going to do one is going to say and I stay with postoperatively they were doing some different medication changes changes with Gracie and they wanted to see you know if we can tweak a few things.

This is a teaching hospital University Colorado Medical Center. It's a great place in and they're bringing out the little tiny brushes to work with her so they wanted to work with her and and and try something to help with the pain she was having some fever issue seems a lot less things are going on so they were talking back and forth with her. See how she would respond and she was struggling a little bit with this one particular payments.

They were given one particular drug using an the neurosurgeon was talking to her and so forth and they looked over at me and he said what you think without to be fair, I have offered my opinion many times over this 35 year church. It is never been requested though and that it stop me from offering it. But I've learned, cringe over this that it's best for me to just keep her mouth shut, some fast, but he asked and I thought about this prior to this, of how I would respond to any situation, and I found myself staying on script for what I purposed in my own my own heart is a caregiver and I said to him will. Here's what I've observed, here's what I witnessed. Here's what I know I didn't give my opinion. I didn't speculate. I just simply stuck to the facts. Here's what I know. Here's what I've witnessed was caregivers.

That's really Arlene it may sound like a very small lane to be put in that lane we have what I like to call caregiver authority.

Okay, so if you've heard me talk about this before but I want you hang on to this. You have authority as a caregiver. You don't have to know the science of what your loved one goes through. You didn't have to go to medical school. You didn't have to go to learn all these things to know your love, your role is not to do the science necessarily your role is to know them and care for them. Stay in your lane but wheeled your caregiver authority and I went to music school, they can teach me to this music school. I'm a pianist and often say the doctor say I'm pretty good pianist, but that's where my skill set. Stop.

So I stayed back my little square my little piece of real estate, which is I know Gracie.

I spent every day with her 24 seven. I know her and how she response, think there's no way they can ever amass the knowledge about her that I have but my job is caregiver is to be able to communicate that knowledge in a way that makes sense to her healthcare providers with clarity with conciseness and say things a way to give them more information so that they can appropriately do what they need to do and I said to the surgeon. Here's what I witnessed prior to this. Here's what I'm observing now, here's what I'm seeing and he nodded with approval and made some notes do a couple extra test.

We moved on. No drama, no muss, no fuss. I stated my late, but in that light.

I'm unimpeachable. I know Gracie you know your love. You know your son.

You know your daughter. You know your husband.

You know your parents and you are unimpeachable in that light. And that's where we derive our authority.

As her as our love ones caregiver and is really important. Hang onto this and so because it will be. This is obvious, will the obvious becomes obvious right before becomes obvious and for some listing nobody's ever heard this before I was ever told that this your job as a caregiver. My job is caregiver is to be able to articulate what we know in a way that's meaningful to our providers so that they have the necessary information to make decisions because our love ones can't always do it. They don't have the vocabulary. Sometimes my brother and his wife.

They have a daughter who is 32 years old have cerebral palsy and severe cognitive impairment. She can't communicate. They have to communicate on our behalf. They know her. They have caregiver authority and so do you. The question is can you wield that authority in a meaningful way. Stay in your lane. Don't don't try to get out of your skis but be a partner in the process and you can't do that if you're heads all squarely he can't do that if you're just a train wreck emotionally or you don't recognize certain things in your responsibilities.

Your role and that's where we live is caregiver's and so III want you to hang onto that and then let me trance like that into a different place with Scripture.

You see, this is a biblical principle.

You have caregiver authority because what you also have gospel authority will explain in Revelation says that they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony not their education of their knowledge, their experience, their testimony of what they have experienced. That's what gives us gospel authority we overcome the authority by the blood of the Lamb. Christ blood in our experiential recounting of our relationship with Christ. That's gospel authority will step it down a little bit.

That's the pinnacle list epidemic bit and you have caregiver authority and if you submit that as well to Christ and then your experience with your loved one, you're giving a first-hand account and so these phrases mean something. Here's what I've observed, here's what I've experienced.

Here's what I know not what I think what I speculate. What I hope what I know, for we know in Scripture has all these things about what we know is this is where the difference is for us as caregivers and we can do this, we can incorporate this into our daily conversation with all of the people who help our love you. You may use a different word phrase. Whatever, however, that works for you, but try it out, tried out and see if staying in your lane and not overreaching, helps you navigate through this better and provides better insight for your loved ones.

