Of Marriage (Part 2)

Please turn with me to first review of chapter 7 as we pick up where we left off a few weeks ago.

Paul is answering questions about marriage and so in the first part of chapter 7, he addresses marriage in a general way and including singleness widowhood specifically in our text tonight, he addresses the matter of divorce. First Corinthians 7 verses 10 through 16, to the married I give this charge not I but the Lord, the wife should not separate from her husband if she does, she should remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife to the rest I say I not the Lord that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who was an unbeliever. He consents to live with her she should not divorce him for the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates.

Let it be so.

In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

How do you know wife, whether you will save your husband how do you know husband whether you will save your wife pray heavenly father. There are aspects of our lives in this fallen world that are so deeply broken that at times it seems there's no remedy marriage is oftentimes one of those things and it's hard to see how that brokenness could be mended. But you, Lord, are the one who has said to us, come to me and find rest for your souls. Why oak is easy and my burden is light.

Would you help us in these moments now to come running to you, even as the prodigal son did and find rest for our souls and only acknowledge that the way we come running to you is by hearing, and believing and obeying what you have revealed to us in your word sword with regard to our marriages are our homes or families helpless tonight to obey your instruction help us to trust your wisdom for that she would fix what is broken, you would protect what is still intact that you would repair what we have neglected and is your Holy Spirit conquers our homes and our relationships may your grace and your strength proved to be sufficient in our weakness or help us in both our successes and failures to put Christ on display. We pray these things in his name, a man be seated when I first walked to our text here in first Corinthians 7 and make sure we understand what Paul is saying that I like to broaden the net a little bit in light of the relevance of this topic and and just take a brief look at what some other marriage related passages in Scripture have to say oftentimes harmonizing parallel passages that yield some very rich results in terms of understanding the meaning of each passage so we spent a little bit of time tonight I looking at Paul's remarks first and then at what Jesus has to say on the topic of divorce in the Gospel of Matthew that after we walk through these key taxa like to end by just considering some practical implications and applications of the principles that were to discover in Scripture tonight concerning marriage and divorce and remarriage as we walk through this together tonight. I don't want to pretend that these topics are not heavy and burdensome for some of you to think about. I'm aware that many Christians have experienced divorce or have have been the victim of adultery or abuse any members here.

Grace Church have had to walk the dark path of a broken marriage and so I want to say at the outset divorce is not the unpardonable sin we heard very clearly what that sin is. This morning, and divorce is not it as so keep that in mind, there can be redemption and restoration and peace and joy and life after divorce. Why because the blood of Christ covers adultery and lust.

It covers lies and broken oaths.

It covers both the abuse of the angry as well as the bitterness of the abused.

If you have been the victim of divorce, there is restoration for you. If you have been the perpetrator of a nonbiblical divorce.

There is forgiveness for you God through Christ extends the gospel to you, so don't forget tonight the potency of the power of the gospel.

Don't forget the grace is bigger than our sin is and is bigger than our spouses sin we need. Also remember that the way to peace and freedom is to agree with what God says about my sin and about my spouses sin and to submit myself entirely without reservation, without qualification to God's life-giving word our posture toward Scripture needs to be one of unqualified joyful submission to whatever God says regardless of our emotional response to it regardless of the difficulties it might present with regard to our personal circumstances can we affirm from the outset that if God says it is right is just is good. That's always the way to freedom and peace and joy Phyllis dive into what Paul has to say here prescribing seventh and first we need to begin by defining Paul's categories in verse eight Paul addresses the un-married in verse 10 he addresses the married then in verse 12 he addresses the rest.

And that seems like an odd third category seems you would only need two choices right this is this is binary a person is either married or unmarried. That ought to cover everybody.

So who is this third group called the rest that we have to inferred the answer by noticing that in verses 12 through 16.

Paul is speaking to Christians who are married to non-Christians we might call this mixed marriages or unequally yoked marriages within the dues that verses 10 and 11 address equally yoked marriages.

A Christian who is married to another Christian, so verses 10 and 11 address Christian marriages verses 12 to 16 address mixed marriages was considered first in what Paul says to Christians in an equally yoked marriage and this is our first point.

Verse 10 to the married a Christian marriage another Christian I give this charge. And then he says not I but the Lord and that maybe makes us scratch our heads a little bit and understand that by this phrase not I but the Lord Paul is not saying I don't agree with the Lord. Here it's it's Jesus. Anger is not me know he simply acknowledging that what he's about to say has already been said by the Lord, both in the Gospels and in the Old Testament the words.

This is what new revelation that Paul is about to impart. It's already been in Scripture rated later on in verse 12.

