Women Feeling Desperate and Abused from an Addict While Caregiving

Show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver IMP Rosenberger bringing decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not would be on the show 800-688-9522 800-688-9522 Lisko phones right now, this is Paula Oklahoma Paul, are you feeling tired and angry. I lets let's start with the last one you're angry what he angry about.

I'm angry at my mother and my I guess my brother.

I care for my mother who lives with me and she 77 and my brotherhood. 56 on the youngest and it's just very hard dealing with family have past drug use and I just don't trust them around my mother and now I'm having to go through a legal battle to get him out of the house that I own I started I don't know what let's go back to your mother why you angry with your mother because she has allowed him to end up in the position she that and she continues to enable him and I'm kinda caught in the middle and I'm not trying to blow up at her and she have dementia a little bit and I just don't know what to do anymore. I just sort through all the players and the pieces here so basically your mother's enabled your brother for so long and now he is a train wreck and in its you could use the help that you can't trust him again. You have to take steps against him because she didn't raise him in a way that really helped to become a better adult faculty to meet a man to take care of the family… My dad was an alcoholic and abuser, and so our whole family is pretty much the functional will. This is not an uncommon problem and let's let's talk take that little tiny piece by piece.

Okay number one is what are you doing to be in any kind of recovery program for yourself or you wouldn't cut a 12 step program of some kind for family members of alcoholics Radix no I see a counselor I have my figure but I listen to your program.

I'm I guess I'm trying to I'm hanging on by thread working with us. If we can't make that little stronger right.

Talk to you counselor or you can go in your area go online and look for a look for some type of recovery program for family members of alcoholics, children, adult children of alcoholics is probably a good place to start because you still have some things to work out with your dad. I would imagine that even though he's not well he's gone no no no no no no.

Trust me on this.

He can be just in the ground and you're still dealing with the. The aftermath of his addiction and it's going to be very healthy for you and very healing for you and strengthening for you to walk through that and start detangling all that and this could help you better deal with your brother and your mother, but more importantly, Scott had a deal with you because you can't deal your mother's got an illness.

She's got dementia now she's decline right your brother has an addiction. You can't fix either one of those things you cannot reason with your mother. You cannot reason with your brother on this. You cannot talk them out of their illness. What you can do is start protecting you in this and one of the things I'm finding out is so many people are dealing with this reality of caregiving and their having to do it with both hands tied behind her back because are also dealing with some kind of addiction issue that that's coveted it's it's is it as if dementia wasn't mean enough and now you got addiction issues. Alcoholic issues and resentment issues and all that kind of stuff in your heart is just like you said, you start off on your worn out your weary you tired in your heart is trying to undercut Lane. I guess I will tired of caring for my brotherhood and adult man and I'm tired of being responsible and I want him to leave and refused to move out of the house he left the front door unlocked. The other night and my biggest problem is him have you change the locks on the door know because he said he's gonna take me to court.

I own now probably drug addicts to say a lot of things okay detach from this little bit and realize that you're going to need to do what is this her to protect yourself, even if it comes the point of a restraining order or ideas not he is not welcome on your property. He is not welcome in your home. Yes, addiction and illness and impairment that is harmful to you and your environment and that is not up for debate, and you do not have to be at the mercy of his illness, and so talk to your counselor about this, but it may be time to bring in some legal steps that he can take you to court all at once, but if he's an addict. I doubt he's got money to afford a lawyer shotgun in between the mattress and have a felony, already and didn't like. Okay when I went with my mom over wit will listen. Let your mom going over the edge.

But if this guy is a felon and a drug addict and has a shotgun under his mattress. This is not a complex issue.

It's painful, but is not complex. Law enforcement needs to be involved yesterday. Okay okay and you you talk to, you could talk.

You can also get your pastor involved whoever do not try to do this all by yourself.

But if this if he is a felon with a shotgun.

