Caregivers and Resentment

Good morning caregiver American family radio. We are so thrilled that you're with us and it's a clever dreary morning in Nashville but you know what were up at Adam because caregivers we keep on a horse. So if your family caregiver. This is a show for you.

Those of you who would listen the chauffeur sometime you know this is your hour but for those you just happen to be turning on the radio and said are you just are you serious there's a silver caregivers and there is its own American family radio and we are committed to strengthening and equipping America 65 million caregivers who are out there every day dealing with often horrific circumstances.

Some people ask you what is a character know what was that look like a who is it. If you have somebody with an impairment and you have an individual who stand between that person in a cliff. That's the caregiver doesn't matter what the impairment is just there somebody between them and even worse disaster. That's the character of Peter Rosenberger and I am so glad you're with us. The number to call Bilo if you will be on the show. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 you can hear a different voice when you call the sleep your voice of Abby because our normal calls. Colette is out doing registration at the Alzheimer's walk in Mississippi.

Jim tell us little bit about that. Well, my father-in-law suffered from Alzheimer's and he passed away earlier this spring, and so the last couple of years we participated in the walk and this year Colette's going to be there. The walk this morning is in Tupelo Mississippi.

It's in Ballard Park and I know that they're having others across the country as well. But, so she's gonna be participating in that this morning and were going to go over after the show and give her moral support because I'm not gonna walk that far. It's too early and too cool so I just am honest of nothing else will and I appreciate the fact that she's doing it and it's a great event and so a big shout out to her and told others that are participating across the country in this is a difficult thing I've got an article that's in the, the Memphis commercial appeal for you from Memphis you about 90 minutes south of Memphis commit a commercial appeal to this article and I think other papers now picking it up and it's called there. It's not a blue wave. It's not a red wave.

It's a great way right.

That's threatening so many families and I know that politics right now or consumes the media, but we have so many individuals who are standing between invulnerable of what it even worse disaster.

And if you get a chance go take a look at it.

The article and I think you find a very meaningful income. It helps put perspective for those you who just now joining in, never even heard of the show. A chauffeur caregivers. We are the nation's largest show for the family caregiver right here.

American family radio and and I really need to continue to affirm American families decision to do this we we have as as believers we have sadly turned over the leadership of a lot of social issues to the world, the church, sequestered themselves and didn't get out there and and really get in the trenches as a unified front but this issue of caregiving and in the families that are at risk. American family has is taking this to heart what I been trying to do for some time and they have embraced this message and embraced you will as as listeners to say you know what we recognize that urine at risk individual. If you're serving as a family caregiver and we we understand the strain.

We understand the heartache we understand the feared the anger and today were to even talk about another topic, most little bit more time on this one of talk about a touched a little bit and other shows, but but what talk about resentment.

And if that's what you're struggling right now. This is the place for you. Call this is the time for you to call in its 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 a little bit of background on me. Those who know me just bear with me, but if you just now turning in the never even heard of the show before, but it was Peter Rosenberger of the caregiver now for over 32 years for a wife with severe medical disabilities.

She a car wreck 35 years ago this fall and it. One resident later told us that when they go to the ER that she had 200 breaks and I didn't know at the time I met a couple years later she returned to college. She had pretty significant limp, but in some scars, lower legs and I saw but it's sheet you know I didn't understand the reality of being in relation somebody was hurt. She had about 20 surgeries. By the time I met her, and I heard her sing and as a sergeant, just beautiful young woman. Don't take my word for Google are I was googling that day, hence leading a Google elected and and I that I heard her sing. I thought this is it's all over the be taking care of this loan for the rest of my life I had no idea what that meant I had no idea what it would cost me had no idea how great I would do it and how miserably I would feel it and act.

I would on the outcome of what you call the crash test dummy of caregivers.