Healthcare providers were not there to to somehow manage their care from a medical point of view, that's not what our training is that we are a valuable part of this process and I appreciated that surgeon look at me and asking me, you know, and it took a lot of humility to be Lotta.

Not a lot of surgeons and there's nothing you surgeons but let's be fair. How many are known for humility and yet that was it. That was so refreshing to see what you think. Now the invitation was there but he didn't need me to diagnose her medical condition he's asking me in his vocabulary.

Do I see something that is not registering the way it normally does see something different.

Have I observed something he's not asking me to consult with him on the readings of an MRI, so it's very important that we hear this as caregivers and be ready to respond with our authority. You have authority as a caregiver. Some of you don't feel like you do so you feel very timid about this and very self-conscious about it or I don't feel qualified.

I would to what to say to a doctor. All those kinds of things. That's why I'm glad you hear, listen to this because you do you can do this if I can do this you can do this for the first time I ever confronted search. I mean, I must've been 26, Joel. I was a kid, you know, when I was I was terrified I would put on a coat and tie, because I was so afraid and I felt so unqualified but she needed me to do this I had to do it and I practiced. I have Skype idle script document practice what I was gotta say I wrote it out. I don't sell scout of embarrassing to say but I did. I was I was that nervous about decades later must be fair, I don't get that nervous about it. But I've learned to walk in this and learn to be comfortable in this and you can to this is what we can do as caregivers, caregiver authority, don't ever forget that how important that is in your life and in your love looks like you have this and will continue working on the vocabulary so that you can better express this and navigate these waters. Mr. Rosenberg, this is hope for the theater got special and coming up noble way. The family again.

If you hear an audio different this remotely suggest and think that this is the program.com. Part of what we would go out their comments, questions, whatever your mind: from show do it. Hopefully caregiver.com. If you been watching the news you been watching this whole thing with the Canadian truckers and all the stuff going on with this. And then there's this company that just showed up on the radar for me and I'm sad to say I didn't know a lot about them, but I want to investigate and it's give sin go of all sort of go fund me, but I was very disappointed to see the go fund me was playing politics with with what was going on with people trying to help support the truckers there in Canada and other things about why this if they want to give the gotta shut down some. They don't like their guess what will set it out over here too and I thought this getting alternative. And that's what I would have discovered give sin go and so I have Heather Wilson and she's one of the cofounders. Your brother Jacob founded this company and she saw the phone with because I have something suitable reply to us is caregiver so Heather, welcome to the program and thank you for taking the time to call it tell us the story of give sin go now.

I like and I think that we were talking about what it would look like I need to write really cool cool idea people come together and be doing and we would look out now. I mean, my brother, Jacob, and I picked Emily Lee and company get banged out and being out here doing a great job of allowing people to write and we knew that your financial help and they needed me greater than our help and hope come together and go get banged out like walking out and around. Later we grab year-over-year people, not making The medical and political battle because I got out and got anything deep I'm not everywhere out and looking and got a quite a lot him in good condition and may demonstrate that we have that convoy go fund me everybody when I thought a tractor convoy go to go by me in dealing with finding out a lot now political ideology into what allowing don't allow an errant stop by out where where go fund me if I go I go to get that kind and character convoy came to get in and out and blamed on the $10 million packing the $8 million that was made of Banco will do so.

That's all that you guys were in the thick of this, I did not know that you are in the middle of the sea with Kyle Rittenhouse and how are you how you doing navigate these political waters I what what's anchoring you what are you a lot. You know I went walking out and obedient like a good bang upon you like we are like God wanted in the middle of the battlefield. Emily and I am not God and that anything people and that they be upon non-Christian people on that night and agree with every campaign I people wanting to know.

I look at the the efforts being pushed by so many in our society that wanted to shut down any type of dissent. If you don't agree with it so that they'll as opposed to you what you just said letting people express however they got express it and you certainly have guidelines that you do that you have been very boundaries which allow people to do things porn and all that kind of stuff and anything like that but I wanted to specifically cut up a little bit into some the things that I feel like my audience would find this meaningful is that this can help with medical significant medical challenges that are going on with and talk a little bit about that he said a lot of that going on give sin go out in the middle of having command medical bill that they weren't expecting her attic planned for you alone and no cool thing about crowdfunding is that one paradigm like $10,000 and $10 right you get a big crowd of people, each getting a little and you can make a tremendous difference in the world and that people are looking for community come to get banged out campaign when your community know me know your walking trail and allow them to be a part a lot people for help and happy.