That's a game changer right okay you are not safe with this man without having hit this man under under constraint of authorities okay. He's breaking the law when it and and he's going to put you and your mother risking your mother if she goes on over there she goes over the edge, but I would rather go over the edge than for you to be victimized by this any further. Your safety is paramount and you don't feel safety.

No, not at all unstressed. The monad would like women like my dad because he was so not to let my brother. It will that's got stop today. No silly, but you pastor your good relation with your pastor, I don't really have a home church either.

Okay, that's start taking these things in order. You going to need a home church but talk about you yesterday like you counselor you think. Very good.

I tried to get together to go and hang out and work okay. Does your counselor know a good attorney that you can call or can you go tell you how to go about bailing out a restraining order I got a legal aid, advice, and they said I have to give my brother are no different to vacate a 30 day notice. Do they know that he is a shotgun under his bed. No, that would be a helpful piece of information to tell somebody in authority that there is a convicted felon who has a shotgun under his bed, who has a drug problem that would be helpful piece of information for authorities to know okay that this this thing is going to get really ugly. It's going to get out now because I have a bearing on checkered past and will, try to blackmail me, I would've that I was a lesbian back in the day and now he liked bringing all that up and was not cramping. I'm going to get credit now that was the path Paula T. Something about our Savior. There is nothing that you have done that that Christ is going to bring up and start labeling is you that come straight from Satan. All right okay that's that's what Satan means the accuser and so that that would you're in court and somebody wants to come out of this. The way I look at it if they want to get me into a long trial of said you did this it is. I just plead guilty and go straight to execution all right and went Charles Spurgeon cigarette a great quote from Charles Spurgeon.

He said when we stand before God. We stand as Christ because Christ stood before God is us. I just want you to just hang onto that thought for just a moment. Do you understand that you have a Savior that took every bit of that, every bit of your checkered past. Every bit of your broken sexuality every bit of that. He took the and he bore and you were not being blackmail with anything because you have a Savior that is your advocate now and this guy is messed up. He is dangerous he is messed up and you're trying to take care your mother.

You try to honor your mother and your father even though your father was a drunk and was abusive at all the stuff you're still trying to do what is the right thing to do and you're doing what you're going to have to pull in some extra hard help here and that's good right law enforcement to put some restraint around this young man or of this these-year-old released 56 right I'm the main Mike. I will also okay then what we can get. This is not couple things 12 step recovery program for you, but the writing thing is let's get you safe with get you to safety. Okay, this immediate thing right now is your safety so I want you to want you to call whoever you can call whether it's your counselor whatever and say look, I've gotta take this to the to the next level.

Here and if you counselor it discourages that you let the counselor know that there is a shotgun involved. There are drugs involved. There's abusive behavior involved. If you counselor still doesn't help you with that you need another counselor right okay let's start with that. Call the local police and ask them what okay I do not do this alone.

Paula and did not do, not white knuckle this okay. I thank you for Paula. Paula proud of you. I'm proud of you honey credit you going to get through this mistake. This make those calls right now. Okay there is I've got to go to break this funerals burger this is. I'm Gracie Rosenberger 26 years ago I walked for the first time in prosthetic legs.

I saw firsthand how important quality prosthetic limbs are 20 PT this understanding compelled me to establish standing without more than a dozen years we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help and inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength, please visit standing without.com to learn more and participate in lifting others out that standing with help.com. I'm Gracie and I'm standing with help is about.

This host by caregiver. That's my wife Grace so just love this phone I want to be more like Jesus is my weakness is revealed by strife.

Something about the woman who's had 80 surgeries. Both legs amputated lives with extreme pain all the time and she understands that message and I want you to understand and I want our last caller Paula to understand that that that our weakness is revealed by his stripes were healed. And there's a greater problem that we are saved from an Gracie knows this then amputation than traumatic car wreck, then dimension then illnesses than addictions and all these kinds of things that plague us. There is a greater toxicity and that is the sin in this world. And when you when you start to walk down that path you understand just how big the cross really is and I want you all listing right now and there are a lot of people listing the show all across the country. Some of you out there can do this.

