"How am I going to get my son with autism to adulthood?"

Go to the phones will quickly get David in Ohio. David welcomes Joe how are you feeling all I your strike a nerve with me. Not a nerve. Not a bad nerve. I just enter but I guess you, that's all right. This this is your check. This is your show. David take your time to take a deep breath for seconds and eight seconds out and tell me how you feel my mail. Well about no number here a bit overwhelmed 0.I'll get I'll get that you would need a roadrunner both. So we knew that there would be trouble down the road and have been in bad mark. He's a good but he's got nonverbal learning disorder, wipe it convinced that you you know you got while you go on the autism room but at any rate, you just you talk about being up hold up at night being asked the same question over and over and given the same answer and trying to tell him you just asked that question and it never ever and you love them dearly, but that talk about feeling like a failure that you know because now where you get into the teenage years and we have Ruggles and were going to counseling and you know I just feel like how am I going to get this kid into adulthood without ruining them first because you lose your patience.

You lose your identity, definitely.

I mean, my wife and I are going out on a date tonight. I don't think we been on a date. I can't remember the last time we been on a date and I told her work going tonight. Yes you question them yes you question where you where you going on well I asked my wife I wanted. I said, Redeemer Gottman. He thought of moving mama Mia and I had thought that okay let's go see mama Mia go to the museum. Other than that, but that's okay David if that's what she was to do that I would do that till now because my wife told with anorak from the time she was in her early 20s and dinner.

For now I'm closing in on 60. We got a 13-year-old boy 11-year-old girl and you had about when into deep depression lost or we almost lost her about two years ago when I basically see within treatment or about a year little over a year and I was basically a single dad in you talk about not knowing what to do and how to get it done and you just don't think there's anybody that really under and what it takes and what you're going through to trying get to this. In your life and she's a lot better now. She still struggling, but I mean you are more functional. I had to change my job. I you know I had to go from making a pretty way down to the world, Medicaid, and we are getting help with food stamp software.

I've got it back on the job so were moving back out of that again.

But you talk about feeling isolated and alone and like you know no one really understands and thank goodness we have a good church and I had a lot of support people at church but when you try and get somebody to watch her ADD kid.

It's difficult because they don't know how to handle them either, and know you can't just turn him over to just anybody. Can you you cannot turn him over to get anybody and don't let me ask a question who's watching tonight what you guys going to date my mother-in-law. She's up to the task, because I hope so, yeah, come a long way with the relationship now that you know you now to be working with. This year we've made a little more progress with a lot of hard hard work and she has to go yeah were not to be out late vertical afternoon into the evening and then come home. I don't want to get cut off by the break and we got to the calls and so forth. But I want this you couple questions that I want you to promise me you'll do something okay okay what is your plan.

If something happens to you and your wife for your son, you know you're you're hitting me in a guilty thought therapy what you what you feel guilty I want you to get got a real okay convicted because that's something I've been thinking here about we live in California and we had godparent an hour in Iowa so you know we've been far away from them. We have a brother in law in Poland and right now they would be the one there. They're the ones listed at the caregivers I meet them every year. And so you like them and they have cousin but let me ask you yesterday. Let me ask you another question unless you just a series of questions okay just give you much of the lightning round, David R.

David, if you and your wife's marriage starts to take a downward turn you've already been through some pretty rocky roads, but if it takes a downward turn. Houses can affect your son Devon and would be adequately all right now it's back up from there. The spectrum from their do you see how important it is for you. Just go out of the date tonight yet I promise this audience that you're not to feel guilty about this know I'm you know what night I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I probably me like the most important thing I need to do right night. It is the most important thing you need to do tonight because you just said it would devastate your son if the two of you. Your marriage started crumbling and so what what were learning to do as caregivers is to figure out what is the priority here and if you're not in a good place and if you and your wife are not a good place. This will affect them no matter how good you are with anybody on the spectrum and so what you're doing is you reprioritize it. I know you're trying to worry about getting him into adulthood and these are important things that I'm not I'm not in any way diminishing that David this is incredibly important for you to concern yourself about how this is going to play out over the next several decades for him because he's not terminal. He just has issues so what you're doing is you're focusing on the now right here right now and you're doing what you have control over right here right now and the way you're going to get them in adulthood is for you.

First to be in a healthy place and then for you and your wife to be in a healthy place. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. So don't try to put this pressure on yourself. What 10 years looks down the road let's just deal with tonight and you get to go out on a date with your wife okay and that's it.

We don't and that's how we that's what we start changing the way we think about things.

I know that those those things on the horizon are big deals do martial arts David about that after I do the show I go to martial arts rugged beat up a lot itself, but it sounds like fun right now will build trust me it's not his foot is not as glamorous as you think because you do would you throw me over is like hurling a big slab of beef sometimes but but one of the things that my instructor tells me that 2nd° black belt. But one of the things that he's told me over the years fight what's closest if you have an enemy that is 100 yards away. But you have one. That's 5 yards away deal with the one that you could put your hands on right now and that's what you're doing.

You gotta fight what's closest that's all that somebody said what if the one closest.

What she did this with the didn't have to worry about the second but your fight what's closest I want to stay on the line because I will send you copy my new book 7 caregiver landmines to get all your information.

Would you stay on the line for me and I will send you copy this book arrived, David. Thank you. Thanks for calling and enjoyed the night tonight.

Okay, you're not enjoyed this is Peter Rosenberg. This is hope for the caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver were glad you with this