If you could fail at it. I failed it, but I've learned some things along the way her surgery. Now his sword to well over 80. She's had at least another 80 9000 smaller procedures. She gave up both legs in the 90s at least 9200 doctors have treated her 12 different hospital seven different insurance companies well over $10 million. It just becomes ridiculous to try to keep up with it and she lives with significant pain from all these massive orthopedic traumas that she's had in surgeries and this is our life is been our life. Since Reagan was present. That doesn't mean it's a bad life just is what it is facsimile number four once asked me what was the hardest thing that for you as a caregiver, and for me it's been 28 to learn what is mine and what is not mine to deal with what is mine and not and I have added about you but I will just keep keep give the number out because a lot of times folks will start calling but the last five minutes of the show week we can get everything 888-589-8840 but it's for me.

I would overstep it I would take on things that weren't mine things that were hers to do or I would take on things that were the doctors to do or I would think take on things that were God's to do and so that the wisdom to know what is mine and what is not mine has been a constant battle for me so I wrote my first book hope for the caregiver and write this book to tell people how to deal with the insurance companies. Things like that.

I mean, I figured, you know how long the chapters that Gabby is not that hard. You you don't get emotionally involved. You deal with math and there are certain things that you can do and I and I show something so that I give some tips on that, but that's not really where the battle is because once you got it you got it that it really most middle of town dealing with doctors he thought it was selenium yeah II show you how to do that. It's a very small little section of the book and that of the real issue for us is caregivers. I have found in my 32 years as a caregiver is that constant angst of fear of obligation of guilt that what I call the fog of caregivers that obligation you. You can tell you struggling with obligation. When you use words like must I have to. I need to I should be.

I'm supposed to be. But what happens is that obligation turns into resentment very very lenient with resentment this morning and is that something heavy on your heart with resentment. Talk about what you allege is let's let's unpack them as you know what that is. We are not found five 888 American family readiness of this is the last thing in and walk with me through this you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you.

I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I question why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs all – is to point others to Christ source and my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie.

I am staining with help show for caregivers about. It was hosted by Karen this is Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver on American family radio bringing youth. Three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. 888-589-8840 were live and this is your toe is a family caregiver, I would go by Peter Rosenberger and I'm so glad that you with us.

I would go back to this topic about the last segment of fear, obligation, guilt, and that obligation and how you know that if you're in that obligation. Quagmire it's it's it takes you into places where your vocabulary is filled with I'm supposed to.

I should be a need to be. I have to be a must of got all those kinds of words and and I'm told you that what that does is it leads to a place of resentment that some of you when you when you first hear the show.

You think okay will will teach me how to cure give no, I'm not.

I can't tell you how to take care your love one anymore than you could tell tell me how to take care of my but what I can tell you is some of things that I've learned along the way that crippled me got a new book coming out.

It hits bookstores next month and it's available to all the dot-coms right now. It was on so forth.

But skull seven caregiver landmines, seven caregiver landmines and how you can avoid them and see that's what this show focuses on all the things that can really cripple caregiver we we need all of our faculties about us.

We need our wallets. We need her. Our hearts are spiritualize everything about us in sync. If we don't were going to end up getting hurt and there's a there's a thing I learned a long time ago.

I'm a pianist of them play the piano since I was five years old and a major music and play quite a bit but I've learned that I can't play a piano with clenched fist. Think about that from.

I can't play a piano with clenched fist in order for me to be able let music flow out of what I do who I am at the piano. I've got open my hands and let things go.

You also learned that I can't push a wheelchair with clenched fist try to. I've tried it and it's the not too easy and I am asking you to take a leap of faith here to recognize that whatever resentment that you're holding onto is only hurting you and that you can live a calm or healthier and even more joyful life while dealing with some. Very harsh realities.

Okay, so we spent some time on them or go to the phones here and in take your calls because this is your time as a caregiver. This is your time American family radio family is in the middle of their name in the family caregivers and at-risk individuals 0888 589-8840 and I don't know exactly who I'm going to hear, but will just take it.

It will will will will generally not have a call you answer.