Some of you are called to do this well, but I think were all coming to this I want you all to just commit with me that you can lift Paula up in prayer. I took a lot of courage for her to call the show in her life is really really difficult if we don't come together as believers and is is people of of reflecting the character of God, to lift each other up in prayer to build each other up, then what are we doing some asking. I'm asking you to. Her name is Paul in her life is broken and we've pointed her to the best we can to to a place of safety but I know that if situation there. When you have a drug addict who was abusive who is a felon and they have a firearm that's a game changer and you call law enforcement and let the chips fall where they may.

But I would rather her brother be bitter and resentful and even hate her and for her brother to harm her and the only way she could get help is if you get somebody that's able to physically restrain this guy.

That's were law enforcement issues that will do it and they can have to call law enforcement. This will not get better on its own. It will get worse and so you have to call in and set up those perimeters and those boundaries and sometimes that involves a sheriff that sometimes it involves the police officer your safety as a caregiver is paramount. Don't mess around with this, make the call. If you don't have a pastor, get yourself involved in a church with a pastor who understands these kinds of things because it put a pastor can walk with you through this. I was, I did. I was on Mike Huckabee show not too terribly long ago and he and I were talking backstage and I remember telling him what really piqued my ear with him when I first saw him on the national scene is running for president 2008 and asked him why was qualified to be to run for president and he was a two-term governor in Arkansas. By that point, two-term governor that his response was as a pastor. I've had a front row seat to every type of social dynamic out there and he talked about going into seems like what Paul just reflected with as a pastor and this is what pastors do. This is what ministers of the gospel. Do they are willing to walk with you through this and if you have one that is not then by all means get away from that person because that you don't need them in your life you you need warrior men of God to walk with you through those things. Paula needs that's seeing this whole thing of toxic masculinity. I just rejected that's masculinity that is men being godly men who walk with you through this.

That's what you need and and it didn't and she becomes a godly woman and God reached into the mess of her life and pulled her out in his redeemed her and she needs to be reminded of that daily of of what God has done on her behalf because it the shame of the sin that that plagues us will will will will terrace down it. It is without mercy. You think Alzheimer's has no mercy to see the ravages of sin up close and personal.

This is what the show is about is helping rescue the heart of the family caregiver who is just getting pummeled. You heard it right here earlier you just heard this woman groaning over this. This is why we do the show. This is why we do the show. Let me go to Vicki in Mississippi. Vicki good morning how you feel are all alike.

Paula, I have made back in my family home or years after my father died and my mother got faith for lung cancer in Manchester and I'll take care of her. She can't blame Lana and see what the best example of the Christian mother that I could find my only child within the wind in the Marine Corps and in eight years and to Jordan Afghanistan and now I'm target everything in life my file to be a all the Hiram Police Department called another dad because people have been calendar and that he needs help and on top and a ham and drop the phone and found by connection and he came at me and scream and you found out that they thought I called so I ran out that now when they got call back just like with which Ray my mom is outside trying to make people think at the right car which is exactly what he did and how he put me on the phone and he said he cannot get snakes to get help, it already curtly before now. The is my only child for breaking my heart ripping me apart and understand that he has these problem adding college.

The problem on a valve by using drug him as I'm afraid of him physically and he uses that I make minimum wage. I cannot afford to go out and get somewhere to live with you yet. This is the family home and the whale has become for probate. But when it that oblong thinking on My daddy thought that was only child that was ever born in the world and yet he found from began money that had failed. It everything not even being able to hold a job, it may make sense. How and but nobody else can. Let me I'm target any target. All in all and is not still in service, the right are not and what does he do for a living.

Now nothing I pay every bill and I everywhere toilet paper that comes in here if I bring things in my lane to hot for me to ADM and found them while I'm at work I work full-time and eat them and to get by any it a point to where you need to make all and live you till you told about this couple relative my transfer. Would you pastor say well that's what chart mainly made up of family and yet I will pray for you if you need me. I'm not holding on and stay with a Merry I'm not Dragon anybody out in the united object. I'm not one day that and now you know I made a lot of the right path. Technology brings that an account and I you know that forgiven me.

