An Interview With Dennis Kurttila

Caregiver on American radio station as the nations number one radio program for the family caregiver will give a big shout out to American family radio for taking the time to value this program to fight this message and how it affects the family caregiver. What is difference when a family caregiver.

The national paycheck that's different because family caregivers are volunteering all across the country to take care of a loved one the doing without pay and without resources. A lot of times how you help these folks, that's what the show is all about on Peter Rosenberger. Welcome to the show and we want to just take a moment yes there is a show for caregivers on American family radio just for caregivers and if you love somebody you will be a caregiver. If you live long enough, you will need one that's the reality of what were facing in this country today with 65 million people doing this and the numbers are growing. Maybe it's an aging parent. Maybe it's a special needs child or marchesa wife with traumatic injuries 35 years ago this fall.

My wife had a horrific car wreck.

She was 17 years old.

Yesterday we find out she's going to have to go for surgery, number 81. Both legs amputated in the 90s. She lives with relentless pain 90+ doctors well over $10,000,000.12 hospital seven different insurance companies. This is been my journey now for 32 years as her husband taking care of her through this process and on the crash test dummy of caregivers. If you could fail at it.

I failed at it, but you don't have to know the learning curve is very steep. Do you have time to learn all the things I've learned in 32 years.

We think about who you're taking care of think about what's going on in your family think about the carnage that's happening right now families are being torn apart by this.

Did you know that the divorce rate in families with a disability is almost 90%. Think about that. How do you handle this.

How are you doing, how do you pray, what do you pray, and I like start off with the Scripture and this is in Isaiah 26. This is what helps me. Isaiah 26 three you will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you.

Trust in the Lord forever. You will keep him in perfect peace here for like your mind is basically a squirrel cage and is just racing at 90 miles an hour and you have in late-night conversations with the ceiling fan. Scripture understands that there is nowhere in Scripture where it tells me how to deal with the wife who's lost both legs and lives with relentless pain and all the surgeries but it's filled with versus the tell me how to keep my mind calm how to settle myself down, how to strengthen myself in this because God is equipping us to deal with this perseverance, faithfulness, endurance, these are words that mean something. All through Scripture. Now they don't necessarily sell very well out in media churches in an immediate ministries as everybody must get their breakthrough everybody was to get get this fixed and move on and get on with the rest of her life, but for caregivers this is our life. It doesn't have to be a bad one is difficult, but it doesn't have to be harsh and ugly internally to us even though we have to sometimes look at very harsh things we can become. We can even be joyful.

Scripture tells us this and if you don't believe me, go and look at Paul and Silas. They were in a prison.

They were beaten in around midnight. Their singing hymns to how many of us is caregivers around midnight.

After cleaning up the umpteenth mess we cleaned up or doing laundry or deliver some kind of meltdown in the middle the night and we start singing hymns.

How many of us are doing that, Paul and Silas were doing.

After they were beaten and that they can do it in a prison following a beating. We can do it in a hospital room following the surgery. We can do it in a nursing home after watching our love one go through all kinds of stuff or don't.

Or maybe they don't even know who we are anymore. We can do this Scripture tells us we can do it and that's what this show is all about, and I want to introduce a guess that I have on today who has to live in that very world this is Dennis good to Dennis sometime your last name again is it does not pronounce the way it sounds network and learn curdling curdling. That's not how you typed it out like a light be curdling Dennis Carla dentist welcome to the show and you have you've got a long career and a lot of music people of heard your music and not necessarily known it was you tell us a little bit about your back story and music the way to get into your journey as a caregiver are primary there are 91 your partner. And work on the road and for about five years and there.