Don't know I wish you were going and happy to help you do it alone and get think that we are keen that we hired what I pretty and my dad breaking every campaign to get started on get think I'll get the call.

You want to start a campaign your caregiver and year finding out why my medical builder that you get any didn't plan for you.

I can't get banged out that rate on you phone call from your caregiver or maybe your mom you right now that God is with you journey that you're going and we people get blown away to be a Christian to come on get banged out. Yeah, now our whole goal is to share hope in people. What kind like a hopeless situation to slowly move this because I think about all the people that listen to this program who are struggling and they need a break. They need some kind respite care they need something, but they don't have the funds to pay a service to come in or something like that, even if it's just one day a week, think something as simple as respite care can be available to a family caregiver to a family that is struggling with needs and just put it out there. Let the community here about this and like Heather said to call and pray with you about this and see that you have a need.

This is what Scripture talks about bearing one another's burdens, and this is such a magnificent display of this and what these folks done and it's doing this to promote what Christ is said to each other. If you don't do that we do we know what I was sick and was making 100. Whatever weekly can't give if we don't know about. And so I wanted to introduce this wonderful service to this audience give sin go Heather in the last couple minutes was something that you like for everybody to know about you all, and was the best way people could just start this process again and go.com now a lot about creating your campaign and you don't have to be there to collect my writing out and you and your campaign with Frank and now I feel like today that community. You know when blocking your comment in the right direction.

We block and we need to get back to knowing that we had a community of people that are fighting and Frank Pratt and and just there to help out when things are rough and we all got to get thank out and start a campaign at the lake at allow friends and family and your people in your circle now what you're going right now, but I think I now I'm thinking maybe even maybe not yet getting and encouraging people looking you up and letting & go.com this wonderful technical matter here is the money is distributed out will it be taxable and the court that this was some type of tax professional. How I weird right now.

The government not trying to figure how to write, you made over $20,000.

All from hold few hundred people on your get a 1099 can't buy our product that you but we talked with people and I'll get you now what you might get a 1099 that you get shall look at all the people that need to get not know people not income for me and found a link that you know again company – now you have to write over $20,000 went over and changed all the time and count I would like You know I'm there.

I went around and thanked me. They're like little individual people like great great wealth you've heard here in and out. You don't have to do this for yourself. Maybe you know a family that is really struggling and they could benefit from some sums some help. They may not have a big network but you do start a give sin go campaign today for that family story. But let's all together as believers and let's do this.

Let's show the world what looks like Christmas is Heather Wilson. Thank you so much for me to part of this said, go.com Heather, but I am just back on your store.

Love you passion is helping get the word out what they can do to help themselves help.

Yes ma'am.

This is will be right back.

This is the program staff. The joy of the Lord love was that I will play that whole song probably next week I'm trying to assault we can play one close to show up today with the song from Gracie and John Erickson to share with you in just a moment but hopefully caregiver.com. If you want to see more of Bruce's music my music or books or podcast to get out really encourage you to set up the podcast is free and I've got hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of episodes and I think you'll find meaningful. Also today I think you will be up today. Maybe tomorrow, but, or whatever your listing this you can go out to FOXNews.com and you'll see a new article that Everett.there called. It's just life and I think you're going to like it a lot. The written quite a few things for Fox over the years and the editor wrote back to set this up to work for long time and she said this is this is a really good piece were to run this another's a lot of stuff going on in the world right now and she says I think this is going to be meaningful to a lot of people, so check that out FOXNews.com and if you want just doing a search you can visual search box or you can just type in my name and invite all kinds of articles are written for Fox over the years and I have other articles out in various places so Chicago Tribune, USA Today web MD there's all kind places out there were right things and I'll write a lot in the hospital with him with Gracie that just kind of cease sleeping, resting, recovering all spent time just writing and it helps me come to clear my head and I'm working on my new book that I think you can find very meaningful to write a weekly column in several papers and that also do what I do periodically for opinion pieces, commentators that are put in major news outlets, but it just it helps me organize my thoughts and that goes back to some of things we talked about in the block today of the program of just keeping that clarity also want to give a big shout out to the folks give sin go and thank you again for being understanding, but the audio we just needed your we needed your grace to because it was just it was a little bit challenging but what a great what a great work they do and what a great weight to share the gospel in a meaningful way to let people know what what Scripture means witnesses to bear one another's burdens, so please take advantage of that and again if you're not caregiver you know somebody was struggling with it. You can set this up for them. You can set the parameters. You can do all of those things for them. So got to give sin go.

