The Key to Maintaining Family Unity

What keeps a relationship together is forgiveness because were going to fail and were going to offend and were going to wound and run her, but where there is instant and comprehensive constant forgiveness relationship stays God is on blessing tax that family still remains a cultural adhesive ties people together, but that doesn't mean all families today are truly close for all that they should be.

In fact, that maybe even true in your own home, your Christian home. So how do you knit your family together. No true unity. What's the benefit of that sort of togetherness. What are your responsibilities. John MacArthur considers those vital questions today on grace to you as he shows you how you can know the blessings of the fulfilled family. That's the title of his current study, the fulfilled family and out with the lesson. Here's John, what is it, most importantly, that causes relationships to be sustained over the long haul. In a word, it is forgiveness. It is forgiveness. Why do I say that well first of all, because no matter who you're married to their going to fail you going to offend you going to misunderstand you to misinterpret what you mean by what you do you are going to offend them.

You are going to sin against them. You are going to disappoint them. This is true in any kind of relationship because we are sinful creatures we are fallen creatures and what essentially keeps that from destroying relationships is forgiveness.

Forgiveness. In fact, in Proverbs chapter 19 in verse 11 it says that it is a man's glory to overlook a transgression never is a man more lofty or more noble then when he forgets and frankly we live in a society that would not accept this would not acknowledge it, and consequently relationships are flying apart all over the place we live in a sad pathetic society on the road this really total self-destruction in one of the main contributors to that self-destruction is a disdain for forgiveness. People are filled with bitterness filled with anger filled with hate filled with vengeance toward others. They believe that retaliation somehow is a virtue that getting back is somehow right and healthy. Such attitudes are approved in our culture approved on every front are approved by counselors and psychologists to tell us we need to vent you to tell people what they need to hear. We need to make sure that we don't keep our anger in but we explode when necessary so we don't care rhetoric carried around such attitudes are exalted in the heroes of our culture who have an in-your-face kind of mentality people make heroes out of the vindictive they make heroes out of the vengeful, the dirty Harry's.

The Rambo's the terminators or whatever else you want to call them those types to find joy in killing for the sake of vengeance. There are those in our society who go around killing people because they feel they have been somehow mistreated or abused by cultural inequities and so they get their pound of flesh by random execution. The worst case, of course, is those kinds of vengeance which take lives coming along behind that of the lawsuits about 300,000 lawsuits a year in America for every piece of flesh that people can get anyway and every way that people can seek vengeance, they will seek it. We have 70% of the world's lawyers just to keep up with the number of lawsuits even the people helpers the counselors and psychologists will tell us it is not healthy to forgive.

In her popular book called toxic parents, one that I'm sure you haven't read, but it's quite an interesting book Susan forward wrote the book and she presents what is really the prevailing attitude toward forgiveness in our culture.

She has a chapter in the book entitled, you don't have to forgive.

She says we should place the blame for our present problems on our parents because that's where it belongs. They poisoned us. We all had toxic parents and the new cry as I am a victim.

It's not my fault and I'm not responsible guilt for anything and everything is pushed off on others left there until vengeance exhausts itself is really no place for forgiveness. In fact, it's often suggested that forgiveness is unhealthy. It's sort of wimpy sort of cowardly. We've all been oppressed, abused, victimized, and we are about to forgive anybody but the price of vengeance is extremely high.

The price of unforgiveness is really severe me tell you some of the things that unforgiveness does. Unforgiveness imprisons people in the past. So what you mean by that. Well, as long as you are unwilling to forgive offenders and their offenses you are shackled to the boat unforgiveness imprisons you in the pain of your past. Secondly, unforgiveness inevitably produces deep bitterness and infectious cancer in the heart. Such bitterness is malignant. It is devastating. It brings those malignant thoughts. Those harassing memories that distort how you see life anger rages out of control emotions become unbridled and unchecked, and you entertain desperate ideas for revenge. Every conversation becomes a forum for slandering the person you hate for defamation and even for lies on forgiveness is a very very severe thing beyond the sheer virtue of it beyond the sheer knowability of it. Let me show you a few of the compelling motives for forgiveness number one.