Oh also I had a lot of things yellow daisies. He said a process that yes or okay to have it loaded for you in just a moment. Alright, so we start to see the lines blinking appeared out of I do this from Nashville there in Mississippi so there's a lot there's not a lot a whole Lotta coordination going on sometimes and we do it on the fly. But that's okay I like love radio, I want to get back to this whole thing though of resentment and what it does to the family caregiver. Now you can you can grind your teeth, you can clench your fist you can do all those things as a caregiver, and who are you hurting think about who you hurt. What are you doing to yourself, you cannot change necessarily your circumstances in the sense that you may have somebody that for the rest of their life.

Maybe the rest of your life that you could be dealing with this.

You may have a special needs child that will outlive you.

I think one of the things that we as caregivers mistakenly believe, is somehow thinking that we're going to outlive our loved ones.

Sometimes it happens at other times it tragically goes the other way and the stress on caregivers is so real and is so significant that if you somehow think that we just got a white knuckle this and get through this and then when our loved one passes away, they will get on with our lives. That's a horrible mistake that ultimately caregivers make and we push yourself to the breaking point. Think you were just going get them over the line, get them on to heaven and that all of a sudden we find out that we are broke spiritually, financially, physically, everything else and they're still going and then that resentment keeps creeping back in an end so many other areas and this is what were trying to work on on this show, we will spent a lot of time on this over the next several weeks and months to come is helping you back up to a place where you can stay healthy on your heart level and your body and your wallet while you deal with these horrific things. Speaking of which, this is an issue right here. What we don't talk about it will go to the calls. I don't know who it is but it's caring for her mom us either wiped out financially so over Jacksonville and this is one of the things that I see on a regular basis that I will go get her.

Just a second here but I see this on a regular basis were people will get wiped out there their checkbooks everything it will consume this disease or trauma.

Whatever it is you dealing with will take you way down on every level, and so if we don't back up and learn how to to properly navigate that these things it can kill us. It really can't on summary levels.

Here we could we could find ourselves in such a dangerous Jalisco. This this is in Jacksonville. Good morning. Are you feeling good morning wow thank you, Lord. I'm feeling a lot better but I cannot pick up and into the radio and I realized that when you said that you weren't on crash dummy out all caregiver that okay I am right with you right there I can.

I have yet to hear you and so if you have gone through everything and you not you sound like you're in one piece were 91 teeth you know were all broken but were standing because of the power the Lord. How do you get over when other people have not helped the way they could have will that I have your Dave is unknowledgeable to give your name right right okay level to call you Jackie about this sucking sucks because I don't like to call you a non-but what one of the things that I have discovered with caregivers is that you are.

Our goal is to one day stay that a grave okay that's… People about it.

We're hoping we're the one standing at the great right but we don't want to stand there with clenched fist at at our loved one at family and friends who didn't help the way we thought they should've helped and ran ourselves or God, and you don't ultimately the one person who who could really take all this away from us, but chooses not to his God and so we can get mad at family and friends for help, but we got it at simple. We got a deal theologically with wide God help us. Why did God take this away from us and that's that's a hard question ask is I don't have a problem with God because I know that he allowed Inc. will… Let's back up the Holland list back up because a lot of times we get into the that that circular loop of talk about things about God.

But when we talk about family and friends would get mad about God allow family and friends not to help either. Okay ultimately your issue is not my family. I've been able to separate you know that the personality you know God guided in his own place and he had his grand plan.

It's just when I see family and friends benefiting financially from the fact that I gave my life and my health and they are able to live normal lives. You know… Who's doing it that the people who are doing it so my backup. You say that these people are doing something that God is helpless to do something about this at that in mind they do and there is free will and there is all those kinds of things but the same time, there's nothing that is happening to the does not filter to the hands of God. And so my question is do we trust God with family members and friends were not help in the way we want to help do we go to God about this and we say all right. Lord you're allowing this for some reason you're allowing these people to treat me poorly for some reason that you if you go back and look at Psalms and you look at some of these prophets look at your minds of these other things you will see this theme repeated over and over and over.

