Respecting The Heart Trauma of Caregiving

I guessing what that means to us. No, those rooms shall regularly know we've had all types of calls to the show we discussed issues similar to this, we have people calling them were dealing with horrific situations.

Whether it's taking care of effect. I remember one color vividly was taking care of his father was an abusive alcoholic and that is fallen later in life, and he said to take care of his father had stopped drinking and he still any sitting to mom around and I feel like I'm just a kid again him to deal with this and and these are not easy things, and in these people that will tell you that the all-wheel we just forgive him and you kind of wonder how shallow that that's going with them and I'm not there to lay judgment on them to simply say if I could give a little bit a step back on that one. Thomas was not a Christian network. A band was up there playing and they were just rocking out they were just going.

The base was thumping and the guitar guy was just, I mean it just they were just going at it dance around the stage and everything else in the text that they were singing to all this music they were playing was. I have been crucified with Christ.

I have been crucified and they were just thumping on this thing and I was was amazed at the disconnect because what they're saying and what they're doing or not matching up. Do you understand the magnitude of what you're saying that I have been crucified with Christ while you're thumping around on the base and doing guitar riffs on this in the drummers back there just no indicate in kicking. Do you understand what you're saying and and I think that it's it's important for us to speak out of intelligence and and out of awareness. When we say that were forgiving someone. It is not some kind of production we do on the evening news.

It is not the skin think it is a deliberate thing when you get up in the morning when you go to bed at night and you walk in this.

There are blooms that are so grievous that you do not you. You give respect to the wounds by not making this big production about how I forgiven this person. Nobody needs to even know know from your demeanor don't know from your actions. This is not necessary something you need to broadcast out.

This is between you and God really. And maybe that person, that person may not be around to be even able to engage with and they don't have to solicit from you your forgiveness. In order for you to give it that that's always nice. That's part of the reconciliation process and I remember one time I was dealing with the premise of embroiled in a church conflict in a no fight like a church Fargo and enemy of the sky got up and said this and he was he was a learned man, and he should've known better.

Longtime pastor and he said there can be no healing without repentance, and afterwards because I'm who I am and sometimes I get ahead of myself and fun and decide to poke the bear. I pulled him aside and I said in the sky had bebop he's got me my 30 years he's been around long time and cities very learned menace of yours you thinks is there can be no healing without repentance is really not accurate repentance for the perpetrator but healing can occur without someone else repenting of that to the offended party, the offended party can walk in healing healing, forgiveness is what facilitates the healing in the wounded party and we could be healed through that regardless of what that individual does.

There are plenty of people sitting in prisons all over the country who have not repented, but their victims have walked in forgiveness and have gone on to walk in healing through this, you see the difference and it may seem subtle, amazing mom tried to nuance it too much, but for me it was it was very important people understand that if you don't because if you're taking care of somebody with Alzheimer's.

For example, they're not to be able to repent of some of the things that you're still struggling with that they did to you and I know people in this situation right now.

I know people who are taking care of aging parents.

Right this moment today this morning who are harboring some very difficult, painful things and that parent is not able to offer any type of apologies or or reconciliation or repentance or anything. So what is the person supposed to do with the caregiver supposed to do with the only way towards healing for that caregiver is to walk in forgiveness, but that person has not asked for it.

They may not be capable of asking for they maybe did.

But can we still walk in forgiveness and I say to you, yes we can. And part of this is why did this Kimberly Mercy.

There was great grace was free pardon, there was multiplied to me there.

My burden soul for liberty at Calvary. Once we understand that it always starts at the cross where we ourselves are forgiven, we were forgiven we were when we were enemies with God and he he gives us the power of his Holy Spirit. The, the ability to even ask for forgiveness to to repair it. Luther said we have to repent of her repenting. We don't know how to repent well and the more we walk in that the more we can understand this concept.

But as we walk in forgiveness. We are never minimizing the sin the offense. The one we respected for what it is.

It is trauma.

We don't have to minimize but we don't have to preside over its execution or that person's judgment that is not our responsibility and we can keep healthy boundaries and we can trust God to work through these things so that we are not bound to this.