Forgiveness is the most godlike act. A person can do. Forgiveness is the most godlike act. A person can do no act is more like God then forgiveness, never, are you more like him.

Then when you forgive someone who has offended you forgiveness is a verbally declared personally. Granted, promise is a statement of undeserved unearned love that affirms to an offender that there is no anger, no hatred, no desire for vengeance.

No retaliation because guilt has been removed. Blame has been removed. There is no self-pity and there is no bitterness that is precisely the attitude of God toward sinners, God grants to us in Scripture verbally declared personally given promise of undeserved and unearned love that affirms that he is no longer angry no longer carries hatred or a desire for vengeance that there will be no retaliation, no condemnation because guilt and blame and shame have been removed.

That's the attitude of God toward those who put their faith in him. That is, by the way, Paul's salient point in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Chapter 5 verse one therefore be imitators of God, you imitate God when you forgive. This is a call to God likeness via forgiving person. It's hard to destroy a relationship if you continually forgive every offense. Colossians 313 pulses bearing with one another and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. It is godlike to forgive back in Matthew chapter 5. You remember the familiar words of our Lord Jesus, I say do you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

When you do that verse 45. You may be sons of your father. He forgiveness when you forgive your like him beloved in your marriage. You are headed for major disaster. If you continually accumulate hostility because of offenses. If you continue to allow those bitterness is to develop, but whenever there's an offense and immediate forgiveness. It's disappearing, it's gone. That's the key to any relationship.

Children seem toward your parents parents same toward your children brother and sister, brother and brother sister and sister. It's the same situation. Forgiveness. Forgiveness because that is like God practice the godlike virtue.

Second, in thinking about motives for forgiveness is not murder only, which is forbidden by the sixth commandment is not murder only, which is forbidden by the sixth commandment. The sixth commandment thou shalt not kill involves much more than just the idea of murder. You say well how do you know that because that Jesus made that very clear. Matthew chapter 5.

Listen to verses 21 and 22 you have heard that the ancients were told, you will not commit murder, you shall not commit murder that was the command, and whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court. In other words, if you commit murder you've committed a crime and you're liable to the court's verdict against you but Jesus said, I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court. In other words, the point is not only that God says don't kill but implying and that is the motive or the attitude that results in that namely hatred, Jesus is. I'm telling you don't even be angry with your brother be humble enough so that no offense against you is worthy of hate. No offense against you is worthy of forgiveness because you see yourself as nothing. The opposite of self-esteem. All the self-esteem cult does is feed this monster by giving people permission to have an elevated view of themselves so that anything against them in any way shape or form, however trivial or minimal is cause for great aggravation and justifiable offense. Thirdly, and this is a very important point when you talk about forgiveness. You must remember, thirdly, that whoever has offended you, has offended God greater whoever has offended you as offended God greater. Sometimes I hear somebody say I'm getting out of this marriage. I have a hat. It I am up to my ears in this.

I'm not gonna take this another day. I'm not living with this and they think that that's the ultimate offense against them when the reality of it is that if there has been sin in the life of that person who has offended you. It has offended God far greater than it has offended you. You remember when David sinned by engaging himself in a liaison with Bathsheba making sure that the because he lusted after her husband wouldn't come back into the picture you got them in a compromising situation in the battle where he basically lost his life so that was murder as well as adultery you remember when David was reciting before God is penitence. He says in Psalm 51 against you and you only have I sinned, he had the right perspective.

Yes, he had offended Bathsheba.

He had offended Uriah.

He had offended the family he had offended the nation over which he was king he had offended his own family he had offended his own friends, but more than anything else. He had offended God by his terrible terrible iniquity. He says in Psalm 41 four heal my soul, for I have sinned against you now God is the one most severely sinned against in any situation. Any sin is most severely against him.

