Hope for the Caregiver: Family Talk 9/8/19

The hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger and I am so glad to have you with this. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver for those who are caring for aging loved ones disabled loved ones special needs children may become an alcoholic in your life. Maybe get an addict. And that's a chronic impairment.

If this is where you are is a caregivers is just what you're doing, you're putting yourself between somebody who has an impairment, and even worse disaster than this is the show for you and we are so glad that you're with us here on family talk channel 131 you want to be a part of the show. It is 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 this is a brand-new show series we did on the show for six years and we now expanded to Sears Exuma word thrilled to be doing so we do the show from Southwest Montana and I just moved here with my wife, Gracie, Caleb, about her. She may join us later on in the show today if it's this is okay it is producing is from Dallas and you haven't you haven't said anything on the show. Can you just say hello so people know that I can say hello.

Whether you are and I am Peter Rosenberger and 33 years ago I married a woman who was hurt.

She'd had a terrible accident several years prior. I didn't know at the time of the wreck and by the time a letter she had about 20 surgeries and I just always beautiful young woman is that you want. This is this is an extraordinary woman. I got to know little bit more harder saying which is extraordinary and you probably hear later on in the show to hear her voice a minute is just she's she's a no kidding singer and I was just amazed how this woman transcended what happened to her dress all the scars in the news this image. She had a limp but I just saw this extraordinarily beautiful woman and I said you know how to care this one for the rest of my life and I had no idea what that meant to care for somebody who had a broken body surgeries get mounting that I can count up to 80 in about another hundred and 50 smaller procedures maybe 200 is it's hard to Those 12 different hospitals were now over 100 doctors have treated her seven different insurance companies well over $10 million you don't get Ridgecrest 11 million. It just keeps growing doesn't show any signs of slowing down. She lives with chronic pain.

She gave up both of her legs below the knee and lives a very, very difficult life and yet in the midst of that she has overcome so many different things in her life, and I've watched this journey unfold now for over almost 3 and half decades have learned a few things about being a caregiver along the way. Being a caregiver for somebody who has relentless challenges. It's not something that kinda planes out but it just keeps going and new things every day. Whether dealing with prosthetic stuff listed with pain with pharmaceuticals name it. Back with me and I'm sorry about that John. We would not be a problem unless I held my head. I hope I care. You can even introduce me before that somehow John you know I've I did a little I didn't introduce myself entirely in the grand way that to which I am accustomed, but II hope that I didn't ramble too much.

I didn't expect to have tile that much time will and I'm sorry I was just going but what happens is is worded in where Jim to borrow some Internet right right here at your your 10 mind-boggling they have evidence over borrowing submitted it and it just kind of and I don't know where we left off. Well, what are you I don't know exactly where you left off, but you were you were telling your story you were giving a brief rundown of why you're qualified to give a show about being a family.

Well, it's my expertise on Internet right exactly. That is 100% reason why he saw this LOL it is a challenge of doing this, Montana and the yeah it it is what it is and sometimes it gets a little bit wonky and that's why have either jotted in. Thank you for being a safety net. No, no problem. I hope it I hope it works out well, but I you were in the middle of gushing about your lovely wife. So let me get you back on track without an end and also Ed I want to give just a little bit of inside baseball over doing this because we are to this from national Montana and Dallas and Ed if you don't mind please just text me individually, not group tics who sometimes have a hard time downloading the text and I don't know why the Internet just cuts out because it was it was just been doing final week market value why it's it's amazing that it works in the first place.

So when not pectin.

It was in these things will out. I apologize for that but anyway yes I will gush about my wife and she may join us little bit later on the show and if you lose me, John, and in it, I'm terribly sorry I'm trying this. I just keep blathering on and that will not assign, I'm not even talk buddy now allow all fields on 40. No worries. God love you will like yeah so I integration with after we got married. The surgeries get coming 80 now that we can count, and both of her legs going in all these things and so is that this is becoming a it, it dawned on me afterwhile that there's not a place we get to work. This is going to stop that we get on with our lives that this is our life as caregivers.