Why did the wicked prosper diverted that in Scripture yeah and so but David saw what you're seeing. And he went to God and said look I don't understand what's going on but did what David do if you go back and look at Psalm meeting the Psalms, David would say, but this I recall the mind and that I focus on okay God's faithful amount of trust in this amount of trust in with this family member who has treated me like garbage or is going to be incredibly successful. Look down on me and I'm over here carrying a huge burden and that's that's where our battle is as caregivers, can we trust God with family members who are successful when we are struggling. Can we trust God with people who look down on us or try to parachute in and give us lousy advice and they're not even doing the work.

Can we trust God with our resentment. Now can we trust God with our broken hearts as we labor under these what we what would just seems to be just terribly unfair.

Now and this is what I want to spend time with with buff myself.

Look out preaching to me here when I'm out. I know exactly what you're saying and I am waiting on illicitly got to go to break what you know how much it means to me that you took the time to call because this is this is the issue for us is caregiver. I believe this I believe this is where we live the King list and we got to go to break hey this is Peter Rosenberger 888-589-8840. This is hope for the caregiver will be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs all – is to point others to Christ source and my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by caregiver area Peter Rosenberger bring you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who's not. That is rust half if you want to hear the interview I had with his wife Tori are you go to our podcast that stated without.com is right there is big, but this is podcast. It's free and you can listen to them. They have a movie coming out on October 30.

The two of them about their life's documentary. It's a one night only, but it's across the country and I would really recommend this talks about their journey through some very, very difficult times of alcoholism with Russ. They been very open about it been married 42 years and they have worked through these.

If you have a chronic disease you have the caregiver and alcoholism is a chronic disease there's no cure there's recovery you can walk in it, but you can have somebody in that orbit and Tori was that individual is an individual for Russ and it's a good interview caregiver it's on our podcast standing with hope.com and stay with hope is the present sponsor of all that I do.

It's the ministry gracing founded years ago.

We have two outreaches one is a prosthetic limb outreach to her fellow entities and the other is the caregiver outreach which were doing right now lives to get back to the phones. 888-589-8840 and listen ever to try to think of who's going first. Okay, it's of Larry in Texas. Larry good morning how you feeling I'm okay.

I'm going to have to help will have been very dear friend of mine for many years. In any event, there going on and and and there is a letter.

The Navy will acknowledge disability or whatever. Okay, his wife has had to nearly her entire life as she puts it to me. That made him take care of that event and now you don't either but but a month ago. He cuts away from heart attacks.

Suddenly he was out of town and that puts her in a long, that is, I have no way of understanding it on the mouth. Sometimes I'm wondering if I should recommend her want to show yes absolutely and my books and my music CD called songs for the caregiver and you know you have to.

There's a detox. Of this thing for caregivers. The other carrier for 32 years so I haven't reached the detox because of still doing it, but when it stops it takes a long time to reorient your thinking and you gotta work through a lot of grief. One of things that I want to do on the show is everything I do is help caregivers learn how to grieve in a healthy manner. We know how to grieve and a rageful matter or despairing matter, but do we know how to grieve and a healthy marriage. When you have a look at our suffering for what it is in the light of the cross and grieve this out to grieve without not like those who have no hope. But we still need to grief and out edit a CD called songs for the caregiver.

Gracie sings about half of it in and gray. She's got an amazing voice and she's a real no. Consider this my wife and I'm playing the rest of on on every track and it's up but it's the hymns great hymns of the faith. There's one original cell that I wrote for caregivers and the rest of this risk is to comfort and to strengthen her and to get her in her journey of learning to be comforted in that. So yes, I would recommend her listen to the show. I would recommend you share the show with everyone that you even think that's a caregiver or may be related to a caregiver. Here's the deal. If you love somebody, you're going to be a caregiver. If you live long enough, you will need one and I know that I'll quote the Lord and he will ring I called. I don't know the fine line between weather weather. So going to hear you are or are one pertinent to know the good than the negative not know the path you know it will plunge into the negative of the past. I promise you, because we don't live in the negative.

