"Have the Talk of a Lifetime!"

Show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by kicker Ryan Peter Rosenberg to bring three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not how you feel are you doing that's what the show is all about. How are you doing. We want you to leave the show better than when you got here a little, little healthier and more joyful and a lot more informed okay and that's what the show is all about 800-688-9522 John, you know, the aging and mortality rate in this country is still at 100%. That's right here yeah and those are those are hard numbers. I did a study.

I did okay and one of the things that we have as caregivers is that we have to deal with certain unpleasant realities, and because there unpleasant.

We push them off and we don't want to talk about it.

We weak it makes us squeamish. It makes us is just it overwhelms us sometimes and I thought were going to change that and change it on this show and I enlisted the help of some folks at the National funeral Directors Association to come in and talk about death and end of life and what we do, how do we handle this. So many people are caring for somebody in their own home. What you do all those things. So Randy Randy Anderson is from Alexandria, Alabama. Is it right it Randy Alabama Alexander city, Alabama, and I've actually been there. How really don't tell you about adulthood, but now I want your city to remain intact and not play as it is a nice place.

I was just driving through Andalusia yesterday and that all it is you are with the National funeral Directors Association and you run a funeral home down there and Alexander city Alabama hello you been doing this I been 30 years now was a family business. It was not. I'm a first-generation first-generation college that I was an educator before I became very professional. What drew you to it at law think the biggest draw was the ability to be able to help people in a very difficult, there if I could encourage them in and help them along that way that something that was very important to me that that was my my calling. I love that it is a call, I believe it is calling my mind as minister and and as a pianist I was free labor for a lot of funerals because he is somebody that the PFO and so I got conscripted in that I've but I've carried on the tradition.

I can't count how many funerals I played it and I and I never play weddings. If you do the job did you mention it, I don't like to play weddings is too much drama and people will blame it funeral.

None of funerals a different time because it's a time to really care for families in a much different way and serene. That means a lot to me to hear you say that because I I do think it's of its and it's a tremendous calling of ministry and it's an opportunity to to be with folks, this is a subject that we as caregivers don't want to talk about but I will say this in a couple years ago. Randy when my wife my wife was in in really bad shape and love people that know this, but we almost lost her multiple times that I was certain that this was it. And she did a lot of infections and it was just it was it was a bad situation and it dawned on me that Ed and I would check on her like you don't regularly throughout the day and just make sure she still breathing and and I and I thought okay if she passes away right here in the house who I call what I do and I thought let's start with that question because a lot of people that are dealing with that red, they don't know who to call. So what was the first thing you do if if your love with you taking care of somebody in your loved one passes away, and maybe would say maybe you would think this could be happening. Or maybe just happens unexpected.

How do you call well the first thing you do it that at Loveland under hospice care to contact the hospice nurse on call and make a comment.

They take care of all the rest want want their own thing.

If that is not hot or lack think you need to call 911 to get an ambulance layer and then they would go on. They are notified that local authorities and the local authorities would notify the state appear home so you don't have to call the funeral home first. Not necessarily at that if if if you anticipate that that, I think it's a good idea to sit down with the funeral director had come pointing and maybe discuss some options and then let them take particular way that they handle things in an hour and 1/2 day so just keep notes on this because I love you don't know what to do this on the podcast as well and hope for the caregiver.com so so you call if you're under hospice care.

Then you call the hospice folks that are that are working with you.

If you're not in the just this just unexpectedly happens or it just happens and you were under hospice care. Then you just call 911 and they'll send an ambulance out right in it and they will call the police.

After that it just let the police know this is what we did, what with what's going on.

You know what the police don't have to come to the home to the Pharaoh in all jurisdictions may come to notify the corner a medical examiner and medical down I will make a call today at appropriate okay I and then so what is the things you can do this 30 years. Why do you other than the thing it's it's death and it's uncomfortable. What are some things that you can do or you can say today that would help inspire people was going to have this conversation now before we get into those crisis moments and start doing that preplanning at the absolute best thing if talk a lot whether they're sick or whatever and find out something about them without funeral services that.

They tell the last story. Basically, we have some wonderful helpful things that you can do all program call have the talk of a lifetime that we sponsor the funeral and Memorial information Council as well as the national Directors Association deco card that has questions about life.

You can sit down with your loved one and answer those questions and kinda like a card game go back and forth gauge a lot of information about that person and helps you plan in the future of their memorialization seen so many and I know you have to wear the family just really wasn't prepared for this in the service was sad, but not because it was just because it was a death. It was sad because they didn't really take this opportunity to celebrate that life and and do that, he fell apart and if you wait until the last minute or if you if you try to throw something together. It changes our it's it's it's not going to have the it it'll it'll you have regrets over in the end you don't want to do that. I've been to funerals where there was so much passion and life and those it and everybody walked out of there yeah with tears, but not not tears of despair not tears of rage or resentment or frustration, but tears of how this was beautiful and and that doesn't come without a little bit of planning doesn't exactly right. You have to sit down and have some idea. Sometimes people get in a rush to get this over with their hire date been through a lot of thing. My back to family his weight don't be in a hurry.

