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October 21, 2018 10:19 pm
https://www.fathomevents.com/events/russ-taff-i-still-believe
Tori Taff's journey with Gospel Music icon, Russ Taff, started more than forty-two years ago. Behind the music and songs that garnered Russ six GRAMMY’s and 18 Dove Awards, a terrible struggle waged in Russ’ life. As Tori relates, Russ was a sitting duck for alcoholism. Growing up in home filled with violence and alcohol ...all kept secret...Russ’ journey into the darkness had deep roots. Alcoholism is a chronic disease. There’s no cure, but there is a recovery. Where there’s a chronic disease, there’s a caregiver. Tori shares her story of coming to grips with the reality of alcoholism...and with grace and strength, she clearly points others to a place of safety. The new documentary of their life is titled I STILL BELIEVEIn theaters: OCTOBER 30 2018: I STILL BELIEVE
“I would encourage someone to NOT waste time beating themselves up. to not waste energy on trying to figure out a way to make the addict to stop using …because that is not your job. And it is crazy making. You do have to take care of yourself first and foremost. And that’s not in a silly ‘go to a day-spa way.’ That is survival."
And surrounding yourself with people who understand …and SAFE people. People that you can say, ‘this is going on in my life’ …and they’re not going to running to five other people that have coffee with them and share the latest. That’s why the program [Al-Anon] …the ‘anonymous’ programs take that very seriously …and there’s a very good reason.” -Tori Taff
Peter Rosenberger hosts a radio program for family caregivers broadcast weekly from Nashville on more than 200 stations. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who has lived with severe disabilities for more than 30 years. His new book, “7 Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them” releases nationally Fall 2018. @hope4caregiver
On paralleled voice of Ro staff and is for the soundtrack for so many people for for just decades including mileage of loved everything he's ever sung of the just saying roadsides that be okay with and his wife Tori is joining us on the phone because they have a new movie coming out on October 30. It's a limited release, but I think is good because of all over the place is called. I still believe there very frank about their journey through some difficult difficult issues, including Russia's alcoholism I've maintained on this show that alcoholism is a disease. It is a chronic disease and when you have a chronic disease you have a caregiver, and the principles that apply across the board with you taking care of Summit with diabetes think is here somebody with Alzheimer's. Whatever caregivers that person is at risk individual and so Tori is here to talk about this particular issue and this movie their journey together and think she's learned along the way Centauri. Thank you for being part of the show welcome welcome will. I love what I would ask you this, John. I gotta take this with the darkness of the story.
It's Sunday afternoon and she did it you know so you you just call it comes to just call it itchy but Lexi said you had me in afternoon the door and listened a lot here we are on the road nonstop ill rock 'n' roll out rock 'n' roll still amount. Thank you again for it for taking the time to call in this movie is is going to be everywhere right remember that the final 700 m across the country that putting it on if owned by AMC Riegle and Cinemark notes type of theater you and there's a place in the event has been a location that as well as Rex Moody.com. Also at the location put all that out there and put up with the podcast and so forth. This is this a big step for you.
Guess your Catalan people in to see everything behind the curtain.
Archie well our night record battle with addiction was an open secret to the people closest to us in our lives and so and that means family as well as friends and support group and sell it in some white people new to a lot of people but it's not.
It's very, very old news to us. He was diagnosed when he was about 30. I think, and so there were periods of sobriety that lasted up to 10 years at a time. But then there would be a real action and subsequent treatment and so it feel it sounds. I think a lot more daring than it is well well into another decade past of the recovery and so it doesn't feel as scary as maybe it should be asked me October 31 two couple questions. When did this become wooded liturgy change from just being an issue. The rest of us to struggle with to this you that you and your family had to struggle with was a defining moment for that when you will is okay. This is not to trust this is a slight well you have to understand that right learned literally bothers me how to hide father with custom minister, small small church mostly family in Farmersville, California, also an alcoholic. He never received treatment.
She never had any extended period of Friday he would sort of I guess white knuckle it until something would come over and and and he would drink and so Russ grew up with that because it was such a small church.