We frankly are somewhat incidental. So what if it offended me. That's really incidental to the main issue in God who is so severely offended. Forgive so readily.

How can we so minimally offended not forgive. So we forgive we forgive because we are never more like God than when we forgive we forgive because God forbids anger, hate and attitudes of vengeance and we forgive because God who is most offended has forgiven and we who are least offended can surely do the same thing to 1/4 point.

The just builds on the third one is only reasonable that those forgiven, the greater sins should forgive the lesser ones is only reasonable that those forgiven, the greater sins. Forgive the lesser ones now this I know if you think about it will bring to mind. Matthew 18 so turnover Matthew 18. Some people brought in before the king. They own the massive debt that they could never pay he forgives one of these guises forgiven this massive unpayable debt which is the picture of eternal punishment and our weight of sin and he's forgiven except forgiveness goes out finds a guy who owes him a few weeks wages and strangles the God that I want my pay. I want my pain. The guy kept pace with those in prison us in unimaginable the disciples are are really incredulous over this.

They can't believe this. I'm sure is Jesus outlined the story, it would absolutely shake them to the court that anybody could be forgiven so much and turn around and not forgive somebody so little and isn't that exactly what we do all the time all the time. We have been forgiven by God and unpayable inconceivable debt. Shall we not forgive the small debts that others owe us in your marriage.

You need to be in a hurry to forgive as fast as you can forgive even when the offenses going on all your thoughts should be geared toward forgiveness.

1/5 reason to forget the one who does not forgive will not enjoy the love of other Christians wanted is not forgive will not enjoy the love of other Christians. When we tell you what happens in a marriage. It happens all the time. The wife says I've had it with this guy. That's all I'm done.

I'm not taking it anymore. I'm fed up and I'm not going to forgive my forgiven up on it forgiven him anymore.

I'm done with this.

I have nothing but resentment, hostility, hatred, bitterness, and I maintaining it and I'm feeding it know what happens immediately. There's a severing of the marriage and instantaneously the loss of Christian fellowship there on the outs with the church immediately right in a matter of a few months. Guess what, the communion service.

Your name gets rid because you left your marriage without any grounds for you forfeit the fellowship, the church becomes really your judge.

That's exactly what happens in the parable in Matthew 18 alienation from others in the life of the church results in serious and Hebrews 1024 says that we need to be together for mutual stimulation.

You need the life of God's people, and these friends turned against the unforgiving man and they turn them over to God. They prayed literally. They enacted church discipline.

They turn them over to the Lord, who then turns them over to the tormentors that takes us to the six point failure to forgive results in divine chastening. What happened to this guy.

Verse 32. The king of the Lord calls a man, you wicked slave, I forgive you all that debt because you asked me should you not also have had Mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you. It's incredible that he didn't and is Lord now moved with anger, turns them over to the tormentors, until he should repay all that was owed him. So shall my heavenly Father also do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart what to say if you will not forgive another than the Lord is going to turn you over to the tormentors, what's that chastening. Serious chastening torturers tormentors might be stress, hardship, illness, difficult. James 213 says the same thing judgment will be merciless to the one who shows no mercy. Blessed are the merciful. Matthew 574 they will obtain mercy.

If you don't have the mercy of forgiveness doesn't turn you over to the tormentors. So what happens you destroyed your marriage.

You destroyed your relationship with church you spiral down into iniquity, and now comes divine chastening. I've had several people in my life say to me on. I live with this person anymore. I'd rather take my chances with God that live at the source will you not really taking any chances with God. It's pretty guaranteed what's going to happen. Chastening chastening.

1/7 reason for forgiveness. The one who does not forgive will not be forgiven look at Matthew six in verse 12. Part of what he teaches them is to pray this and forgive us our debts or forgive us our trespasses as the other gospel records. It as we also have forgiven our debtors mother. You have a statement that's pretty clear you. Forgive us, God, as we have forgiven others good out of verses 14 and 15 for if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men then your father will not forgive your transgressions what this is some powerful stuff. If you forgive will be forgiven.