Please let us say the opposite is that I not the Lord say. And here Paul is indicating that the principles he's about to lay down in verses 12 and following are new revelation they haven't been spoken before. He doesn't mean verses 12 through 16 are inspired by the Lord, he simply means that having the previously revealed haven't been in Scripture rated as of yet, like verses 10 and 11 have been so don't be thrown off by that little parenthetical statement that Paul keeps bringing up our so what is the principle that Paul by way of referring to previous Scripture is laying down for Christians who are married to Christians is this, verse 10, the wife should not separate from her husband and verse 11. The husband should not divorce his wife were separate and divorce in this passage are for all intents and purposes synonymous. We today think of separation is kind of a halfway step towards divorce but that distinction I think would've been thing when when Paul wrote this.

He's telling Christian couples not to divorce without explanation, without qualification, all says to a Christian who is married to another Christian, do not get divorced. But Paul is not an idealist.

He he recognizes that although in a perfect world, there would be no divorce. We aren't in a perfect world were in a fallen world, and so even the divorce between two professing followers of Christ shouldn't happen, it often does happen, this isn't Paul condoning Christian divorce simply laying out what ought to happen. If and when it occurs. So what should happen in the wake of a Christian divorce well gives an answer.

Verse 11 but if she does divorce her husband, she should remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband and this obviously would apply to the husband as well.

If he divorces her, he should remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to his wife. I don't think it's a coincidence that this bidding of divorce with in a Christian home comes right on the heels of Paul's prohibition in chapter 6 of a Christian taking another Christian to civil court prohibits that a chapter ago lawsuits that involve a Christian versus another Christian is a travesty because it's a breaking of the union and communion. That ought to characterize the church of Jesus Christ. How much worse than it would be for a Christian to take another Christian to court in order to secure a divorce to break apart the covenant of holy matrimony as opposed to options. Should this sort of thing occur are reconciliation and if reconciliation doesn't doesn't immediately happen then singleness both individuals think so as to leave the door open for future reconciliation.

You see the goal here is for the marriage to be restored and why is that well because divorce particularly within a Christian home Mars. The whole significance of marriage marriage is to be a visible demonstration of the union that exists between Christ and the church.

And Paul says, don't mar this picture but if you do, don't compound the problem by rendering reconciliation.

A total impossibility through remarriage before we move on I was to pause here long enough to to feel the weight of what Paul has just said Wallace's establishing a very high ideal for marriage within a Christian home is in essence saying marriage between Christians is permanent. No qualifications no gray area. No exception clauses. If two believers are united to each other through the covenant of marriage. That covenant needs to stay intact until death. That's the intent that's the name that's the ideal it's it's a permanent bond to the death and that sense of permanence and persistence in marriage, for better or for worse, is the emphasis throughout Scripture. That's why the Bible says things like the two shall become one flesh, and what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. And God hates divorce and for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall hold fast to his wife. God intends marriage to be a permanent unbreakable bond that often times when the discussion of marriage comes up particularly difficult marriage situations. The focus oftentimes it is more on what constitutes proper grounds for divorce. Then, on what course of action will be best to restore and maintain the permanence of of marriage.

Another were to spend our energy looking for valid reasons to get out of a bad marriage rather than in spending that energy as much energy looking for ways to preserve it in 1992, the PCA are denomination produced a statement of position paper on divorce and remarriage. You can go online and then read the whole thing if you want. I appreciate how this statement introduces the topic. It points out that our emphasis when dealing with the various ethical questions that come up regarding divorce and remarriage ought to be on the rule not on the exceptions to the rule in the biblical rule for marriage that the standard that is consistent in Scripture is one of permanence of the marriage covenant. The paper says this it is better to view Scripture not as providing a ground for divorce, but rather an exception to the principle of the permanence of marriage.

Our emphasis needs become the permanence, the ideal, not on the exception. John Murray reformed theologian from a generation ago said preoccupation with the two exceptions should never be permitted to obscure the force of the negation of all the other except I mean, isn't this what the serpent did in the Garden of Eden. The Lord said that Adam and Eve could eat any fruit from any tree except one. And what did the serpent do. He he fixated their attention on the one exception. Yes, there are exceptions to the principle of the permanence of marriage were to look at those exception.

But brothers and sisters. Exceptions are not the focus of the Bible's teaching regarding the marriage covenant. They are just that exceptions to the rule we need to come away pursuing and maintaining is the ideal that marriage is to be a permanent bond on unbroken and unbreakable covenant between a man and a woman, because that is and has always been what God intends for marriage to be so.