There was a lot of hiding and a lot of covering up when Russ started drinking and he really didn't have any alcoholic I think it was like 26 years old and he started drinking. Interestingly enough, he always entered his life. He started drinking alcoholically and hiding so the first big realization was well before we had children with I keep thinking it was around when he was still a little think trauma does file that you sense of time, sometimes. But as he was hiding and sneaking and hiding and so by the time I realized, wait a minute, there's something going on here and a family. Another family member had confronted him. It was, it became involved in the problem one the six of us come to understand that the alcoholic has to work, recovery program, but so does the family member, so does the person in relationship with that individual. When did that become apparent that okay no matter what Russ does matter. If he drinks or doesn't drink, I've got to be healthy. I've got to be a good place I've got to have some other place where I can go and start on my own path of of sanity and in its emotional sobriety. I guess if you will and error that occurred to you are pretty much how it may be a little ahead of the curve because I have a brilliant older brother and the older boy is Dr. Matt Hamm here in Nashville and he was psychologist you know when you leave me number that we grew our he had been married to an attic and the base that frequently divorced and he erased his son, but he one time Matt was that kind of person that he so wise and he doesn't. There's not a lot of unnecessary verbiage, yet were still from the same family. Go figure. But he said, only save you one time and I immediately leaned at anything. I think Al-Anon would be good for you and so I that I went and at the time I thought I was dealing with alcoholic tendencies from an alcoholic woman adult child of an alcoholic and alcoholic behavior patterns. I had never seen run impaired or drunk so I didn't. I thought we were dealing with behavioral issues that all stem from his depression, which was also diagnosed right around the same time, though there was a kind of a little hazy smokescreen there around it because he knew how to hide really really well and be there was a lot of behavior that you could attribute to depression and coming to terms he had a very violent childhood. There was a lot of physical violence in the home and we were throwing around words like, then, but we certainly did later. So I started going Al-Anon before was officially diagnosed and I also went to weird. When I think of it now, but I called Cumberland hi which is a treatment there in Nashville and I knew they had a family program except and I knew it was for people family who had a person in their treatment program.
So I called and asked if I could go through the program, even though I didn't have anyone in treatment and they lovingly in retrospect agreed to let me do that and so I went through a family program and was already at Al-Anon before we had an official diagnosis will that that's a tremendous blessing for you. You did situated of the curve. You know you guys over charter members almost of the. The contemporary Christian gospel music wave that started hitting in the 70s and 80s and 90s and you know your faith is has been central to your life but what changed in the way you looked at God, and more importantly the way you use all that God looked at you and through this journey of recovery and walking to this issue had what Russ back and forth with all these things will change with you and your your understanding your theology change. This well. I would love to say that I was like nothing waiver and I was finally thinking of sanity and unconditional love. But that's not the truth. I was confused and angry and scared. Most of the time and my relation.
I think the farthest way I ever got from got angry at him.
It's interesting because what was the first treatment that are less like he talks about.
He told me afterwards and made actually no sense to me that it does more now furious with God and course I was.
With so I'm thinking hey you know that when trying your mouth open and poured some down your throat, but he went he kept saying if this was not ever supposed to happen. This was not all I ever wanted to do with things for you. All I ever wanted to do and so it wasn't so much as not taking responsibility for it on his part.
It was more like this can't be happening and again he was genetically a sitting duck for the first time he introduce alcohol but I want at the worst of times. My relationship with.I was just no and it felt like I was slogging through you know the baton death march and it was put 1 foot in front of the other try to do the next right thing and before children. It was just about staying sane and trying to function and and after children we had long period of sobriety before the first we met after children and then it was a whole other ballgame. I never saw God as somebody who was withholding anything good from you like you could express why haven't you put that the treatment center store while sending a 30 day cinematically fixed but my relationship with God changed in the sense that it took on a very immediate that I maybe didn't have before because there was a lot of times it was you know they talk about one day at a time. There were times when we were in 10 minute increments.
There, at the worst of it and and I will say this there were times I don't believe that there is a demand called alcoholism that jumps on you when you're not looking.
I believe that I absolutely know that it is a chronic disease. I know that heredity and environment play a huge role and what we can't understand is that, place giant will my it also is a spiritual battle and again our story is not one that I prayed put my hands on and prayed he would think that might yield or anybody else did that either. We were the go to therapy.
GoToMeeting got you now that couple you work in its work absolutely at work.
It is a process that I will say there were times and at the very end before he went to be treated specifically for trauma and that was when it was he was most out-of-control was the first time.
Ironically, I actually drunk and it was like he was never frightened. He was never violent or but it was I was watching somebody I love self-destruct at their work time right at the end before he went to trauma treatment where I literally was next to him in bed and he was sound asleep and/or passed out and I had my hand on his shoulder, and I was I was saying you're not getting you're not getting get you got his father.