God's gonna deal with you.

The way he deals with others say now just talking about the fact you might lose your salvation. Go to hell. No, no eternal forgiveness we have in our justification that settles the issue of our future temporal forgiveness we need in our sanctification, and that settles the issue of our blessing in the present. If there's anything I want out of life. It's God's blessing. I mean, I suppose I would go so far as to say I would live with anybody. If I could have God's blessing. That's what I would seek most of all to humble myself and except some difficulty in human life to have the joy of heaven is a simple choice for me. One final point.

The cries out to us for forgiveness. This is a very important point.

It could be a whole message a whole series of offenses against you are you are trials offenses against you. Are your trials, listen carefully, and by those trials. What is God doing perfecting you retire. Some of you may think you have a difficult marriage. You may think you have a difficult situation. Young people with your parents. You may think you have conflict in the home.

Let me tell you this, your offenses, the offenses against you are the very trials which God will use to make you like his son be little concerned about your personal injuries and much concerned about your personal holiness.

Remember that in your trials. God is at work making you strong and holy. When all is said and done what keeps a relationship together is forgive because were going to fail and were gone within and were going to wound and run her, but where there is instant and comprehensive constant forgiveness.

The relationship stays together and God is honored and blessing his board that's grace to you with John MacArthur.

Thanks for being with us today. John continued the most popular study in Greece to use 52 year history.

It's titled the fulfilled family, along with all the teaching John does on the radio. He also serves as Chancellor of the Masters University in seminary so John to wrap this study up what I hear you saying is that a strong family is not merely possible, it's within reach of any Christian husband or wife dad or mom who is willing to apply biblical truth is that fair absolutely of the Lord doesn't ask us to do something it's impossible. It's clear. Love your wife and we talked about that this week already. Love your wife means you make all the necessary sacrifice to shower her with all the love that is for her spiritual well-being and her joy, love your children. That means you sacrifice yourself for the for the nurture and admonition of the Lord, the poor and your children you live is an exemplary life. The wife submits to the husband loves the husband both together.

Love the Lord and if they're both tuned to the Lord are true to each other and even to their children know it.

It is not only not possible, it is really required that this is this is not suggestions. These things are commands of husbands and wives and it can be done. Obviously, all of this in the power of the Holy Spirit. Apart from the spirit working in our lives, we can't restrain the flesh. So as we been going through this fulfilled family series.

It's just been a wonderful opportunity again and we done this number of times of the years to put this series on the air and help parents and families think through. Again, what God designed for their family. This is not to be burdensome to you. This is to produce the outcome that will bring you complete joy.

The fulfilled family series is so very important and I would love to get it into your hands. It's available from grace to you if you want CDs that you they come in a package of 11 CDs in an album and you can order them from us and will mail them to you if you choose, you can download the series. The fulfilled family on the MP3 downloads on our website. This is something you ought to have and listen to frequently and share with your friends. The fulfilled family is available only from grace to you husbands, wives, parents, children, whatever your role God's word shows you how to help your family. Honor the Lord and strengthen the bonds of love in your home. This study is proven to have a dynamic practical effect on families for decades now and it can have that kind of impact in your home as well.

Door to the series.

The fulfilled family contact us today. The 11 CD album is reasonably priced and shipping is free to order, call 855 grace or visit our website TTY.org and don't forget you can download all 11 messages from the fulfilled family free of charge in MP3 or transcript format@ourwebsitetty.org now if John study has helped you see how you and your family can glorify God and no greater future blessings in your home. Remember that gets the support of listeners like you that keeps this broadcast on the air not only in your neighborhood, but also around the world to partner with Grace to you and to minister to believers families and churches across the globe. Mail your tax-deductible gift to Grace to you.

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