My songwriting actually backfired on my wife Wendy and Van and then was mentor back online or for number of years and had been fixed after Pat wrote a song called me that Mark spoke to Bill number one out of, and that it's been a good Family and character years and that now I'm primarily right or not. My daughter and I have a good public paternity that really can't bring awareness to the Alzheimer's the and that and caregiver well that that are great fun. Let's talk about that little bit you start seeing some behavior changes in your life when she was what age fountain and she would've been Organon I got coordinator 49 which started in. That's something that's very young Alzheimer's that early on. Burton Amico unfold and start earlier like 30 go Eric 835 to 38 again that Ernie, when you use all these changes happening you didn't immediately start thinking Alzheimer's dig now on.

I was popular closer strength of your mind was Alzheimer's, had written even close. We break the current product it as is normal and that because it really utterly. There is concrete and there you don't really know if I'm more in practice. Forget that we could start making lit or combat different way on gap for the early part career, not as dramatic as on the aggressive and what what turned what would we did you guys wrap this up and say wait a minute.

Something's not cool here that you had a couple of minor accident in her fender bender and and her mother was actually diagnosed with Alzheimer's and that when he would get lost coming from the airport with report of the normal curve and and it was starting to get to the point longer now looking at youngest not right here but we remove my mother-in-law from Casper, Wyoming to Indiana remark, brother-in-law and sister-in-law with and that they I was to grab the trap, basically from Casper pulling her car and all along out to Indiana and went to meet at her sister's and would been there many and she got lost for about seven hours to the point, but her phone ran out of battery in. I think she was rescued by a kindly farmer that splattered you the phone got hold of her sister. It was a real prophet was very scary one that will get over to continue talking about this. Dennis, thank you very much on the bill the way we had take a quick break because then it went from just a diagnosis to something even more difficult to deal with. And that's about how that affected you and your family.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver, the nation's number one show for the family caregiver here on American family radio. We are so thrilled to have you with us.

So going to get more pay the speed. Rosenberger never helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished up and thought wow this is that I'm not happy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for use in prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope.

We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com would you take a moment ago what to standing with hope.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that@standingwithhope.com around and they in and and welcome back to hope for the caregiver on American family radio, this is Peter Rosenberger bring you three decades of experience to help stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not.

That is, wake up in heaven by Dennis Carla and his will and his daughter Lacey wrote this first wife Wendy who has Alzheimer's and it's a beautiful solid data sets available at iTunes is were not yet available .4 important record great great listen we were we were talking the last segment about the situation, your wife is a young woman coming in her late 40s that the young woman is getting younger every day.

By the way, that is and she and she started forgetting things. She lost her way from the airport at all stuff and then you realize okay this thing is taking a different turn.

This is not just normal aging.

I forgot something. Something's going on with her and then it you went and got a diagnosis, but that it went even more dark than you'd ever imagine.

Talk about that little bit of a nightmare. There particularly hard day. I got the point where you realize what an immediately after the Gardner arm driving there and Arabic) in her driving privileges are taken away when that "there are many many different alignment very difficult on the bike.

Take care of her and make sure that they and not a difficult road. What else happened well beyond their input in the course of the progression of the and and I'm I'm assuming that you want me to go and further down the road in the progression of the degree and she began to move the ability to work around the house and as she had a period of time when an end at those who came up on my and Carol. I started cooking and cleaning and laundry. All is the fact and been incontinent and other difficulty derived in with that directedness and combativeness and at one point my daughter had been picking for you. Take a week to give me a chance to work and heard me say right in between her time she fell down a flight of stairs and that pretty badly. He didn't end up going to the hospital at one it became obvious that it now had to have that help in math.

When Mike admitted that in an and started enough. You take a week while I was working eventually led to the 20 record numeric. Company in Nashville and every they look a little confounding and fairly certain mutually agreed that out.