This is our life. How do you live this life and our member accounts and wants to miss it when I brought I'd recommend a book for you to read but here the got a right and so I wrote and the books go hope for the caregiver. The show was called hope for the caregiver and I didn't write it is is a kind of a how to caregiver book. I wrote it as a speak to the troubled heart of the caregiver. The dumpster far, that's often in the caregiver's heart and I really wrote it to my 22-year-old self to say hey son this is what's coming down the pipe. This is how you get ready for this is how you prepare for and so when I did this I simply wanted to to speak to the craziness that gets in her heart to fear the obligation and the guilt what I call the fog of caregiving every caregivers go through every caregiver goes through this, the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt. 11 talk about that a lot recently and elements belittled the time on the obligation part of it today because I think it how can you tell if you deal with obligation will you use words like I have to. I need to. I must, I'm supposed to and I should be doing this all that kind of stuff, and when we do that we know that when obligation place and not in a place of of of being a steward. What I did not check to try to get myself and fellow caregivers to change. It would obligation to stewardship stewardship. I don't own this and do this to Gracie. I can't undo it was my role in my here to fix it now can't fix. I can't make legs grow back. You can't fight Alzheimer's.

You can't fight cerebral palsy. You can't fight and change autism, if accepted, and deal with it for what it is and realize that you have a different role to play. It's amazing how many of us try to fix something that cannot be fixed. Somebody this drinking there an alcoholic and your family some level around. You can't fix that. You can't repair that they have to walk in a recovery program and you have to walk in recovery program. It's a chronic impairment well is the same thing with anything, it's a chronic impairment. You and your responsible is to live peacefully with it in the mist of the craziness and that's what we do the show.

Hope for the caregiver is the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calm or healthier and even more joyful life even while dealing with harsh realities. There 39,480 hours of programming every week on Sirius XM 235 channels 39,480 hours program every week.

This is the one hour for the family character and were glad with us 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 and we do several things on the show want them as we do our caregiver tip of the day. Glad we got it worked out. If nothing else, we got that with John and Antarctic are caregiver tip of the day in this ties into our obligation world that were going into because fear obligation and guilt. The fog of caregivers that obligation leads us in a place were we got to his must we have to do this we had to do this after this and we become very codependent in this in this world and are our well-being in our life is is anchored in someone else's well-being in life.

If mom is happy that I'm happy and I fundamentally disagree with this. Where is happy or miserable as we choose to be. And so are caregiver tip of the day is this phrase right here when the codependent dies someone else's life flashes in front of their eyes. John you may insert your laughter, I'm all right.

Thank you. I submit that will affect the your you are absolutely right. That's its it is not something it is theirs and there's no blame here, it's just, sad most of the time just cut us. Add the thing is what I'm trying to help my fellow caregivers understand is that you could have a life that is independent of the suffering it is not deep. It is not severed from the suffering, but it is independent of the suffering nine diagram of your life. You have part of it that is is bound up in this in this journey of being a caregiver, and by your you're more than just this monolithic thing and and then it hit me a long time to understand that that week.

I think you and I did a thing a long time ago of Psalms it caregiver should never listen to her right yes I do.

I deliberately little islands all the jokes know it would hold me and it was it. There was what Harry Manson hearing okay yeah singing I can't live without you. If living is without you can't live that is that is such a terrible song to listen to the out and not for caregivers and headed is not healthy.

Yeah, and it's not to say that. Note that this is not a huge part of your life that this is not of an incredibly important thing that that's what you know a lot about we talk on the show is. It seems a little counterintuitive, but if you say it flat out makes complete sense know if you go down.

What happens to the person taking care of sort of thing you have to do is and is out as I rattle up the things that go along with Gracie's life and I think about okay if if I'm not a good place professionally mostly spiritually, financially, in all the above physically. How does his helper. How does his helper and this is what I'm trying to help my fellow caregivers understand that it is not selfish. It is not some kind of weird, narcissistic path, but it is something that we as caregivers can understand this is part of our life that we have got to be responsible in this we got to be good stewards of the one person keeping them from even worse disaster and so that's the journey, but so what do you feel codependent sometimes yeah you do, what are you know you not.

So that's our caregiver tip of the day. John absolute will I lie like that you should make it a feeling, not a condition yeah and and and I and II look at some of the caregivers that we what we do and we tend to accept certain realities that we don't have to accept and we fail to accept the ones that we need to accept. I need to accept the fact that my wife is injured and their bodies broken. I don't have to accept the fact that I have to be miserable in this she hasn't.