Take time to think about this. You may plan a wedding that we talked about playing it when you make that take months to plan a wedding and that's a very important part of the block, but it's also important that with plan for funeral.

Then we don't get in a rush. We don't have much often to plan for funerals that we need to take our time and then plan that celebration of life so that that person is fittingly remembered and their legacy lives on in the memory of playing the church like a lady comes up to its piece is really listening for later funeral. Is it when you have a date in mind because localities can speak, but so pick out the Psalms that you want and I know I got it I got. I only got one beef with funeral homes one beef you ready for this rainy day in red just don't have good keyboards you know horse of course is just I get these cheap electric keyboards in an hour or as some kind of Wurlitzer you know and it just breaks my heart because get a piano in their get a real piano would do it but could you kid.

Do you have an incredible with that will I do at my funeral and I have got to good piano will work from now on, if you will be played at your funeral so you could affix it well II went are important part that one important and and and and and there's no wrong way to have a funeral.

As far as it goes on with you.

It's it needs to be reflective of the person you guys help with with obits as well.

We usually sit with the family during that arrangement, process, and the obit and get everything like it's supposed to be in all the personal information obituary just a short life story you wanted to say something important, not just announce the funeral service in the visitation yeah and a little bit at that person will a lot of people aren't writers in the end they'll try to do things they probably shouldn't do and think they could use the help of some people who done this before someone the other day and they put the guy's nickname in the in the obit John and it was varmint his name okay look is the man has the nickname form. If it probably was appropriate when I know I do. Person has asked a little bit of dignity that you know but but it's good that the boat most of your better funeral homes are going to have somebody who could help right help the family put together a nice obituary. Is that correct that there were all pretty well-trained and all right now. One of the question here and I'm dumb to do the lightning round with Uranus and thank you for taking time on this.

It really means a lot. This is Randy Anderson with the National funeral Directors Association and they are I think you had courts out of Wisconsin right I broke it was gone yes and Richard announce inner-city Alabama and 30 years he's been doing this so that this is these are things that we want just talk about.

We don't have to get all weird about it and morbid about it.

It's just a part of it.

We need to make some good decisions on and some people have the you know they don't go to a lot of funerals and say don't know but I I've played so many apps I've had the best seat in the house kind of thing.

I've seen it when it goes horribly wrong and I've seen it when it when it's really done well and I've done these alongside my father for years as a pastor than my pastor now of almost 20 years and he and I've done so many together and and III think it is a real honor and and he does to of being able to escort families all the way to the grave. It's it's it's quite an honor but it doesn't come without a little bit of planning. What are some things that people need to look for in a funeral home director that you don't think these. These are good markers. These are some things you want my wood stair will stay away from.

I will bid funeral director here about funeral directors on the best way to find out about funeral home, a funeral director just to talk to someone and let them share their experience today you can go to funeral home websites. Most of us have reviewed sections on layers so you can look at the reviews and the comments people make. Also that if you find an in FDA funeral home national record affiliate funeral home have a very strict code of conduct that we ask our members to abide by and if they abide by the those requirements then there certainly going to provide excellent service to the family. I said that's a good safety net to in FDA and look for that and again will put this on the website just a little tip that you can do and and and now you able to go on a limb you have never met this, our first time I'm going to someone go ahead and say that you don't mind if a family comes in with us whole blissful question Steve. Oh, when we welcome them and one of the ways one thing one resource that we provide on the national Directors Association to help family is a website, remembering a lot.com mentoring that I do this on Facebook live right now.

Someone who had put that in there remembering a life.com just a world of answers to questions that you might have before you get to check with when a death occurs there to find a funeral home.

You can find a national Directors in a home ways to honor a lot considering the value funeral and about funeral services have a plan of service is an option that you have just the world information that good for the consumer and they make plans for funeral services, Inc., and I advised like I said earlier advance planning.

It's a great way to be sure that everything is done and you don't have to do this and I'm rushed me well and that is the keys don't rush. Go ahead and start now have the conversation that you know it's hard enough being a caregiver. You don't want to have to then go through all this with some kind of frantic mess there and and and I I think that if you do this right, then you was a caregiver can get to that point where you're standing it when you're at the service as well and you can be minister to that process as well.

Were you don't feel like the weight of your seat. Could you get understand and and for a caregiver to stand at a grave it's a traumatic thing they have put a a life into taking care of someone else.

And part of them is going to experience this in it in a way that other people won't. As you know, I must've done it as a caregiver, and so that service needs to be what you wanted to be as a caregiver as well.

You need to have input in this and do this in a way that is comforting to you because you're the person that stand so close to them.

I appreciate you calling when you call in some more.

I'll be glad to do that.

Okay, let me know when all right. Ellis is Randy Anderson and he was naming your funeral down in Alexandria city threatening funeral home in Langley. Randy and Langley will put this out there and this is from the National funeral Directors Association just some tips don't wait, don't make this a hurting thing. Do this in a way that really celebrates life and celebrate. She was a caregiver as well. In the process ready appreciate it. Listen, this is hope for the caregiver.

We got a go to a break will be right back