The past what we deal with.

We look at it for what it is and we take it all to the cross and follow Wigginton and you center to the show. You can trust me with her. I'll take good care of her about that which I by the way, would you sing it at his funeral I got you now, that I never saw it again in my phone book. I didn't ever.

Until the day he died and I didn't know you die and I came across the strong info I mean it was good for him. I don't write your email.

Yeah, you can go out to go out to the website you contact me from there stating without.com or or you can follow us on Facebook as well and hope for the caregiver. A lot of ago that it got that but yet we get on but yeah just get you does call back and let us know what it was okay yeah I Larry listen I want to I want to jump on some of the call super, thank you so much for calling and will and you can trust us with your friend okay I want to pray.

Her name is Diana. We will do that if I doubt you will just do that right now, Lord, we just thank you for Diane.

We thank you for her service to caring for this man who gave so much and lost so much in service of his country. We thank you father for her inner strength and we – right now for comfort. I know that people agree with us all over the country on American family radio throughout whoever's list of the singular grained we would lift her up to you father for comfort and for strength. We thank you for Larry for caring about this wonderful family. They been through a lot and we would ask for strength for today bright hope for tomorrow and we thank you for that. In Jesus name, amen Larry, thank you so much for the call list go to Darlene in Indiana Darlene good morning Heidi how you feeling well I got back a lot of memories don't think that I might because I wasn't okay. I couldn't make strong at my situation. I rock and I thundered slowly down enter. She remember me anymore as I remember he lived on about how I say and Atlanta after like eight months mainly on American and I Gail and I can okay yes a couple questions early. Do you have his gym to hear hear an echo or something radio we have the radio on the radio talk now.

Thank you so much for that. Darlene how how often do you talk with her son quite a bit and again. Have you had this conversation with him.

Not a whole lot that hurt that I haven't really coding out deep leotard will. It sounds like you felt guilty because you were therefore her and for him. Is that correct what what's what you think about maybe have that conversation with him every well what's keeping you from here now and lighting seen the lion wants you and Angela Castle.

Anything you like one.

I went there. Well that's that's that's reasonable question and I think that if if you go to make any kind of headway, and in dealing with this guilt that you're caring at some point you're going to have to make amends to him at some point and just if you feel guilty that you that you abandon them and just say look, I this was on me. I did this and I did this out of my own fear out of my own heartache and I was focused on me and I was not there for you and and I regret that Unum and I'm deeply sorry to miss you. Forgive me. I make now when I commence. I like to her that he may need to email it may be very healing to him to hear that you care enough to want to make amends to his heart's. It's not about this and it's not about necessary you feeling better and maybe about him being healed in this area. Maybe you could speak to his own healing his own grieving in take your eyes off of your grief or minute and put it on his because he's the one that actually did it all and you work in some way knowing where that's true. I went did you send any kind of financial resources to them or anything like that. So basically you left them hanging out the window little bit and so it's time to repair that relationship. He may be okay. He may be just got on the server say well that's just the way it is. But maybe, just maybe, you could be a source of strength and comfort to him to come to him and say you look. I regret this. I allowed my own grief to consuming and I did not make good decisions and I wasn't looking at your sorrow and your your situation and I left you hanging out the window and I want to make amends for it.

That takes a lot of guts to do it but I like willing Passover now hello you been sober all night.

Not maybe a year. The sponsor working recovery program on I was about to sound out will have a bank unit what some hurt.

I couldn't fill it out and get what's not going to what's stopping you from going to the meeting can't dictation because Amy could let underlined okay I man I man I actually did time. I'm really hard to handle, and I'm again maybe you may be very hard to handle, but that doesn't mean that you can't work a recovery program and it may be all of those things that you may be so limited.