She stopped miserable. Why should I be you know this. This is where we are as caregivers and and I know and I see so many people I've talked to some of the people who were dealers and they live in that again, that fog of caregiver that was the first thing you do when you get to fog.

John will you do when you get to fall well. The last thing you do is turn on your brides by when I'm outside exit that was dear introduction today. By the way I see a man so bright that Maus keep bumping into him. That was your value as of end that RI which are acute for those of you who are just now tearing and I usually have an intro where Peter tells people why I'm even here, who is the strange voice that has suddenly intruded upon well in an adjustment for six years and I and I do apologize for cutting out with what my father did. It was it know it was I'm blaming Steve Jobs will you know we had everything going perfectly were synergistic swimming along here and then all of a sudden this Internet just goes out and I'm just in there just blathering away talking all men said that it just falls partner, but that's a lot of radio that's the whole point of this is to do a live show. But yeah, it's you know when you get to fog you slow down now. You slow down fog. The fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt. This would drive so much of a spear obligation and guilt, and it leads to heartache, anger and turmoil. And that spells out thought a hand fog head because I like his music and what was their number one single slow slow ride see him see how we tile that he and there's a level of brilliance to the show that is not heralded enough. I pounded on your sugar is blinding I need I need for the elders classes just hold some of these concepts that your labor markets clips glasses yeah I saw that my crisscross is the everyday that I try to do things that are in a simple way so that I can remember the biggest compass and and and I want to be able to hang on to those things that are crazy because the fear and the obligation in the guilt will absolutely cripple us and it will get in this next segment, but I wanted one spent a little bit more time forgo the break on the obligation obligation will take you and within seconds the deep-seated resentment. It's really that bad resentment for caregiver is crippling and you have to resent your love one, you may end up resenting family and friends don't help the way you want to help you may resent the doctors or medical providers who did things in a way that you didn't like her or didn't do things that way you would've liked, and I was losing this comedian the other day and he was kind of a you can always tell the code the squarely millennial type comedians and and he was Kevin nervous, whatever. It's hard to describe it on the air, but you have to see them but he was in line at the grocery store and and the lady in front of him. Cut them all there.

So she said she cut them off or something and it was real rude to about it and he just went back and she turned around and flippantly said to him, and this is part of his act. You'll get over it and his response was, you clearly don't know me very well case if there are things that I have not gotten over since second grade. I will held onto this for the rest of my life on my deathbed. I will be crying out for then Diane my last breath with that and will be like rosebud from Citizen Kane. Would making what it emit you clearly told know me very well, but that's what we sometimes are we hold onto these resentments and we get these resentments because we feel so obligated to this and my hope for you as a caregiver is that you will not hang on to these things because all they're going to do is is keep you from living a healthier life and they may have been really wrong things that were done to you forgiveness doesn't mean that it doesn't matter that's not what forgiveness means it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt what forgiveness is, is taking your hands off of someone else's throat so that you can live more peacefully. No matter what happens release that the God that God deal with that individual. He's much better at it in you and our that's forgiveness and recognizing that you keep the boundaries lose the grudges.

You don't have to hold onto those things. You don't have to paralyze your own life with these things the journey of a caregiver is a long one. It's an arduous one and you can stand on your head and hold your breath for several months. But when you get in this thing for several decades and is think it's gnarly and it will tie your heart up into knots and it'll it'll beat you down and you will find yourself getting physically sick over things that you have no control over. You follow it you trekking with me. Let it go. Let's you and I live in Kolber healthier and joyful life even as caregivers you heard what I deal with at the beginning of the show 80 surgeries, both legs if you did, my wife is going through a hellish experience still is rented together, but were not miserable. You don't have to be to talk about that little bit more. 877-655-6755 is number of overlap unserer 6 inch on 131 877-655-6755. This is hope for the caregiver.

Hopefully, caregivers, be right back. I dispute Rosenberg here helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not happy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with a we work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there, you can designate a limb.

There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with.com would you take a moment ago understanding without.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that@standingwith.com as a caregiver.