If you can't take that up with God.

You know Ashley's manipulation on his part trying to keep you in a thunderstorm or just just let that go back okay I don't need to.

Don't don't engage with it again I would go back to what you and Paula both deal with you not safe in this is that this is a young man evidently who is suffering from some type of PSD PTSD humming and he is he's really war as it does misses him up cosmos, and so that you Vicki is doing well. I think we lost Vicki and will let's list Vicki.

Hopefully you're still listening and and let's talk about this. This is a young man who is obviously been has taken home the battlefield with an and he needs desperate help, but he may or may not get that help, but somebody in authority it needs to know this. Somebody that is bigger than you. Vicki needs to know this and if you pastors just simply say were going to pray for you that's not enough and tell you pastors listen.

Pray for me please pray but come on. I mean really, you know, learned learn to read between the lines and see the family dynamic. You know, it just didn't get this woman to safety.

Get this woman to a place where she can be able to have groceries in the house without her.

Her son, stealing them from her and who is threatening her and and and Vicki call law enforcement get a social work involved get somebody involved who has access to these things free legal aid, something change the locks evict this guy if the house is going to go to him then you know what leave the house and go to a better place in and make the call. Do what's necessary for you to preserve your life, because this will not get better on its own. This is not going to change on its own and when this kid gets the house because that's what your father left to do with them have been excluded getting divorce. And sometimes you may have to just flee with the shirt on your back and start all over and I think is at your only son. I hate this just nothing infuriates me more with but this is your safety were talking about. This is your life and it's in danger and absorb the call got disconnected of what happened. Please make the call to local authorities and get yourself to a place of safety paramount. So for the caregiver dispute Roseburg Rosenberg your help somebody walk the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not heavy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for use in prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that were doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com would you take a moment ago understanding with hope.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God.

You could be a part of that@standingwithhope.com to cure someone who's not. And that was John Erickson taught and my wife Gracie singing because he lives we can face tomorrow.

Those you don't know Johnny.

She is currently undergoing her second bout with cancer. After living in a wheelchair for 51 years with quadriplegia, Gracie 80+ surgeries both her legs amputated. The two women together have over 85 years of disability between them. Extreme disability in their singing because he lives we can face tomorrow and some of the things that were dealing with today on the show are very very painful for all things smooth and anchor you in the gospel to point you to safety. And that's what were doing and it's a it's a brutal world and now I think those of you are just now enjoying the show for the first time are starting to understand why we do the show. There is so much trauma and I can only do so much a one hour show, but I'm doing everything I can American family were doing what we can right now to help you get to a place of safety where you can catch your breath taken me if you have to start developing what is necessary for you to stay strong and healthy. No matter what's happening with your love one, and these are just brutal heartbreaking will all scenarios at your hearing and they're not isolated events that are happening all the time and it's it's it's heartbreaking but were going were putting our shoulder to the wheel to do the best that we can to help point you to safety. To give you permission to call the sheriff if you need to on your only son, if that's what it's gotta take that's what it's going to take but the reality is if you're dealing with somebody who is has a drug problem as an addiction issue three scenarios that are the only three scenarios that are going to happen there either going to get sobered up or they're gonna get locked up with her to get covered up. That's it. You cannot stop this from happening there either going to get their life into some type of recovery program they're going to go to jail or they're gonna die.

The question is how or what will be left of you through that process, they will take you and everything they love with them into the depths of this and if you do not make the phone call to get to safety. A promise you that would be your only son. They will take you out.

They will hurt you do what is necessary for you to get to safety financially, emotionally, physically and certainly spiritually Sarah at oh Sarah in Ohio.

Good morning how you feeling loyal Florida that you could just look at how you feel is are our wonderful pair only minor, morning, how are you will.

It's been a rough morning a lot of blood heartbreaking calls and says on here your caregiver to your mom and you had the same problems. Paula and I thought hearing a cow like taking care of my mother that check and can't for my client when plugging left off my home. I own it. I was working full time trying everything I could do anything for my mother paying for everything.