You don't feel like anything you can do to help. I have Iranian family will see what you think big adjustment to the break come back and talk about this.

This figure as part of this is hope for the caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver 888-589-8840 will be right back you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became it. I questioned why God allows something so brittle to happen to me. But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs all – is to point others to Christ source and my help and strength visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing with help.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by caregiver. The speed Rosenberger. I am bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not, and would latch with us. 888-589-8840 hope for the caregiver.calm if you will see more information. Hey listen I darling real quick about take Joe back into this were tough.

Darlene, who is in Indiana. She struggling she was not there for her sister and for her sister, son, while her sister climbed and eventually passed away and Darlene is feeling very very guilty about this.

She started drinking a good bit. She's blonde and darling, do you know of anyone that's working in AA program, who can give you a ride to a meeting now. I do you know of anybody you can get online and and and area will let's let's start with this. A recovery program is essential for you.

You not to be much good to anybody.

If you not working recovery program. If you if you if you're drinking again so your sobriety is, isn't is paramount right now. Okay whatever that's going to take 11 with this conflict beget friends somebody to go if you go online and help you find a meeting that's close enough to you that you can get a ride to something. But if working group recovery program has to be the paramount driving force for you because if you stay sober, then you have a better shot of of patching up any relationship still with all the trauma that you felt all those things that are going on with you and that so so your sobriety is is paramount in this okay so I'm passing right I get when I'm wondering now I know I drink like I understand that but but if you try to white knuckle this by yourself.

It's only a matter of time.

So I'm asking you listed is this to find somebody and somebody in your church. Somebody who can get you regularly to a meeting where you can get a sponsor and you can start on the path of of working this recovery program with with in intensity and intentional ferocity of making sure that your sober because then you be able to process your grief better than you be able to make amends to your nephew better than you will be able to walk a calm or healthier life. But if you are trying to to battle alcoholism all by yourself. I promise you this this thing will beach. Okay, I know I got to try and get out and I would like you but but let's focus on how you feel and help with what is going be necessary for you to get to a place of safety right that's that's your next action step is to find somebody who can get you to a meeting. If you can't write can't take public transportation if you can't walk to one and there may be one within walking distance. I don't but the point is find a meeting go get a sponsor start working recovery program. If it's not any more complicated than that, that's going to set you on the path towards dealing with the pain that's in your heart about this. Towards dealing with your your nephew all the sinks, because all that guilt that tormented all those bad feelings. What's gonna happen is you go to want to make this go away by drinking.

I called I wrong. I don't want you to go to the path that you did and I don't want you to go through it again if we don't get you on a safer path. It's only a matter of time before you go down that path okay and around and everybody know you know you don't well I want you what you preach and everybody else what else is preached, you still with you okay I darling.

Keep us posted what's going on right I like so much for the call. Thank you very much all right Michael Michael's in Illinois.

Michael get out of Mitchell.

I'm sorry Mitchell and I good morning how you feeling great are you all for minimize age limited abilities and think of doing all right power into our you limited lilacs not spiritually and the mentally I can tell that when there are some who disagree with the mentally part Mitchell. There are some who would meet. I would what's going on with program Optimizer program if private sector third time I've caught you on Saturday morning.

Elmore we are in the process of starting a caregivers afternoon personal bowling alley several years you have out youth youth center now and three afternoons a week. We have used their afterschool. We would like to do something for caregivers so they could drop their loved one off say like you want an afternoon and then come back and get him at 45 and trying to get this off the ground. Haven't been going quite as loudly shot. I also like the last caller. I'm recovering in recovery. First one several years so I understand those concerns and that's why we want to give something back to the community were just not Tylenol or mesh. The component somewhat well let me volunteer let me help with that. First off I'm a caregiver and I don't know that I would want to drop off my love what Gracie does will be dropped off anywhere select different kinds of caregivers.