Think about all the legal documents you need power of attorney. I will, living wills, and so many more then think about such things as disputes about medical bills work instead of shelling out hefty fees for a few days of legal help you pay a monthly membership and got a law firm for life. Well were taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full service coverage. Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who at the same time is an empty it's called legal shield as practical, affordable and a must for family caregivers visit caregiver legal.com that's caregiver legal.com.

Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you www.caregiverlegal.com www.caregiver.com, an independent associate caregiver.com. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became it.

I questioned why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me. But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of is to point others to Christ. The source of my help and strength, please visit standing without.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com.

I'm Gracie. I am staining with help but show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by curator Brian Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We are live on XM channel 131 family talk, you will be a part of at 877-655-6755 877-655-6755 and that was my beautiful wife Gracie singing rejoice evermore.

You can get that wreck right now. It's on Amazon and iTunes were all the stuff is downloaded and you can also go to our website. Hope for the caregiver.come and see all the music she's put out there which is rather extensive and she's got a record coming out here next month if her producer can get it together. That would be me.

I was going to say was this area visited visited.

Who do I need to talk to all. I guess I know who are you yes you do it, but we did Seattle 131 you did. He said channel 131 yeah okay I just love that you never know why I said I was just being silly and texting you. What were you doing that because I'm a silly person you little bit silly in the midst of being a caregiver, or now we have to laugh. We talk about because I know you know you do and that that yeah think that brings me to a story. Go ahead me to a story my wife and we we we have learned to laugh quite extensively. This month, list last Monday was Labor Day and I went out riding horses and she went to forward with this time, and our friend Kathy was with us. We got some horses out here belong to her brother-in-law and were trying to come with them in the shape little bit there little bit during I love to read in and Kathy's real no kid Montana cow woman and she really knows her business and so rather run but I would.

I was reminded of when the last times we were out here writing some years ago with Gracie and Gracie has these prosthetic legs and have little buttons on the side and that when you press the button us when the lead comes off the don't get ahead of me. John, I'm waiting patiently and not are not quit while your punchline, well… I bet it will go in a direction you can't even imagine anyway so we were out riding and sure enough the button get pressed on both legs as her legs, Florida against the saddle.

Sorry Gracie well and so the legs popped off okay. That's bad, but what happened was she was wearing straight leg jeans.

The legs didn't come off the got stuck in the bottom of the genes will look like she had like 6 foot long X was.

It was a little bit freaky looking will imagine what it did to the horse because his legs were beating against the if so, what of the horse to John. Oh no, and yes he did in the horse took off and Gracie is really extra long list of just hanging down at her jeans were flapping the horse and beating the horse you know in the horse was just terrified because I been in reality is not how human is shaped well in India and equestrian school. The horse never learned how to deal with prosthetic legs flapping friend. She needs and so Parker and our oldest son, Parker and I chased her down on our horses. We got it would cut the horse and she's Gracie's screaming and hollering in and everything else and holding on for dear life. It was it was rather serious, but it was also well it was rather serious, but we can look back at it and laugh now and right end and then and then we took her legs off but were not there to you don't outside. She doesn't have her legs on C's if you can't get off the horse very easily because you have legs now and I could put back on because we needed to be able to take the genes awful parkers.

There should never take the genes off their that we we catapult them all the way through the. The genes and the I carried one in letter horseback, and Parker put the other within the rifle boot scabbard of this please get a lick disc and he's organizing all the way back we he's just fuming, he's like this is just this is mom mom half mile now and you know it. I've carried a leg and delete the horse that we finally got a bag got off the horse and she's able to effectively put her legs back on and in the horse is still going to the horse psychiatrist. I have so little you allayed out of the stall here. Tell Bill about Parker's mother so that's that's just that's our life and speak prosthetic of grid I would say well this is I do. I've heard you tell stories about God help me if I got help the police officer that ever pulls me over with a trunk full legs and I we have a lot of legs that we have our our house looks sometimes like us to escape the horror movie, but we do what we go through a lot of prosthetic legs. What you do with the legs. When you're done with them to sometimes outgrow leg. She's go through lots of legs over.

She's been a beating after 20 years she goes the lot legs. There's a song that somewhere I want you think I want you think about that sentence. She sees my eyelid wrap it up. I like apologizing for what you've done here. We want people to say that you can see humor in this coming. There are funny things that happened along the journey as a caregiver, and if you don't see the humor in it. Stick with us on the show long enough it will help because it's so important for you as a caregiver to laugh is really important for you to laugh and you don't see the humor you will burn out way.