Let's go from that company here in ephedrine on and that and I were caring for her quick quote on how and then restarted my construction did back in between and that I would take on jobs-and until he got combative vinaigrette production with my client and the map and possible well and then it escalated to the point where her her aggression in her combativeness Where he would argue with Don that he didn't understand that that was turning more and in some way, ultimate patient, regressed back to childhood so they don't recognize that person because they perceive themselves to be not because all the memories of their billing department at our happened but she had an argument with the person in the near did she did she strike you out At her and she did with it that had that had to have broken well. How Did you dinner while we regret and remember greater, and not hurt and not hard for quite some time when they're angry and you know there probably never be spoken out that were very very aggressive towards me on for a period of time. I had enough start on my arm all the time from her correcting the burgers in an and that and and you know in your heart that it's not been doing it but it still been doing until you really it requires a lot of strength on your part not to respond in kind because it is not possible if your if you're dealing with somebody in that the really not ambit doing that even though it is very hard to separate that is to say, so love how you it's the face that you love and the hands that you've held that are now doing this. But as I tell folks they're not doing it to you. They're just doing it because they don't understand and in your ride with but that's gotta be that there had to have been some bitter tears on your part.

Later on hard, very hard and you're doing regret take care of especially their hiking and things like that of bathing after incontinent like that and both of the very client or they don't understand and then the Greg Rappaport admits to finding work. All time which cost me not be able to sleep in a room with her and that eventually she broke the glass against the mirror arguing with persons near cut her hand in one allow me to help her emergency room in Philly had to sort of forcibly biking. I like my house now and take her to the emergency room at that point. Pretty obvious that can't approve the house for adult hello even this change is change your face well you learn how every marketer from Vermont not teaching me and it and I'm sure you realize this but when you executed. You realize how selfish you are, that sort of bring that out that one of the lessons of having to rely and it's all been about me. Alzheimer's is very similar in that you start to realize that my life and in my desires. In my dream I cold are mine, and I'm there think that I'm striving for, and I'm striving for those in order to provide in order to take care of my family and my wife but they they are protected territory and not in that selfishness is one of first things that have to go to God really taught me a lot.

A lesson in not getting a graphic.

In return, but also in remembering that this isn't just about me and this life that I committed my wife, for better or worse, for richer or significant healthcare that are in other 3D work on your standing with your beautiful bride 19 years old at the altar and and you got your whole life ahead but now I come down to this time. This is where the rubber meets the road, and that with the commitment that I made and that was slipped under the field and what that meant and she needs a servant in spite of some of the there's a thing for July caregivers go through is called the caregiver fog, fear, obligation and guilt.

It's very easy to get lost in the fog and get hurt in that file because we don't know where will we feel so lost.

We we are. We are so paralyzed with fear at times how we can do this was gonna happen. What we do we feel obligated. I gotta do this I need to do this I have to do this and then we start getting resentful because we feel obligated and then we live with terrible guilt that resonate with you not marketer in my circumstance I don't look at it as something being done to me as much of this is my ministry and so frustrations infected, really, more based on the circumstances.

Now the desperation and that depression that comes with it. In any event, limited milk note when when I had to make the decision in January this year to start looking for a place to stay in a nursing and I had committed to myself that I was never going to do that at like people go to.and I had to change their meaning because it wasn't as for how well you know an event realize that the day that I drove up to our house and look at the rate that it can been for 25 years together and realized that she was never coming home at one of hard to get out and still have a hard time will guilt feelings. It's good to go away anytime soon or any of or easily at all those that's that's that's about his role as he gets and they say that Alzheimer's is the Long goodbye and it's so difficult for caregivers and this is why what have you on today to talk about your story to share your story. Share your music because their people brought me a listing all across the country in the world and they are hearing their story in your voice because they're saying oh my goodness that's me this is what I'm dealing with. And now somebody else has given them the courage to say you know what I feel this way and in you've trusted God in this and if it if you found God to be faithful in your situation, then that's that's the goal here so they can look at the only bit women if he could trust God and that that gives me the courage to trust God with my stuff to do that God has not abandoned me and what you're doing. Also is a painting a picture of Christ loving his wounded broad and I dedicated my book hope for the caregiver to cross the ultimate caregiver of a wounded broad because that's us. We are the wounded bride of Christ and what you're doing is modeling that Dennis and I want to know how much it means to not only me as a fellow husband of data caregiver but to somebody listening. How do people get in touch with you if they want to get in touch with you Dennis McGrew. Our current benefit burner curdling.com on for good factors are present Congress there to spell that out spell it out for real quick and I at an and I and KURP TILA.com great.