The utilities the house payment. All of the Vicki brought out the toilet paper on everything right, contributing nothing that He is a drug addict has been in and out of jail and Pres. and he was committing violent actually can gain even online. Each of the final but my southbound I tried to consequently and he would throw things at one time he actually called a knife and I had to get the police involved and I thank God every day that I can. It was Harley's request to question, serve when you call the police, who did you call just call 911 would you do I: our local quickly placed part and they sent out a police officer to the home. They can't kill creditors into office and they took a statement and they assess the situation was your son there. When they came alive and Eric wrapped around my call so I was able to call. How did that go. They rest them on the site in a minaret line fight and I felt horrible that this was my only child, my son that I had arrested. He had a checkered past. Already had a record and I knew in my heart that you explained presently that I have nothing in my heart I went to left to take care of my mother had gone.

Where is he now. He is Homer and I lived with that every day for it so much better to look like that. Knowing that he at least had a chance. I have hope that he is going to either and she said take 13 staff explained client backup is going to go to jail. I think they covered up and I pray for him every day. I have heard.

Make time a couple times how he is feeling Christ (it got and found it to a couple differently company program and what does my heart good the same time is still left with some guilt but the guilt I'm living with these days if not years, is it out having to make that decision. That was the hardest thing I ever get into recovery program ourselves. I have one year and I have to talk to a conflict for Not much stronger today and life is so much a fear that likely nothing there. I know how to when they feel they have no hope they they feel like they're broken like their life and they are right now and they are crushed emotionally, spiritually in every way and think they have no lifeline right now and they feel that they can't go on it. Another, much like the K and now I get up every morning. I now think they are currently at that day if my son out there, half the affect him and God he Can count.

Yes I kick him out that think that that is deficient in factional that made his wife donated today and fainted.

Take advice thing Polly got out for crying out shopping much better now have more energy and Keith I'll take care of them.

Monetary value hardest thing apart and do it is completely draining. I'm trying everything necessary that Ellen cannot care for and found at the staff unpacking gigantic in-home caulking working but problems and violent parking just SO much more abstract front and they won't break and hearing and Polly is why she felt that already.

She needed to get her brother out, and that house burned down today. Tomorrow where she found a cow chic. I have to start from scratch anyway so the wand is worried about her father getting count.

Take care of yourself. You're going to be so much happier and it with your life if you shot take. That life no sooner than that taken my advice or taking yours and you are you are one of my favorite people know what world right now what you just said and I want you to know that what you have modeled is why we do the show and if I could get if I can get you to be the cohost of the show what you have just modeled is the very thing that we are trying so hard to do is to point people to a place of safety. It is not without great cost and it is not without great pain but it is possible to do this and like you said you wake up every day and you're not feeling this neato 300 pound block of cement on your chest that is crushing and it's painful and it's raw and it hurts but your safety is is paramount in your son is a disease that you cannot fight you are and you are not able to do that and just as we committed to pray for Paul and for Vicki Mildred also continue to pray for you and your son. And this is the audience the praise. This is an audience that gets this. This is a network that gets this and Sarah what you have done this morning as you have. You have spoken such great truth and hope in the midst of this, God bless you and why you are you are you engage with other individuals in your community or church who going through the U are you talking with them on a regular basis like church online when not on long after starting a help group. They can't track situational in our area corrected and will just I applaud you for that because that is so necessary. You are a voice that that so many need to hear and right where you are in your church, and so forth and I want you to do what you do something for me. I want you to feel free to call and that the show any time you want anytime you want something is on your heart if there's a scripture that you're reading or something. Whatever you want to say I want to hear from you will pray I have not had only will said got a goat in the show. This is Peter Roseberry. This is hope for the caregiver caregiver.com you will see some more information so forth out there. Thank you for being part of the show.

Thank you for giving us this opportunity if caregivers make better caregivers basically start to matter what your password is the views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American family Association or American family radio