Yes you will will be making a joke about you later how it's got out. But when grace is done with legs that she no longer needs. We have a place for those legs to go and if you know somebody who's in a PT please please please write this down. Standing with hope.com standing with hope.com some years ago, 15, 16 years ago, we launch this whole program of providing prosthetic limbs to Gracie's fellow amputees in West Africa and part of that is we can recycle used limbs. Maybe you have a loved one passed away and you don't know what to do with the leg.

Maybe you have somebody who a child is outgrown it over and Gracie's case she's gone that you know she's had to change legs over the years many times whatever the issue is. Please don't throw those things away. Please talk to the prosthetic socks away the letters to sleeves the belts. All that can stuff we can recycle that goes to local prison in Tennessee run by a core civic.

It is one of their many faith-based programs.

Inmates volunteer to disassemble, use prosthetic limbs. It's a mania because operation footloose is Internet footloose so we can recycle the end of it. We don't have footloose Q have duly noted. I'm not expected but we we we take these limbs and we take take him all we know, sometimes the school level, but the foot, the knee. The pollen adapters connectors all that stuff can be used to get in them will build a custom fit socket that fits that patients amputated limb and uses recycled parts and then they can go and have a better quality of life walking literally. We literally lift them up and I love and X.3 it says is when Peter and John go to the temple that beggar was sitting there and I just thought of it.

This Peter and John here on the show and and and Peter Jonah go to the temple at the gate called beautiful.

There is a young when that management been there since forever. He was born lame and he was just begging for money and Peter looked insane. Look at silver and gold have a number such as I have I given the name of Jesus as her stand up and walk and grab sainted by the hand and lifted him up to get started walking and leaping and praising God. We've done that we have literally done that with folks we have taken by the hand and lifted him up and sing just stand up and walk in they do they go walking and leaping and praising God. It's an extraordinary ministry from an extraordinary life. Gracie envisioned this many years ago. In this that stayed with hopes of pursuing sponsor of the show and the fact we have inmates in a prison that does with core civic it.

It's amazing, for they let us do that in inmates volunteer to do it. They love doing it gives him something positive to do with their hands and and they told me that one unmemorable new mate before starting to look at things I never do anything positive with none was that I never even thought about crippled people and and and here we are doing this so it was a great program standing with hope.com which take advantage of it and let people know about it because it if your funeral home. Whatever. And if you have somebody comes here and you don't know what to do.

It will take. We will take it because we can get the get the keeps on walking.

A list go to Trinity and South Carolina Trinity good afternoon Emilio, well, I'm just precious how are you feeling I'm feeling very good today and I called if I wanted to say thank you. I want to be your shows nebula six weeks ago. I think you are sharing about three things to think of it might be in your caregiver minute and the reason it meant a lot to me and I'll actually get to the point is that periodically I go and sit with my ex-husband. My son is his caregiver and the ex-husband has a touch of dementia, but he always remembers he does not like me at all and I walked into the house and he flared at me and I responded and your it was I think three things to remember, and one of them was to drink it. Drink a glass of water before you react, and I have just clung to that because when I flared back and I had to fix the problem and so just to pause before reacting. And I know better.

But anyway I just want to say thank you for they know you're quite welcome and I get that because you know and onto this part of the thing I can't wait water. Walt and Whitewater walk is just wait just a weight stance for why am I talking enough I'm breathing well and I got I'm a member of the 12 step class for talkers called on and on and on and on and on and how how how are you can save them out on all the back pocket for you go to get sassy with me, John Butler, but it's an I get that and I are not pop all the Gracie will tell you I pump off all the time and I say things that I shouldn't say and sometimes with the butter tons and learn to like the taste of blood but and then when we yeti it when we drink some water and John's a huge water drinker. I'm I'm just a large person to begin with that so he is so tall he's never seen a sunset but when we when we drink some water he gives us a chance to come to cool off and put something in her mouth percent of words because we get somebody with a touch of dementia whose your ex-husband. That is not exactly a recipe for a calm afternoon know but I do it so that my son get breeder that he gets a reprieve not because I'm a good person. I mean, I'll just put that one out there I go that far, but they may pay debt now now now I mean even if I'd heard that that three things before that event, I probably would have remembered at the time, but because it was so applicable it's still in my head because I remembered it for weeks and and you know I have a head injury so I don't remember a whole lot else I did make that good an impression on me and I just wanted to say thank you for that. What you're quite welcome and II do things the simple things for reasons not because I'm looking for people with an interest.