Children with special needs people with A special physical needs, and then when you get into dementia and Alzheimer's. That's a whole different ballgame and so you are probably not going to be set up for a lot of people to trust you with their level. Caregivers are reticent to do that because if I trust you with of that.

I got a trust that you don't even be able take care of them as well as I can and so there a lot of different kinds of caregivers. What I would recommend. I think a better course of action. Find somebody who's doing this. That's an approved facility that already has these types of things they have these types of qualifications and so forth. And then volunteer with them only good thing or under their umbrella for liability your under their umbrella for four training and all that come stuff and they just volunteer with them in and let them give you decide your role so you can participate in a skilled place. It's doing this. These little mom and pops and jump up and do this, stuff you're not going to want to the deck that you're opening up of a place that I don't think this can be helpful for you, may make you feel good in the short term of the loan from that's going be a difficult thing but there plenty of programs out there that do this would have skilled train professionals that are overseeing it that are engaged with it, and they could always use an extra pair hands that would be be a better source of of concentrated help then you try to to go and reinvent the wheel and you just don't have the training for the skill set for the following quite well taken out last year we did go to about an hour away, destroying rock fall there during the three churches want together and are doing this and that so we got all their criteria and what they deaden and not just that we do something here more local well there are a lot of ways that you you can get involved. Johnny and friends, excuse me, my friend Johnny Erickson taught you ever heard of her. You know her, I'm broke.

Well, she's dear friend and she has this thing called family retreats and they're all over the country execute an international with the and that's where people can come and volunteer to help families with respite care and so forth were families with special needs and disabilities at all can come. That's another place that you can volunteer to participate in something like this and you're doing it under their curriculum, their program, their training and of Christ centered environment. Johnny and friends.org and III would recommend doing that as opposed to you. Try to reinvent the wheel.

Their people already out there doing this they're doing it that they've worked through all the issues and if you get out there and try to do this, you're opening yourselves up for a lot of lot of challenges a lot of problems there are things about being a caregiver that unless you've done it for any kind of link the time you're not a know it is good to come in a skillet's got a really just knock you over.

So don't put yourself in that position take that passion you have to help which is well founded on love that and appreciated, and then bring that and those willing hands to people who already have an infrastructure to deal with this. Okay, right hand and in their place is something locally locally. Well, there you are sure there's something locally.

There's something within your within your sphere somewhere that that's going on with that. It could be United cerebral palsy. It could be you know there's there's there's churches that have a all because of a senior care set ups and so forth. There's all kinds of things and you can be a light and all of those I did it and they don't have to be necessarily Christian organization you can be the Christian in that organization.

If you short volunteers. Let the light a crush on you wherever you are. Okay so you get a place that's completely secular, but here taking the gospel into that because you're going in there and you just bring you just bring your hands but you know, Augustine said, the church father Augustine said, you preach the gospel always and if necessary use words you know your hands can be a source of great help to people and you don't have to go find somebody that has the five points of Calvinism or this this and this and this just go just go start helping got called. He will tell Mitchell that was frustrated because he didn't have churches were paying him to come on staff to be a minister. He had a calling to be administered if he could find a job doing a civil go minister your calling is to ministers not to go have a vocation.

Just go minister and you have this passion to go in and help folks with this.

Go do it. Don't try to start something that's going to take on more than this really outside of your purview. Go find somebody's doing it. Bring your hands. Bring your passion and bring more importantly the light of the gospel that sinew to whatever situation there's something in your in your community that's going on, even if it's embryonic but bring your passion to that and I think you'll find that to be an incredibly rewarding experience. I listen rather quiet time and thank you very much. Let's appreciate the call list were out of time we got to go. This is hope for the caregiver, hope for the caregiver.if you want to see more. We have a podcast. It's free things help their we have books we have CDs we got it all. We put it all out there for you when you take advantage of it. How are you going to do this all by yourself. Friends don't let friends caregiver little you know hope for the caregiver and I'm Peter Rosenberger will see you next week.

The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American family Association or American family radio