I listen hey and you can see more about should hope for the caregiver.com. We gotta go will be right back.

This is Peter Rosenberg of hope for the caregiver will be like you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs. They became it. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others, and that standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help 09 caregiver on American family radio so glad you're with this and this is Peter Rosenberg bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not 65 million people in America right now are dealing with this aging level of special needs children. Traumatic injuries, chronic disease, there somebody different scenarios when you place yourself between somebody who is impaired and even worse disaster. It takes a toll on you and it could be someone with mental health issues. It could be somebody with a substance abuse problem for alcoholism. No matter what the impairment there's a caregiver somewhere in that orbit who is being squeezed published crushed at times and this show is for you if you want to see more about what were doing.

Go to hope for the caregiver.com hope for the caregiver.com and all you can check out others of you get free chapter the book of there's audio out there.

There's music that you can have a new book is coming out this fall seven caregiver landmines and how you can avoid them. And there's so much more. Set up for each letter. There's just so many things that you can do is hope for the caregiver were putting it all out there for you to take advantage of it. Will you promise me that you do that, do not try to do this all alone do not try to white knuckle this thing by yourself, you can't do it. It's too difficult and nobody knows that more than my guess that is on right now this Carla.

He's with us has a lengthy career in the music business drumming for Steven Curtis Chapman writing hit songs drumming for Cindy Patty writing more hit songs and all of a sudden when things were just going swimmingly. His wife, in her late 40s is diagnosed early diagnosis with Alzheimer's and it went from just forgetting a few things to being combative to being something that that it was just it was ripping the family apart and he was lost in the situation of knowing what to do. How do you how do you deal with this. The somebody that you love and you're looking at the face of the person you fell in love with your holding the hands of the person you fell in love with and now all of a sudden that face and those hands are coming at you with combativeness due to this horrible disease and this is a story that Dennis and his family have gone through Dennis. As you as you struggled with this and you had to come home after putting her in a facility because there's no way she could stay home anymore and you had to accept the fact that you going to go on with the rest your life you have to. I mean that's the way it is.

You can't just curl up in a ball and and die yourself. You've got to go on. You got children you get to two dollars. Is that right and tell me about your daughters and how they journey with you in this regard are in the Nashville area right arm in my one of my poor people are here. She works with me during the day are we going to get her in and whispers of eternity and that we basically came up part of my family local family again and she's been married for number of years to wonderful man.Corbett. I have three grandkids with her, so I'm very grateful for that. But they really took Meehan into my and writing back together.

She worked with me during the day she'd been a big blessing. My other daughter Andrea lived in California on Creighton Beach actually on my way.

I get to come up with but she designs used in brilliant brilliant designer until she had come out a number of times but is unable to be there on a regular basis. Responsibility for the job we keep in touch with, and technology allowed to do a lot couldn't do before. So not vehicle Skype with her and that and keep her updated uncle, mom is with you now get here on Haley see how you how you feeling achy, well formatted by age limited abilities tomorrow. I will listen to me as you question. You've watched your dad go through this talk about how you feel about that journey of watching him go through this. They will get to your journeys will talk about the high-ranking progression in the very back. Thank you and encourage you. Number there my daddy watching her like ugly and that I'm capable of doing it. I trained and inaccurate everything I can to make the court at term in economic ladder, enabling Dominic take care of her and he came to discover he had a con responding in kind of a famous chocolate alligator with well and keeping her happy and an IRA. She did not recognize me. I would plan everything faded and probably night at faded memory and cannot calculate that meeting on the night and that he died. Do you feel like you are able to offer to get some kind of closure. Were you able to say goodbye to her in a way that was meaningful to you and I will never have a moment cannot wear anything Panoramic turnaround wanted without getting cocky or having the trashcan is not meant for looking 99, 90 (sorry, don't think she was able to understand what everything economic but they were quickly entering me.