Paul's word to a Christian who was married to another Christian is don't get divorced but if you do, do everything within your power to reconcile, but next Paul addresses mixed marriages, marriage is between a believer and unbeliever. When I say unequally yoked marriage and this is in verses 12 through 16. Here's what Paul says verse 12 to the rest I say I not the Lord that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she the unbelieving wife consents to live with him. Christian husband. He Christian husband should not divorce her. The unbelieving wife and then verse 13 states the same thing just with the roles reversed.

The Christian wife married to an unbelieving husband in the application is the same. She should not divorce him. So with regard to a mixed marriage given the two conditions that Paul sets forth first. It did one of the spouses and unbeliever, and secondly that that unbeliever is is content to keep the marriage intact than the Christian spouse ought not to pursue a divorce on the grounds of some sort of religious incompatibility, they ought to stay married is very interesting to me because Paul is the one who would set forth the principle of not being unequally yoked in the first place a Paul in his second letter to Corinth is going to write. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness and surely this principle would apply to the profound yoking together of husband-and-wife and yet Paul says even if you're caught in an unequally yoked marriage stay in it if possible church that ought to show us beyond a shadow of a doubt how seriously God takes the marriage covenant was Paul's rationale for instructing a Christian spouse to remain married to their non-Christian spouse.

Verse 14 for the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.

The million-dollar question then is in what sense does unbelieving spouse make the unbelieving spouse. Holy years ago, a mentor of mine was trying to convince me of the dangers of negative peer pressure and he said Eugene you can mix ice cream and manure together.

It doesn't really affect the manure, but it sure messes up the ice cream that is generally true. It's is the danger of being unequally yoked. Whether it's in business or friendship or dating the negative influence of the ungodly person is often stronger and riskier influence than the godly person. Therefore it's wise for us to temper our attachment to unbelievers. This principle applies. I think to where you go to school but were you choose to work and you choose to date you call your best friend choose people who will increase and reinforce your love for the Lord not challenge it and make a mockery of it is just wisdom, but Paul is saying here that if you find yourself already united in marriage to an unbeliever. Maybe because you were converted until after you got married. Maybe because your your spouse made a false profession of faith just up to hook you, but for whatever reason, if you find yourself already in a mixed marriage stay in it because in that context, the ice cream actually has a sanctifying effect on the manure always and guaranteeing that an unbelieving spouse will get saved. But he is saying the presence of even one believer in the home since the family apart and may very well lead to God's saving grace being shown to the entire family says in verse 16 for how you know wife you will save your husband how do you know husband with you will save your wife. John Calvin said of this reality that the godliness of the one does more to sanctify the marriage than the ungodliness of the other to make it unclean is beautiful. Mercy triumphs over judgment. Grace triumphs over sin. So if you find yourself in a in a yucky oppressive home living with the person who hates Christ but is willing to put up with your love for Christ. Stay in Paul says be a missionary in your own home in your own marriage. Why, because your presence is itself a grace on that home you may very well be the means God uses to redeem your husband to redeem your wife to redeem your children and what an incredible truth.

What encouragement for those who find themselves in this very situation. You are God's conduit of grace into that home is a whole lot more. We could unpack here that the bedrock on which verse 14 is sitting is the whole concept of covenant and federal headship and there are implications with regard to how we view children in the church and how we administer the sacraments and how we approach evangelism in the home and so on. That will have to be a study for another day because we stop a lot of ground to cover. But don't miss the profound implications of Paul's assertion that your presence in the home. Christian has a sanctifying and potentially saving effect on your family, immediate application, then that Paul is trying to make here is that religious incompatibility is not grounds for divorce and I think we need to acknowledge that if it religious incompatibility is not grounds for divorce and certainly incompatibility over lesser issues is not grounds for divorce either. Things like personality or temperament, even in the mixed marriage. The PCA statement again says it well, it says here is a woman going to heaven. Married to a man going to hell.

Here's a woman who prizes above all things, the word in the ways of the kingdom of God.

And here's a man who considers those things to be irrelevant, uninteresting and unimportant. He cannot satisfy or encourage her in any of those areas in the dimensions of her life which are most precious to her and her most profoundly important to her. Her husband is not only positively no help. Very often is an interference of frustration and yet Paul says she must stay as of you who are married to an unbeliever that that road must be excruciatingly painful and hard at times. I think the only way for you to navigate that hard road is to hold onto Paul's promise that your presence in that marriage is a demonstration of God's presence and God's grace and God's power in that home, and of the unseen sacrifices you make for your family are not unseen by the Lord. They may in fact be the very means God uses to save the unbelievers in your home but is not your presence and your faithfulness and your sacrifice are poignant and powerful demonstrations of the same love Jesus Christ showed to his spouse when he suffered and died on the cross. You can see your marriage as a means of loving your spouse with with that same love that Christ has shown you, than Christian, your marriage will be far more beautiful than any love story that Hollywood or the Hallmark Channel could attempt to tell. Notice, though, Paul's concession in verse 15, Paul says, but if the unbelieving partner separates. Let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved.