He got his brother you're not going to get them and whatever that force is that is behind destruction and and that comes to steel and kill and destroy. That's a lot. There was a point which was very clear to me that that the enemy wasn't that's what I would fighting the alcoholism disease of alcoholism was a symptom of a lot of common, a lot of that's the medication to the problem that becomes a problem, but it's not the core problem never is the bid you just think if that's if that's what if that's what they're thinking is the is the solution.
Just imagine how bad the problem is never able to lampshade on it had a hard drinking was solitary and wanted to get economic possible as quickly as possible it was to shut the boys down and so there wasn't it was it was secretive and and alone and dark. It was not one like a frat boy. He was suffering and he was trying to quiet the voices list, we can take break anything onto the brick at this is to really tell she's talking about the new movie, I still believe that she and Russ and their whole life is put on display for you to get stronger and healthier as you're dealing with. This may be the level that you have with alcoholism. This is hope for the caregiver. This is your lifeline to place where you can get, healthier and dearer see it even more joyful while dealing with some very harsh realities like alcoholism will be right back don't go away struggle to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident, leading to 80 surgeries in both legs. They became. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.
But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help for more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.
We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ. The source of my hope and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing with help.com. I'm Gracie and I am staining with help show for triggers about your was hosted by caregiver. This three decades of experience to stay strong and healthy. The care of someone who is not were talking with Tori Taft shoot her husband Russ of a new movie coming out called. I still believe it'll be a good October 30 will not only write toward giant turnout might do an encore performance.
Maybe the next month or something that I do know this is all new to me will place let's try to list by the way, I was try to get unforgiven chewed up and we couldn't get it in time you will little technical difficulties of job with the next best thing to Russ which was Joe Cocker, Rhonda spoke as close as we could find.
But this list, try to get the job because it's important we support movies like this that these Russ and Tori are putting their their journey out for everyone to see, with the hopes of pointing you to Christ and to walking in place of health and sobriety as a family it if you don't just have one individual affected by alcoholism or anything else or chronic pain or anything else.
It's a family issue of toward BSU? If you were just sitting down right now with somebody over cuppa coffee who just found this out about their level there there just in shellshocked whatever. What would you say to you had a brother psychologist you you group a strong Christian home. There a lot of people don't get that.
And there I sleep there listening the show runner somebody here's listening to this right now. Maybe sooner somebodies and they don't have those kinds of things and so that's I think that's the responsible unit I have is is people just been through weathered a lot of storms. Okay, now it's our turn to turn around right point, the past so just share your heart with them over cuppa coffee. What would you say well I would say is I feel you on. I haven't walked in your shoes that I have been in my shoes in a similar situation and I can hold space for you and I can listen to you. The second thing I would say is that for me and my journey. Our journey is the only one I can reference with any authenticity because it one I walk knowledge with power from the because Russ drank secretly. I felt like I was shadowboxing I could see behavior changes. I could see it desperately unhappy man but I didn't have anything dependent on. I couldn't say all that except depression but but it was beyond and so finding out about the disease of addiction was really important for me I needed to know what I was up again and third, I got it you know every time I start talking about wealth that Ann and Alan on it. That's not a club any of us really want to join. They had a saying in Al-Anon that nobody gets here on a good day, but the reality is, no one can understand it. One is going to get it more than people who are walking through it and I can honestly say and however she's 30+ years of being in Al-Anon meetings. I have never left the meeting. I think I think I can say this, but out a doubt that never left the meeting without laughing hard. At least one time and there were times when I was in Al-Anon meetings when I desperately needed a laugh and I could because those walls were, say, and those people understood I wouldn't waste I would. I would encourage someone to not waste time beating themselves up and not waste energy on trying to figure out a way to make the attic stop using because that is not your job it is it crazy making you do have to take care of yourself first and foremost, and that's not enough silly. You know though what they thought way that is its survival and surrounding yourself with people who understand and safe people. People that you can say this is going on in my life and they're not can I go running the five other people that have coffee with them and share the latest sound. That's why the program the anonymous program they take that very seriously and there's a good reason. Listen to the top of the out here. We may have to do this again.
You may have to come back with us again. That's all right.
Listen, I want to hear more about this movie is called. I still believe it's in theaters across the country. This is Russ Tori Taft store their journey this you just listen to Tori sure her heart on this please support this film. Please support this work and if this is something you're struggling with right now Tori is giving the path. If this is something is in your life with a loved one. Tori is portage the way to it. Please take advantage of this today.
There's no need to wait. Today's a great day to start being healthy caregiver today is a great day to start a recovery program.
Tori thank you so much. I will see next week. This is hope for the caregiver, hope for the caregiver.com