If you have any questions they'll be glad to help you with it. It's very easy is very intuitive and these are people who are pushing against what the world is doing to try to censor an end to cancel people.

Everything else I think.

I think by now you realize you cannot trust these big tech companies, you know what was use their services, but you can't trust they got there they got their own agenda and they're going to exercise that agenda and you really don't get a vote.

I think we've seen that. So let's support these different organizations that are out there doing this to help people that are in desperate need. And this is a great way for you to do this may be going short-term mission trip or whatever, you know, I know that everybody's got it in her head.

Brandon, you don't go fund me, but give sin go I think that's a better path for us. So let's continue to support local Christian businesses and think, such as that in your area and support this network. Your you're listening to this for free support. Okay, don't.

Don't just consists just partaker of this give give back to it. Give give give generously to this 24 seven that you get to hear this network are you supporting it.

Please do so. Those are just little things that we can do along the journey and it doesn't take a lot of love what Heather said it doesn't take one person to $10,000 school for 10,000 people doing 10 bucks and you can be a part of all those things right now and I would encourage you to do so. You be amazed what it does to you when you are investing in others like that and if you don't if you're missing this program for the first time in so I'm not caregiver but you know one and here's a great way that you could help and you don't have to have all the understanding of their situation. You just know that they have indeed spent the need out there and let's help individuals close up with the song that is very special to me. We heard a million times from a lot of different folks. I first heard it back in the 70s, a friend of mine who I grew up with live demos little me, but we great friends of the family. Still, our spirits are still out there in the 90s. He was a hemophiliac and I remember when AIDS hit and realize that your blood transfusions and transmissions of HIV. This is a very scary time so you have no concept of this may be too young to remember this but this is a very scary time for a lot of people, not just the homosexual community because that's what everybody thought was it was you owe it exclusive to that community. But it wasn't blood transmissible and I asked him one time about this, you know, what are you freight. He said well either direct. He was very brave young man and wonderful singer and he would sing the song a church and entire plasma supply was contaminated by HIV back in South Carolina in the 80s and every hemophiliac in the state got it and every one of contract dates and every one of them.including my friend Gracie saying this song at the funeral this young man and I remember her. His father walked across after she finished think she's up to the choir loft, and after she fishing he walked across the front of the casket of the sun came up to the Cordova just held Gracie and you know just they just wept this extraordinary moment and Gracie record this with John Erickson taught and what you hear these two women saying this amazing song through it all. Between the two of them. They have 90 years of disability and suffered and listen to what the what they have to say in this. So this is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and with Gracie and John Erickson taught question that sent me. She's I some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that emerge from her difficult journey. Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think the inmates would help you do that, not in a million years. When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and orange everything when you see all this makes me cry because I see this miles on their faces and I know I know what it is like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out me in the hospital. These men are so glad that they get to be doing is one thing said something good with my did you know before you became a deputy parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled. Now I had no idea I thought Peg leg.

I thought a wooden legs.

I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flexibly the legs and all that. I never thought about. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there helping other people all providing the means for the supplies to get over there, what does that do to you. Just on the heart level.

I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I can able to come and say the this guy right here in Africa with that. I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to leave.

I don't want to leave.

I I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like that we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with what you think of faith based programs the course of the coffers. I think there is absolutely awesome and I think every person out there for half-day space program because the return right of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know about this one are is amazingly low rate compared and I think that that is with me just has something to do with God. Somebody help people want to donate in use prosthetic limb, whether from a loved one who passed away or you know somebody well-groomed you donated some of your own for the please go to standing with God/recycle pain. We