How did you find that music stay with her little bit longer that even words he would marry China.

Can write anything else.

Probably a couple months ago and waited.

Finally she went with my father and I would come to church on Sunday to a with the group that that followed and patently lead worship and where it has very understanding church that was willing to let her be on taking the next month, but she came out and variable and know off because it was crazy and it didn't matter now found it and maybe I longer do you know that if you would if you could say one thing to churches to pastors about families who are dealing with this issue on on more effective ways to minister to them or whatever. What would you say to those pastors and those churches come alongside and have a pregnant time playing a hard and keep on 90 Haley I related my Internet 11 and many times people want to leave you all know that there being allowed to acquire the worst possible thing that can happen when you start thinking that if you don't mind me asking how old are you lazy five year yarn Lacey that is that is very young to have the kind of wisdom that you just offered. And I know that there people listening truly listing all over the country right now a lot of tears coming down there. The faces and filling up the rise because they do feel alone and they wish their pastor or their churches would be able to speak into their isolation and you just did. That was such gentleness and such tenderness and I want you to know that you will never know the impact that you just made to you get to heaven, and that it won't matter anymore because we'll all be with Jesus but you did make an impact just now and it is a powerful thing to say that and I want to encourage pastors and church leaders. And if you're ago if if you're listening, go to your pastor until your pastor what Lacey just said because that's how you do it you can't fix this. Lacey and Dennis be the first to tell you that you cannot fix this issue, but what you can do is you can care for them in it.

You don't have to go there and try to give a bunch answers and try to figure it all out, or why God's doing this. Whatever you don't do anything really. In Job 213. His friends just sat there with them for seven days. Quiet.

Sadly, too many of us don't notice it was somebody for seven minutes and be quiet. But when you're suffering like this bring that kind of wisdom and gentleness to the table, the humility of just being with them that ministry of presence. That is a beautiful thing like you and what you know how much I appreciate that. Listen we got a run, would you do me a favor which it would you give out your website one more time here so folks can find out more about you and hear your music and hear your songs that was you singing at the beginning of this coming it up.

Did fail to mention that earlier and I will people be able to hear what you got. What's the best way to get in touch with you all will contact right now@carla.com website Dennis Carla.com that you have a website building outlet in getting I will do this that Dennis Carla.com and that's built to spill out your last name or his last name here and I came you are I arrow a.com perfect and listen to what you know I much appreciate you coming on the show sharing your family's heart and your story. You've touched a lot of lives today and it's going to be admired. Included in a thank you for that.

Okay, Lacey hugged you, dad. We gotta go.

This is hope for the caregiver on American family radio. We are so glad that you joined us. We got more to go but I want you to hear this family, because as you deal with this. Please note you are not alone. She just said a beautiful you're not alone and there are others, deal with it and that's what I love doing this radio show because were able to punch into that isolation with the light of the gospel and tell you that God knows you. He knows your name. He knows your loved ones affliction. He understands what's going on with it. He is working to make all things new. We can always see it, but we trust and how do we know we trusted because we look at his hands. His scarred hands and we put our scared hand into his scarred hands he bore all of this on the cross and the longer we walk with him and the more we realize how big the cross is this is hope for the caregiver. This is the hope for the caregivers, the hope of the gospel will be right back here some great news. If you miss the deadline to sign up for health insurance or if you sign up for a plan you're not happy with you still have a choice. Meta-share is a healthcare sharing program hundreds of thousands of Christians are part of this can save you a lots typical savings for families about 500 bucks a month you can join Medicare anytime it's easy to call and look into it. There's no pressure at all. And man, what a difference it can make 855 25 share. That's 855 25 share