God has called you to peace. Briefly, the instruction here is that if the unbelieving spouse initiates divorce is not immoral for the Christian spouse to acquiesce to the divorce believing spouse ought not to initiate the divorce with her conscience is not bound to preserving the marriage at all costs. If and when the unbelieving spouse desserts. The marital union very quickly, then let's see what light Jesus is teaching shines on this topic of divorce. The Gospels highlight Christ teaching him on the topic in several places bootless just look at Matthew 19 339 as a representative passage in Matthew 19. Three the Pharisees asked Jesus Pointblank. Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any costs Jesus's answer is equally direct know it's not God makes to marry people one flash and what God joins together man should not separates within the Pharisees pressed him further in verse seven. Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and this is a reference to Deuteronomy 524 Moses, by the way, do not command the use of divorce certificates. Jesus clarifies in verse eight that Moses allowed it, and he allowed it because of the hardness of your heart.

Jesus says, in other words, this was a deviation from God's intent. God's ideal. It was a deviation from what had always been done and it was a deviation do to the hardness of heart stubbornness that insisted on covenant breaking. That wasn't a good thing it was it was in a condone thing, requiring certificates of divorce was a necessary deterrent because people get to sin anyway. Jesus then gives the summary statement of verse nine. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery to the act of divorcing one's first spouse and marrying someone else is an act of adultery unless adultery has already been committed by the first spouse. Now there are three primary interpretations of Matthew 19, 91 view sees it as merely determining who is to blame for the adultery but it does not see this is Christ condoning divorce ever is the permanence view. This is the view held by Bodie Baucom and John Piper and in others the next view sees Jesus a statement as giving permission for the victim of adultery to righteously pursue a divorce, but not to remarry. You're committed is my commits adultery against you. You can divorce that spouse, but not remarry if the victimized spouse were to remarry. That would merely compound the adultery the victim of adultery must remain single. This is the view of many of the early church fathers view of Augustine and the view at least formally of the Roman Catholic Church. I think it's recently changed its stance on that blasting the last few sees this statement as granting biblical grounds for divorce in the case of adultery only and granting biblical grounds for remarriage after the divorce and this is the view of John Calvin is the view of the Westminster confession of faith and others for the sake of time, I'm not going to defend my view simply gonna save my use. The third view I agree with Westminster. I believe that Christ does establish by inference, that adultery is a biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage.

The question I want to ask though is how does Christ's exception clause, except in the case of adultery has an exception clause with regard to adultery harmonize with Paul's lack of an exception clause in the first we need to remember that Paul is answering specific questions at the Corinthians of Ray's remedies responding to a letter that they wrote to him is not trying to give an exhaustive account of every contingency that might come up in difficult marriages. He's content to simply state the overarching principle that marriage is intended by God to be a permanent covenant between a man and a woman. Secondly, I think that we have to recognize that when adultery is committed in a marriage. The marital union is broken at a very deep deep level, so much so that divorce after adultery is not the breaking of something that is still intact. Rather, it simply a recognition that the marriage has already been broken.

The principle of the permanence of marriage as he is present in both Matthew and first Corinthians. The difference is that Jesus is exception clause is addressing an already broken marriage, while Paul's lack of an exception clause assumes a marriage that hasn't been broken through adultery. We have been here what we have are or different audiences asking different questions and this results in different points of emphasis between Jesus and Paul but not in contradictory principles. Marriage is a permanent bond and it's always a permanent bond in Scripture. Adultery breaks that bond therefore acknowledging that brokenness through divorce.

Matthew 19 is permissible, but initiating that brokenness, when the marriage is still intact for scripting seven is not permissible. We are quickly running out of time we try to put all this together for us. With regard to divorce. Here are the principles we see in Scripture. First of all, God intends marriage to be a permanent union between one man and one woman until are separated by death in a fallen world. The ideal of permanence in marriage is not always maintain due to the sin of of one or both of the marriage partners and so secondly concession is made to address some, not all of the potential problems that come from marital brokenness. That concession is called divorce.

So, thirdly, Scripture infers two very limited grounds for divorce.