Do you you have any concept with bitterness and unforgiveness does to your soul. It rots us and into think you are, but you can come up with somebody right now that you know who she is bitter and in just picture that a little bit. Maybe you're in that place the grace that was extended to you while you were yet enmity with God, then can flow through you to extend others that is the journey towards healing, even if they don't ask for it. Jesus hung on the cross is that father forgive them for they don't what they're doing. They were not asking for root for forgiveness. They were not repenting and he's extending forgiveness and asking his father for this. Can we appropriate that as caregivers get weak that I would suggest to you that this is the way that we can walk peacefully in the midst of this great sorrow that we have to to deal with this caregivers and we will agree.

We will weep, but we will not grieve in despair or rage, we can mourn over the brokenness without being destroyed by tracking with me.

Many of you right now are dealing with horrific wounds that have been leveled on the that have pierced your soul like nothing else.

And it's crippling and you're still serving as a caregiver, often for the very person who did the ones you got family and friends who are just brutalizing you in the way you try to take care of somebody but they're not helping or you got a doctor that made a terrible decision or whatever since the data path and you're paying the consequences for years later there's all kinds of scenarios maybe got a pastor that you went to.

And you are struggling and they just dismissed you and they said something that was just off-the-cuff or whatever and it level judgment unit having people over taking your greasy 35 years he's been hurt 38 years. Do you know how many times we've had bad theology thrown at us. If you had more faith God would heal you people actually said that to my wife. You can't. You can't.

You can't carry that it's too much. You know when when Gracie was faced with AP taking her right leg is the first imputation and and I remember these two ladies came up and I'm not trying to disparage anybody they think told her that she was in rebellion, forgiving upper like the goblins would heal her in June and she's give up her leg in March and the guy was a healer and she was in rebellion to do the surgery did you realize the, hubristic that takes from people what they did to my wife was 25 years old and she was struggling and I was 20. We were just kids were struggling with this horrific decision of this broken limb and these nut jobs come up and say stuff like that to us how many of you all of the experience that Kathy and you have to you have to walk in forgiveness, realize I'm not in charge of that will keep healthy boundaries, but I'm not going to harbor the cells like this towards God. It was just a teachable and we moved on. Best many many many years.

But the point is, is that's the kind of grievous things that can be done but are we walking in forgiveness with as we and that's how that's the path to healthiness versus caregiver in healthcare euros would go to hopefully caregiver.com podcast books, music all the stuff it's all available for you will see you next week. Some of you know the remarkable story of Peter's wife Gracie and recently Peter talk to Gracie about all the wonderful things that have emerged from her difficult journey.

Take a listen Gracie. When you envision doing a prosthetic limb outreach. Did you ever think the inmates would help you do that, not in a million years.

When you go to the facility run by core civic and you see the faces of these inmates that are working on prosthetic limbs that you helped collect from all of the country that you put out the plea for and their disassembly sell these legs like what you have your own prosody and arms and orange everything when you see all this. What makes me cry because I see the sloughs on their faces and I know I know what it is like someplace where you can't get out without somebody else allowing you to get out me in the hospital. These men are so glad that they get to be doing is one thing said something good with my did you know before you became in a PT that parts of prosthetic limbs could be recycled and had no idea I thought Peg leg. I thought a wooden legs. I never thought of titanium and carbon legs and flex the sea legs and all that. I never thought about. As you watch these inmates participate in something like this, knowing that there there helping other people all providing the means for the supplies to get over there.

What does it do to you. Just on the heart level. I wish I could explain to the world. What I see in here and I wish that I can able to come and say the this guy right here in Africa with that.

I never not feel that way out every time you know you always make me have to lead I don't want to leave. I feel like I'm at home with them and I feel like we have a common bond that would've never expected that only God could put together. Now that you've had experience with it what you think of the faith-based programs the course of the coffers.

I think they're just absolutely awesome and I think every prisoner out there have faith-based programs because he return right of the men that are involved in this particular faith-based program and other ones like it, but I know that this one car is amazingly low rate compared to those who think that that is me just has something to do with God. Somebody broken people want to donate use prosthetic limbs, whether from your loved one who passed away or you somebody well-groomed you donated some of your own for the how to out of the please go to standing with God/recycle gain. We