Remember, I'm looking for metering and and II know me and I know that I will I will if I make this thing too complicated.

I'll get messed up and that's what you know just the simple things like the fog of caregivers an obligation fear obligation and guilt, and so but but Whitewater walk just just little things that we can remember because when it gets crazy in it's not just for your love will know me know. It really isn't.

It's either been times when I've been in in the hospital with Gracie when it is just really dicey and you get nurses, it gets snippy to get a surgeon that was to come in there and just get all up in your business and it, and sometimes you gotta say things but if you could say things in a measured way and not in a reactive way, then work permit progress. I knew I was making progress. When I look to the doctor was give me some lit with Gracie and he was getting all up in an interface about some stuff and I stopped and I said you know Doc and I wasn't mean about it but I was I was firm about a nested dock, with all due respect, ousting care of her when you were in junior high school was get the second perspective you're okay and you could just see him dial it back but there been times though when I would want to react, and I won't get mad and that doesn't do anything with anybody with ex-husbands with doctors with anybody so absolutely well you are not taking my call.

Will you and thank you for little John Butler hello hello Trinity. It is always a pleasure to hear your voice and I am glad you remembered about the. The water stock that's just the thing is at a a a you might have the snappy is to come back in in the room and you might be the most clever. I know because I am but I am guilty of just who I can see this clever thing. The Hastings Lewis sarcasm here don't wish I it's bad like this is this is the best thing to say to Cisco ruin this person's day and I just I just know it's there.

I see it and and to be able to not do that is is is absolute. Yeah, we got a practice that it's you and that's with everything you get better at things by just doing it's it's you got correctly. I got around St. John and I now I'm not.

I've been avoiding adulthood for decades is to edit and will you should now I do it like CS Lewis quote now. That evening, both thank you very much Louise O'Donnell but was it seizing the settlers a great there's a great CS Lewis quote about that and you know it's like somebody said he is him is that we are we are young adult mouse. You should give up childish thing and there's something to be said for the applicant. I camera what the what the CS Lewis quote was but like worker works the second paragraph he was a little wiser than I am. I'm going back right now and doing the audiobook of mere Christianity of his book, which, what would you know those radio addresses. He did during the war I didn't know that I had identical I need to go with him because he's now it's really good. It's worth the time.

Please do you like it. Now you want to circle back to to fear obligation and guilt, and I wanted to touch on this before we close up today about resentment and what what that can do to an individual and and I want to let you know you can't hear something I learned about reason we had to see my goal for us as caregivers and you hear this often about the way I need to give up the number 877-655-6755. It wants me to do that periodically 877-655-6755 you will be a part of the show, but but my am my journey from this is it is half as of help this with Phil caregivers and myself is that to know that one day we can stay and integrate. That's the goal for us to stay as caregivers at the grief we want to outlive our loved ones.

I do not want Gracie to have to deal with this without me. I don't want my children and Gracie to have to deal with this without me.

I cannot promise it will happen that way but I want to live my life in a way that it would give the most chance given a fighting chance to the soul of a lady of the day. We are at the process office that prostitutes John prostitutes to prepay the Muslim book by the way what you are your talk about this earlier went with that with the legs. If we have time or circle back to about your health leave there and I was a Saul this man who was blind I was. Diabetes is number one cause of imputation worldwide and ex-husbands blinding and I think he was bilaterally PT Bowflex and in that it obviously little it looked appeared like it was diabetes and that his caregiver was pushing in a wheelchair and she was morbidly obese, morbidly obese and I thought all you know I just I just cut my heart just hurt for this. One of the seven caregiver landmines are put in my in my book 7 caregiver landmines is is that excessive weight gain we get as caregivers, our hearts are so heavy that our body start taking on the weight because our hearts are heavy and in in.