One is adultery and the other is desertion by an unbeliever. Divorce is not required. However, even in the case of of adultery or desertion by an unbeliever, and in fact, reconciliation is always encouraged, which points back to the first principle that God's ideal. His intention for the marital relationship is one of permanence and fidelity until death. Chapter 24 the Westminster confession has a very helpful summary of these principles only read one paragraph in the confession of paraphrase it for the sake of clarity, but the confession essentially says this, even though we as sinners are tempted to go looking for reasons to validate ways of getting out of a difficult marriage. The only valid reasons for dissolving the bond of marriage or adultery and such willful desertion as cannot be remedied by the church or the civil magistrate in such cases the married persons whose marriage is being dissolved are not to be left to their own wills and discretion in determining the rightness of their divorce. Rather, those proceedings are to be overseen properly designated authorities. Do these principles as helpful as they are. Remove all ambiguity and uncertainty in dealing with marital problems know they don't. The Bible speaks sufficiently to these things but doesn't answer every contingency every possible scenario. There are, for example, questions as to how far a particular sexual sin not to go before it constitutes sexual immorality sufficient to be a grounds for divorce. There are questions about the extent of desertion could things like physical abuse or alcoholism or gambling or incarceration constitute a form of desertion that might give biblical grounds for divorce. The PCA statement again makes the point that Scripture often states in absolute command in the later qualifies or expands the the command with examples of case law. So these two grounds for divorce might have broader application in specific situations, but the PCA statement as does the confession of faith also warns us of our tendency to be too quick to condone divorce on on biblical grounds just for the sake of expediency. So we need to be wise church. We need to be judicious. We need to be wary of our own sinful tendencies we need to take to look for objective counsel.

The objective Council of Christian authorities who are outside of our particular marital issue. This brings us to the role of the church. If you're in difficult marital situation doesn't seem to have a solution. I would counsel you to work it out to the best of your ability particularly if both spouses are professing believers. If you can't work it out on your own. I would counsel you to bring those irreconcilable differences to the elders of the church and let that ecclesiastical court arbitrates until reconciliation can be achieved or rendered judgment where reconciliation is impossible, and I've seen the church court arbitrated marital situations and bring about beautiful reconciliation within an otherwise ruined marriage and it's a beautiful beautiful we need to use the means and processes that God provides in his word when dealing with difficulties of this magnitude, but in final LF close by simply pointing us to the gospel. If you are among the many people who have had to endure the pain and the agony and the ordeal of a broken marriage, perhaps in the biblical wise manner perhaps, and in most un-godly manner and you're left wondering is there any hope for me live forever live in the shadow of that failure brother sister there is hope. The good news of Jesus Christ assures us that there is no pit so deep, no stains, so black. No failure so irreversible that the blood of Christ cannot save and rescue you from your divorce is often used in Scripture as an illustrative analogy of how our sin breaks the fellowship that we could have had and should have had with God. The most moving occurrences of this analogy is the story of Hosea and Gomer. You know the story.

So I'm not gonna retell it now simply want to point out that it is often our tendency having to put ourselves in a story like the one of Hosea and Gomer and see ourselves as the victim, the one who is wrong. The one who syndicates we see ourselves as Hosea and often in marriages that are coming off the rails and headed towards disaster. One of the spouses is like a Hosea, having to absorb all sorts of unjust and hurtful mistreatment and neglect. I want to belittle that. But even as we navigate the suffering and pain of marital shipwrecks. It's important that we never forget our eternal marriage to Christ and church in that for weightier marriage. We are not Hosea where Gomer every time we are Gomer Christ is our Hosea, he is the perfect bridegroom, who never commits adultery never desserts. His bride always cherishes her and provides for her and protects her.

We on the other hand have given him any number of grounds for divorce. We have broken our covenant obligations over and over and over again and yet he takes us back and loves is still this is the sort of love that marriage is supposed to portray that we are never more like Christ than we ought. When then, when we are willingly and joyfully absorbing the wrongs of a self-centered, loveless spouse, husbands, wives learn to love each other as Jesus Christ heavenly Hosea has loved you, that means you forgive for the millionth time, it means you sacrifice your preferences and your aspirations in your free time and even your needs to the death if necessary at this reality also means that when we fail and we will fail when we fail to love intermarriages like we ought to love there is forgiveness and restoration in Christ. The church go love as Christ has loved you when you fail, repent, and find hope in the unchangeable truth that where we fall short, Christ goes the distance he forgives. He restores he loves us to the death spray Lord you are the perfect bridegroom we are most imperfect and impure bride that you love us, you purify us. You make us your own forever. And all we can do is give you thanks the sincere all filled.

Thanks your unspeakable gift meant