We got to live in a way that is this healthy for us so that we can outlive them if if if if at all possible. And that's what I want to do and I want to live my life in a way that's healthy.

But the goal is for us to stay in integrate that we don't want to be standing there with clinched fist at ourselves and our love what it God. It doctors it you know pastors it didn't come to see us or whatever there so many people that we could be resentful for because weekly where our feelings at her sleep sometimes of there's no end of things.

It'll just tug at us. We need to learn to let these things go in and the lesson was driven home to me that I don't want to be standing there with clinched fist.

I want to be able to be at peace with this and I realized as a pianist I cannot play a piano with clinched fist. I can't do it and and I can't push a wheelchair with clinched fist tried sometime not with them and it just try it sometime to take wheelchair on the field somewhere. Don't put them in a wheelchair you garbage it failed or were from here. You have definitely will draft wheelchair.

My wife Terri stepped until she delivers her there's a wheelchair with a trailer on it, but that but you can't push a wheelchair with clinched fist and is a pianist, though I can't play music until I open my hands I have to let it go. I cannot be so angry, so resentful, so bent out of shape about this that it paralyzes me and the only way that music is going to come out of my hands as if I let it let him open up and let it go and then I can make beautiful music and some left by Rick my request to you as caregivers, what music is not being played because of your resentment.

What art is being denied to you in the world because of your resentment. What prayers are not being prayed because of you and your resentment. Can you let something go today. Can you let that go today and if you don't know how to let it go. Can you even a prayer that says you don't Lord you know how to let this go. That's a start. That's an act of faith and I'm asking you for just a tiny step of faith is that you know what maybe you can live a little bit more peacefully without holding onto this resentment. Some somebody of the day and and she and her sister try to work this out with in care of her mother butter her brothers chest real jerk about all this and it's it it's tearing apart families she's had learn to let it go with her brother.

We wish it would be different. But it's not. So here's where we are. Can you let something go today don't feel like you just gotta go 100% I would do this does make the big games are just just one thing. Just one small thing is if you do, wanting to to do to you can do for you didn't get here overnight enough to get out of it overnight.

That's kind of the journey for us as caregivers, and so what I'm I'm hoping that through this show that you will laugh a little bit. You may cry a little bit because it's going to say things in a way that's going to peers at those places in your heart.

It may be uncomfortable for some things and then you may be able to learn a little bit regardless of which we speak fluent caregiver here that's what we do, that's what the show is all about is called hope for the caregiver the conviction that you as a caregiver can't live a calm or healthier life, even while dealing with somebody who is in such pain that they can't function or is listlessly looking out a window as their mind is slipping away or somebody who was putting alcohol or drugs in their body on such a regular basis that they can't function normally in society and their tearing their whole family and their world apart or child with special needs that are screaming through the night somebody who you're wiping their bottom in their cussing. You can still be at peace. In this you can be there may be hot tears filling your eyes as you do it, but I have I am here to tell you that you can move to a safer place or even as those tears are drawing on your cheek that you can learn to maybe laugh a little bit, breathe a little bit easier. That's why we do the show. Hopefully caregiver.com John the last minute or two.

What we gotta save up but lakes talk a lot about legs about Harry Rivero are delightful.

I mean, and how you something called a leg way that only you have canceled service so know there's a couple a couple of things that will not only slide legs speculates great season studio audience listening out there Gracie if you want to come to me to becoming quietly don't commit her yelling and throwing things. Becoming clearly say goodbye before we set off grace a good job. I want to sing like when you were asking for like donations and things like that. The reason the weird thing because it is so here it is aware what think about how think about how how frustrated you get when you lose a piece to your IKEA furniture right if you have one thing that's missing from that where there's it's ubiquitous, you can find a screw it at you know at Home Depot.

Think about how frustrating it is. If you need parts for some legs so turn that maintenance part of it out. Both of the shoes by the way. That said, the one she does on the leg sit at the players he was a C Gracie just joined me. Gracie say say good night Gracie and I can write a list of this is hopefully caregiver, how you feeling-that's what the show was about.

We want you to be in a better, healthier, and there are Savo joyful places you can do this part of it with you we would be a part of that journey with hopefully Jaeger.com podcast green there's books there's music is a blog is everything. Go check it out. Hopefully caregiver.com will see that